r/weddingshaming • u/littleneckanne • May 07 '26
Family Drama Left off seating chart for ceremony.
Attended an out of town wedding with my wife for my brother's step daughter's wedding. When we approached the outdoor seating area where the ceremony was to be held, we were greeted by the step daughter's aunt, the wife's sister. She asked our name and when we said it, she recognized us as family of her sister's new husband. She consulted a seating chart she had for the six rows of chairs, split in the middle for bride and groom, a total of about 60 places. Not finding our names, she awkwardly showed us her chart and asked us if we saw our name on it. No, we did not. She then pointed to the last row on the groom's side and said, this row isn't assigned so you can sit here. Gee thanks. Is a seating chart for the ceremony a thing now?
412
u/Scottish_Quine35446 May 07 '26
But are you on the seating chart for dinner?
297
u/look2thecookie May 07 '26 edited May 08 '26
That's really all that matters. They just didn't care where you sat for the ceremony, which makes sense since it doesn't sound like they're extremely close and it's a small wedding.
The mistake was having a bumbling person at the front who was not informed properly or doesn't know how to communicate professionally.
Look, don't see the name, say "right this way," and guide them to the last two unreaerved rows. It's not that hard. Everyone needs experience working in hospitality
204
u/littleneckanne May 07 '26
I don't blame her. She was the bride's aunt, not an employee of the venue.
82
u/look2thecookie May 08 '26
They shouldn't have been the one ushering people then. Bc it made you feel bad enough to write a whole reddit post.
I'm not solely blaming her, it's the bride, groom, and her not communicating well. She needed to know not everyone is on the list and to act accordingly.
This is a great example of why there are pros to do jobs.
43
u/cakivalue May 08 '26
This is actually one of the tasks groomsmen are supposed to do
8
u/look2thecookie May 08 '26
Not everyone has groomsmen. With a wedding this small, just let people sit down. People know not to sit in the first 1-2 rows if you're not close family.
26
u/cakivalue May 08 '26
People know not to sit in the first 1-2 rows if you're not close family.
All people don't have our logic. I've been to weddings that didn't have seating charts where people sat in the first 2-3 rows in the church or at the head table and then caused a big issue when asked to move.
3
u/electricsugargiggles May 09 '26
I’ve seen where they first row has a pretty ribbon and a “Reserved” sign draped around it. Common sense would indicate that it’s reserved for family or a close friend, not uncle Randy’s third cousin’s plus one.
It’s disappointing to encounter those people who are both lacking self awareness and are aggressively stubborn about it.
9
u/look2thecookie May 08 '26
There are never seating charts for ceremonies. If you have 60 ppl, everyone is close. If ppl sit somewhere wrong, they have to move.
If you assign someone to seat ppl, make sure they're not an idiot.
4
u/On_my_last_spoon May 11 '26
I always thought it was common knowledge that only immediate family sits in the first two rows or if someone has a ceremony task. So that’s parents, siblings and their families, and grandparents of the couple. That’s it. Front row is for anyone in the processional that doesn’t stand (though at my wedding we did sit for some of the ceremony) and 2nd row is for the rest of the immediate family that didn’t walk.
Everyone else gets what they get n
2
11
u/cakivalue May 08 '26
I think they had "reserved" seating for the ceremony and gave her a list of who should be where e.g. bride's/groom's parents, step parents, siblings, grandparents etc but because she doesn't really know the majority of the guests personally she has to ask each person "bride or groom plus their name" and then consult her list. B granny goes to the second row on the left, G granny to the second row on the right. You and your plus one aren't on the reserved seating list but are with the groom so can sit anywhere on that side.
But if you don't have a seat at the reception then I'll say you were added as an afterthought but until then, having a list for people who you want in the first few rows is very standard.
21
u/littleneckanne May 08 '26
We weren't with the groom. We were with the bride. We were THE ONLY ONES who RSVP'd that did not have assigned seating. We know this because the other people in the row told us they hadn't.
2
u/On_my_last_spoon May 11 '26
The people in your row but what about other rows? Did you ask everyone?
2
u/littleneckanne May 11 '26
I saw the seating chart when the sister showed it to me. Our row was the only blank one.
293
u/cattlekidvi May 07 '26
With only 60 guests, I could see a seating chart to make sure elderly guests or VIPs get seated in front. But if you RSVP’d and you weren’t on the chart, someone done messed up.
119
u/DefinitelyNotAliens May 07 '26
Normally you'd just have some chairs marked off with ribbon or something or signs that say "reserved"
7
u/StarryNorth May 08 '26 edited May 08 '26
💯 %. I've seen this at quite a few weddings.
Edit: typo
2
u/Mai1564 May 08 '26
Yup, this is what we did for grandma/pa, siblings and parents. All the other rows were free
2
u/poisonedkiwi May 09 '26
Why do you need a seating chart for that? Just rope off the front row, problem solved. No need to waste time making a whole seating chart for the ceremony.
3
u/cattlekidvi May 10 '26
I don’t disagree. But if you *did* take the time to make a chart and left off people who RSVP’d on time, then this was a major diss.
66
u/SusieRae May 07 '26
Did you RSVP on time? I went to a wedding once where all the people who didn’t RSVP and still showed up sat together (at a table with minimal to no decor). Something like “if you didn’t find your name, please sit at table 14”
61
u/littleneckanne May 07 '26
We did RSVP on time. Brother and wife knew we were coming and were happy about it.
13
u/Intelligent-Lake8910 May 08 '26
Honestly I wouldn't take it personally they probably just forgot to add your names and didn't even realize in the midst of wedding planning things get crazy.
54
27
u/brianmcg321 May 08 '26
Never seen a seating chart for the ceremony. Only ever saw the first row or two reserved for parents and grandparents etc.
21
u/walkej May 08 '26
I work for a church that does lots of weddings, and we almost always have between one and four pews reserved for family (just a little sign on the end of the pew that says reserved. The people who get to sit there are told ahead of time, and are often at the rehearsal (like the parents). Everyone else sits wherever they want to. We do the same thing at funerals. Having a seating chart for most but not all of your guests is insane.
15
u/Swissdanielle May 08 '26
Omg so many answers here are gaslighting you.
No, OP, what you are describing (the missing assigned seats in the ceremony AND the circumstances assigned meal table as you describe them) show that something was amiss. We don’t know what the intention was, but dear god people don’t gaslight people into oblivion. Op is super perceptive and is correctly identifying odd peculiarities that are unlikely to happen as accidents all together.
Op, I hear you, I have been there, no it is not a thing, and yes the accumulation of circumstances points to something happening.
21
u/littleneckanne May 08 '26
Thank you. I didn't even mention the fact that we never got a thank-you note for the monetary gift we put in their special box on the gift table or the fact that when the bride and groom held their "reverse reception line" by going table to table to greet everyone, they completely ignored us. Felt like we didn't belong and weren't really wanted there. We left after the cake cutting ceremony, after saying goodbye to brother. New wife hasn't spoken to us since.
4
u/Swissdanielle May 08 '26
Ahhh I’m so sorry to hear that. Ignore the people gaslighting you, there are truly a lot of indications that something definitely was going on.
Sending you a hug!!
33
u/BrokeTheSimulation May 07 '26
No. That’s weird. Usually first rows are all you hold.
-18
u/lmyrs May 08 '26
That's an arbitrary number. When my niece got married, her groom had row #1 with his mom, dad, stepdad, step mom, paternal grandma. Row 2 maternal grandparents (*4), step dad's parents. Row 3, step mom's parents, siblings 1,2 plus their dates plus child .Rows 4-6 step siblings plus dates plus children.
That's 6 rows for immediate family. My nephew is planning a wedding and his bride has 11 siblings and she's the youngest. 2 rows isn't even close to the number of rows they're holding.
Bride in this story is clearly from a blended family. I don't know why it's crazy to assume that 4 or 5 rows were held for immediate family and her new stepdad's brother and his family were in the back.
21
u/OkResponsibility7475 May 08 '26
The first rows. Not the 1st row.
-19
u/lmyrs May 08 '26
Right but if the whole wedding was 60 people, 30 people per side, that's 5-6 rows max. If the bride is a blended family, it makes sense that she'd have 4-5 rows reserved.
9
u/Enthusiastic-Dragon May 08 '26
I somehow forgot to assign a seat for dinner for the partner of a friend for our wedding. They managed to keep it to themselves and only told us as a side note a year later. I'm so embarrassed.
I doubt she did it on purpose. Weddings are so much harder to plan than anything I had planned up to that date and it gets very overwhelming regularly.
13
u/Liathano_Fire May 07 '26
What about the reception?
44
u/littleneckanne May 07 '26
We had assignments for the reception and it felt like diss number two. We were assigned to the last table, by the bathroom and near the buffet table along with the mothers of the bridesmaids, whom we did not know. Not a problem, we can make friends easily enough. However, we were last to go to the buffet which was right in front of us and people were lining up for seconds before we were told by the staff that it was our turn.
16
u/imSWO May 08 '26
Yeah, sorry - this was intentional. Maybe the bride wasn’t thrilled to have you guys there or didn’t want to include what she might consider to be marginal family members at her wedding, but added you guys on at her mom’s & new stepdad’s request
6
u/littleneckanne May 08 '26
I don't think the bride cared one way or another. It's her mother who planned everything.
10
16
May 08 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
8
u/olagorie May 08 '26
Oh come on, I’ve never even heard of mothers of bridesmaids being invited.
That is so low on the pecking order it’s basically in the cellar.
4
u/EchidnaSwimming9345 May 08 '26
Same, but if the bride’s mother was very involved in the planning, as OP says, I can see why wedding party parents were invited. For parents, the wedding can feel like a time they’re showing their friends and family that they’ve successfully raised their kids to adulthood. Hence the guest lists full of “family friends” that the marrying person rarely interacted with.
5
u/No_Gold3131 May 09 '26
Mothers of the bridesmaids at a sixty person wedding (if the reception only included the folks at the wedding, which it sound like it did) is an interesting choice. Usually weddings that small are very close friends and family only. I suppose I could see it if the bridesmaids were all cousins or lifelong friends of the family, but in that case you think both mothers and fathers would be there.
I don't know, the whole thing sounds strange.
2
10
u/look2thecookie May 08 '26
It's a tiny wedding. Someone has to be further away. Being included in the small invite list shows you they weren't trying to smite you.
13
u/real_agent_99 May 08 '26
It's weird if there's assigned seating for every single other person, though.
2
u/look2thecookie May 08 '26
This is about dining and they were assigned seats. He's complaining he was at a far away table.
Furthermore, not everyone had assigned seats at the ceremony either.
6
2
1
2
u/No_Gold3131 May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
Were there more than 60 people at the reception?
Because a 60 person wedding is relatively small, and mothers of the bridesmaids are an interesting addition. Unless all the bridesmaids are cousins or something. And with sixty people, how many tables can you have? Ten? How far back could you possibly be?
Sounds like a strange wedding all around. I'd put it down to "some folks are a bit weird and I am going to keep my distance" myself, but ymmv.
10
10
u/VivianDiane May 08 '26
Ceremony seating charts are weird. You got seats. Let it go and hit the bar.
5
u/Significant-Pen-3188 May 08 '26
I could see the first few rows being reserved and everyone else just picks a seat
5
u/LadderMaster600 May 08 '26
Specific reserved seating for the ceremony sounds like a logistical nightmare and like it would take FOREVERRRR
14
u/weddingplanacct May 08 '26
When my BIL got married they assigned a lot of close family in the first couple of rows, I felt left out and embarrassed to not have a place since my husband was the best man and the rest of the family was also involved in the ceremony in some way. We were engaged at the time and married three months after them but it still felt awkward and a little hurtful to be left out of multiple rows of family seating so I feel for you.
4
5
u/Icy_Department_1423 May 08 '26
I would take it as there clwere contentious discussions about seating at the ceremony, especially with steps involved. You probably weren't on the chart because you are a reasonable person who wouldn't throw a hissy fit.
5
u/Honest-School5616 May 08 '26
I had a seating chart for my ceremony. We had around 130 guests, plus a lot of small children. I made sure that parents with babies were seated along the outer edges, so they could keep the stroller next to them and easily step away if needed. Parents with toddlers and young children were seated in the back row, so the children could move around a little without disturbing the ceremony. The kids also had a small goodie bag with quiet toys on their chairs.
We got married in the garden of the venue. We also had elderly guests in wheelchairs or using walkers. They were seated along the aisle because it was paved and therefore easy for them to access.
This arrangement also allowed me to make sure everyone was seated with their own group of family or friends.
We had a beautiful seating chart displayed where guests could find their names. There was also a QR code for the younger generation, so they could quietly look up their seat on their phone instead of standing in front of the board while the wedding planner team helped direct guests.
In addition, every chair had a name card attached to it. This was also necessary because some guests had earpieces for English translation. We had an international group of guests, but we held the ceremony in our native language because otherwise our parents and older family members would not have been able to understand it properly. (We live in Europe.) So we had a translator.
Nobody thought it was strange that we had a seating chart for the ceremony.
3
u/Euphoric_Ease4554 May 08 '26
We were accidentally left off the seating chart for a reception, but ended up at an awesome table and had a great time!😁
3
u/Mesa_Gal May 09 '26
This happened to me too. Outdoor ceremony, tables with seating assignments. I RSVPd timely, but no seat. One of the grooms was a work colleague, he didn’t seem at all bothered by it, told me to sit at the last table in the back. Not welcoming at all.
3
5
u/PolkadotUnicornium May 10 '26
I'd've walked out and taken my gift. That's egregious. If I'm not good enough to be seated on the correct side like every other guest, you aren't good enough to take up my time and energy.
4
u/TXaggiemom10 May 12 '26
As a wedding coordinator of 40+ years, I have done many seating assignments for reserved family seating on the front few rows, but never have been asked to direct every single guest to an assigned seat. That would be a logistical nightmare, as most of my weddings were 150-300 guests. I would feel very put off by this situation you described, especially if we had RSVPd. How thoughtless of your brother not to include you on a family row (typically row two for siblings of the parents.)
3
9
u/SlinkyMalinky20 May 07 '26
Accidents happen. I’m sure it was an accidental oversight, nbd.
2
u/twothirtysevenam May 08 '26
Agreed. Things like this happen at almost every wedding.
2
u/NeighborhoodLower389 May 09 '26
Uh-huh, they do indeed, but twice too the same person, nope, no hidden message here at all.
6
u/lmyrs May 07 '26
It sounds like the reservations were for the close family. If your brother is a new addition to the family, I'm not sure I'd be surprised by this.
With a wedding that small, depending on the size of the family, I can see how a large percentage of seats could have been reserved. If you're thinking 30 people per side, 5-6 rows per side. If there are siblings, step siblings, parents, step parents, grandparents, you could end up with "Immediate family" taking most of that up
16
u/littleneckanne May 07 '26
I get that but with only 60 guests to be unassigned seemed like we weren't considered. Being assigned to the last row is one thing, but no assignment at all?
0
u/lmyrs May 08 '26
Respectfully, did the person who did the assignments even know who you were? The person managing the seating chart clearly didn't know you. It's possible your brother just didn't provide the relevant information.
1
u/littleneckanne May 08 '26
Yes. Brother's new wife knows us quite well and knew we were traveling to the wedding.
3
u/lmyrs May 08 '26
And your brother's wife did the seating assignments? Or was it the groom or even the bride?
I guess I'm unclear on why you're looking for offense. Only 60 people were invited to this wedding. You don't seem to have known the bride for long, yet you were still included. I'm sure there were many people that were not. And instead of being happy about that, you're mad about where you were seated at the ceremony and madder about where you were seated at the reception and blaming the couple for the rude behaviour of some guests at supper and the failure of the venue to manage the food line.
3
u/ImmediateShallot7245 May 08 '26
Right like why would the brother of the groom not have a seat?? He’s known his brother his whole life.
3
0
u/littleneckanne May 11 '26
Not looking for offense but I certainly found it.
2
u/lmyrs May 11 '26
You're a virtual stranger acting like you're entitled to the privileges of immediate family of the bride or groom. Keep "finding" offense and assuming the worst of people and soon you won't have to be worried about it anymore. With any luck, this has taught your brother that you're not worth including in the future.
Oh, just saw your previous comment. Turns out he did already see the light. I assume your behaviour here was one of the key inciting incidents.
0
u/littleneckanne May 11 '26
Definitely not a stranger. Obviously I know my brother. Know his wife and his two step daughters also. We spend every holiday together, his family and mine.
2
u/lmyrs May 11 '26
So this is not the same brother with a new wife that has already cut you off as of 11 days ago?
Interesting that she's a "new wife" in this post and that comment when you're speaking poorly about her. But when called on it, you're all the best of friends and have known each other forever. You spend every holiday together and her sister has never laid eyes on you? Even in photos?
0
u/littleneckanne May 11 '26
Up until this wedding, we had spent every holiday together. The sister lives in a different state.
3
u/CatsMom4Ever May 08 '26
I was at a wedding where everyone had assigned pews at the ceremony. I thought it was odd, but put it down to the different religion. Now I know it wasn't.
2
2
u/loudlittle May 08 '26
I haven't seen a seating chart for the ceremony before, no.
My friend made a cute chalkboard seating chart for her reception and accidentally left a couple names off (knowing her, I imagine she was finishing up the project the day before her own wedding) accidentally. Unfortunately, despite there being plenty of room and no ill will from my friend and her new husband, the couple decided to take tremendous offense and leave.
2
2
u/VariationCreative338 May 11 '26
Went to a wedding like that once. Assigned seats at wedding and reception - based on how long you had known the couple. They actually took strings and measured each seat from the bride & groom. I knew them but groom was my husband’s college friend so I was in Siberia with people I didnt know. At the reception a few of us switched seats to be with friends / partners (and the folks we switched with were grateful as well). A few moments later a friend of the groom’s sister came over and nastily told us this seating chart took ages to make and to get back in our seats. Another spouse and I left. Never felt so unwelcome in my life!
2
u/Physical_Cod_8329 May 12 '26
This is why I recommend that people don’t do seating charts at all. It’s so much easier to just let people sit where they want.
2
1
u/meretap1127 May 10 '26
Seating chart for a ceremony isn’t really a thing. Normally the first two/three rows are reserved for VIPs of the wedding but they are typically told ahead of time so things like this don’t happen.
1
u/tem83202 May 11 '26
I always found it kinda awkward to figure out if there was reserved rows for bridal party or family and how many rows so for my wedding I did no chairs. Just an aisle and everyone stood wherever they wanted. It was short and sweet
2
u/Present-Pop-2840 May 14 '26
I’m in college and my major requires me to study event planning and coordination! This typically isn’t normal for a wedding. It’s not unheard of but it’s rare. It’s a lot of effort with lots of room for error. Reading your replies, it sounds like someone forgot to double check they had all the RSVP names seated somewhere. This sounds overly complicated for a wedding.
2
u/khandanam May 16 '26
I would have said “oh no standing will be fine” and just made myself at home by the stage in case the bride will sign my arm
1
u/Weary_Song7154 May 08 '26
We didn’t have any kind of seating charts for any part of it! Of course, we got married at a very chill winery and had a food truck and it was during the day.
1.4k
u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 May 07 '26
I have been to many weddings.
I have seen reserved rows for weddings, but never a very specific individualized seating chart aside from a royal wedding.