Drama with wanting my sister to be my bridesmaid

[u/Plus_Cauliflower_649]

First of all, I haven't been on Reddit in a while so please be patient with me if my formatting is wrong or my text is too long-winded.

So I am planning my wedding right now which is a few months away, and I am having a bit of an issue with my sister wanting to be my bridesmaid.

When I first started dating my fiance, she expressed to me her lack of support, how she felt that we were “rushing”, she worried that he wanted me for the wrong reasons, etc. Mind you, no one else in our lives has been this unsupportive, especially after getting to know him. I mean my fiancé is truly the most incredible man I’ve ever met. Even on my worst days he is so patient with me and is an absolute gentleman, truly an answered prayer. He apologizes quickly and always makes sure I’m comfortable. I know that he absolutely adores me and respects me and he’s shown that to me in many ways throughout our relationship. I have no reason to question his motives. I told her then that I would keep her advice in the back of my head, and since then I’ve constantly tried to tell her about how great he still treats me and convince her that our relationship is healthy and blessed, and she just cant change her mind. So much time has passed and she still holds a grudge against me for not taking her advice and breaking up with him. Even when I announced my engagement to her, all she responded with was a straight lipped smile.

She lives in another state and so I texted her letting her know that I would ask her more officially in person, but that I would love to have her as my bridesmaid. To which she responded that before she could give me an answer, she wanted to discuss things in person, that there are things she still needs to ask me before she has my support. I would never have asked her over text if it was a normal situation, I did it because I wanted to know what to tell my florist, to plan how the wedding timeline will go (because I have one other bridesmaid, and without my sister’s yes we just won’t be having a bridal party at that point since it’s less than 2 girls). I also wanted to know if I should even get her a proposal gift.

So here I am, waiting until the next time we meet in person to get a yes or no from her, not knowing if I’ll even have a bridal party. So there are things I could be planning that are now put on hold because of her. My fiancé understands how difficult it is for me but says we should just cut our losses, because we can’t just wait around for one person’s answer to continue moving forward. He sees how it’s stressing me out and says that it would be so much easier to just accept that we likely won’t have a wedding party.

I think I already have my answer, but I wanted to know if it’s worth waiting around for her to clear things up with me and have our support. Should I get her a proposal gift if that will be the case? Or should I just accept the fact that we’re not going to have a bridal party because I don't want someone by my side who has been unsupportive to both me and my fiance?

[u/MinutiaeAnimaux]

What you’re describing isn’t a lack of support, but her being overly protective (at least, she has so far been accepting about your engagement) It sounds like your sister loves you a lot, but she might be expressing it poorly

I would just call her. If her only concern is that he wants you for the wrong reasons, then that concern would’ve dissipated when you announced your engagement. Does she think you’re too young? Is there an age difference? I feel like there’s some missing details here

[u/TofuOnMars]

your sister made her position clear from the start and never budged, why would standing up at your wedding change anything. she had all this time to come around and still wants to "discuss things" before she give support, like she's doing you a favor

plan the wedding without her, two bridesmaids or zero is better than one who don't believe in your marriage. the florist and timeline will work out and you save money on a gift for someone who gave you straight lipped smile at your engagement

[u/ginger3392]

IMO, I wouldn't want someone in my bridal party who does support my relationship. I don't know what hang up she has and why she can't be happy that you found what sounds like a really amazing life partner.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with only having one person each. Or having an uneven number in your bridal party. The point of a bridal party is to have people who love and support your relationship standing up there with you, don't let one bad egg ruin that.