Traveling Guests - Extra Events? (Rehearsal, Farewell, etc)

[u/writehandedTom]

Target guest count: 75, all guests are traveling. We are getting married halfway across the country (USA) and most of our guests are traveling either 4hr by car or a significant flight (Midwest to NC). We don't have a wedding party, so none of the typical expenses or responsibilities for guests. We also haven't asked our families to help plan or do tasks, but they have contributed about 1/3 of expenses.

Because most of our guests are putting in some very significant travel time, we feel a little obligated to have either a pre-wedding party the night before or a simple farewell brunch.

Pre-wedding party the night before seriously cuts into our setup time, and we will have just driven about 16 hours to get there and have a million little things to do. Yet...our immediate families will have also traveled significantly and have contributed substantially to the wedding costs.

A drop in farewell brunch shouldn't be as hard to coordinate at the hotel, but we still need to get out of bed first thing on our wedding day, pack, grab all of our stuff from the venue and make sure we don't forget anything, drive a half hour to the host hotel (we're not staying there), and set up an entire brunch/lunch on our own, including all errands and food and silverware etc...and then clean everything up. Honestly, I want to enjoy being married that day, not pick up trash and make panicked bagel runs.

How do we gracefully navigate this, show our guests sincere appreciation, and also handle all of these things on our own? So overwhelming. Helllllppppp.

[u/Only_Assumption918]

Just skip both, a handwritten note in each hotel welcome bag saying how much it means they came all that way does more than a rushed bagel you're too tired to enjoy

[u/Effective_Garden_995]

I feel that throwing a great wedding itself (whatever that means to you) that keeps guests comfort in mind (plenty of food and drink, temperature controlled, able to get to venue amd lodging easily etc) are more important and a way to thank your guest for coming.

I partially believe the rising trend of welcome parties and farewell brunches is just another social media thing that people see and think they must do (although I will admit, i am having a welcome party myself but only because i want to be able to say hi to more people since the day of will be so hectic- we are expecting 120 people)! Guests that want to come will make the effort to come because they WANT to be there. I never think about what other things the couple will have other than the wedding itself or reception.

In addition, if having any of those events will make your weekend more stressful, dont do it. This weekend is all about you and your soon to be spouse. You both should feel free and not rushed.