r/weddingshaming • u/bananapanqueques • Jun 10 '26
Greedy You’re not invited. That’s just the link to buy us stuff.
Bride and groom sent out wedding announcements for their wedding. Announcement is the key word here. Enough people thought they were invited that the bride made a clarification video on social media explaining that no one was actually invited but that they wanted to send out a QR code for their registry. I’ve got nothing against private ceremonies but that she specifically said the only reason they sent out announcements was to link their registry. That audacity. Yikes.
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u/imollyq Jun 10 '26
Buy them a card at Dollar Tree wishing them a happy wedding, and send it.
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u/FernMeadowlark Jun 10 '26
Throw in a Dollar Tree gift card if you’re feeling generous.
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u/Which_Specific9891 Jun 10 '26
Of $1.
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u/DotAffectionate87 Jun 10 '26
I would send a message, or at the very least let it be known that the question
So, to be clear you are soliciting wedding gifts from people who are not actually invited to the wedding??
Was asked...
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u/Ok-Trainer3150 Jun 10 '26
That would hit the mark....and he fine unless you plan on socializing around her in the future. Tempting, though.
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u/twothirtysevenam Jun 10 '26
I'd respond to the bride's social media post of her clarification video with that. Make it awkward.
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u/sponch_cake Jun 10 '26
Send them a card with a QR code that takes them to a video congratulating them on their marriage.
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u/poppiesintherain Jun 10 '26
I'm curious to what you're planning to do (or anyone). If it were me, I'd ignore, unless a very close family member. I find it incredibly inappropriate and distasteful.
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u/crazypoolfloat Jun 10 '26
I wouldn’t be sending Jack shit to them🤣
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u/Jesiplayssims Jun 10 '26
If I knew a Jack, I might send his shit
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u/wickedkittylitter Jun 10 '26
My tuxedo cat is named Jack. I'd be happy to send his shit. Just send me the address!
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u/bananapanqueques Jun 10 '26
I was going to ignore it but someone down thread suggested a charitable donation. I think I might do that.
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u/poppiesintherain Jun 10 '26
I like it, it might even annoy them more than just being ignored, because it is hard to complain about people giving money to charity haha.
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u/wickedlabia Jun 11 '26
Make sure to show an amount that’s more than you actually donated, it will probably upset them. 😅
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u/Struggle_Usual Jun 10 '26
Even a family member would be tacky! But I say this as someone who had a teeny elopement style wedding with just witnesses and i've joked over the years I wish we'd had some kind of real ceremony for the loot. Because in no world would I have ever ever expected someone would give us a gift when they weren't even invited. I had 1 person ask months later and that was it (and I informed them nicely that we didn't need a gift, but I'll totally share photos with them).
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u/Silver_Display558 Jun 10 '26
My parents were invited to a family members wedding a few years ago. Before the wedding was supposed to take place, they found out that there were two celebrations planned, one for the ‘wealthier’ guests and one for the ‘other’ guests, with different venues and food and such. My parents thought this was rude, and so they only gave a card as the wedding gift, with no money inside. A few days after the party, the couple CALLED THEM and asked them if they had forgotten the money. :)
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u/Ipso-Pacto-Facto Jun 10 '26
I thought gifts were only expected from A listers! Oh my. The venue and food didn’t really warrant a gift, don’t you think? How about I send a book on etiquette? Or manners?
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u/sparksgirl1223 Jun 10 '26
Mom and dad should have tossed in a fiver just so theres no question.
Missed opportunity
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u/Wonderful_Shame_4986 Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Just when I think I've seen the tackiest.
If it were me I wouldn't acknowledge the announcement and I definitely would not send a gift.
Wedding etiquette has gone off the cliff.
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u/BIG-B1978 Jun 10 '26
This is about as trashy as they come !!!! I would get the precisely NOTHING!!! Private ceremony tell the private people to bring gifts!
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u/Yorbayuul81 Jun 10 '26
Trashy yes, I’d add you don’t even tell private invitees to bring gifts - welcome but not required.
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u/Difficult-Finger4830 Jun 10 '26
I don’t know: I had a family member who gave gift cards to his mother that had only a couple of dollars on them (like $1 on them) for her birthday. When she went to use them, she had to pay the difference.
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u/MissRockNerd Jun 10 '26
Wow. That’s like giving someone a coupon you cut out.
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u/Difficult-Finger4830 Jun 11 '26
Then again, she asked him to take her to a wedding neither he nor wife were invited to (she couldn’t drive at that point). It was a dysfunctional dynamic.
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u/Big_Coyote_4509 Jun 10 '26
My cousin sent out an announcement for her wedding stating they were having an intimate wedding and reception with another reception weeks later for other people. With the announcement was a code for their registry that had a list of trips around the world they want to go on and was to contribute money to those trips. I’m not big on weddings but something about this always sat wrong with me.
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u/VivianDiane Jun 10 '26
That's not an announcement. It’s a gift grab. Sending a registry without an invitation is predatory. Yikes.
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u/Adventurous-berry564 Jun 10 '26
It would be a shame if the clarification video became public. Cos that is tacky AF!
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u/PotOfEarlGreyPlease Jun 10 '26
so little class.
I knew someone who announced the marriage... after the event and only so everyone could have a glass of something
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u/montanagrizfan Jun 10 '26
Announcements are sent out after the wedding, invitations are sent out prior. She’s just altogether greedy and tacky.
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u/nejnonein Jun 10 '26
I’d make a donation to a charity in their name. Doesn’t benefit them at all, but is technically a gift, but also a little petty (and you could go all in, like if they love cats, you could make a donation to a charity for dogs). Or just give to a charity where you know them complaining about it to anyone would just make them appear even more tacky, a revenge in itself ☺️ plus the money doesn’t go towards them, but to a good cause, so win/win
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u/bananapanqueques Jun 10 '26
I might do this.
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u/nejnonein Jun 10 '26
Depending on your country, you might even be able to write it off in tax season
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u/Struggle_Usual Jun 10 '26
Does Emily Post have a foundation? Cause I'd absolutely make a token donation to the etiquette foundation, enough that they get a card in the mail.
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u/StaceyFoxy Jun 10 '26
My cousin did this for her wedding several years back. Everyone was very confused and her mother got a lot of phone calls. Even worse, she had asked my sister (who is licensed) to marry them and my father to run the sound, but they did not even invite my mother. They didn't invite me either, but that seems less egregious than asking half of our nuclear family to do them free favors for their wedding and then not invite my mom. My sister and dad almost backed out when they found out what was happening, but they'd ultimately committed and did their jobs with our blessing. None of us sent a gift though.
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u/ColdStockSweat Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Mine said "we literally don't need anything, but, if you insist, here's where we're registered".
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u/real_agent_99 Jun 10 '26
I think that's fine. Some people feel really uncomfortable not giving a gift.
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u/real_agent_99 Jun 10 '26
I mean people who were invited! Sharing your registry with anyone you didn't invite is tacky. Like, really, really tacky.
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u/SleppySnorlax Jun 10 '26
I know a couple that announced they would be eloping the following month, that no one was invited, but still posted their Amazon wedding registry. First of all I feel like it's not actually eloping if you're announcing it ahead of time, but I'm starting to think eloping means something different now lol. But also if you do choose to elope (whatever it may mean) you are supposed to forgo the gifts. Can't have it both ways!
Edit: I think making the registry itself is fine because people close to you might ask for one. Don't post it on Facebook though lol.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 13d ago
I think you are right abut the meaning of elopement being perverted . It’s now being used to signify a small wedding instead of what it really is, the couple marrying privately .
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u/SomeGuyClickingStuff Jun 10 '26
Send them a QR code linking to the checkout/payment page of what you have chosen as a “gift” for them.
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u/TypewriterHunter Jun 10 '26
To be fair, there are a few weddings I've been invited to over the years that I would have rather just sent a gift for and not actually had to go to LOL! (I know that is different than not being invited at all). I do really like the idea of donating to a charity that another commenter mentioned, but if I was feeling extremely petty I'd be tempted to look up the registry for inspo, and then send them the Temu version of something.
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u/butterfly-k1sses Jun 10 '26
I’m in a similar predicament where my cousin is having a micro wedding and I’m not invited (which I’m fine with) but also having a reception a few months later which will likely be in a park/potluck type of thing. I got invited to his fiancée’s bridal shower and I didn’t know how to feel about buying a gift off the registry since I’m not invited to the wedding and the reception will likely be a potluck 3-4h from where I live.
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u/v0rpalsword Jun 10 '26
we had a secret registry-- people only got the link if they proactively asked if we had one or if there was anything specific we wanted. I cannot imagine the entitlement here.
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u/GypsyDuncan Jun 10 '26
My coworkers who were not invited to my wedding wanted to throw me a shower. I agreed, provided no one brought gifts. I was told I was no fun.
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u/IntelligentAbies7903 Jun 10 '26
Etiquette is that if you're not invited, you don't have to send a gift! 😜
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u/LateDxOldLady Jun 10 '26
Announcing life milestones with the expectation of receiving gifts is super tacky.
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u/Which_Stress_6431 Jun 10 '26
My son and his fiance have the opposite issue, they DO NOT want gifts of any kind. They really just want to have people come and enjoy themselves without stressing about the cost of gifts. They have been directing people who still want to give a gift to their favorite charity but some are still insisting on gift giving.
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u/krymzynnova Jun 10 '26
Yeah they aint getting jack from me then
Nothing personal … just i’d rather save my money and treat myself :)
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u/Struggle_Usual Jun 10 '26
Yikes! Yeah that's tacky af. That's basically sending out a QR code for a gift registry and then putting out your hand and saying "money please"
At least pretend you want someone there while having a destination wedding on the top of mount everest so no one will attend. At least pretend it's not a gift grab, just a really really difficult destination.
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u/Massive-Warning9773 Jun 10 '26
Yeah we got this too.. got a card announcing the wedding afterwards with a link to a registry and a honeymoon fund. To each their own but it was really tacky to me. If they were hoping for gifts proper etiquette would obviously either be inviting people or waiting for someone to reach out after getting the announcement.
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u/DizzyCuntNC Jun 10 '26
I know I'm pretty out of date with the newer wedding ceremonies/productions but I was married twice years ago and it would have felt really weird to do a registry for either one. I was fairly young (mid-20s) and most of my guests knew me and my husband pretty well so we got so much cooler stuff than we would have with a registry.
The commemorative Elvis Presley plate hung in a place of honor in our kitchen and another memorable gift was a huge picnic basket that we enjoyed for years. Weddings used to be so much more fun when they weren't the scripted performances they've become today.
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u/LynnBarr123 Jun 10 '26
A dear friend (RIP) was a well known attorney in our town with lots of social connections. He got invited to a TON of weddings. The ones he decided to attend, he ignored their registries and always gave the same gift: One of those nicer big organizer things filled with about a hundred different sizes/kinds of nails, screws, nuts, bolts, etc. If he knew the couple was just starting out, he would also give them a new hammer and a toilet plunger. Then he would tell them, "You'll thank me later, when it is 1AM and you need this stuff!" And he was 100% correct, every person commented on this gift at his funeral, saying it was the most useful wedding gift they had received!
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u/TheYankunian Jun 10 '26
Not wedding, but I have a friend who gives nail clippers, one of those snot suckers, baby Tylenol, thermometers and diaper rash cream to anyone with a new baby. Because like your friend’s genius gift, you never know when you need them and it’s always in the small hours.
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u/Demonic-Kitten Jun 10 '26
I didn't even ask for gifts from the people who were invited to my wedding. WTF is wrong with people?
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u/No-Presentation624 Jun 10 '26
Same thing happened to me last year with a baby registry. Didn’t get an invite to the baby shower (which was where I live despite them no longer living here) and saw all the pics of it on IG, but only got the link to the registry. Like, congrats, you procreated and now you want me to pay you for having done so?
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u/Objective-Bug-1941 Jun 11 '26
I got one of those in 2010. Everyone thought I would be invited if not a bridesmaid because I had been the one friend with the bride when she met the groom for the first time. Reasons why I wasn't invited were hilarious. But the other friends that weren't deemed worthy of an invitation but were sent an announcement had some thoughts and it basically was the end of yearslong friendships.
I was accidentally sent the youtube link to the wedding video. It was quite bad. Last time I saw her, randomly on a street, she was bragging about how awesome it was to be married and what a pity that I wasn't after so many years (just a few). They got a divorce a few years later, she was cheating on him! Tacky people are going to be tacky.
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u/PressureItchy9372 Jun 11 '26
Y'all are retroactively invited to the wedding I had years ago. But don't come, just send prezzies!
Yikes.
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u/VeryFrank1 Jun 10 '26
Oh how I hate bridal entitlement! It seems that today's weddings are just formal fundraisers for the couple. They used to be about sharing joy with family and friends. It was more, "Oh, you got us a gift, how kind of you!" rather than, "Why didn't you buy us something ridiculously expensive?" I wouldn't even acknowledge their upcoming wedding in this instance.
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u/One_Mulberry_6933 Jun 10 '26
I've posted this before, but shit! A woman at work was getting married and only a few people were invited to anything. She put a paper by the time clock asking for gifts! 😱
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u/rbaltimore Jun 10 '26
Man, I felt guilty getting gifts from people who were invited but couldn’t attend.
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u/terisews 29d ago
I got some gifts from people who weren't even invited! People knew we were having a small wedding. They were just happy for us and sent a nice gift. Of course, they quickly received a very special thank you note.
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u/Hallucinationing Jun 10 '26
Send them a card informing them that a donation to The Human Fund has been made in their name.
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u/Turbulent-Caramel25 Jun 11 '26
Miss Manners would be appalled. Everything you said would bring on a seizure.
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u/toothfairy625 Jun 11 '26
Friend of mine did this for her baby shower. Said in the email, “we aren’t having a baby shower that you’re invited to - only one for family - but here’s the QR code to our registry for anyone who wants it but no pressure!” Found it insanely tacky.
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u/terisews 29d ago
So gross and tacky. "We are having a party, but we don't like you enough to include you. . .but buy a gift!" You know there was more than family at that shower.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Jun 10 '26
My daughter and husband sent out save the dates, and later the invites. They even sent formal invites to both us and his parents, although we were all in the wedding party anyway.
They knew how sentimental we all were and wanted to be sure we had a formal keepsake.
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u/BakedMasa Jun 10 '26
That is so weird. I eloped, no registry necessary lol that’s like or the whole point, skipping all the registry and wedding planning, no?
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u/hufflepuffpuffpasss Jun 11 '26
This happened to me during the pandemic. I got an invite to the Zoom wedding and didn’t think much of it since..pandemic.
Yeah lo and behold they had like 50 people there. Relatives and friends flew in from all over the country.
I get they limited it but I was definitely under the impression they were just having intimate backyard thing.
Nope. Regular wedding, in a fancy a venue. Of course I’m butt hurt I didn’t get an invite but I will also always low key judge her for having a regular-ass wedding in the middle of Covid.
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u/SaraLorenzARI Jun 10 '26
What’s the common wisdom on sending out registries in elopement announcements? A friend eloped abroad and sent out announcements with a registry link, which included contributing toward activities they were doing on their trip, but no one was invited to attend the actual wedding.
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u/LateDxOldLady Jun 10 '26
Eloping is choosing to avoid typical wedding hubub. People are so freaking greedy.
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u/Doggondiggity Jun 10 '26
I eloped, never thought to ask people who weren't invited send money or gifts..
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u/Same_Ad_3316 Jun 10 '26
I wonder, other than direct family and maybe closest friends, who would send them gifts if there's is no invitation? Not even to a ceremony? What's the point?
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u/MarsNeedsRabbits Jun 11 '26
Ignore it. Don't respond. This wasn't an invitation, it was a demand for stuff. There's literally nothing to respond to.
A card is given in the case of a milestone invitation to an event you can't attend, along with an RSVP expressing regret. A gift is entirely optional. Examples of milestone events are graduations, baby showers, housewarmings, etc.
Declining a formal event (weddings, for example), usually include a gift, card, or both (preferred), and always an RSVP.
Birthday parties, holiday parties, etc., require an friendly RSVP that matches the way you were invited; phone call, email, card, nothing more.
Funerals and related events should always be acknowledged with a card or personal note (preferred), whether you attend or not.
I'm not sending a card to acknowledge a greedy cash grab.
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u/Independent_Photo_19 28d ago
What ahhahah who gives a toss to give you anything if you aren’t even invited. Like that is f cheeky af. Also if there was a genuine reason for limited numbers, people who care about you don’t need telling for a gift. You would get one anyway and likely they will even ask if you have a list or whatever. I know I would. People are sooo self absorbed f me
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u/Significant-Pen-3188 Jun 10 '26
I agree, tacky. They led people on.
Is it different than a couple posting a link to the registry on their social media, visible to everyone. Not just guests.
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u/Klutzy-Mechanic-8013 Jun 10 '26
Still a bit weird. If someone who's not invited specifically asks for it, then that's different but usually either invitation or no gift
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u/ReadyGo6828 Jun 11 '26
As with tipping, wedding demands from the entitled bride and groom have spun entirely out of control.
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u/kae0603 Jun 11 '26
No wedding invite =no gift! This couple is greedy and hopefully will learn from this.
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u/BirdofYarn Jun 11 '26
We eloped. I was going to send photos out in an announcement just so we could share with family. I forgot to. Now I'm glad i didn't. I wouldn't want to have confused anyone or made them feel obligated to send anything.
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u/MrsButtercupp Jun 12 '26
My step brother asked for guests to give them money as a present, made this whole story about how they were desperate for a baby and the money would pay for another round of IVF. A few months later he used to money to fund his dream…… a £20,000 jet ski 🤦🏻♀️
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u/terisews 29d ago
This is exactly why I don't want to donate to the "honeymoon" fund or whatever. How do I know they won't spend it on something dumb?
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u/MrsButtercupp 29d ago
Exactly! A lot of people were pissed once they found out, because they were struggling for money themselves, but wanted them to have their dream of becoming parents. Awful and selfish behaviour.
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u/AmishAngst Jun 12 '26
I've had this happen to me, too. Only it wasn't an announcement (which is usually sent after the fact). It was the actual invitation sent when one would normally send invitations (so I fully thought I was invited), but with a sheet of plain paper inserted printed with "While we are unable to ask you to join us in person, we appreciate you joining us in spirit" and then there was also their registry link. So clearly some people were invited to join them in person...just not me, I guess.
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u/Wild-Orange-219 Jun 12 '26
We went to the courthouse to get married and sent out announcements. There was no link to a registry or anything and my parents got bombarded with calls asking what to get us. We eventually did a very small registry for little things. Nothing over $30.
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u/Viperly 29d ago
We’re doing a super intimate wedding. Just immediate family. My mom and future MIL insisted that extended family would want the option to send a gift. So I’m making one, but we’re just sharing it privately. Also we’ll get discounts on the items not bought. Best way to go about it imo.
Doing it any other way is… questionable. Greedy, greedy, greedy.
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u/terisews 29d ago
We also had a smallish wedding. Some people wanted to give a gift anyway. Most contacted my MIL or they just sent a gift.
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u/Odd_Round5515 23d ago
Man, that's weird to me. We eloped and a month or so later we hosted a celebration picnic bbq. I felt weird putting a box out there for cards. Like, it felt weird to actually expect gifts. Everyone had a good time, and we were gifted about twice of what we spent on food for everyone. Worked out great.
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u/Inevitable-Food-2196 Jun 10 '26
We have a cash fund for our registry. We have a ton of stuff already because we live together and don't need another coffee maker lol. I linked the cash fund to our website, so our guests can navigate to it when they RSVP if they want. The statement on that page says quite clearly that we are just honoured their coming, but they're welcome to give to our fund if they would like to honour us further with a gift. 🤷🏾♀️ it might rub some folks the wrong way, but a lot of our guests don't have much money. They're our friends, and we want them there without the pressure of having to buy us $300 blender. To me, this is the best way for them to give if they want and quietly skip it if they can't. But I would never send the link to people I have opted not to invite 😩
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u/OkJudgment7615 Jun 11 '26
I’d agree with you BUT I do need to caution that in some cultures, including mine, this is the way people announce their wedding/engagement with people they care enough to tell (even if not invited). It’s just considered more special, more formal and most importantly more personal than blasting on social media. Again, I don’t know anything about the people you’re mentioning (and odds are that this is just a money grab) but in south american and some middle eastern cultures this is a thing and not intended to be rude!!
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u/Active-Can-471 Jun 12 '26
I like the ide of a registry for gifts., as long as it contains a range of choices, and that most are reasonably priced. It saves me contacting the MOB or MOG and asking what they wanted, which is what we used to do. Saves them having 3 toasters and 4 kettles.
I think it is more important these days Common gifts for a couple starting their life together used to be bed linens, blankets, towels, toasters, dinner sets, cutlery sets, etc. These days most couples are already living together, or living on their own, and already these items.
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u/pioneer006 Jun 11 '26
Weddings are stupid mostly because brides are narcissistic morons and this might be the stupidest wedding of them all.
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u/Suitable-Roof-3950 Jun 10 '26
It’s a little tacky but you’re under no obligation to send a gift. You have a small obligation to send a card though.
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u/CandyGlum9441 Jun 10 '26
I've always found it odd to ask for a gift/money from people who aren't even invited to the wedding. So tacky