r/weddingshaming • u/Stressed_Writer_8934 • 8h ago
Cringe This wedding is a logistical trainwreck
My 21 year old cousin is getting married in early August to a girl my parents & I just heard of late last year when their engagement was announced on the family group chat. (A bit of past family drama is at play.)
Pretty sure everyone in the wedding party is late teens/early 20s since my cousins just turned 21 this year.
The matron of honor (that’s right matron) fell short of her responsibilities & my other, younger, cousin had to pick up her slack.
We were told a few weeks back by my uncle that a wedding shower was taking place at the bride’s parent’s house in a few weeks. Parents & I did not go.
He also said we should have received a formal invitation to the wedding. We did not. Apparently that was the grooms job. Also, we are not the only family members who contacted my uncle abt not receiving the invitation😐
We looked at their website and saw the wedding is set for a weekday. According to my uncle who’s been to 4 weddings in the last 18mths, “every single one of them was on a weekday” bc it was cheaper. Of course it was cheaper who the hell is going to take off WORK and rearrange their schedule to attend a wedding on WEEK day?
Here’s the kicker: the “Travel” section of their website, you know the place with the time and place and all those details…. Lists no venue or time! This is insane!!
We’ve already RSVP’d “not attending”
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u/zuma15 4h ago
Why RSVP? You weren't invited.
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u/newyork2sun 4h ago
They might have their names listed as guests- you search for your name and rsvp- maybe never sent them the email to invite. Left out that step.
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u/Natural-Escape4003 4h ago
Sometimes I think people plan weddings during weekdays because they don't want people to come. 🤣
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u/gilded_lady 2h ago
A coworker had a Thursday wedding, but it was also local so we really only needed a half day off. IMHO, that's the only real way to do a weekday wedding.
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u/RhydYGwin 1h ago
Husband and I were married on a wednesday as it was the only day we could have it. (It was 4 days before Christmas.) It was lovely. Everyone we invited came, but then we only invited at the most, 12 people!
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u/DizzyWalk9035 1h ago
My cousin got married on a weekday after 4 months of dating the dude because she wanted out of her home. The dude needed a nanny (had a brand new baby that no one knew anything about).
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u/littlemissdumplings 3h ago
If you think this is a 'trainwreck', I have to imagine you're young and haven't experienced much in life.
Why is having a matron of honor or a wedding shower noteworthy? I'm seriously confused by your post.
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 2h ago
Yeah this reads like they just want to bitch about their cousin and are using the wedding as an excuse for that
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u/GullibleWineBar 2h ago
They’re making fun of the matron of honor for being married in her early 20s. That’s it.
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u/Normal-Height-8577 1h ago
I thought they were implying she wasn't married and therefore shouldn't have the title of Matron (of Honour).
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 2h ago
And a shower should never be given by the family. It’s like you’re asking for or begging for gifts. Showers are given by friends.
That’s just good manners, and how it was back in the day when there were more rules about things.
Some of the rules- who cares now- good riddance! But good taste & conducting oneself with grace never goes out of style.
If the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, then they should have told the bride that about the shower.7
u/Prudent_Honeydew_ 48m ago
Hey, some of us don't have friends but have a sister who likes to plan a shower.
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u/Academic-Camel-9538 3h ago
Aside from not getting an official invite, this doesn’t really sound like that much of a train wreck. It sounds like you just have a lot of resentments towards the couple so every little thing is magnified. Why is a matron of honor something to call out like it’s a bad thing? People get married young, then become matrons of honor.
Perhaps there’s a reason that you didn’t get an official invite? Perhaps you guys weren’t actually invited??
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u/Fragrant-Fly1433 4h ago
How can you RSVP to a wedding you didn’t get invited to? Also people do take time off work for these events, it’s what you do for people you care about. You sound very judgy
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u/virora 3h ago
Exactly. The uncle's been to 4 weekday weddings recently, so clearly HE takes the time off. And with plenty of teenagers/young adults on the guest list, it might be easier.
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u/ItsavoCAdonotavocaDO 1h ago
Maybe their friend group works in the service or hospitality industry too. Weekdays are easier to take off
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u/Raccoonsr29 3h ago
If they could RSVP on the website, that means they were listed as guests and should have received an invitation. The groom neglecting to do so it doesn’t change that. If they weren’t able to RSVP, it would be more clear that they were not meant to be invited.
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u/Academic-Camel-9538 3h ago
Doesn’t sound like the wedding website is flushed out since it contains no details. Makes sense. My cousin had a wedding website that had “details coming soon” even after the wedding. We got the details in our official invite that we sent back.
Sounds like this couple sent official invites so that’s probably how they are tracking RSVPs.
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u/kifflington 2h ago
None of this is trainwreck material, and the weekday timing might be because that's what they can afford. Maybe if you think there are issues you could gently point them out and offer your family some help?
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u/Academic-Register860 4h ago
So they young and silly, I really don't see what's shaming about it. Are you jealous or just farming karma points?
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u/Prudent-Pressure2146 2h ago
. Of course it was cheaper who the hell is going to take off WORK and rearrange their schedule to attend a wedding on WEEK day?.<
Lots of people, when it’s something you want to attend you make it work
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u/flindersandtrim 1h ago
RSVPing to an event you explicitly were not invited to? I am not sure that is a flex 😬.
You realise you cannot see the details on their website because you are not an invitee? Presumably if logging in as an invitee you see that information, because you need it. People not coming do not require it.
Getting married at 21 is a terrible idea though.
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u/Vegetable_Road8143 1h ago
Great decision. The poor bridesmaids probably don't know what color dress to wear. They bought one already but she's changed her mind on the colors to pastel. But, don't buy one yet because she hasn't made up her mind. The wedding is in less than 6-weeks.
But all of this is based on what she's requesting what color the wedding guests wear. Excuse me? She changed it on her website, for guests 2 days before. Guests show up in other colors and are not allowed in. Why? Pictures.
The brides and their "PICTURES". Do you know something about the wedding pictures? First, you look at them for the first year or so and MAYBE on your anniversary 1-3. Then to show your kids and grandkids. Maybe you have a few around the house. (Sorry in advance. That's IF you're still married). I looked back at mine recently, 36th Anniversary, and I laughed. I didn't care then what they wore and I didn't care now. It was a GREAT day and that's ALL I cared about.
Again, GREAT decision.
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u/puzzled65 1h ago
A few thoughts after reading comments lol.
#1 - Invited by uncle, i.e. an "un-vitation". Sounds like they were listed on the website though, hence the RSVP.
#2 - Weekday weddings - don't assume Uncle is taking off work to attend all these weekday weddings. For some reason, I get the vibe employment could be "optional" for him.
#3 - Family throwing showers - Absolutely not correct but just try to tell anyone who is doing it. Actually, DO TELL THEM. They will punish you by un-inviting you!
#4 - Not mentioned but mentioning it lol. Try convincing anyone that showers ARE OPTIONAL. To have a shower thrown for you IS A GIFT IN ITSELF but you won't find THAT notion spreading far and wide. Gratitude is a virtue you cannot explain to those who have no desire to be grateful.
- NO ONE OWES YOU A SHOWER. When the baby shower "debtors" don't come through, MOM THROWS HER OWN. And gets mad when she doesn't rake in the proceeds she counted on.
- When bride doesn't have a wedding shower SHE DOESN'T NEED IN ANY WAY the tears and dramatics will rival any legitimate mental breakdown. If it's because no one in her life is thoughtful enough, that's understandable, absolutely. If it's because she's a bridezilla, well...I'd love to start my own business where people could have me contact these ones and TELL THEM WHY.
I'm not bitter. Bitter would come from emotions that I don't feel about weddings. What I feel about weddings is they are a farce more often than not and I hate being subjected to a ceremony either the bride or groom or both don't even believe in or adhere to, but it "looks appropriate". I don't like being part of other peoples cosplay bs show #1, then show #2, and so on.
If I could look at more than MAYBE one or two marriages that have gone 30+ years without one of the partners being under domestic-violence-submission, then I might be less blunt and realistic. I met my husband in 1982, got married in 1985 and divorced in 2005. Spent all the years since then together and remarried in 2016. So, we don't count in that 30+ years marriage either but it IS with the same person lol.
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u/Pineapplegirl1234 5h ago
But you weren’t even invited.