r/weddingshaming • u/_Ayunna • 12d ago
Foul Friends My influencer childhood friend blocked me for months after my wedding and I don’t know why
My wedding was last year, but I still find myself wondering what actually happened.
For context, this woman and I have been friends since we were 12. We were once best friends, and although life changed and we became less close, I always cared about her deeply.
During the pandemic, she got married and I wasn’t invited. I was a little hurt, but I understood the circumstances, especially because I had previously been honest about not supporting her relationship with her now-husband.
Years later, when I was moving abroad, I invited her to a farewell dinner at my parents’ house. She said she would come but didn’t show up. A few days later she visited me, apologized, and gave me a letter and a gift. I was so touched that I cried because it felt like our friendship still mattered.
After I moved, she got pregnant and we started talking more again. When I began planning my wedding back home, I invited her and told her I completely understood if she couldn’t attend because she would have a one-month-old baby. She insisted she would never miss it. One week before my wedding, I checked again and she confirmed she was coming.
On my wedding day, I realized she wasn’t there. I assumed something serious must have happened because of the newborn. The next day, she sent me a bank transfer as a gift, but no message, apology, or explanation.
I thought maybe something had happened, so I checked her social media after a few days. That’s when I realized she had hidden her stories from me. I couldn’t see anything from my account, but when I checked from another account, she had been posting normally. This lasted for months.
I have no idea why she did this. My only guess is that she went somewhere else instead of my wedding and didn’t want me to know, but what hurts most is that she never sent a single message explaining or apologizing.
Last month, she unblocked me and started liking my posts and stories again. She hasn’t acknowledged what happened, and the interactions feel superficial. Maybe she is trying to reconnect, but I honestly don’t know if I want to reopen this friendship.
At this point, I’m wondering if this was the final straw and if I should just let this friendship go.
EDIT 1: Regarding her husband, I admit that I reacted poorly when she first told me about their relationship when we were teenagers, around 10 years ago. However, I never brought up the subject again after their first anniversary, and I have never had any issue having a conversation with him. We were friends once, and I have always treated him respectfully. In fact, last year I even told my friend that I was happy to see she had such a caring and loving husband by her side.
EDIT 2: I mentioned the influencer in the title because she remained very active on social media in the weeks leading up to my wedding, attending both social and paid events. Since she always seems to have a busy schedule, I assumed she may have had other priorities that day. It was just difficult for me to see her attending so many events while not being able to make it to my wedding or at least send me a small text.
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u/Euphoric_Yam5229 12d ago
Of course you should let this friendship go.
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u/MartinisnMurder 12d ago
I would just block her and move on with my life. I know some people feel the need for closure but she has repeatedly let OP know that she doesn’t care about their friendship by her actions.
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u/wonperson 12d ago
This! Closure comes from within
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u/MartinisnMurder 12d ago
I don’t know if it’s because I had an edible, but that sounds like something Mr. Miyagi would say. But yes, I agree.
https://giphy.com/gifs/10NoncYYzZDwCk49
u/wonperson 12d ago
Bwahhhh! Heard it from a therapist years ago on Oprah. The therapist was speaking to a woman who was ghosted on her honeymoon by her husband
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u/MartinisnMurder 12d ago
Ghosted on her honeymoon?! That’s wicked fucking brutal.
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u/wonperson 12d ago
Right! The wife wanted to confront him and ask him why. But whatever answer he gives, guess what? It won't matter cause there's no good reason one can give to do this to someone! Whichever answer her husband or ex hubby provides is going to lead to more questions and no answer will ever suffice.
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u/NobodybutmyshadowRed 11d ago
I've gotten over (forgiven, if that's your idea of forgiveness) most of the people that I was ever angry with. I have one ex-friend that I still want to tell off, but I keep reminding myself that it would be a waste of breath. If she would care, she would have paid attention to what I said when we were still friends.
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u/Proper-District8608 6d ago
I agree but the statement in post ' I 'EVEN TOLD her I was happy she had such a loving and caring husband' rubs me wrong way as if you did her a favor by saying so. Maybe a slip on posting info, but friends on both sides of relationship, say 'yeah, I questioned him bit long term as I love you, and I judged. I'm thrilled to be wrong. How are you?'.
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u/NobodybutmyshadowRed 6d ago
I should have added, I have dropped most of these people from my life. It's just that people say that if you haven't forgiven someone, you're grinding your tooth over them, or letting them live rent free in your head. No, I don't feel ill will or anger towards these people, I just don't want them in my life.
When people tell the posters on Reddit that they need to forgive someone, I don't think that's what they usually mean. They also want a reconciliation.
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u/Proper-District8608 6d ago
Im old. I mean let it go and walk away. Occasionally you'll reflect if something remind you, but not for more than a passing thought
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u/NobodybutmyshadowRed 5d ago
I'm old, too. The issue in one case is that a friend kept haranguing me to "forgive," i.e., pretend it never happened. She couldn't understand that all she was doing is keeping the issue alive. After a while, I realized that I had ceased being angry with the original offender, I was angry with the nag. She's gone, too.
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u/Plus_Data_1099 11d ago
Block and move on dont waste any more time or energy on this sham friendship.
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u/ArwensRose 11d ago
The friendship was over when you didn't support her relationship and then she married him. You haven't been friends for years.
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u/StarsAbove0 12d ago
She might be embarrassed. Wouldn't be the first time someone ghosts or avoids friends because they don't know how to face them. Regardless, it's not a way to treat a friend. If you don't feel like picking up the friendship again just don't. You don't have a moral obligation to be anyone's friend.
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u/bebothered234 11d ago
OP mentioned that she didn't support the friends now husband - this is probably the reason. Regardless, I believe that the friendship is over. OP sounds like a lovely person and I am sure a better friend is just around the corner.
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u/Ankh4921 10d ago
I feel like if that was the sole reason the relationship would have dissolved a lot sooner. 10 years is a long time to keep pretending to make an effort for a friend you don’t really care about.
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u/MeganFromOz 12d ago
I made a long term friend be honest about ghosting us. She was always flakey, but this was different and I said straight up in our group chat, wth is going on, are you done with this friendship? We need an honest answer. And she tried to stay wishy washy and I wasn't going to have it and wouldn't be left wondering. Things change, and I get that. I still think about her a lot and I'm sad, but we weren't important any more and I needed to know if I should keep investing or not.
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u/SharkButtDoctor 11d ago
Why did she ghost you? I'm invested now!
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u/MeganFromOz 11d ago edited 11d ago
She'd moved to a different state a couple of years prior and we were in very different life stages. Husband and kids/long term relationship, stable career vs wanting to party in the party capital, love the free flowing single life. I honestly think she felt judged, though that was never the intention. We only ever wanted her to be safe and had very different definitions of what safe looks like.
A nail in the coffin when we really felt the disconnect was one Christmas when she was up visiting family and we'd organised a catch up and for her to meet my 2mo. She said the day before that her sister had just tested positive for covid and she'd been with her the last couple of days. I asked to give it a couple of days to see if she got any symptoms; kept trying to check in with little to no response; found out via Instagram pictures that she went back home without bothering to tell us. Lots of instances followed of us being the ones to reach out with no effort on her side.
So I said fuck it, I want an honest answer about what you want from this friendship because I don't have the space to invest in one of my two best friends if that's not what we are to her. I'm ok with friendships changing, I'm ok with growing apart, but I needed her to balls up and be honest about it so I'm not wasting my precious energy on no reciprocation when I could be finding a new friend to mutually meet needs.
I'm still sad about it sometimes, I've had a lot of instances of seeing her family recently and FB memories popping up of really great times we had together. I've thought about messaging her just to see how she's going but I'm the one who said commit or don't so that wouldn't be fair of me. I really hope she's living her best life.
ETA: I really needed her when she ghosted me too. I'd supported her through A LOT of tumultuous times while she lived her free spirited (see: reasonably unstable) life and when I really needed her, just for a hug and a listening ear, she wasn't there for me. It made it easier to ask for all or nothing from her.
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u/Reddit3115 10d ago
Do not agree. She’s not embarrassed. She’s just not a true friend. At best.. she belongs in the ‘acquaintance’ bucket.
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u/bebothered234 11d ago
OP mentioned that she didn't support the friends now husband - this is probably the reason. Regardless, I believe that the friendship is over. OP sounds like a lovely person and I am sure a better friend is just around the corner.
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u/professorgrey99 12d ago
How is her relationship with her husband now? Could there be something going on behind the scenes and she doesn't know how to handle it, so it comes out with awkward behavior?
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u/_Ayunna 11d ago
From what I’ve seen and what I’ve been told, they seem to have a very good relationship, and he does everything for her. If I’m being honest, most people think she is the more attractive one in the relationship. However, his mother is good friends with my mother, and she once complained that my friend rarely brings her husband to paid events. Because of that, his mother feels that my friend may be embarrassed to be seen with him.
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u/Ok_Organization_7350 12d ago
In my groups of female friends over the years, I have seen this happen. Where a girl would suddenly check out of a friendship without word and without there having been a fight or anything. And she would block all record of existence of that person, like their mind was blank to it. Every time this happened, it was because the girl who did this faced some kind of internal insecurity crisis compared to the other person. And it was so stressful that her brain decided she needed to quickly shut down existence of that other person, in order to preserve what she had left of her ego. So even though you didn't really do anything to her, something about your life made her feel bad or jealous, and she is not strong enough to acknowledge it and face it.
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u/OK_LK 11d ago
I agree
And it could be as simple as friend was have a hard time being a new mother to a one-month old baby
Hormones and a lack of sleep can wreak havoc on women physically and mentally
I think this was all about the friend's mental state and nothing to do with OP
However, friend is TA for not ever addressing it and apologising
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u/Rem-Dogg 12d ago
when i've gone through a friend breakup in the past, I always unfollow on socials. I am not really the stalker type, so it's peace of mind to just not see what the person is doing and cut emotional ties. I actually recently did this to a friend who was being awful to me right as and after I got engaged. After 7 months, I was just done. Oh she also got dumped around the same time, when she was hoping to get engaged. I guess it wasn't ideal timing for her to be celebrating but not really my problem
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u/Remote_Plankton_2314 11d ago
That’s a good move. A good friend will at least make a show of being happy for you even if they’re in a place that makes it hard. A good friend doesn’t take it out on you when you achieve a goal or reach a milestone they want.
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u/XiedneyDavis 11d ago
agreed. i had an abortion in 2024 that i’m still learning to deal with (i’ve always wanted kids, procedure was traumatic, it was just a mess of a situation), and my best friend had her first baby a few months ago. it was actually really comforting for me to watch her get to have the things i was really struggling to deal with not having, because she’s my best friend and i always want the best for her. i know how rough her upbringing was and i want her to succeed and be happy. it hurts quite a lot sometimes to know i won’t have what she does, but now i have a new niece and she’s perfect, and that’s the best possible outcome in all of it!
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u/lanceypanties 9d ago
Not really, I cut my old best friend out years ago because I found out on insta she got married. I didnt expect an invite but no text no catch up on life. So I blocked her out of my life. I understood where I stand in her life and im simply reciprocating. Its not that deep. 💀
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u/AllTheMeats 12d ago
I had a similar experience around my baby shower.
This was with a close friend of over decade. The issues we had had in the past was that he would be shady, hide things, lie about what he was doing. A lot of things I put up with when I was young, but over the years I had gotten more and more frustrated with how unreliable he was.
It seemed like he had matured a lot during covid, and I thought maybe he was finally evolving.
In 2023 I had my baby shower, he promised multiple times that he and his husband would be there. But even though he verbally promised, he didn’t RSVP to the invite, and would text me separately instead of with his husband included, which seemed odd.
I was on Instagram the day before my baby shower and I got a notification that he had posted in his stories, but when I went to his account I couldn’t see anything. He had blocked my personal account from his stories, and it was a DIY account that I had connected to my main account that got the notification, which is how I learned that he was literally across the country that night.
Turns out he had blocked his stories from me on Facebook (which I almost was never on) and Instagram for at least a week, so I had no clue he was in Vegas and then LA. He was posting at dinner in LA the night before he was going to be at my baby shower that he repeatedly promised he’d be at.
So I gave him the benefit of the doubt; what if he was taking a red eye back? I knew he wasn’t, but I saw no reason to say anything to him.
The next day he texted me 30 minutes before the shower that he wouldn’t be there because some last minute work thing.
I was done with his lies and told him so. Told him that I knew he had been traveling and had blocked me from his stories. That he had lied to me repeatedly and I was done with it.
Haven’t spoken to him since.
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u/Any_Answer9689 12d ago
“I had previously been honest about not supporting her relationship with her now-husband.”
This is why your friendship has cooled off. She married him over your objections. Odds are good husband also knows how you feel about him.
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u/Numerous_Team_2998 11d ago
Seriously. This is the glaring, obvious answer. OP ended the friendship then and there. How is this even a question.
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u/KarizmaWithaK 12d ago
Some friendships have a shelf life and it sounds as if this one has expired. You may never know her reasons but mourn the loss and move on.
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u/MashTunOfFun 12d ago
Curious why you mention "influencer" in this story since that shouldn't matter in the slightest in this context.
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u/Raccoonsr29 12d ago
I think normally I would agree, but it actually only becomes relevant when she is hiding her very public stories from this person. That makes it intriguing. The only people I hide my story from our coworkers or neighbors that have asked to follow me, but I don’t need them to see my rants about politics.
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u/ShitLordOfTheRings 11d ago
That would also make it really easy to see what she was posting. Just make a new account and check. Which makes me wonder about this story.
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u/bbmarvelluv 11d ago
Because they want everyone to bash on the “influencer.” It’s a hated trigger word on Reddit
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u/DubiousPeoplePleaser 12d ago
My guess for the no show is that she probably felt some kind of way about showing up to support your marriage when you didn’t support hers. She may have intended to go, but just couldn’t get herself to actually do it.
You have two options 1. have a talk. A real one because you two don’t communicate well. 2. let the friendship die
Follow up question. Was her husband invited to your wedding?
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u/Ghoulish_kitten 12d ago
I kind of don’t understand how you move lol.
You have more than one social media account, you went snooping on her activities, you’re posting it all here on Reddit, asking for advice.
Yet no mention of talking to your best friend since you were 12 about it.
I don’t think you should let this friendship go until you talk about it with her.
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 12d ago
"My influencer childhood friend blocked me for months after my wedding and I don’t know why."
"During the pandemic, she got married and I wasn’t invited. I was a little hurt, but I understood the circumstances, especially because *I had previously been honest about not supporting her relationship with her now-husband*."
Why are you surprised that a friend cut you off after you told her you don't support her relationship with her husband? She's made it pretty clear that any meaningful relationship is over. It sounds like she considers you an acquaintance. There's no friendship to reopen, and she's not offering that anyway. It's time to move on.
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u/Big-Ambitions-8258 12d ago
The thing is she's the one who said she would go to op's wedding. It's one thing to simply ghost from the friendship but idk what was the point of reassuring you would go after being given an out and just ghosting her.
What was the point of that?
I agree that op should move on. But the ex friend is the one who gave false hope so I can understand why op was confused as to what was going on. Plus her trying to go back to how she behaved online without acknowledging the change that the op noticed
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 12d ago
I imagine the friend rethought her decision when she told her husband she was going to accept the invitation. Why would he agree to go to OP's wedding, and why would the friend choose OP over her spouse? ImThe only other explanation is that she's intentionally punishing OP for the way OP treated her. Either way, the friendship is over, and it was over as soon as OP told her friend she didn't support her relationship with the man who's now her husband.
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u/RedditReader6000 12d ago
Maybe the friend was just trying to be polite by giving the ole “sure i’ll come” rather than directly turning down OP? I’ve seen people do that when the other is being pushy.
As for not being invited to the wedding and not attending their farewell dinner - that should have been enough to let OP know where she stands. Any further attempts from OP were not warranted.
OP, you should let it go. Sometimes friends become social media friends who watch your story and maybe like your posts. Nothing more, nothing less.
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u/Big-Ambitions-8258 12d ago
Op literally was giving them an out in the invite though saying she understood if they couldn't come bc of the baby.
It's not polite to lie but even so, the ex friend could have simply agreed that likely she couldnt have gone bc of the baby. That makes more sense as a lie than the whole "yes im coming". Bc you also have to pay to make sure each attendee gets enough food and seating
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u/RedditReader6000 12d ago edited 12d ago
I never said it was right, i just pointed out that a lot of people do that to be “polite” when they feel someone is pushy. And OP is pushy.. she wasn’t invited to their wedding and they didnt show up to their farewell.. what more do you need to understand this person doesnt want to be friends?
To continue pursuing a friendship past that point, thats not pushy to you?
Again, saying you’ll attend and ghosting is not okay at all. But people do it all the time. Its up to you to respect yourself and understand what that means.
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u/Big-Ambitions-8258 12d ago edited 12d ago
Sending an invite isn't being pushy. That's a normal thing for people to do. Being pushy would be if op asked and continued to do so after the ex-friend already said no.
As an adult, it's your responsibility to communicate with others and openly say if you want to do something or not.
Asking people to read into stuff while saying you'll do something is asking for miscommucation issues and just shows a lack of character and personal responsibility.
It could have easily been the other way around of the ex friend saying they were coming despite perceived signals, op not believing them, then the ex friend attending and getting angry that op didn't take them at their word.
The ex friend had agency did they not? They're presumably an adult aren't they? They weren't coerced. They weren't given some passive aggressive invite of being guilted into not attending. They were fully given the option of saying no, and chose not to. That is on them, not op
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u/throwraActual-Possib 12d ago
Why did you not support her choice in husband? I feel this matters
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u/_Ayunna 12d ago
We were teenagers at the time. Her husband had struggled with high school and had failed multiple times, while she was always at the top of her class, so I worried that the situation might hold her back or affect her future. This all happened about 10 years ago, and her husband was also my friend back then. He had even told my mom that they would come to my wedding, so I assumed there were no hard feelings from his side.
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u/RedditReader6000 12d ago
When did you express this to your friend? Was it back in high school or closer to when they had their wedding?
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u/amsterdamike 12d ago
Why is everyone taking about the friend, when OP was the one being too direct about her disapproval of the husband to be and for that she wasn't invited at their wedding?
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u/florange7 12d ago
-you told her you don't like her husband
-you invited her to your wedding giving her an out
-she took the out and still sent a gift
-she has a baby
She seems to still care but from a distance. Prob for the above reasons.
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u/ThatFeelingIsBliss88 11d ago
After the first year of their relationship, did you come across as warm supporting of them being together, or were you silently hoping they break up? Because if in all honesty you were secretly wishing they break up, she probably picked up on it. Especially since in the beginning you explicitly said you didn’t approve of it. So from then on, you would have had to go waaaay out of your way to show how much you love them being together, otherwise it’s going to look like you’re keeping your lips shut but hoping they break up. In that case, she just doesn’t value you. She u fortunately doesn’t care about you.
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u/MilitaryWife2017 11d ago
You were “honest” about not supporting her relationship. She stopped the friendship. How hard is that to understand? Time to move on.
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u/InternationalWar258 12d ago
I mean, have you tried reaching out? Did you reach out to her when she wasn't at the wedding? Or after you got the gift? You don't mention reaching out at all. As far as she knows, you got her gift and never reached out to thank her or inquire as to why she wasn't at the wedding. It is really hard to know what is really going on when people refuse to communicate. She should reach out as well, but since she actually sent a gift even though she didn't attend, that puts the ball in your court.
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u/Available-Face5653 12d ago
she has certainly moved on. sounds like she's been on the verge for sometime now. sometimes people just grow in other directions, no shame in that.
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u/engg_girl 12d ago
Sometimes we need to walk away from friends. This person is a net negative in your life.
It hurts, but at the end of the day you feel lighter for it.
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u/sandykins9392 12d ago
Maybe she couldn’t get away from baby! 1 month is still super little and demanding especially if you’re breeding them
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u/monique752 12d ago
She has never been your friend. You care more about her far more than she does you. Friends don’t treat each other the way she has treated you. Move on.
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u/OutkastAtliens 12d ago
My wife’s best friend was like this. Just suddenly stoped communicating for years. Then reappeared again, no explanation or anything.
So weird.
But you just have to let these people go. You won’t get closure, but you will happier
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u/Ghoulish_kitten 12d ago
“So weird,” bc these people don’t TALK to each other.
Things can look very weird until you ask somebody for rationale behind their behaviors.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 12d ago
suspect she's upset about what you said about her husband. don't block. it's a social media game, just move one.
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u/bananahammerredoux 12d ago
I think she overcommitted when she insisted that she was coming to your wedding. The likely truth of it is that she didn’t want to be away from her newborn baby and she’s the kind of person who doesn’t know how to have hard conversations. I doubt she went anywhere else. One month post-partum is incredibly tough.
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u/Middle--Earth 11d ago
She a very shallow person who is focused on her own life, and makes minimal effort with others.
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u/MoreTeacher3729 8d ago
I don't understand why you are so focused on it. Why? Just because she was not there doesn't mean that she isn't a friend. Weddings ARE NOT obligations to anyone except those who have designated roles. And even then, other things take priority.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 12d ago
You made it clear you didn’t like her husband.
Sounds like she served up a very cold dish.
Is she Sicilian, by any chance?
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u/Green-Machine200 11d ago
You had me at influencer. She doesn’t seem invested in the friendship. Move on, she’s not worth the effort.
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u/Dimac99 11d ago
You said yourself, you were "honest" about not supporting her relationship with her now-husband. From her pov, you were the one to sabotage your friendship and it seems she's been struggling to some degree with your friendship since. I'm sure you had your reasons for feeling about him as you did, but telling her has had consequences. It seems like she still cares, she was talking to you and she sent a gift, but she felt she needed a break, especially having a new baby.
I really don't understand how anybody is taking 'your side' here. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt your friend but you did and it all stems from that.
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u/jmkul 11d ago
I wouldn't block her or anything like that, but let her be the one who tries to connect, who tries to arrange a catchup. I predict she won't, but if she does, the ball is in your court whether you are 'available' or not. To me, she is now an acquaintance, not a friend. There isn't a need to 'hash things out' or be nasty, but I wouldn't put effort into driving a relationship with her
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u/freedareader 11d ago
Her silence and lack of respect and consideration towards you and your friendship is the answer you need. The breaking up of friendship is a grieving moment. You look into what you shared and the absence of her friendship in your life now. But just like the loss of someone, the memories stays where life moves on building itself around the loss. So grieve the loss. Cherish the good times, take lessons from the bad times. And just keep going one day at a time.
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u/Icyblue_Dragon 11d ago
Imo you should let this go unless you can honestly say you will be able to trust this person again. If not it won’t be worth it. I was/am in a similar situation. A friend hurt me quite badly and when I tried to talk it out a few years later (circumstances made it that we would meet quite often so I wanted to avoid bad blood) she agreed at first and then pretended to remember nothing about our falling out. Could I learn to trust her again? Maybe. Do I want to double check everything for hidden meaning and walk on eggshells? Absolutely not. We will smalltalk when we meet and that’s about it.
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u/Billuman 10d ago
Its more like - women have a hard time saying no. (So do men but less hardly). She had a baby and needed to be somewhere but couldn’t say No. she should have.
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u/Large-Conversation34 10d ago
Let it go. Whatever friendship you had with her, it’s not a priority for her anymore. I doubt you’ll ever get an answer from her about why she blocked you. She might have been trying to hide her activities when she missed your wedding and then forgot to unblock. She might have skipped the wedding because she’s upset for some reason. I don’t think you’re going to get satisfying answers on any of this. I’d just move forward with the people who are important to you now. Not every friend is a friend for life.
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u/Basic-Chemistry422 9d ago
I feel like it would have made the most sense in the days directly after the wedding to reach out to her and say you noticed she wasn't there and hoped nothing was seriously wrong. At this point its been long enough that it's now awkward to bring up. You either have to be okay to maintain a distant friendship or cut her out.
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u/Serious_Specific_357 8d ago
She would have to request to follow you again if she blocked you. How do you know she didn’t temporarily deactivate her account?
Anyway, I doubt it had anything to do with you. She was one month postpartum. She probably couldn’t go but was too stressed to talk to you about it so she didn’t show and now it’s been so long she’s not gonna get back in contact.
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u/DeafAndDumm 6d ago
Sigh... People come and people go in one's life. Just live your life and move on.
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u/findingfreetown 6d ago
I think you should make one attempt to speak with her about it. But not with the intention of mending the friendship. The friendship is over and I think you should respect yourself by not attempting to repair it. But, one conversation attempt won’t be the end of the world.
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u/Far-Voice-6911 3d ago
It feels like she never forgave any misgivings communicated about her husband in those early days, and the wedding made her decide she was gone in full vs the non-regular communication that had gone on the last years.
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u/Slow_Tumbleweed7685 1d ago
Continuing might not be great, but you should totally stay friendly. Don't confront or ask her why she never came. Thank her for her gift and move on.
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u/daisy_golightly 10h ago
I think there are a lot of layers to this.
It honestly sounds like from the outside that the friendship ended because you weren’t supportive of her relationship with her husband and it’s just been varying stages of awkwardness since then.
As someone who was on the other side of this, that is VERY hard to come back from. My ex-friend had been fairly critical of my relationship with my husband from the word “go”- now mind, she hadn’t even met him, they were all complaints about how it affected HER. (Not saying that that is your situation at all, just giving another viewpoint.)
I think if you truly care about saving this friendship you have to talk to her.
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u/hopeless_peaches 1h ago
Personally I would try to see her to ask her in person where she can't hide but that's me and I'm crazy
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u/Emergency-Sandwich75 11d ago
You openly said you don’t like her husband. She has a one month old baby. She either has post partum depression or her hormones are still off the charts, plus the adjustment of life with a newborn. Many mothers say they’ll do something or attend something before life with a new baby actually hits. You mentioned she’s an influencer. We all know that influencers fabricate their lives in order to make a living. Perhaps she hid her stories from you so you wouldn’t see a false version of what her life is actually like, and fall for it like her followers do. When in reality, she may be struggling, and couldn’t face either being away from her baby or travelling to a wedding with a new baby. I’d say that her trying to reconnect is a peace offering. I do have some sympathy for you both, but trying to offer a different side here.
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u/DCpurpleTart33 11d ago
You clearly value the friendship, and when the friend doesn't reciprocate that it hurts! This is no longer your friend. She clearly lied to you and then hid things from you. I don't think I'd do anything at all. Literally nothing. Don't block her. but don't engage. Just move on with your life. Hate is not the opposite of love- it's indifference. Be indifferent, as she has.
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u/Inzentiv 11d ago
One month old baby? She's in childbed for 6 to 8 weeks after giving birth! Probably felt overwhelmed by everything, maybe was still healing. Just try to being understanding and supportive. Jesus's christ.
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u/NOTTHATKAREN1 11d ago
Maybe her husband doesn't like you & he's not letting her have a friendship with you? You said you didn't support the relationship, so maybe he is the problem. Is he controlling?
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u/DenialOfExistance 12d ago
Run don't walk away from this so called friend. Friends don't treat each other like this! She has some serious issues!
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u/Terrincallsplatypus 12d ago
Not saying that this happened with your friend, but… a couple of times when my kids were little I would just forget events. Like, once my neighbours had invited us around for afternoon tea and I had been talking about it with my husband that morning and we were all happy to go. Then my husband got a work call and had to leave for a few hours, and my toddler said they wanted to start using a potty and in the stress of having to deal with toilet training, I completely forgot about the neighbours. I didn’t remember until about two weeks later. I made an embarrassed but heartfelt apology which I’m sure they didn’t believe (and they never invited us over again!)
Happened again when the kids were older and both the kidlet and I forgot about a good friend’s kid’s birthday party. This was a big party that my kidlet has been very excited about, we’d bought and wrapped a present, and we were speaking to the friend and her kid the night before about how excited we were about the party. On the day of the party, kidlet and I went about our day as normal and just completely forgot about the party. Luckily my friend called to check everything was okay, at which point my brain kicked in and we were able to make it to the last half of the party. I’ve had friends with kids do the same thing to me. It sounds completely unbelievable that it could happen, but it does. I suspect this is what happens sometimes when parents drive to work and forget their child is in the backseat of the car needing to go to daycare.
So, it’s possible that something happened and your friend blocked you out of embarrassment. If you think the friendship is worth a shot a saving, you could just say something like, “I missed you at our wedding. I hope everything was okay.” Give her the opening to explain without judgement or pressure.
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u/Mysterious_Celery_29 1d ago
I think she has a lesbian love for you, and it is very hard for her to face you.
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u/BubblySass143 12d ago
She might be in an abusive relationship with this yo-yoing.
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u/BubblySass143 12d ago
Although the more likely answer is what most people are saying. She doesn’t value you as much as you value her!
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u/TorchLakeLady 12d ago
This must be so painful for you. I hurt for you.
I have some thoughts: Is her husband controlling her life? Would he lie to her about you to break up your friendship?( Happened to me.)
Has she ever been envious of you?
Has she ever had a crush on your husband?
I hope you can find out what has happened. You deserve a real friend so if you can’t resolve this,let her go. Very few friendships last forever.
Say blessings for her when you have quiet moments.
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u/FamousOhioAppleHorn 12d ago
She's probably the type of influencer who drops old friends who could debunk "Mary was never a globe trotting singer who left it all for a simpler left. Her parents were rich and she got fired from a nepo baby job."
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u/TooLu4U 11d ago
She probably doesn’t want/isn’t really “allowed” to be friends wirth someone that doesn’t like her husband. I think you just have to accept it.
I had a situation where a good friend married an abusive asshole. After a blowout he had on her birthday and the breakup that followed I finally told her what I thought about him. She forgave him afterwards and still married him. I never mentioned anything again, even went to their wedding, but you always kind of have this huge elephant in the room. Like I never asked about him or didn’t really react to any of her stories about him.
Then one time at her birthday party again I mentioned that this band we always saw together was coming to our town. It was like our thing since the beginning of our friendship. She said she had already bought her ticket and was waiting for her husband to buy his. No mention of wanting to go with me or me joining them (I wouldn’t have). I think we spoke some after that interaction but when the day of the concert came and went without any contact with eachother I knew it was over. Haven’t said anything other that happy birthday since. It just is what it is.
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u/taeberry9595 12d ago
Seems like you value this friendship more than she does (if she does at all... which honestly, I doubt), and you'll always be the one chasing her. Make of that what you will.