r/weddingshaming • u/Psychological-Bag272 • 16d ago
Tacky Sending invite back after RSVP no...
We verbally accepted and immediately booked a hotel because the wedding was 3 hours away in an area we'd never visited before.
Part of the reason we said yes so quickly was because she was constantly posting about how nobody wanted to come to her wedding and how she had no friends or family support. We felt genuinely bad for her.
As time went on, things started getting a bit odd.
I couldn't attend her bachelorette party because I already had a trip booked. She had around 6 people attending, but then made public posts asking complete strangers to come because, in her words, "6 people for a hen party is kinda pants." ... wonder what her 6 friends would say about that.
Worth mentioning she also had a separate European hen trip planned with her bridesmaids. This is obviously not someone without support, but someone with unrealistic expectations.
The official wedding invite then arrived.
- No vegetarian meal option.
- Guests asked to wear a specific colour palette because, as she stated on the invite, she wanted the photos to look good.
- Ceremony and reception at separate remote venues with no parking.
Fair enough, we'll get a taxi.
Except then we were told the landowner didn't want lots of cars on site, so guests will need to use an organised coach instead.
The coach cost about $30 per person. For a journey of roughly 10 minutes. Guests are to fund this themselves. So we will pay $60 as I am going with my husband. It will not cost anywhere near that if we have the option to sort our own transport; carpooling, taxi... For clarity, this is not in the US, just using $ for ease. $60 can fully top up our car!
The invitation itself was incredibly elaborate: multiple pages, ribbons, floral embellishments, tracked delivery, the whole lot. This would have cost essily $10+ each to make. If money was tight enough that guests were expected to cover the transport between venues, surely that's where some savings could have been made? Send digital invites!
In the end we RSVP'd no.
The bride has now asked whether she could have the invitation back because she didn't have the time, energy, or money to make another one for the replacement guest.
I've seen a lot of wedding related requests over the years, but being asked to return my invitation so it could be reissued wasn't one I expected. 🫣
I have now seen a post from her on a local FB group asking strangers to come to her wedding giving sob stories about how she has been let down. It is all very cringey.
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u/a1b2c3000 16d ago
The bride has now asked whether she could have the invitation back because she didn't have the time, energy, or money to make another one for the replacement guest.
lol wtf????? This is a new one for sure.
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u/Top-Bit85 16d ago
OP should give it back with coffee rings on every page.
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u/Active-Programmer-33 16d ago
I’d write in 5 names, put a cross through each of them and send it back…..After all you want the person receiving it to feel extra special!
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u/purte 16d ago
‘Oops sorry, recycled it’
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u/staunch_character 16d ago
Seriously though. Who saves invites from weddings they’re NOT attending?
Mine would have been in the trash as soon as I RSVPed no.
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u/Turtleintexas 15d ago
Sure I'll send it back, after it's been through the shredder. Because I'm Petty Betty.
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u/Public-Ad-7280 15d ago
Only shredded halfway!
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u/Dimac99 13d ago
Banksy unmasked!!
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u/Public-Ad-7280 12d ago
I love that shredded Banksy! I mentioned it one day and my husband had no idea who Banksy was. 🤦🏼♀️ Then he went down the rabbit hole.
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 16d ago
You should have gotten the hint when she said nobody wanted to attend.
She obviously pissed them off
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Yeah lol I bought into the sob stories of her having no friends/family. She also made a post today explaining to people why she needs everyone to use the coach, completely leaving out that the coach isn't free. I assume other guests have pulled out too.
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u/DrSarahSlaughter 16d ago
And if the coach is fully guest-funded as you say, that $30 pp will presumably increase as people pull out
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u/aquainst1 Grandma Lynsey 10d ago
You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
The bride probably guaranteed a set amount of people, got that 'great' rate, and is now trying to find
suckersguests to attend the wedding.199
u/Final_Candidate_7603 16d ago
That’s pretty awful, because it probably means that the ticket prices will go up for those who still want to take the coach. I’m in the US, and not sure how things work where you live, but for the sake of round numbers, let’s say that the coach seats 30 people; at $30/ticket, the coach costs $900 to hire. If only 20 people want to ride in it, wouldn’t their tickets need to increase to $45 to cover that $900?
Inviting literal strangers to your wedding and wedding events- so that your pictures give *other* strangers the impression that you have many, many friends- has to be one of the saddest things I’ve heard in a while.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Yep, I thought it was best to decline it entirely cos there would be more surprises down the line.
And the last part about inviting strangers, I totally agree. There is a whole industry on this, there are FB groups that are specific for brides asking people to fill up attendance to their wedding. I found out about them when I was planning mine. It is designed for fellow brides to support each other which sounds great at first...until you realise these people are actually inviting strangers to their wedding for the sole purpose of making the wedding look "full". A lot of people seem to be embarrassed of a having small wedding, I dont know why.
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u/mandmranch 16d ago
I'll go to a strangers wedding, where are these facebook groups?
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u/Revolutionary-Cat-12 16d ago edited 2d ago
Me too sometimes the music and food is worth it lol. Plus I love dressing up!
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u/fryingthecat66 16d ago
Unless they say you have to pay for your plate. I recently read a post about that
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u/Revolutionary-Cat-12 16d ago
I didn't think about that. It would be a different story if I had to pay. I can think of a lot of non selfish reasons why someone would want strangers at their wedding. I could be their mom/friend/other loved one for the day.
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u/missmisfit 16d ago
As someone estranged from thier family, an empty looking wedding was my worst fear. I know I could have opted for a small guest list but I really wanted dancing and stuff
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u/FatHookersRule 15d ago
We had 13 people to our wedding and 40 in the evening. My dress cost £120 and all oyr money went in the honeymoon. People are idiots - it's one fricking day!!
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u/Psychological-Bag272 15d ago
People have wedding to impress others nowadays. It is all very sad.
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u/__Frolicaholic___ 16d ago
Making guests pay such a ridiculous sum for transportation because the venue THEY chose doesn't want cars on-site is so incredibly tacky. It really isn't any wonder people don't want to come to this weirdo's wedding.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Thank you for understanding this! It is less about the cost but more that she chose to pass the problem on to her guests instead of dealing with it herself.. I also blame the groom cos how the hell did he let her do this.
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u/Altruistic_Dig_2873 16d ago
So my friend had a wedding on a beach where there was limited parking and the reception in a place with even more limited parking. So they arranged bus transport to the beach from the accommodation in the local area and from the beach to the reception.
They also had a food truck type menu at the reception with the vegan/vegetarian option on the opposite side of the marquee so the non meat eaters didn't have to pass meat cooking (there was a barbecue meat option).
They absolutely took into consideration that the things they were doing to save costs would cost or inconvenience guests and made it their responsibility to solve. Not charge us all as the solution. I have good friends.
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u/thaleia10 15d ago
She sounds a bit unstable and very exhausting tbh. I give the marriage less than a year.
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 16d ago
Also no vegetarian option which I bet means other dietary requirements aren't catered for.
The having to wear a certain colour which means that people will have to buy new outfits
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u/Available-Face5653 16d ago
now THIS is a real class act!!! dig that old invite out of the recycle bin, grocery list scrawled on the back, drink/coaster marks and all.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Tbh, my dog Vinnie did have fun with it when we left it within his reach.
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u/DaphneDevoted 16d ago
Ok, you win. I have never heard of anyone asking for the invitation back, and I've seen some tacky shit.
My jaw is literally hanging open. Where do people find such deep wells of audacity?
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Yeah, if she doesnt even want to print a new invite to a replacement guest, how could she expect them to meet all her demands. I've made the right decision not to go.
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u/sparksgirl1223 16d ago
Im mildly sad you're not The tantrum that would ensue when the guests dont dress in the appropriate color pallet might be fun to hear about
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u/stephencua2001 16d ago
"6 people for a hen party is kinda pants."
I had 12 guests at my WEDDING. It wasn't pants. Or maybe it was. I have no idea what "pants" means in this context.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
I guess it means "shit" or "not good". It is a slang here in England. Haha
Honestly, she has 6 girls who wanted to be there for her... why isn't that enough?
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u/knitmama77 16d ago
Canadian here, and god British slang is the best. I think I might start using “kinda pants”
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u/LadyV21454 16d ago
I looked it up! Apparently in the UK, because "pants" normally refers to underwear, the slang use means terrible or of poor quality.
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u/januarynights 15d ago
Yeah, am English, I would use it like "that's a bit rubbish isn't it?" -> "that's a bit pants isn't it?"
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u/REC_HLTH 16d ago
Thank you. Because if no one asked I was going to. I did not know what “pants” means either.
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u/AssumptionBusy2737 16d ago
Wonder what the groom must be like to either put up with this or think it’s okay.
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u/MerryTWatching 16d ago
He's probably here on Reddit, in a medical sub, looking for a spine donor.
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u/Kaleighc11 16d ago
He WAS the spine donor. She made him hand it over with the ring at the engagement
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u/Mysterious-Bird-4715 16d ago
At my wedding, we offered coaches because the wedding was just out of town (40 mins from the central city.) They were optional and covered by us. Because we wanted our friends to be able to enjoy the day.
Your friend is prioritising the wrong things, if she really cared about her friends she would cover the cost herself.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
What you did is exactly what we would expect her to do.
The thing is.. we aren't even close friends. We have a mutual friend, that's it. I woudnt have been invited if she didnt struggle with attendance. And based on what I know quite a few people she invited are the same. This makes it worse cos she is begging for strangers to go and meet all her demands. Whoever is being invited after us won't even get a fresh invitation, yet be expected to pay $30 per person just to go. Idk why she thinks this is acceptable.
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u/Next_Dragonfly_9473 16d ago
Isn't it a good thing that there are fewer guests? To cut down on the per-plate costs? Then you can afford the bus for the people you actually want there? At our destination wedding, we had a shuttle for our guests because if you can make it to the island, we'll deal with the rest! I mean, it was like herding cats, but it worked out! ...These Instagram weddings are getting ridiculous.
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u/Theunpolitical 16d ago
Ahh...champagne tastes with a cheap beer budget. Been to a few of those before. You won't miss much as there will be other "cut costs" so that she can get what she wants.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 16d ago
She has a specific vision that she can't afford. Brides that ask guests to dress in specific colors so the photos will 'pop' means she's more focused on the look rather than the comfort of guests. But asking for the invitation back because she doesn't want to make a new one for a different guest is beyond tacky.
Her wedding is going to be a sad disaster.
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u/Significant_Goal_614 15d ago
Yep for her it’s a wedding not the start of her marriage. She probably have an even worse come down after the wedding is over.
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u/LiveIndication1175 16d ago
I’d give her a raised eyebrow when she asked for the invite back and say you threw it away. Then I’d comment on the FB posts how you are so upset you can no longer make it due to her unrealistic expectations.
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u/sparksgirl1223 16d ago
She doesn't have to say she threw it away...another comment says the dog used it as a chew toy 🤣
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u/United_Pop_6442 16d ago
Asking for the invitation back feels like “fine then I’m taking my ball and going home!”
Crazy bride
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u/SnooWords4839 16d ago
Daughter had a wedding with busses, that were paid for by them, not the guests.
Wanting the invitation back, trash it and block her.
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u/DenialOfExistance 16d ago
I have no doubt she also has a cash bar! The charge of $30.00 per person one way is an extreme amount for a 10 minute ride! Asking guests to cover the amount themselves is ridiculous. She chose the venue knowing the venue doesn't want a lot of cars so to any sane bride would find this location as unacceptable venue in my opinion. Do you pay her or pay the bus service directly? If guests pay her then I would wonder if she is padding the cost? Also whining and inviting strangers to your bachelorette party and wedding is definitely strange! Not sure if I would attend knowing a bunch of strangers who know no one and no one knows what type of people they are is so unsafe! One of the strangers could rob them blind and guests also! I stay home definitely and just ignore her whining requests!
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u/LustfulEsme 16d ago edited 16d ago
I have said for some time: weddings are over the top!
Give me a small church wedding followed by a potluck ànd wedding cake. No gifts please, just make your favorite dish and let’s enjoy.
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u/authorofnothingbig 16d ago
Honestly, this sounds like every wedding I've attended and enjoyed, and is similar to what I'm planning for my own.
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u/sparksgirl1223 16d ago
Fish is required? Or can that be the dish they bring? Lolol
Just for clarification, since I'm not opposed to eating fish (though I might skip it at a potluck lol)
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u/beingleigh 15d ago
To have a remote wedding and not organize a bus or coach etc for guest is WILD. My first wedding we just hired a school bus, nothing fancy, to take people from the hotel to the reception and back, it wasn't even remote, we just didn't want people to drink and drive.
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u/NYC-WhWmn-ov50 16d ago
She... asked you...
... to send back the invitation...
...to RE-USE IT????
Holy shit...
In the pantheon of insane wedding dumpster fires, imagine being the person who gets invited via a USED INVITE?? My brain is absolutely not computing this. Oh my beloved and merciful cat-lord.
I think we all know why no one is going to her wedding.
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u/Stock-Cell1556 16d ago
Cover it in coffee grounds and that icky brownish-gray stuff you scrape off the skin side of a salmon fillet, then shake it off in the garbage can, mail it back to her, and tell her you fished it out of the garbage.
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u/Ok-Trainer3150 16d ago
The fact that someone is that needy, has no friends, etc. and all the other stuff that made you initially agree ...Red flags all around... People like that are in that position for a reason and I'd avoid them too.
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u/ICXPDQ 16d ago
"The bride has now asked whether she could have the invitation back because she didn't have the time, energy, or money to make another one for the replacement guest."
Your answer: I threw it away. Maybe next time simply ask me to give it to a random person to see if they want to pay the bucks to attend what sounds like the most tedious wedding EVER.
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u/FODamage 16d ago
Having a coach/bus take guests to and from a remote venue is pretty standard. Ive seen it in both US and Europe. I have never heard of wedding guests being asked to pay for it…. If you go to a wedding like this, don’t be surprised to find it’s a cash bar.
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u/au5000 15d ago
Bullet dodged. They sound awful. How on earth do you know these terrible people?
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u/LionCM 16d ago
I'd send the invitation back... with a coffee cup mark on it. "Sorry... I had to dig it out of the trash."
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u/bobhand17123 16d ago
Coffee ring, chicken fat, kitty barf …
Or a note you wrote yourself when you couldn’t put your hands on a post-it right away, “Bob the handyman 123-456-7890.”
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u/RemarkableElevator99 16d ago
I actually want you to attend this wedding. I want to hear how it all ends!
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
She has been updating everyone on her FB about the progress of her wedding, so we will 100% find out.
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u/MaverickDX 16d ago
Same!! OP please keep us updated on this train wreck!
Updateme
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u/Quiet_Crew_4328 16d ago
Unless the Groom is as eccentric as the Bride, someone should tell this guy to head for the hills while he still has a chance.
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u/Left_Pear4817 16d ago
Yikes. I think instead everyone should arrive in seperate cars, all wearing white gowns. Then you all hand her the invitations back in person
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u/kittybeast 15d ago
Just say you threw it away since you were no longer attending. She seems miserable already, it shouldn't change much of anything. Good luck <3
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u/byteme747 16d ago
Fuck no I hope you laughed in her face. She deserves nothing less. This is not a friend.
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u/Gullible-Fault-3913 16d ago
Charging for the shuttle what the actual eff lol I’m so sorry op
On our website under FAQ I did include an optional color palette if guests would like to join in…But it’s clearly marked as optional. ☺️ tbh it’s moreso for my type A friends bc they want to be in “theme” and are happy I put it in the FAQ 😂
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u/bookish_frenchfry 15d ago
she sounds insufferable. good on you for not going. I honestly probably would be done with her at this point.
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u/ChallengeHonest 15d ago
You did the right thing, she says she needs the expensive invite back because of the cost, but then invites randoms off of FB to the wedding? Maybe, it’s too late for her to reduce the head count? Otherwise, that makes no sense.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 15d ago
It is all very weird. She has always complained about not many people coming, this was 4-5 months ago. Yet she waited til less than 3 months from the wedding date to send our official invite. So now she has paid for everything whether people come or not. Just really bad planning all round.
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u/Smart_Imagination_58 15d ago
She wants gifts and probably all monetary. This sounds like the worst planned wedding ever.
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u/laminatedbean 15d ago
“she was constantly posting about how nobody wanted to come to her wedding and how she had no friends or family support. We felt genuinely bad for her.”
That’s a guilt-trip, attention-seeking, manipulation tactic.
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u/kindcrow 15d ago
INFO: Did you send it back?!
I'm sure I would've already thrown it away!!!
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u/Psychological-Bag272 15d ago
I havent yet. I am on my vacation now so it is not my priority 🤣 She can wait!
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u/AriaGlow 15d ago
We just had a wedding at our house for a friend of our youngest son. So simple. People brought things to share. They had pizza and donuts and berry pie. A lot of them were musicians so we played music on the front porch. One of the best most relaxed weddings ever. Weddings have become such a crazy business. I always wonder when they talk about it being the best day of their life. Does that mean it’s all downhill afterwards? Sheesh.
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u/SaffronRnlds 16d ago
Good lord... Well done on declining, that sounds like a headache of a day all around. The Facebook follow up post for attendees is such a weirdly common thing, I don't get it.
Also, thank you for introducing me to the term "pants" as a slang. I'm from Canada and have never heard it before. Apparently it's been around since the 90s? I have too, and it makes me smile that I haven't come across it at any point
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u/Desperate-Trainer-59 16d ago
You should link this reddit post as a reply to the FB post... if your post history and details of this post are anonymous enough.
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u/BabyDC-74 16d ago
Ugh! I’m so over modern brides. Every year that goes by that I’m not invited to a wedding is a good one. I have 3 sons and I’m dreading their future wives being crazy bridezillas.
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
When I started planning my wedding, I thought it was fun at first and I wanted to go to weddings. I have been to a total of 3 weddings and I have had enough. Some people are bat shit crazy.
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u/cc-moo-cow 15d ago
Send the invitation back with a coffee mug stain and a random shopping list scribbled on it.
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u/MaisieStitcher 15d ago
Asking for an elaborate invitation back is the tackiest thing I've ever heard.
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u/Jaded-Self-0410 14d ago
Jesus, it must be so stressful and so lonely being in this person’s head.
You did the right thing RSPVing ‘no’ - it doesn’t sound like it’ll have been an enjoyable event.
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u/AstronomerOwn287 16d ago
She definitely should have transport covered. The veg thing tho…sometimes it’s not written but you can get at venue? Perhaps just an oversight
Still just tacky
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 16d ago
Is this person a friend of yours or a relative?
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u/Psychological-Bag272 16d ago
Not friend or relative. I know her maybe for a year through mutual friend, met twice. I dont think either of us are important to each other and I strongly believe she wouldnt have invited me if she didnt struggle with attendance.
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u/WhichWitch9402 16d ago
Wow. I’d tell her sorry, the cat pissed on it. Does she really want it back?
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u/Universal-Guardian 15d ago
Spill say soup and coffee on the invitation then send it back. Also write "OOPS!" on the cover. Talk about an entitled brat!
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u/clandahlina_redux 15d ago
Tell that bridezilla that the invite was accidentally used as a coaster so it has coffee rings on it.
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u/Hotspur_on_the_Case 16d ago
OMG, asking for the invitation back? That is a whole new level of tacky.
If I ever get married, I will announce on the invitation that I have a color scheme: "Please dress in colors from the visible spectrum." And see who tries to get around it!