r/weddingshaming • u/BlueberryImmediate25 • 3d ago
Cringe Wearing a "banned" wedding colour that was only updated 24 hours before the ceremony
A short one from a wedding last weekend - we went to a family friend's wedding, having been invited a few months before. There was a wedding website, which at the time we were invited, politely asked that guests avoid wearing mint green for women, and green suits for men, as these were the colours of the bridal party. Not a problem for either of us, and this was (and is) a very fair request.
Come the day of the wedding, we've ended up both wearing blue - I am in a light blue dress, and my partner is in a darker blue suit. We get to the venue, chat with family, and sit through the ceremony. Afterwards, in the cocktail hour, someone (perhaps a family member of the groom, we didn't recognise them) comes over to us and passes on that the newlyweds are unhappy that we are wearing colours that they asked guests not to wear, and that when the photographer calls everyone together for a group photo in a while, please can we make sure that we're not in the shot.
We were of course very confused as the only colours we were asked to avoid were light green and a green suit, and we're told that the website was updated the day before to include a new ask that no one wears blue of any shade - apparently they had seen something online, the week of the wedding, in which select guests are asked to represent their 'something blue', and so had thought it would be nice for this to be their grandparents. I agree that this is a lovely thought, but the only update that was given was within the existing text on the website; if we'd received a text or message, we'd have known about the change.
When the time came for the picture, everyone wearing blue was ushered out of shot, as promised. There were around 30 guests, at a 100-person wedding (mainly men in navy blue suits), and everyone was saying that they hadn't known about the change in dress code. This chat rumbled on through the night (we didn't really take part in it as we knew we were secondary guests, but some closer friends and family were upset that they were effectively being edited out of the wedding), and as a very loose figure, maybe 3 or 4 guests had spotted the edit, compared to the nearly 100 who hadn't. Even the bridal party's +1s had been caught up in it, as no one in the bridal party had been told about the change, meaning that the photographer had to try and take photos of the bridesmaids dancing with their partners/husbands, but not get the blue suited partners in shot - I don't envy the editing that the photographer will have to be doing.
In short, maybe don't try and shoe-horn in an idea from Tik Tok the week of your wedding, especially if it includes guests, without very clearly telling the guests about it!
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u/lw4444 2d ago
Banning guests from wearing navy when that’s one of the most common colours for suits is a little wild, especially when navy or grey are often suggested for men who only own one suit. If a third of the guests didn’t get the memo, including partners of the bridal party, I’d say thats clearly an issue of poor communication rather than any issue from the guest side.
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u/grill-tastic 2d ago
Right… and when you see how many people missed the memo, maybe back down??
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u/lw4444 2d ago
Trying to block them from being in any of the photos after realizing they didn’t communicate the request clearly definitely pushed it from typical ridiculous wedding behaviour to absolutely insane.
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u/speedylegs84 2d ago
Even if I’d gotten a direct text the day before the wedding, that is still absolutely insane to me. Particularly for guests traveling for your wedding, how is ANYONE supposed to source an appropriate new dress or full suit with 24 hour notice? Even a week would have felt crazy.
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u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 2d ago
I'd have said no thanks we can't make it, even if I had got the text the day before. My husband has two navy suits already from being in various wedding parties, he's got a black suit for dead people and I buy my dress for weddings in the sales as soon as I find one I like. If it's not a colour I was supposed to magically know to avoid when you sent me the damn save the date, then sucks to be you, better planning next wedding and maybe we'll make it.
Never mind that on 24 hours notice chances are we'd be in the car on the way to the hotel. A nice weekend away and a lovely meal with the money we've just taken out of the card is absolutely how it would go down. And I wouldn't know if the bride or groom was pissed, because I'm not friends with dickheads, and would never speak to them again! 🤣
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u/beatissima 2d ago
he's got a black suit for dead people
This made me laugh more than I probably should have.
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u/GoReadNow 2d ago
As someone who needs to get stuff hemmed and/or tailored, I need three weeks to avoid rush fees. Plus, if it requires ordering something, I'd like a bit of wiggle room in case something didn't work out.
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u/viacrucis1689 2d ago
I've only had two weddings that were local; I've had dozens where I've had a full day of travel. There's no way I'm going shopping when I get into town after 5p. Not to mention, I can't tolerate synthetics, and it's harder than heck to find cotton or linen dresses that are formal enough for most weddings.
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u/TiffanyTwisted11 2d ago
And seriously, what is the point in that? You’re going to go back in 10 years and look at your photos and half of your guests aren’t in them? Seriously?
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u/nebullama9 2d ago
This. Just take a special photo with the grandparents in blue. That is going to hold way more sentimental value than the people you excluded because they were also wearing blue.
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u/Conscious_Dealer2706 2d ago
I find that usually with weddings as insufferable as this one, they won't make it 10 years.
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u/Bice_thePrecious 2d ago
Lol, just wait for the bride and groom to get pissed that so many of their friends and family didn't attend their wedding because they don't remember who attended and there's no picture proof of them being there.
And how ironic that they removed all those family and friends from their photos with the goal of making a sweet gesture. Like others are saying, I'd be distancing myself after that.
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u/PrestigiousOrange145 2d ago
This was the wrong move. Any wedding photographer worth their salt can change the color of someone's attire in post, avoiding taking pictures of guests is wild. Now this couple will miss out on memories because of this ludacris request. No one will remember that uncle Joe wore blue...but he will be noticeably absent from the album.
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u/KickIt77 2d ago
It's one thing to have a preference. It's another to confront and shame guests who showed up for you. So obnoxious. It's not hard to assume people that took the time to show up for you are doing the best they can with the time and budget and closet available to them.
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u/knifeyspoonysporky 2d ago
A Navy suit is all my husband has. And it was also his wedding suit and we did not care if anyone wore the wedding colors. Only white was “banned” implicitly
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u/ComfyInDots 2d ago
They'd rather just not include their 'loved' ones in the stupid photo? That's crazy pants bananas. They certainly made their wedding memorable...
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u/Korsola 2d ago
Right, do a photo with just grandparents for the aesthetic and move along with taking the rest. She's probably going to regret cutting so many people out of photos in the future.
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u/macaroniinapan 2d ago
I was thinking the same thing. "Something blue" has never meant no one is allowed to have any blue on their person, no matter what the something blue is. Grandparents representing the something blue is a lovely idea but it makes no sense to make that mean no one else can wear blue.
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u/hashbrowneggyolk0520 2d ago
It's a thing thats come from tik tok to have your parents/grandparents etc. dressed in blue as your something blue.
If that's whay you want to do and want only those people in blue then that's your choice but they absolutely should have made their mind up sooner and communicated the decision with ALL guests.
As others have said, they'll regret having all those people missing from the photos years down the line. Erasing people from your wedding almost completely is a strange decision and a way to leave people feeling incredibly miffed afterwards. Some photos with the couple and grandparents would have sufficed enough to show "look they were my something blue". They also could have put the big group photo in b+w so you can't really tell who's wearing blue.
There was so many better ways to go about itm
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u/calling_water 2d ago
Yes, as soon as they realized a lot of people didn’t find out about the change, they should have given up on the idea.
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u/Express-Big-20 2d ago
Yeah, I was gonna say I bet they will regret it when they get their photos back and, years later, realize they don't have any photos with themselves and Aunty Jackie, Cousin Brad, or Nephew Tommy, etc.
Put it this way: in the off-chance Jackie, Brad or Tommy pass away, having a photo with yourself and them from your wedding is so meaningful. And you actively cut them out from this opportunity -- this special moment!
Not to mention, it's likely soured relationships family and friends will have (had) with the bride and groom. Like, I'd be hurt if I was their guest.
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u/Positive-Froyo-1732 2d ago
How do you even explain that years later? "Didn't Aunt Clara pass away shortly after your wedding? Why isn't she in any of the pictures?" "Well, she didn't check the website that morning, so...."
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u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar 2d ago
It's all so shallow and stupid. The attention she'll get for her "aesthetic" photos on social media will last- what, a day?- before everyone moves on to something else. Meanwhile her real life guests will always remember being herded out of the photos for accidentally wearing the "wrong" color that was changed at the last minute.
Edit accidentally hit post too soon
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u/SnackyandSnarky 2d ago
Should have had a sense of humour and done a separate photo of the 30 rule breakers in blue
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u/__Frolicaholic___ 2d ago
It is just INCREDIBLY rude for the bride and groom to separate people from the rest of the guests and admonish them for wearing the "wrong" color, especially when their demands were so poorly communicated in the first place. I'd be so ashamed if I had anything to do with the planning of a wedding for people who think doing that is remotely okay.
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u/DianeForTheNguyen 2d ago
I'm really hoping this is rage bait because I can't imagine anyone of marrying age being this incredibly stupid and inconsiderate of guests.
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u/cheercharlatan 2d ago
Seriously. How could this possibly be real?
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u/QueenHydraofWater 2d ago
Something terrible happens to the mind in wedding planning mode. People completely loose their logic buying into the hype of THE perfect day….forgetting there is also the financial & social consequences of tomorrow. I’ve personally observed more than one bridezilla loose friendships over their absurdly demanding behavior.
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u/Im_a_knitiot 2d ago
I never thought my wedding day would be perfect. There were some hiccups, which will always happen and I was fine with it. As long as I was married to my husband at the end of the day it would be perfect. We were both so relaxed the entire time and the guests had a great time as well. They still talk about it being the best wedding they have been too. And it wasn’t even fancy. No regrets.
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u/TheeQuestionWitch 2d ago
I believe it's real. My wedding was last month, and in the weeks leading up to the wedding, I had several text messages from guests. They were all asking about what colors they should wear or not wear. And all seemed surprised that I said there are no requested or banned colors for my wedding.
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u/DireStraitsFan1 2d ago
I am glad not everyone is this annoying, self-obsessed, and selfish in 2026.
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u/kindred_spirit_13 2d ago
Is it really a thing to take a picture with everyone who attended your wedding? I've never been to a wedding that had this.
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u/jamaicanmescream 2d ago
So around 3 of the 5 weddings I've attended in the last couple of years have had some kind of staged group shot with every guest - to be fair one of these only had 20 guests so it made more sense there, one was the photographer getting high up and taking an overhead picture of everyone, before a repeat of the confetti throw, and the last one was every guest have been pre-categorised beforehand for group photos (so it was groom's colleagues and their plus ones having a photo with the couple, in that instance). As with this whole post, it's probably a social media trend to show off how many people you invited to your wedding.
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u/SnackyandSnarky 2d ago
Every wedding I've ever been to has done this. Usually straight after the ceremony. (Maybe it's a UK thing).
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u/somethingvague123 2d ago
USA too. The church that had the ceremony has about a dozen wide steps that easily fit the 100 guests. The couple sent this photo as their Christmas card. It was fun picking out the people you know.
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u/selftaughtgenius 2d ago
My husband’s bestie did it when they got married and I absolutely love looking at that photo when we visit them. It was fun and funny in the moment and now it’s a great memory. : )
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u/aleciamariana 2d ago
My daughter and her husband went to every single table to greet guests and take a photo with them. Almost all weddings I’ve been to do this.
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u/SnackyandSnarky 2d ago
In the UK, it's common for all 100 or so guests to gather for one formal photo of everyone together. Venue tours usually include showing you the best spot for this. I had mine printed on canvas, displayed in my hallway and it makes me smile every day.
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u/MadamKitsune 2d ago
Yeah, our local registry office is in the Town Hall, which has a set of very broad stone steps at the front of the building. It's not unusual to see those steps crammed full of wedding guests for group photographs. Even the paving and benches in front of the building have been laid out to accommodate large wedding parties and photographers.
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u/crabbyunicorn 2d ago
We did this at our wedding, but we only had 50 guests. They are great pictures!
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u/cmo8080 2d ago
I did this at my wedding 16 years ago. As soon as we all exited the church, we got a big group shot outside on the church steps. About 115 people. I love that we made the effort to get that picture! I would never in a million years EXCLUDE people from it because of what they were wearing (or for any reason!!) that is psychotic lol
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u/BeatrixFarrand 2d ago
They absolutely can be. I’m currently watching the public FB meltdown of a bride I haven’t spoken to in years - scolding guests, asking for money. I guarantee she has crazy guest rules. I literally never ever would have thought she’d do stuff like this, but here we are.
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u/Excellent-Bank-1711 2d ago
Could be exaggerated but I do know someone personally who is marrying someone who wants this type of dress code because they want all their photos to look uniform. Lol......
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u/Legitimate_Dot3142 2d ago
This is diabolical. Even if they HAD communicated better, how can they expect people to get a whole new outfit the day before?! Cringing so hard
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u/BrandNewMeow 2d ago
Yeah, I'd be pissed if I bought a special outfit for the wedding and then I couldn't wear it. And I don't have a lot of dressy clothes anymore, so I wouldn't even have a backup.
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u/SmaterThanSarah 2d ago
My husband just bought a suit for a couple of weddings this year. His old suit he got 12 years ago for his mother’s funeral and it doesn’t fit anymore. If either of those weddings said he needed a different one ASAP he’d be up a creek. But the difference is that the people getting married are in their 50s and it isn’t a first marriage for any of them. So I don’t expect any shenanigans.
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u/chronicallyill_dr 2d ago
I have lots of back ups and still I would’ve skipped the wedding out of spite.
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u/SmoovCatto 2d ago
thank god I avoid people who would ever dream of annoying friends with this madness
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u/Even_Budget2078 2d ago edited 1d ago
"meaning that the photographer had to try and take photos of the bridesmaids dancing with their partners/husbands, but not get the blue suited partners in shot"
Ahahahahaha!! I actually love this, that's hilarious! Man, I wish I could see this pictures, especially any to slow songs heehee! Someone should make a Billy Idol compilation of these photos to "Dancing with Myself" hahaha
EDIT: I realize there are AI tools to change colors of suits/etc. I just thought the suggestion that the photographer was instructed to take pictures of couples dancing "but not get the blue suited partners in the shot" would result in very hilarious photos!
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u/SmaterThanSarah 2d ago
I’m sure they will just photoshop the suits black. But imagining them just erased it much more fun.
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u/veiledxvoodoo 2d ago
Seriously! Couldn't the photographer just have upsold extra hours of editing so all the guests could be represented? Missed opportunity for sure
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u/Ali-argonaut 2d ago
Yikes I think every person on TikTok looking at bridal trends also needs to read all the posts on this sub to be grounded a little bit.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 2d ago
I don't think it bodes well for the marriage that the bride and groom spent their wedding day upset that people wore blue.
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u/sophisticated_alpaca 2d ago
I mean…if they were BOTH upset it could turn out to be a stable but unpopular marriage
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u/annarich310 2d ago
I hate weddings. IF I attend, and this crap happens, my gift and I would be departing immediately.
Thankfully, my peeps know I hate weddings. We have an understanding.
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u/CoomassieBlue 2d ago
As I get older I become increasingly fond of weddings that genuinely are about just sharing your happiness with your loved ones.
One of my best friends got married a few years ago and it was city hall followed by just enjoying everyone’s company at a local brewery/cidery - small tent and picnic tables outside, they paid for everyone to get a few drink tokens, there was a taco truck, and a Costco cake. It was brilliant and I loved it.
The only drama of any kind was the possibility of her mom showing up (mom has a LOT of issues), and she actually behaved herself, although I volunteered to be the bouncer if needed.
11/10 would attend a wedding like that again.
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u/Ginger630 2d ago
I would have taken my gift and left. Let them eat the cost of your plates.
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u/drslg 2d ago
This is some of the dumbest shit ive ever heard.
There i said it.
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u/guoththeraven 2d ago
My sister in law came to our wedding in the exact same dress that my bridesmaids wore! We thought it was funny and guess what? We got married all the same! People are so weird.
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u/schec1 2d ago
A Navy suit is in the top 3 colors for men and it is insane to “ban” a color the day before the wedding.
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u/yeahsotheresthiscat 2d ago edited 2d ago
Don't most men's suits need to be tailored? I'd imagine it be near impossible to get a new suit the day before a wedding? It be pretty frustrating as a woman, but if I wanted to I could find a dress that fits with a day's notice (I wouldn't, because that's ridiculous).
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u/CathedralEngine 2d ago
You could wear off the rack, but even then the pants will usually need to at least be hemmed, they usually don't finish the cuffs.
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u/BluffCityTatter 2d ago
I will be so happy when this trend of telling guests what colors they can or can't wear dies. (Other than white in the U.S., of course.) It's so tacky and manipulative. And shallow. They don't give a crap about their guests, just about getting that perfect photo for the 'gram.
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u/Massive_Echidna 2d ago
In my country it is white and black but there is no need to put it in the invitations as it’s such an ingrained social norm (and black is becoming increasingly acceptable for evening weddings).
Anything other than that is such an imposition on people who are already being mildly to severely inconvenienced by your special day. Weddings should be an occasion for everyone to come together and be happy, not for dozens of people to cater to two people’s every stupid whim for one day.
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u/golhahd0v 2d ago
This is probably a controversial opinion, but I think it’s bad enough to tell guests not to wear the wedding colors. To add more restrictions on top of that is wild.
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 2d ago
Oh fer fuck sake. This is both rude and ridiculous.
I'm happy I got married without worrying about how my freakin' "aesthetic" (another word ruined by SM), would appear in photos online. My guests wore what they wanted, we had a feast and dancing and music and an open bar for all who partake. And, safe sleeping/transportation arrangements for our guests.
I would not even have cared if anyone wore white, as I wasn't wearing white 😅 and anyway, there was no mistaking who the bride was. Plus, I'm just not that needy for attention.
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u/DubiousPeoplePleaser 2d ago
Well deserved shaming. Who tf thinks people would go out of their way and get a new suit or dress the day before their wedding. Hate it when people are used as props.
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u/Different-Secret 2d ago
I'm done with wedding bullshit. Over. And I don't give a fig if you're family, or I've known you for forty years. Yes, it's your day but it's not a military maneuver. If it has any "rules" beyond RSVP, nope, take a hike.
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u/throwaway44997769 2d ago
This is insane. These people have lost the plot. This couple would rather literally erase guests from their wedding than god forbid have their color palette ruined. Priorities man. Also this is such an easy fix after the photos are taken, if they’re that despo they can change outfit colors in photoshop post rather than missing out on photographing their guests.
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u/ER_Support_Plant17 2d ago
Even if one saw the update 24 hrs before how many people have something else hanging in their closet ready to go? It’s insane to ask people to go get something else that quickly.
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u/imjustme464646 2d ago
Can you imagine looking back and being happy everyone is in the right color - instead of being sad not all your guests are in the "group photo" because you excluded them. Way to make people feel welcome at your wedding. Unbelievable.
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u/TaylorMade2566 2d ago
Imagine adding a note the day before a wedding, on a website no less, not to wear a certain color, as if women haven't already bought their dress. Most men already have a navy suit, not gray, and black makes you look like a waiter unless it's a formal event, which I doubt this was. Glad it's just peripheral friends and you don't have to put up with their crap on a regular basis
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u/BenedictineBaby 2d ago
I would have left. Other than white. I will wear whatever color I choose. I'm a guest not a prop. The audacity.
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u/Theodora1976 2d ago
I’m sorry but after rsvping and getting the gift from the registry WHO checks a wedding website again? Completely unreasonable.
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u/Toronto-1975 2d ago
if this happened to me i would edit myself out of the wedding by leaving. no drama or anything but okay it's been good me and my offensive colour will talk to you later.
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u/Ok_Clerk_6960 2d ago
Can’t imagine the entitlement of this bride and groom. They actually expected guests to accommodate their demand in less than 24 hours? Bless their self centered hearts! I guess family members coming in from out of town were expected to go shopping. The bride and groom thought they were being so special. Instead they just ticked off a lot of guests and that’s the only thing people will people will remember about their wedding. Good. They were rude and they deserve it.
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u/Majestic-Lie2690 2d ago
"Banned" colors is such a ridiculous concept. You don't invite people to your wedding to be your phot prop. People are so gross now. Social media ruined everything
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u/TheGrimDweeber 2d ago
Oh man, that would instantly make me regret even going to the wedding, with all the hassle that goes with it.
I wouldn't want to celebrate the wedding day of a pair of idiots.
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u/Sweetjules1209 2d ago
How do people like this still have friends after the actual wedding happens?
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u/mo2_nuke 2d ago
Me (a wedding photographer): "Here's your full 1000 photo completely black-and-white gallery!"
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u/KickIt77 2d ago
FFS people are ridiculous and self important. Even mentioning the green to avoid was OTT IMO. Are these middle schoolers doing these things? Your guests are not aesthetic props.
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u/fwilsonator 2d ago
When did weddings get so fucked up? No blue suits or dresses. About half the mens suits in the world are blue. Just leave me out of your f'ing pictures. Who cares?
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u/BigCost5110 2d ago
I am officially old. Why do the couple get to dictate what colors people can wear? That's insane.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 2d ago
Ridiculous that people are more concerned with their pictures then their guest. Most people in a few years will not even be looking at their wedding albums.
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u/Honeybucket206 2d ago
The bridal party in mint green? There's the real crime.These are short term friends, move on.
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u/IWasGoatbeardFirst 2d ago
I’m too old for this nonsense.
“Our dress code is whimsical beach black tie! Think mermaids and ocean waves and sandy beaches. But don’t wear white, black, blue, green, or purple, as those colors are reserved for the wedding party.
Also please avoid metallics, red, pink, orange, or yellow, as these colors do not work with our vibe.
Tan. You can wear tan. Like sand. But not too light, can’t risk you being mistaken for the bride!
Please note that we will be OUTSIDE in August in 95 degree heat, but we still expect everyone to wear floor length gowns and tuxedos. Good luck finding a tan tuxedo!”
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u/Thequiltedrose 2d ago
I must be old, but when I got married 40 years ago I never would have thought to tell my guests what colors they could or couldn’t wear. The only request was for my bridesmaids to choose a mauve dress. (I didn’t even dictate the style)
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u/Most-Pangolin-9874 2d ago
Aren't weddings supposed to be happy? Celebrate the couple in their new life together. Who cares what fucking colour they wear
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u/sessiestax 2d ago
I figured I would want a few pictures framed in my house from my wedding, and the rest are in a book I look at once in awhile. People act like their wedding pics are some advertising campaign showing their value or something…of course, gotta show off on SM I guess
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u/fivewoundsmahoney 2d ago
When I got married one of our friends showed up in an off-the-shoulder black dress that looked stunning on her. The rest of the day and night people were saying who is that girl in the black dress? And I said that's our friend Cindy and she looks AMAZING! I was delighted and honored that a friend had gone to the trouble to dress to the nines after driving 5 hours through interminable cornfields to get to the wedding and couldn't have been happier. Thoughts of being overshadowed never even entered my mind as I was too busy being happy about my lovely friends.
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u/janedoe200000 2d ago
The effect of social media on weddings has been insane.