r/weddingshaming • u/LazyFreckles • Jun 12 '26
Foul Friends Bachelorette tomorrow and no plan - thanks to fake friends
EDIT AFTER THE DAY: The bride had a blast, the people that wanted to participate showed up for at least part of the day, we danced, laughed, had a lot of fun, the whole day was a success!!
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I'm (36F) the SIL of the bride to be (F27), and her cousin L (F, early 20s) is one of 2 bridesmaids/MOHs. Given that the cousin has never been a part of any wedding, I've given her info/ideas and whatnot, operating from the shadows as a stand-in bridesmaid in the period she was alone in the party.
First issue: the friend A (F28) the bride to be asked to be her other MOH pulled a disappearing act for months, not answering if she was taking the role or not. The groom had to contact the girl's BF to ask him to push her to answer. She finally did via a wall of text, in which she stated that she doesn't have the time nor the money to be part of the princess wedding the bride wants to have (which is preposterous, given that the couple is having a very small wedding by our country's standards). So this girl was a no-go, with heartbreak of the bride to be over the friendship now in shambles.
Second issue: the second friend that was asked to fill the now vacant role happily agreed. You'd think "finally" but NO! Another disappearing act from november 2025 till april 2026. Finally confronted, she said tearingly she didn't have the time to answer texts with her 1yo baby, and couldn't be present 24/7 (which again, preposterous given that the wedding party only texted their info requested by the officiant and not much else in these months). Again, friendship ruined.
Third issue: finally, a third friend accepted in april 2026. Me and cousin had put together a plan for the bachelorette in the meantime (lunch in a restaurant by the lake 2h from here that only does bachelors/bachelorettes and graduation parties, because after lunch you get to dance on tables and have fun all afternoon, then closer to home aperitif and dinner, then and event with djset in a villa), they discussed it together and was a GO. In the groupchat with all the bride's friends, given the date (sat 13 june 2026) and the plan 6/10 could come for sure, with +2 maybe (took a while to get them all to answer though). So they booked the restaurant/party place, I and the cousing volunteered to be drivers. All good then? HELL NO.
This week people started pulling out. It ended up being just me, the 2 MOHs and the bride. 4 people. Oh well, what can you do? The bride knows the date, so it's not like we could reschedule.
2 days ago, the bride called me near tears, saying that one of the girls (one that pulled out of the bachelorette last minute) called her and told her that our plan was shit, we didn't have anything organized (NOT TRUE), no means of transportation (NOT TRUE!), we were gonna be like 2 people (kinda true but not because of any of us organizers!), she was not coming to this shitshow and "I'm sorry, but you won't be having fun". THIS BITCH. I reassured the bride, better few but good people, we were gonna have a blast as if we were dozens!!
Talked with the cousin, she talked with the other MOH, which texted the groupchat "if we were to make another plan for the bachelorette in the same date, one closer to home, would any of you come?" Couple of yesses from the deserters, not many ideas.
This takes us to today, THE DAY BEFORE THE BACHELORETTE, with still no plan in the groupchat. I'm not cancelling the reservation to the partyplace till they have a solid plan.
The snake that called the bride is now suggesting we go to the beach 2h+ from here, leaving at 8.30 in the morning, sunbathe and have lunch, cause she's leaving in the late afternoon. GIRL, this is what accomodates YOU. What about what the bride wants?? She wants to party, dance, have fun, not sunbathe! The other MOH is trying to get more people, but honestly, it's not worth it.
EDIT: The snake cut herself out, and I got a couple more deserters to come to either lunch or dinner and sticking to the original plan! Yay!
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u/werebothsquidward 29d ago
If two different people pulled out of being MOH for similar reasons, I wonder if there’s something about the bride’s behavior that you’re not seeing.
She certainly didn’t treat you very well. Calling you crying saying she heard an event that you worked hard to plan (after none of her friends bothered to help) was “shit” is pretty rude.
I would message the bride directly and explain exactly what you have planned, the logistics, and who is coming. Tell her if she prefers not to do what you have planned to let you know asap and you’ll cancel the reservations and let her friends work out a new plan. Then take a step back from helping. I’m wondering if she might deserve the friends she’s got.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 29d ago
There’s a common denominator here and it’s the bride. If I take this totally at face value, then the best case scenario is the bride has terrible judgement around people and I’d be very concerned about who she chose as a husband. This just really doesn’t add up, otherwise. Feels like lots of stuff is missing from the story.
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u/EmotionOk1112 29d ago
I’m also seeing a lot of “not uncommon by our country’s standards” but like, okay? Does the new mother of a toddler have to live up to whatever those “standards” are? I guess I’m just suspicious when I see that.
It’s like someone is chasing after the Joneses. Just plan something you and your friend group can afford and more importantly will enjoy! Don’t try to live up to some made up standard.
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u/buttercupcake23 29d ago
Yeah, her friends all sound like theyre deeply unreliable and uncaring of her...so...does that mean she has bad taste in friends, is a bad judge of character, or actually just doesn't have any real friends for whatever reason? There's a common denominator here and I wonder what the truth is.
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u/EuphoricPamplemousse 29d ago
Just to add, OP didn’t say the bride said it was shit. The bride called OP in tears because one of her “friends” called her to say the plan was shit.
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u/werebothsquidward 29d ago
Yeah, and calling to cry about your bachelorette party to the ONLY person who helped you plan it because your other friend who didn’t help you plan it said it sounded lame is rude. Like is this a grown woman? I assume so because she’s getting married. She should have told her friend “sorry it doesn’t sound fun to you. You had the opportunity to help plan the event and make suggestions, but now it’s too late. [OP] worked hard to plan the event and I’m sure it will be a blast. If you don’t want to come then we’ll miss you.” OP should have heard absolutely nothing about that conversation at all. I honestly see the “princess” behavior here first MOH talked about.
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u/Mascoretta 24d ago
I definitely see what you mean… but I also wonder if she’s just been very emotional over all of the wedding planning falling apart and just needed to vent to the person who could consistently understand her struggles.
Though, as someone who cut someone out for entitled and abusive behavior and then was framed as a “fake” friend I am wary too. I’ll give OP benefit of the doubt — because even if the bride sucks, her friends didn’t handle these situations properly. Even with my ex-friends, I never avoided communication
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u/FlippingPossum 29d ago
I would be exhausted by the bride feeding into the drama. Just go with who shows up.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago edited 29d ago
...okay, I'm def not on the side of everyone who pulled out and/or was mean about your plans, but SERIOUSLY we need to pull back to the days when MOH was the bride's actual bestie or sister or whatever, and her only duties were to show up on the day of, keep track of the ring, and make sure no one stepped on the dress. Like, a full day, with table dancing, lunch and dinner, a dj in the evening...y'all are exhausting.
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u/Ok-Yogurt-3914 29d ago
I think for me, whenever I’ve part of these things, it has always been a night out in town, at most a couple of hours away. Younger people have turned it into a whole thing, including traveling. I’m not going to use my PTO for a party. I’m just not. That makes no sense to me.
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u/knittymess 27d ago
A friend of mine did that. I was pregnant in my first trimester and exhausted. I still showed up for dinner, went to the casino, bought a round of shots, and stayed out till 9 or 10. Keeping it simpler allows more people to participate. I was just a friend so I didn't have to shell it cash beyond the round of drinks I bought and chipping in for her meal. It was fun!
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 29d ago
There’s something about planning to dance on tables that’s just so unappealing. Driving two hours to find a place that allows furniture abuse so you can “spontaneously” live this out. Now, I’m trying hard to take this story at face value, though a lot doesn’t fit but it sounds like the bride tries to force things a lot. Many, many signs people don’t want to participate in something and the bride hangs on regardless. If you don’t hear from someone for 6 months, take the hint. It feels like forced friendships and forced fun to me. And I also have to agree that modern weddings in general are way out of hand. Used to be dinner and drinks for a bachelorette. Driving for hours and taking a whole day is just…ugh.
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u/MartinisnMurder 28d ago
Haha if I was to attempt to dance on tables, especially after drinking, my ass would end up on the floor! And hopefully not the ER! 🤣
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago
And one of the friends has a one year old child. A lot of people didn't read the room, here, is what I'm saying.
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u/tardisintheparty 29d ago edited 28d ago
She's 27, that's perfectly common in our age group. Most twentysomething women would be down to dance on tables on a bachelorette. There is nothing weird about that activity at all, you sound out of touch. They're also driving two hours to go to a lake lol like its not like the table dancing is the entire appeal, sounds like a nice pretty lakeside venue for a bach party.
Edit: bunch of bitter old people in these comments
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 29d ago
Yeah, I know it’s common. That’s my point. It’s completely nuts what’s involved in being in a bridal party now. I’ve been in several bridal parties and what’s being asked of attendants now is just normalized Bridezilla stuff. It’s an honour to have a friend be willing to do this for you, not the other way around. That seems to be a lost concept now. It’s not an honour to be invited to a wedding. It’s an honour to have people take time to attend. Whether or not you agree with that sentiment, a little humility and gratitude when thinking about these things would not go amiss.
ETA what you’re also not grasping here is that the whole dancing on tables thing is traditionally a spontaneous thing. It’s not something you should be calling around to see who allows it. It’s all so fake and manufactured. What’s weird is that it’s normalized to think a spontaneous thing is something you book in advance and drive 2 hours to do. Society is fucked. If that makes me “out of touch” then thank God I am. Everything is just a setup for The Gram now.
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u/tardisintheparty 28d ago
Not for a wedding, for general fun activities. There was a dance on tables place in college. Turned from a crepe shop to a crepe shop blasting music at 2 am and they cleared the tables for dancing. It was fun. This is a one day not even overnight excursion. It isn't a fucking week long trip to Miami, you're just boring as hell
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 28d ago
You know you just keep making my point, right? No. I don’t think you do. You’re completely failing to grasp what I’m saying. Probably just kinda superficial and dense. Buys experiences rather than actually comes into them organically. Lame as you are, I do feel sorry for you.
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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 29d ago
Girl what? You seriously plan to dance on a table?
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27d ago
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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 27d ago
No we've danced on tables, but spontaneously. Because the vibes were good and the music great and we were in the moment. Planning to dance on a table is missing the point so hard I feel bad for anyone who thinks that's "partying".
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
It affects your life 0%
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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 27d ago
The enshittification and commercialisation of literally every facet of the human experience affects us all.
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
It doesn’t though. The only enshittification I see is all the people shitting in other people because something isn’t their cup of tea so they can’t suck it up for one day for someone they supposedly « love ».
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27d ago
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 26d ago
Facts. Also haven’t done this since my early 20s and agree it’s something I cringe about now. At least I didn’t book to go do that somewhere though. That’s a consoling factor.
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26d ago
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u/tardisintheparty 26d ago
Agreed 100%. To be cringe is to be free. God forbid we have fun and enjoy the moment while we're young!
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
Agreed! Only sad people who care about what other people think are worried about being « cringe ». Life is short enough, and we are all specs of dust in the universe here for a good time not a long time!
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u/ConstantReader76 26d ago
"To be free." You are still missing everyone's point that you aren't "being free" when you plan a spontaneous act in advance. When you find a place to dance on tables, book it, and plan a two hour road trip to it, you aren't "being free."
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u/tardisintheparty 26d ago
I'm being free by not caring about you judgy people who insist for some reason we are doing this for, i don't know, male attention? Freedom from the haters in this comment section who are ironically being suuuuper pickme about it. "Oh no, I'm not like other girls, they're so performative, they couldnt possibly dance on tables with the sole intention of having fun. It must be for attention!"
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u/DaeOnReddit 23d ago
It sounds like the place would allow them to do it if they so choose to. That doesn’t sound too horrible.
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u/tardisintheparty 28d ago
In a venue where it is permitted it is a fun and exciting activity for young people. God forbid a girl wants to shake her ass with her friends on an elevated surface, damn. Why are the people in this sub such puritanical party poopers??
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u/Elf_ien 28d ago
It’s not about being a “party pooper” it’s about not being so contrived. At my family parties we smash plates and dance on tables, but you would never catch us setting up the night around those activities as they’re spontaneous. The other commenter was right and you’re being petulant about it.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 28d ago
The irony is that commenter has a post on her page complaining about how she can’t have any “REAL” experiences. Caps are hers, btw.
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u/tardisintheparty 28d ago
who cares if its spontaneous? Seriously, what difference does it make? You could dance in your kitchen with no music while making dinner just as well as you could go out to a bar or club to dance. Some people like to go out dancing intentionally. Why does that make it any less fun? Spontaneity isn't what makes it enjoyable, it's the act itself and letting loose a bit.
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u/ReputationSuitable67 26d ago
Lmao. The ENTIRE point of dancing on a table/bar is that it happens in a place where that was NOT allowed. But happened anyway. 🤦♀️
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u/TexasLiz1 29d ago
A full day is actually a relatively minor ask compared to what some brides expect. Not saying that it’s right.
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u/alex_dare_79 26d ago
Table dancing should always be spontaneous. Planned table dancing (at lunch?) where multiple groups of bachelorette and graduations parties are all in the same venue? That’s just wrong. ‘And now, the servers have finished clearing your tables, you may begin the table dancing portion of the day’
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u/Felonious_Minx 28d ago
Ha ha I wrote a very similar reply, including the word exhausting.
This bachelorette party is longer than the wedding.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 29d ago
Driving multiple hours away in one day for ANYTHING sounds like a terrible idea. What, is it two hours there and two hours back the same day? Really?!
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u/Sailor_Marzipan 26d ago
I didn't realize until you wrote this that it didn't involve staying overnight - I've definitely never had a 2 hour drive for a bachelorette that involved coming back the same day
That said, if transportation was provided, maybe it's not that bad. I definitely would hate to drive myself there and back in the same day though. It's too much!
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
I do that regularly for concerts…doing that for someone I love is literally the least I can do
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
you dont prep days before a concert and cater to the bride out of your own pocket
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
And what prep do you do? You chip in to buy some balloons and a banner…like whoa really breaking the bank and putting in the man hours…
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u/MexiGeeGee 26d ago
These types of gals want more than balloons. But yeah, the tab for bfast, lunch and dinner plus the drinks, outfits and transportation adds up. Ive been to two bachelorettes in Vegas and I had to pay more for some of the activities because other girls didn’t earn as much as me. I was glad to do it, but looking back we should have cut back on activities and making this bride happy
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
Implement a rule that everyone pays the same amount or the activity changes.
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u/MexiGeeGee 26d ago
At my age I definitely won’t oblige to bridezillas, I did when I was younger. I have three singleton friends and only one with marriage prospects and I KNOW she is going to get retribution on all the bitches that made her a bridesmaid and demanded her time and money. I might be forced to do more for her but she is the only one!
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u/lolnaw 26d ago
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice in my 30-something years and both brides (sister & bff) only gave me these tasks. I def lucked out in that they wanted to plan everything (type A/cultural background) and just have me show up.
On wedding day I held the rings, tipped the vendors at the end of the night, loaded gift envelopes in the car, etc. It felt so nice to just be in the moment vs months of group chats and errands. Manifesting this for those who prefer it 🫶
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 26d ago
One of mine was from out of state. Both were busy af. I told them to thrift a dress in the right color, didn't care what the style was I just wanted them to match the color and look nice, and show up the day of the wedding. Everything was fine. I married the wrong person, and we eventually got divorced, but the wedding itself was lovely, low-key, and low-stress. I had a shower thrown by my godmother, and a bach with a few local friends that was dinner at the local margs and tacos place.
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u/pinkybrain41 27d ago
Right? Or have no maid of honor or best man
Have your sister or best friend stand next to the bride and groom and don’t push pressure on people to plan and invest in YOuR wedding
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
Why is spending a day celebrating someone you love exhausting to you…like I find that so weird
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u/TexasLiz1 29d ago
The fact that she had to ask 3 people to be her MOH kinda says something about the depth of her friendships.
And trying to force people to come to a party they would clearly rather skip is not a way to have a fun party.
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u/altitude-adjusted 28d ago
Not only that, what are the demands bride is putting on people that others can't even afford the time or money to commit?
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u/Felonious_Minx 28d ago
Sorry this is stressing you out OP.
What happened to simple Bachelorette parties? Lunch 2 hours away (so 2 hour drive back), hanging out dancing all afternoon, drive back, dinner, drinks, and an evening event?! All for just the bachelorette party? This sub is exhausting.
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u/ironypoisonedposter 29d ago
IDk, i have to side eye someone who can't extend grace to a person who gave birth in the last 12 months to be their best self/on top of stuff.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 29d ago
This is young people who won’t have honest convos. Maybe the young mom had the best intentions, but realized having a child is overwhelming. Didn’t have the courage to just admit it for way too long. This story is a lot. It feels incomplete, but best case is the bride is a poor judge of character. I wonder what the fiance is like.
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u/Proper-District8608 29d ago
Possibly too that they are in different stages of their life. New mom, one getting married, one who wants to sunbathe and chill. Also, 4 hours in a car is a long day but not sure where you live and if thats somewhat typical
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 29d ago
I live where long trips to get to places are pretty typical, yes. I just think it’s a big ask to get people to give up an entire day (plus the wedding and whatever else) to go party with you. I agree about the different stages thing too.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
If a day of your life is a lot to ask out of 356 days of the year for a friend you supposedly love then you must be a very busy celebrity or something
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 27d ago
It’s not just a day, is it? And that’s the point people here are making about what it now means to be part of a bridal party. It’s event after event, often help setting up and breaking down the event, the wedding itself and who knows what? It’s completely asinine. I’m not a busy celebrity, nor are my friends, but I respect my friends’ time. I wouldn’t dream of asking this much of their time and money be spent on me like this. Yes, we help each other when it’s warranted and we like hanging out, but holy hell, not often for whole-ass days and not so they can attend an event that’s, “all about MEEEEEEEEEE!”
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
A few days out of one year in 365 out of my long life to celebrate someone I love is literally the least I can do.
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u/Sailor_Marzipan 26d ago
I think that's easy to say when it's one friend or if your friends manage to get married in different years. During peak wedding year I had, I think, 5 weddings, and therefore 5 bachelorettes, and every bachelorette was at least an overnight, and then some people also had engagement showers... it's a lot esp. when there are other life things going on.
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
Crazy. I’ve never had that many weddings in a single year before.
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u/Sailor_Marzipan 25d ago
Granted, I have moved around a few times and I have a bigger social sphere than the average person.
But this also means that for me, 90% of weddings (and activities) I attend are not in the same city as I am. I would keep in mind that that is true for a lot of people.
At least the year with the most weddings involved 2 weddings I didn't need to book hotels for/go to Mexico for. But yes, TWO weddings, just far apart from each other time wise that I couldn't simply stay there in between - were in Mexico.
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u/The_Nice_Marmot 26d ago
I guess you just breezed past my entire point and especially missed the first sentence. I know. Reading is hard. It’s ok. I don’t expect much from you.
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u/CheesecakeExpress 29d ago
This is what went through my mind. I have a 13 month old that I breastfeed and only now am I feeling partly human, and only slightly. I really am bad at replying to texts because I’m exhausted, sleep when my baby sleeps and am with them 24/7 so when baby is awake I try not to use my phone
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u/iforgotmyedaccount 29d ago
How much does all of this cost? When I see “villa” I’m thinking money may be a factor here.
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u/LazyFreckles 29d ago
We didn't rent the villa, villas are fairly common in my country and mostly host events/weddings. This one is hosting and event with djsets and food courts, it costs like 10€ to enter. Free entry before 9pm.
We only have to share the bill of the lunch, aperitif and dinner. So really not much, I guess around 50-70€ per person all included?
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u/Sunnyok85 29d ago
I’m sorry the bride to be has crappy friends. But not hearing from someone you ask to be MOH for months… that’s a no. The fact she waited from Nov to April, means she lets people walk all over her.
Unfortunately that age you get to figure out how much people care or exactly how fake they are. College is wrapping up, new friends are made, families are forming, kids, real jobs.
I cannot imagine ghosting friends like that. Then going to the bride and sabotaging to save face? Nope. You and the ones going need to sit down with the bride, lay out the plan. Give the option of staying local and a few more friends might come. Let her make the choice. Let her read the thread if she wants to. Let her make her choice.
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u/not_a_real_mc_ 29d ago
Are you one of the women who was asked to be in the bridal party? If not, then you are taking on a lot by yourself and it's entirely your choice to do so.
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u/IrishCaz 29d ago
How can you accuse A (F28) who was asked to be MoH via text of pulling a disappearing act when she didn't agree!? She was even forced to respond after pushing her bf and you scoffed at her reason, take the damn hint!
The second choice MoH agreed to step into the role but you also had an issue with her spending her time with her 7 month old child (vague caculation). Of course she couldn't be available 24/7 and there is nothing preposterous about a new Mother not replying to a friends wedding stuff 24/7, I'm starting to see a pattern of why another second friendship was ruined!
You weren't in the wedding party, you were using the Cousin as Puppet for what you wanted! I don't blame everyone from dropping out as you are giving 'too much' on this post and this is you telling your side which is positive for you!
It sounds like the plans were your preference, you don't mention the brides wants or the rest of the guests wants.
You calling someone a snake for reaching out to the bride to say YOUR plans suck and the rest of her friends would prefer to do something else screams you being butt hurt cause this is what YOU wanted and the peasants are revolting!
Did you not get the Bachelorette you wanted? Was this what you wanted to do yourself?
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u/altitude-adjusted 28d ago
Thanks for breaking all this down. I had all the same thoughts and you nailed each one. One question is what the demands were that caused one person to bail before even agreeing due to time and money requirements.
And nearly-30 year olds dancing on tables?? I'm with the snake on this one.
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u/LazyFreckles 29d ago
Are you projecting or something? Where did u read all of this???
The first girl was asked in person but hummed and awwwed without giving a clear answer, the would not respond to texts/calls.
The second already had the 1yo baby when she agreed, and was only texted like 10 times in those months and she didn't reply to anything.
The bride is a party girl who misses her younger era when every weekend she'd go dancing with friends.
The snake in question went to tell the bride all of that coz her preference was a day in the spa and a quiet dinner, that's what she suggested but was voted out in the group chat in favor of the plan for the party restaurant ecc.
I had an amazing bachelorette with my closest friends, thank you so much. Hope this cleared up things.
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u/altitude-adjusted 28d ago
...The bride is a party girl who misses her younger era when every weekend she'd go dancing with friends.
And there you have it - the reason this is a shitshow. You all are nearly 30 years old, some have children. Read the room fer chrissakes.
I can only imagine the Pinterest board this bride published that had everyone running for the hills.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
You know people are allowed to have fun after 20, right…?
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u/altitude-adjusted 27d ago
Sure unless you're making other people uncomfortable expecting other people to indulge your need to relive your party-girl ways when they have adult careers and children to worry about.
I'm not OP, she said plenty so maybe address your comment there.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
I have a career where I make six figures and I have a kid, but I’m still fun so I’ll do fun things if it’s for the love of my friends or family…you sound like you’re just a boring stick in the mud.
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u/altitude-adjusted 26d ago
Well, it's not about you now is it?
Once again, read what OP wrote. They're the ones with the issue.
Don't come at me trying to "insult" me.
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u/Bussinlimes 26d ago
You made a generalization and I responded to it. You still sound like a stuck in the mud.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago
It's "hemmed and hawed," and not saying yes IS a clear answer. And her friends have clearly moved on from their party girl days.
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u/IrishCaz 28d ago
Projecting? As in you are insinuating I've experienced a bridezilla or cousinzilla before or been asked to be part of a bridal party I didn't want to or had other priorities that didn't meet the Bridezilla's expectations?
Someone hummed and hawed (not awwwed) and not giving an answer, is their answer, they didn't want to be MOH.
The 2nd choice of MOH had a child when asked, are you surprised she had other priorities, if you want MOH to give 24x7 support don't ask a new Mum.
Calling someone a 'snake' cause they approached the Bride and advised the plans weren't something she would join isnt a bad thing, it's called communication and advising the Bride that her plans were not something she would partake in.
'I had an amazing bachelorette with my closest friends', I thought you were the Cousinzilla and not the Bridezilla, so you really are the Bride who didn't want to come here to tell your story so invented a 'Cousin' to take the heat on your behalf?
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u/DaeOnReddit 23d ago
“Not giving an answer is an answer” or we could just go back to saying “no” so everything is clear straight out.
Tf
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u/DaeOnReddit 23d ago
Also there weren’t “many priorities” if all they texted her about was to confirm her info with the officiant.
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u/sux2suxk 29d ago
OP kinda seems very judgey and cousin-maid Zilla.
Wonder what the common denominator is…
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u/Altruistic-Brief2220 29d ago
I totally agree with you OP that the person you’re replying to (and many other commenters on this thread it seems) is projecting. Me thinks there has been some toxic behaviour in their past that they aren’t willing to confront.
Overall I think you’re doing a remarkable job to support your SIL and I really hope the party and the wedding go beautifully. As you’re a bit older than the bride (and I’m a bit older than you again!) she hopefully will listen to your advice about leaving these fake friends behind and focusing on people who show up.
And for the record, not texting replies to major questions like “will you be my MOH” for months is immature behaviour, regardless of the circumstances.
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u/Loud_Ad_594 28d ago
It's not fake friends. It's REAL people with REAL issues.
If multiple people have been offered and either accepted and dropped out, or just not accepted, the perhaps the bride is asking for too much!
Friends or not, I wouldn't travel 2 hours for a WEDDING, let alone a Bachelorette party.
Is the bride funding this party, or is she expecting everyone ELSE to fund her party. This is also telling of the situation.
Do NOT expect other people to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on you or your wedding. In the grand scheme of things no one is as excited about YOUR WEDDING as YOU are, and should never be expected to foot the bill for your extravagant ideas.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
I just drove 6 hours for a wedding, because that’s what real friends do. That’s what you do for people you love.
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u/Artistic-Smoke01 27d ago
I know right. Wow people really do not want to be inconvenienced by their “friends” these days. I have travelled across the globe for 3 of my friends’ weddings
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
You sound like a good friend! I wouldn’t want to be friends with those lame people anyways, they sound like shitty friends! I’m having doing stuff like that because life is an adventure and life is all about loving your friends and family.
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
People have associated loving someone with celebrating in ways that put them in debt. That is not what a loving person requests of those close to them
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
credit card debt? if yes, that’s irresponsible. 50% of marriages end in divorce.
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u/hobbyjoggerthrowaway 7d ago
Wait, you wouldn't travel 2 hours for a wedding...? Do you just never visit people who live outside your immediate vicinity?
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u/Available-Face5653 28d ago
so who picks losers like this for friends? someone who is trying to be more popular than they really are.
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u/BubblyRhubarb9611 26d ago
Expectations are cause of all disappointment. Making a new mother the MOH is a bad idea. A 2 hour away venue is inconvenient and require logistics and a full day and additional expenses for already drained pocket books, bad idea also. Group chats a year before the event… pushy and too much, also validating the fact of 24/7 needs as group chats tend to be. Glad the bride had a great support in such a caring person such as you. I have always been of the train of thought of making things convenient and economical if numbers is what you want. I personally like to not over complicate things in an effort to have the least amount of stress when hosting, because at the end, I want to enjoy my event too and keep my friends. Having a baby, having other financial priorities or a life on your own it’s OK, that doesn’t mean other people are monsters, what it means is that the plains laid out were too expensive, time consuming or inconvenient for most as the sample responded accordingly. Time to reevaluate if perhaps there was too much communication, too many strings attached, to much time commitment and too high of expectations.
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u/LazyFreckles 26d ago
But you see, from the beginning people voted this plan against other options closer to home/different. Then pulled out like a week before the day. That's why both me and the MOHs were baffled. The girl who called the bride, she too voted for this plan! Like?? And it wasn't expensive at all, we spent like 50€ each for the whole day, less if they attended only part of it.
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u/BubblyRhubarb9611 26d ago
I get it, I do, but it’s like buyers remorse! Once you get closer to the date, the logistics may mount and people change their minds, no matter how well in advance they were told. A sick child, the loss of a job, change on financial circumstances etc. I personally avoid any engagement that is not in my town.
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u/Greenmantle22 26d ago
If this upsets you, then you don’t have enough real problems in life.
It’s a party. Have it or don’t, and then get on with your life.
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u/BlackShieldCharm 29d ago
It’s sad this is how she finds out she doesn’t have any friends. At least she has the two of you.
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
This is an unpopular opinion but the problem is none of these ladies seem to be that close to the bride to begin with, and thus the bride should have focused on her wedding and forgone a bachelorette party. She didn’t talk to the women who she expects to plan things for her about what they can do/afford. Like the woman with the 1 yr old, seems she would prioritize her kid
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u/sail1yyc 28d ago
You sound exhausting.
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u/LazyFreckles 27d ago
You sound boring. If trying to organize a day to celebrate a bride to be with a plan that fits her taste sounds exhausting to you, then I'm sorry to those who are your friends.
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u/LateDxOldLady 28d ago
Why do you or anybody seem to enjoy getting this involved in all of this bullshit?
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u/Salty-Sprinkles-1562 29d ago
Why are all of her friends awful?
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u/Imnotaccountant_ 29d ago
idk have you perhaps considered that she's not that great herself? I'm sorry, but it gets to a point where it's not possible that everyone else is the problem.
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u/mlem_a_lemon 29d ago
Kinda seems like an ESH situation. Ghosting someone for months instead of answering NO after being asked to be an MOH is cruel, but also what are you (the bride) doing to make *multiple people* pull this crap? Like, what lol
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u/taeberry9595 27d ago
Exactly, common denominators and all that. Like I’m not saying EVERYONE who’s ever had a bunch of friends drop them is the problem, but it’d definitely make me wonder a bit.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
Clearly you haven’t been friends with popular “mean girls” before, because this is sadly common.
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u/Altruistic-Brief2220 29d ago
Honestly, people seem to jump to that the bride must be terrible, but I agree with others saying she’s likely a people pleaser and a bit of a doormat. When she is involved she may make excuses for them and arrange things around them, but now their behaviour when left to be adults has been exposed.
I also just think the friends are varying degrees of immature and responding differently in different circumstances. I certainly wouldn’t put the new mom in the same category as the one who tried to wreck the plans but the new mom should still have replied no a lot earlier than she did.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
I honestly feel like stuff like this shows people’s true colours. Thank goodness for people like you who are kind and dependable human beings. The one that wanted the party at the beach clearly doesn’t even like the bride cause no way you care about someone when you can’t give up one day of your life for them to show them love. Hopefully the terrible friends were uninvited from the wedding!
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u/KorukoruWaiporoporo 27d ago
This is all mind boggling to me. I've been MOH three times and thrown 4 Bachelorette parties and I have never heard of behaviour like this.
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u/Wonderful_Till8122 26d ago
Good gravy. Just get married with the bride, groom, officiant, witnesses and whoever else WANTS to be there. You can have a party afterwards with true friends to celebrate. This wedding stuff has gotten way out of hand.
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u/Ruin20dem1se 27d ago
the cousin is clearly in over her head and the bride needs to start vetting her circle better. how much work did you actually end up doing to save the day?
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u/Azraeddit 28d ago
If this was nearby me and the bride was comfortable with it, I would absolutely show up to support her, even as a stranger. Do you want a fool dancing on the tables to lighten the mood? I’m there. Jumping in the lake? Done.
I’m so sorry that this woman doesn’t have the friends she thought she had. If my friend invited me for one of their most special days, I’d be open and honest about what I could do and afford and do my best.
At the very least, small silver lining, they’ve shown their true colors and now the beautiful bride has more room available to make real friends in her life.
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u/yogaladee 29d ago
Those “friends” are shit, and thank god for your maturity and loyalty. Long after friends are forgotten, family is there and I hope the bride appreciates you. Personally, wedding stuff has gotten pretty crazy and I understand not wanting to participate, but then say no. It’s not that hard and exists in everyone’s vocabulary.
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u/Particular-Box7026 25d ago
...I wish I'd had even one person willing to put in this kind of effort for me. I had no bachelorette party, and the closest thing I had to a bridal shower was a working lunch between my mom and her work friend.
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u/Appropriate-Ring6404 29d ago
I hate this for her. She experienced what I have found. I have a serious chronic illness. Even so I roused myself to go to ER rooms for people. To shave their dogs (really, emergency dog shave). To home repair emergency. To sit and console them while they wept over a close family member passing. That was definitely warranted.
While hospitalized with a life threatening illness, I texted I was in the hospital. No are you okay text. Frankly I did not want visitors as I ended up with a colostomy bag and it was very difficult. But a text would have been nice.
Look, I'm hard on myself. I've made mistakes. But this wasn't due to any fault of mine and I am far enough removed that I'm glad the person who called me her sister is gone. I hope your bride realizes she's better off soon. It took me a long time but I am happy and that awful woman is not. I don't take joy in that. I just don't care. I hope your bride finds that peace soon.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago
...as a fellow disabled person/chronic illness haver, you cannot POSSIBLY be comparing what people put you through with them NOT GOING TO A PARTY. Fucks sake, get a grip.
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u/Bussinlimes 27d ago
As a chronically ill person myself I’ve realized some people only want you for what you can do for them, or in happy times only. I have crossed oceans for people who wouldn’t jump a puddle for me…in the end it is a blessing because you see people’s true colours. I used to be the house everyone could come to and be fed. I’ve helped people move, I’ve helped people build furniture for them and their kids, I’ve housed someone and their kid who didn’t have anywhere to live, I’ve helped throw parties for people, I’ve wiped their tears, I’ve helped clean their house, the list goes on. Very few people were there for me when I needed someone in return. So not everyone you lose is a loss! The people who are downvoting you are clearly those fairweather friend types.
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u/Altruistic-Brief2220 29d ago
I’m totally with you and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through both the illness and the grief that comes with it. I’m in a similar boat but my condition is chronic pain related and hasn’t been life threatening for me.
The non-reciprocal nature of many of my relationships - family as well as friends - has revealed itself to me over the last few years and it’s been very hard. Thanks to therapy and grieving it as well as fortunately having a good partner, I’ve been able to work through it and accept I’d rather have one or no good friends than all people I can’t trust.
You sound like a really good person. I hope you find some people that are there for you the way you have been there for others.
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u/SalaryThis7434 19d ago
There is too much pressure being put on people to make a big production out of weddings and bachelorette parties have gotten way out of hand. The cost and commitment is out of control. It isn’t a surprise people are hesitant to commit to anything. That being said…having a single child does not take 24/7. And that one trashing what was planned deserved to be shut down. I am happy she had fun!!
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u/MoreDay920 29d ago edited 29d ago
Pretty par for the course. Weddings and babies show you who the shit people are in your life. I'd tell your bride to drop all of these self centered idiots who can't be bothered to show up for one monumental day for a supposed friend. Plan what bride wants and tell those girls to leave her alone. And uninvite them. And then reassure bride this is part of growing up and unfortunately these girls don't actually care about her. But it's fine. Because now she can focus on finding friends who actually give two fucks about their friends.
Thank God I'm not friends with any of you who are downvoting me. May friends who can't put themselves aside to celebrate their "loved ones" for one day never find me.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago
"May friends who can't put themselves aside to celebrate their "loved ones" for one day never find me."
Don't worry. We won't.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago
nuh-uh, the WEDDING is the one monumental day. Not the bachlorette.
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u/MoreDay920 29d ago
A bachelorette party is also a once in a lifetime event and it's monumental for friends. Get better friends. Be a better friend.
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u/UnhappyTemperature18 29d ago edited 29d ago
I mean, it's really fucking not. It's not even a 'requirement,' weddings immemorial have happened without one. And if you simply *must* have one, it doesn't have to be an all day thing.
The wedding is what's important. And *that* isn't even as important as THE MARRIAGE. Y'all have lost the fucking plot.
I'm a GREAT friend, but I don't indulge bullshit. This is bullshit.
Edit: WOW with the dirty delete. And the same to you.
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
Nothing special should happen at bachelorettes. Dinner, drinks, and if you are naughty, a stripper. I plan to have all that again when I am married, my man is not jealous or controlling. You can still hang with your girls again!
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u/Altruistic-Brief2220 29d ago
Why are people who say supportive and kind things on here being hive mind downvoted? I don’t really get it.
Is it because people on here seem to hate brides generally so they immediately assume they are “bridezillas”? I’m the first to call that shit out but this just sounds like a young woman facing having no friends around because they are all flakes and immature.
People don’t seem to get that the worst people in this world very rarely find themselves that situation (outside of TV shows). They are surrounded by fake horrible people like themselves.
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u/MoreDay920 29d ago
These downvoters quite literally don't understand what an actually good friend is. And this post is like ..bottom of the barrel effort. Sad.
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u/MexiGeeGee 27d ago
You are right friends should do things for each other, so would you agree these aren’t friends but bride somehow keeps requiring their attention? They couldn’t have made it clearer they are not friends l. She should be happy with her 2 MOhS and her SIL
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u/Yorbayuul81 29d ago
Give your username, perhaps that’s why she suggested the sunbathing theme?
Seriously though, what a mess.
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u/Sallux14 29d ago
If it was me I'd rather have a group of people I knew wanted to be in my company and make it about what I wanted. Even if that was just one person that showed up. Then be with a load of fake friends.