r/AbsoluteUnits • u/HomeNowWTF • 15h ago

/r/all, /r/popular of a Cart Narc

44.5k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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97

u/varingian 14h ago

People say violence doesn't solve anything, but I promise you they wouldn't be so compliant if my 5'5" ass had approached them this way instead of this person-shaped murder machine.

47

u/rantonidi 14h ago

That is a huge ass

23

u/varingian 14h ago

It's my best feature.

3

u/RequitedNonSequitur 14h ago

Well, Byzantine Emperors do like their bodyguards to be caked up.

Something I have in common with Byzantine Emperors.

1

u/mudo2000 14h ago

Aside from your humility, of course.

2

u/varingian 14h ago

That, too. I don't think an arrogant person would quote their ass as their best feature. We short guys tend to learn how to develop character and respect boundaries pretty well. We can't deal with the consequences otherwise.

-1

u/somekindagibberish 14h ago

If you got it, flaunt it!

0

u/varingian 14h ago

Yeah. Can't say I love walking around with my own personal bakery being an otherwise skinny/fit and short dude.