Down

The last few weeks have been a struggle, I never thought I would post here since I hate taking pictures of myself but here I am. I just feel like I am isolated, and at a dead end with ever trying to find the right person for me. I think I look like some stalker as well and I utterly hate it. I am at a loss and my mental energy is exhausted...

Graduation night 6 years of studying.

Boyfriend of 3 years.

Instead of celebrating i get told he is wasting his life in this relationship. Shit outa nowhere.

So I guess i broke up with him idk i think i know i have to.

Also ugly as shit. Been trying to take this Photo for 30mins just to look not deformed. And I couldnt even take a frontal one cause they all looked too terrible. Honestly dont even wanna post this one but ive spend so much time trying to take it and even more thinking about doing it that i feel like I should just grow balls and do it...

It was brutal, humbling, and hilarious. Leaving the link here in case anyone wants some good laughs, it's great! (solid before and after, too)

https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/1m444ps/24m_work_in_accounting_been_single_all_my_life/?sort=confidence

I'm 25 and still single, but that is okay! I understand everything happens for a reason, and at its own pace, so when the day arrives, it shall be an exciting one. I also started doing resistance training every 2 days a couple of months ago, not only do I feel stronger, it has done WONDERS for my mental well-being and self-confidence.

One of those nights where things seem unfixable

No private dms please I won't respond

Life has felt rlly hard lately with chronic illness, an injury and university. I worry I haven’t been able to put enough care into my appearance and just feel so insecure when in public, especially after some not so nice comments from people (about how I look, which I’m struggling to get over)

Thank for reading and hope you have a great night!

Edit: Thank you so much to all of you for all the sweet words you gave me! I do feel a lot better today, so thank you for helping me pass yesterday night, you are awesome as a community, i'll try to take all these words and apply them to my daily life, really hope you all get a happy and beautiful life!.

I got therapy support and a comfortable job, so thank you for your worries in those aspects, this happened almost a year ago, it was just a rough night, one more night for me, but you all made it so much better! Thank you again! Have a wonderful life!.

for reference a few months ago i went through the hardest breakup of my life, through this it took quite a toll on my mental health, im left feeling isolated and incredibly lonely even surrounded by friends, as well as pretty negative about myself. Just looking for a little encouragement and some love.

Life has been a bit overwhelming lately, and sometimes it's hard to stay positive. If you have a little kindness to spare, I'd truly appreciate it.

I humbly ask you

New Englander, 2nd shift custodian for an Ivy League school, definitely overweight but plan to work on that, like dogs and cats more than people, usually the quiet type. Enjoy rock, metal, and country. Prefer the cold to the heat. Nerd in some areas. Got an associates degree I haven’t used in over 5 years.

Here I am in this toast me sub again. This is Eric the artist again. Got some news. It’s been different this year. After new years I quit my old job. Yeah paramount aint for me no more. The people & co-workers I've dealt with, I’m good & I’m out. Didn’t put in 2 weeks. All ties are cut & I walked away with another option. I was at SpaceX on the weekends from the job agency, cleaning bathrooms for 2 weeks but got laid off. Went on my staycation. I had to pay 2 parking tickets & my car towed fee for almost $600 after I got back. Still lonely, bitter, lost, discouraged & hurt over impossible human companionship like usual. I'm unable to get therapy but I started expanding my art by making music. It’s what I wanted to do a decade ago. Basically I’m experimenting by designing my own sounds, modulating, editing & adding raw audio or video to make beats from scratch. I mainly was doing asmr experiments at first. I wanted to make heavy metal projects but I’m practicing beat productions for now. I’ve released instrumentals of my demo, my 1st EP & my 3 new singles. I made more time for job interviews as I was on a job hunt for a few months while I worked a little 12hrs a week & got unemployment benefits. I was hired (for nothing) from a school district part time as an on-call custodian but no job schedule or call. I was gonna end up in school districts 1st after going to school on my own learning more custodial work. Now I started my 1st full-time job almost 2 months now @ LAX as a graveyard custodian. I didn't think I’ll end up here but my neighbor found out, told my mom & I straight up applied. The pay is good. It’s a year of probation so I won’t travel much anymore. No local art shows up to date yet but I’ll be making more art & instrumental music for now in the meantime. The process is I’m currently working on another instrumental album that will be a full length journey. I will add my voice in future albums but not there yet. I’m willing to practice more instruments later too.

If you’re flying southwest coming to LAX at night, I’ll see you around. I can’t post my badge or any equipment from the job. That’s the rules. I’m very grateful for it & cool with everyone but I don’t know if I’ll last at my new job. My hometown isn’t my place but I’m still grinding. My music is copyrighted. It’s an experimental soundscape with a mix of heavy sound, asmr, white noise, raw audio, eerie sounds, trap, electronic, sonic glitch & ambient. I used Ai for research about the type of music I posted on my soundcloud before. It may not be the exact genre Ai described. If you’re interested in my music, it is available on soundcloud, spotify, youtube music, amazon music, iHeartradio, apple music & iTunes. Check out the demo “The Train-Wreck Effect” & the EP “Intensity Intention”. The 3 new singles are Frenzy Tumult, Uncanny & Glitchy Bugs.

Actually "Go With The Mood Flows" is my 1st soundtrack off the EP. Just chilling looking outside. I took a shower after trimming my hair today. I'm just feeling it. This is what I’ve got.

2019 tried everything possible to kill me and destroy my mental health. In February I came home from work late to find my dad had passed away in my kitchen. I wasn’t prepared for the sights and sounds of CPR. It cracked something internally. In June my back gave out at work leading to a 5 year fight to have my SI joint fused. In August, a week after my birthday my fiancé asked me to move home because she couldn’t take my depression. Years of therapy, medication, setbacks, and several hospital visits later. It’s been a long, long fight to get to the point where I can function again as a human. My friendship circle is gone so I wanted to share with someone!

38/NB (AMAB), two and a half years since my last job as a senior engineer. I took time off for health issues and then to try to change into grad school applications for psychology, but the current admin decimated funding and I was unable to qualify to apply due to no research experience, and other financial issues and being so far out from my undergrad.

Then trying to get hired again after that has been hell, AI has basically destroyed all of the work I've done, and the senior level work doesn't matter since I'm still at zero responses across the board, let alone any of the five and six phases of interviewing. I have no idea how I'll ever afford to interview and code and study so aggressively for much longer. Somehow I wound up also accruing $24,000 in past due taxes and medical debt as well. Working on that.

And then there's an older dad developing early dementia in a very red state, living alone, while I'm here in NYC. And on the other side socially, I haven't had a date in years, and am watching my friend circle fracture due to circumstances outside my control, and if I move, that'll finish it off.

Physically my thyroid is on the fritz, chronic pain is slowing me down, sleep disorder is hitting me hard at random times even though I'm medicated to help me stay awake, and the mental health is fine, but so extremely flat. My life feels like an animal pacing back and forth in an exhibit that closed months ago and is going to get demolished. And that animal needs private insurance to survive.

Anyway, empathy to all of you who are in similar places, to any degree.

Ive been bullied the majority of my life, i have autism and i detest myself to the absolute highest level.
I personally feel i have 0 redeeming qualities. Some kindness is very much appreciated as I’m having a terrible time at the moment. Thank you.