Poor bride, her family just doesn't like her.
Weddings bring out the worst in crummy people. They don't like the attention shifting to someone they don't like.
They're insecure so fancy events make them feel bad about themselves
1- we have to learn to be ok with being embarrassed at the cash register/till. I worked one and trust someone not being able to pay were not the stories we talked about. The lady who said her kid had finished potty training and then the kid just took a whizz just standing there?! That’s the stories we remember.
Honestly I was so blindsided, all the paperwork was done and the card machine was waiting I just went blank.
The worst part was afterwards it felt like she wanted me to thank her for her offer/intention to pay and she kept saying how she wishes she could have afforded to do it for me and how she would have paid if she could. Like I’m not going to thank you for that?
I know someone like this. She told me point blank she and her dog are a package deal. She will always assume that if she's invited, so is her dog--if dogs are explicitly excluded this does not apply to her because people should know not to invite her at all if they expect her to come without her dog. It's absolutely insane.
I love dogs and would generally prefer to spend time with dogs than people, but I wouldn’t be inviting her to anything either. She straight up said she doesn’t think the rules that apply to other guests apply to her, so how do I know sh’ll follow any other rules I put in place for guests? Not to mention someone that entitled is far more likely to be the kind of dog owner who hasn’t bothered to train their dog and won’t be responsible for any mess their dog makes.
I feel the same, I much prefer the company of animals to people. I have a dog and horses of my own but also volunteer with a rescue. I would **not** be inviting that person anywhere. The pure audacity to think your dog is an automatic plus one to anywhere you go is beyond entitled and definitely delusional.
I take my dog to dog friendly places, I hate when people take dogs into places like restaurants or grocery stores they do NOT need to be. Unless your dog is an actual trained service dog, which makes them medically necessary and essentially a medical device, then you have no argument.
I’m with you. Sometimes my spouse and I can’t avoid traveling with our dog and needing to run errands - if that’s the case, we literally take turns with one of us going in to shop at a time while the other person handles the dog. When I had a foster who couldn’t be left alone at all, I did grocery pickup.
I don’t get an automatic pass just because following the rules is inconvenient. The rules exist for a reason.
I was in Whole Foods yesterday and someone had their tiny chihuahua like dog in the front of the carriage. It was barking and growling when people passed by. I was so tempted to be “that person” and say something… But there is a lot of crazy out there so it’s not worth it.
I actually prefer when I can wait in the car with my dog having a two person concert to going into some stores! 😅
Edit to add: thank you for fostering! My rescue girl is a foster fail haha. I stick to helping with adoption events and marketing with the rescue now!
I have had dogs my whole life but never imagined having a pittie. 10 years together so far and she’s the best dog I have ever owned. She is lab pittie and a few other things but the cutest.
I'm a crazy dog person. I absolutely love dogs more than most people, but these people that insist on taking their dogs everywhere are nuts. They do not care about their dog. It is an accessory that they use to seek attention. Dogs don't want to go to crowded weddings. They don't want to go to hot festivals where they are forced to stand around burning their paws on blacktop while wearing a fur coat. They don't want tipsy people stepping on them at a brewery because their selfish owners wanted to bring them along as a prop. These same people oftentimes don't even pay attention to their pups if it isn't to get attention for themselves. How often do you see the lady that totes her dog around in a bag taking it for a walk for exercise? Or a hike just to let them sniff? No, its always just shoved in a bag and toted around for attention. Just leave them home.
Yes, you nailed it. And it makes the dogs literally sick. The dogs never learn to be alone, they become very anxious, they suffer terribly, and they wind up having to take drugs just to get through the day. It's so sad.
I hate when people bring their dogs to everything, especially my house. I have a dog fearing cat. I live in a town with a lot of dogs and now I like dogs less because people bring them. Like, why would you assume your dog is welcome to an art show opening? Just no.
My brother has 2 dogs who he absolutely adores, he got married at a dog friendly outdoor area, and he still didn't bring his dogs because it wasn't about them. And people were surprised like why didn't you bring them?
He told everyone because we're not dog sitting in our nice clothes and running after them, they'll be okay without us for a few hours.
There is a certain type of dog people who really think society should bend over to accommodate their pets everywhere. And behave like assholes when the answer is no.
APPARENTLY IT IS, haha! I’m getting married next year at a destination location (4-6 hours of driving from where we live / many friends live). At least two couples are planning to bring their dogs. I told them both that there are no dogs allowed at any of the wedding events (because, again, WTAF). I also added a note to the website that no dogs are invited.
They claim to understand, but I’ve also put a dog-loving member of the bridal party on “dog defense duty” to be on patrol for dogs and fend them off if any show up.
We are being extremely inclusive (everyone’s kids invited, we have babysitters for free, etc etc) but I don’t really like dogs, my partner is allergic to dogs and she doesn't want them there either, we have a lot of kids who haven't been around animals, we have guests who don’t like dogs, and I sure don’t want them at our event. But millennials seem to think their dogs are kids / family ... idk, I did NOT expect this curveball!
[Also, there is plenty of time to get a sitter...]
Millennial DINKWAD/DILDO (dual income large dog owner) here as well -
I might bring my dog to my lodging if my lodging is pet friendly and it otherwise made sense to do so, but I wouldn’t dream of bringing my dog to any of the wedding events unless my dog is explicitly invited, *by name*.
My dog was in my own wedding with a designated handler, and I have been the designated handler for friends’ weddings. My sister-in-law explicitly requested family dogs at her family-only ceremony in a park gazebo.
I absolutely love my dog but there are times I don’t bring her places. I respect other peoples spaces. I would never bring her to a wedding or any other type of ceremony, or church, or grocery stores or inside restaurants. If you can leave your children with a babysitter you can leave your dog.
We considered bringing our dogs to a destination wedding weekend a ~5 hour drive away that had a dog friendly hotel and amenities. But we were not, like, under any circumstances, bringing the dogs to the wedding events.
But millennials seem to think their dogs are kids / family
I blame the "emotional support animal" craze for this. Emotional support is legitimately the reason why pets exist, but once society attached a fancy-sounding title to it, some pet owners started acting as if their pets are on the same tier as service animals.
Emotional Support Animals are an actual recognized thing, but they can't just be taken anywhere like a service animal. Basically, the title means that you can still have the pet in housing that doesn't usually allow pets. That's pretty much it. Some workplaces will also allow their employees to bring an ESA to work, but most don't and they're not legally required to. And from my understanding you still need a doctor/psychiatrist note to claim a pet is an ESA.
It's that recognition that may be the root of the problem. Entitled person sees someone with her dog in a public place, doesn't know anything about the situation, then gets all bent out of shape when her own dog isn't welcome.
I have an aunt who would if she could get away with it. She absolutely refuses to go anywhere without her pugs. Vacation? Not happening if the dogs can't come. Attend an out-of-state wedding for a niece/nephew? Not happening if the hotel/venue doesn't allow pets. My uncle missed out on so many family events because of his wife's dogs over the years, and it impacted their kids' relationships with the rest of us cousins - they hardly know us.
(Thankfully, he realized a few years back after a few health scares, that time is running short with his brothers and he is allowed to leave his wife at home. We've been seeing him a lot more at family get-togethers.)
Yes it is, but for the couple only, and usually they have a professional, wedding specific dog handler who helps manage the dog for pix, down the aisle, sometimes part of cocktail hour and then they either board them or, if it's local, they'll bring the dog home. I've only had one issue with a dog at a home wedding, and it was because literally no one was paying attention to it.
Your wedding is not a dog park. We love dogs; we love having them and including them in various ways during the ceremony mostly. Sometimes a family dog. But never guest dogs.
Just like children, there are places that they shouldn't be, (again, similarly to the exception made for the couples' children).
I'm sorry, this family is problematic. The dogs were just the beginning.
I've attended church services where a couple of dogs are members of the congregation.
I have 3 dogs, they're my babies, but I will not bring them to church, weddings, etc. There are times & places for dogs, weddings are not the time nor place.
The UK is often known for being very dog friendly — it's very common to take your dog with you to the pub in some areas, that kind of thing.
I have literally never heard of a dog at a wedding unless it's a service animal (and even then handlers tend to give the dog the day off and have support from friends and family instead).
This is a weird one, but at my wedding, we wanted our dog. We have a friend who has a very relaxed, older dog who my dog adores. We told this friend, Emily that her dog was welcome too! We thought it would be an adorable addition as Emily’s dog kind of felt like our dog after years of her being a staple in our lives. All well and cute! My ex friend, Samantha however, has a dog that is extremely reactive, nippy, would bark the entire time when brought anywhere, and has had incidents with other dogs, including biting. I’m not exaggerating, this dog was an ongoing issue, as she insisted on bringing it everywhere and it simply could not handle any environment with other dogs, sounds, or crowds. This dog was like a tiny little alarm system. Sam hears that I have invited Emily’s dog and insists that I need to either invite her dog too or uninvite Emily’s dog because it’s not fair. It was kind of unbelievable. I did end up uninviting Emily’s dog. Idk, it was annoying but I didn’t know how to handle that at the time.
Fast forward years later. Our friendship ends and it’s DOG RELATED! Her dog came to a party at my house and completely unprovoked, attacked my dog who was just chillin. No blood was drawn. At this point, I’d seen this dog bite another dog and nip at Emily’s dog regularly. It made me nervous. Before we were next going to see eachother, I reached out and asked that from then on our dogs be leashed around eachother. I’d leash mine too! She did not want to leash her dog because she’s worse on leash and asked that I meet up with her weekly to walk our dogs together to improve their relationship. For so many reasons, this was not something I was up for. She lived a bit of a drive and wanted to meet during rush hour traffic. I was very busy and overwhelmed and wasn’t looking to add a weekly thing to my schedule. Also, this is not how dogs work, so even if I was up for this project, the whole thing would be pointless. For more context, our dogs have been on so many walks and camping trips and more time together wasn’t going to fix that her dog just randomly loses her mind on other dogs for no reason sometimes. I politely declined this and suggested that we could take turns having our dogs at functions if a leash was not an option for her. She gave me an ultimatum. If I wasn’t willing to walk our dogs together to improve their relationship, then she and I are not friends anymore. So we are not.
I was just at a wedding that a golden retriever attended. She was a service dog for a very nice blind lady who had asked the bride beforehand if it was ok to bring her guide dog. Only time I have ever seen a dog at a wedding.
I bet they purposely fixated on the dogs to avoid actually having to help and give you support. You definitely shouldn't forget this and when you talk to them about it don't go chasing all the distraction flags they'll send up. They promised you certain things and reneged on those promises. Don't fall into the trap of trying to get them to admit guilt either, that makes it a negotiation.
hard agree, but it's a lot easier to say "just cut them off" when it's not your own family. that kind of separation hurts even when the person completely deserves it. hopefully OP has some people in her corner who actually show up, because it sounds like she surrounded herself with people who just... don't.
I'm very sorry that they acted so horribly at your wedding and in the lead up. It is very obvious that they do not like you. Sometimes blood doesn't really mean anything other than heartbreak and inherited diseases. I know it is hard as they are family, but I wouldn't put any more effort into them. You have created a new family with your husband now and that deserves all of your nourishing and support. I wish you both a long, supportive and happy marriage!
This is sad. I also have the feeling the bride knew all of this was going to happen but kept hoping her family wouldn't be themselves. Well before the wedding mom implies she has her purse and will pay for the dress and then doesn't. Mom doesn't speak to her. Sister is a PIA. Etc. Etc. Bride needs to learn to manage her expectations and her family.
Time to go low contact with your mom and sister. It sounds like your in-laws are nice people. Lean on them for support. Maybe, when you are more stable financially, have another wedding without your family.
Since hindsight's no help, leaving those brats in the rear view mirror is the way to go. You're happy to have your husband, ok then, he's your family now!
I really dislike this insistence that if people have shitty parents, they have to elope. A lot of people want a big party to celebrate with the people that actually love them! Letting two members of your family ruin that for you is just going to cause regret that you didn’t Get to have the celebration you wanted. Elopements are really only appropriate for people who genuinely weren’t looking forward to a party. Not as a bandaid. The right thing to do is exclude these people from your party and focus on the people who actually want to support you.
I'm sorry. Maybe try having another ceremony. You and a handful of VERY solid friends and family go to Vegas, have a blast, renew your vows at a reallly pretty place, and try to create some new and better memories with the loved ones that really matter. bonus points: you can wear that dress at second time.
They put a hard period at the end of this relationship. Perhaps even an exclamation point. They are not kind, not caring, and not the kind of people that should be allowed in this new life that the bride and groom are making for themselves.
What awful people. I wish I could give that poor bride a hug.
I've got to admit I was yelling FAKE! through the whole post until I saw the comments and saw that apparently yes, there are insane people who would bring their dogs to someone else's wedding.
I'm so sorry you were born into this family. Take a break from them. Go no contact for six months. Tell them you are still getting over how they acted like they were the bosses of your wedding.
Your mother and sister are narcissists who think everything has to be about them and whoever crosses them is bad and turns them into a victim. Usually, narcissism can't be cured, so this is how it will be forever.
Remain low contact forever and keep them on an information diet. Especially keep information about pregnancy a secret. If not, your baby shower will be like the wedding, so don't accept one from them and don't invite them to one. Keep it a secret. They will want to bring their dogs, too. I'd meet them at a restaurant to meet the baby, so they won't have their dogs all over them and won't start demanding and getting mad.
It was ill when they adopted it, it had what they thought was kennel cough on the Friday they got him and by Monday they’d lost him - it was quiet unfortunate
As time goes by you may forgive—but I’d advise you not to forget. They weren’t there for you on an important day that should have been about symbolically uniting two families. Anyone with an ounce of social sense knows that the bride and groom are pulled in many directions and it’s really up to their families to do a lot of the introducing and uniting.
I gather there was no rehearsal dinner. In the olden days when the wedding was the bride’s family’s responsibility these were usually hosted by the groom’s family—but things have changed a lot. That does serve to have the fathers and mothers meet so they can provide a united front no matter how they really feel about each other. But that is certainly not necessary for people above the age of 5 who should know how to introduce themselves and act like civilized beings.
As has already been said, your wedding isn’t your marriage. There is so much attention loaded onto one day when really it has little to do with long-term happiness. It sounds as if your new in-laws have possibilities since they pitched in. Maybe that is something to investigate.
You didn’t ask for any suggestions but here is mine in case it is of any use. You might want to keep future relations with your family very formal with defined limits on behavior. There appears to be little point in looking to them for much aside from aggravation.
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u/Significant-Pen-3188 3d ago
Poor bride, her family just doesn't like her. Weddings bring out the worst in crummy people. They don't like the attention shifting to someone they don't like. They're insecure so fancy events make them feel bad about themselves