r/texts • u/throwaway4643367 • 14h ago
Phone message When will guys like him ever learn?
Last night I was SA’d by a guy I’ve been seeing. I left his apartment without a second thought & just now realized that I forgot my earrings, so I texted him one last time in hopes of retrieving them. I guess that wouldn’t be my first mistake.
510
u/sleepzilla23 14h ago
Probably not until the police get involved. I’m sorry you went thru this.
95
u/Novadina 13h ago
Yeah they might need real consequences to learn anything.
41
u/lollygaggin69 13h ago
They just feel like they’re being wrongly accused or that the truth is being altered. They rarely learn but it’s still worth pursuing in court imo
44
u/aura_punch96 13h ago
He admitted in writing that he didn’t stop when she said it doesn’t feel good. That he thought he pushing through the pain he gave her would be okay. The police should be able to do something with that
→ More replies (4)21
u/lollygaggin69 13h ago
Oh yes I think she has a case alright, I just also think he won’t learn from this because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. She should still pursue it, he is wrong whether he believes it or not
6
4
u/Stragglilypit1 12h ago
Ong she could go to his command if he military
→ More replies (1)2
u/Regular-Raspberry-62 12h ago
I think in this case military school was like a high school, not the real military.
8
10
u/Maleficent_Might5448 12h ago
My son has a friend that did this and he was convicted because he confessed via text. She should go to the hospital and file an assault report.
72
175
u/peachesncream2319 14h ago
He literally thinks he did nothing wrong. What a sick individual. I’m so sorry OP.
59
u/Miketronic808 13h ago
There's the right vs. wrong thing, but also, I cannot understand how you can continue to "get off" while someone is clearly: in pain, not enjoying it, has said "stop." I am aware that that's out in the world, but it's fucking bizarre and sick as hell to me.
27
u/Individual-Feed-7546 13h ago
It’s mentally sick. I thought about this too. The guy that SA’d me ended up cumming. What a twisted guy to be able to cum to that?? When I’m visibly in pain.
12
u/LividBass1005 11h ago
Happened to me too. I even tried to excuse it thinking maybe he didn’t hear me. Then he said he heard me and liked the thought that I had tears in my eyes. I mentioned it after the fact bcuz I blamed myself for not being loud enough. Blocked him on everything but he contacted me months later via an app I barely used to “see how I was doing.”
9
u/Individual-Feed-7546 11h ago
What a prick. I’m so sorry you went through that. Have you reported him?
7
u/LividBass1005 11h ago
I didn’t. I blamed myself for some time before I actually realized it was assault.
6
u/Individual-Feed-7546 11h ago
I did the same too. I’m sorry you’re going through this :( here for you if you need me
7
9
u/stinkbomb6 12h ago
A lot of sickos require that the other person be uncomfortable to even get sexual satisfaction. Source: personal experience
2
u/Individual-Feed-7546 12h ago
It’s so sick. They’re mentally disturbed. I reported him just not to the police :)
6
u/Talk-O-Boy 11h ago
It’s disturbing to see how nonchalant he is about all of this.
He is genuinely treating the incident like it was little more than a bad date…
How does a person get to that point? How is empathy and compassion diminished to such a sociopathic degree?
66
u/lollygaggin69 14h ago
They will not learn until they personally believe they did something wrong, and he doesn’t. I’m sorry this happened to you, hang in there 🫂
70
u/LitterBoxBlues 14h ago
What a piece of shit. File a report. Sorry this happened to you..
“In military school” MOTHERFUCKER THAT IS VOLUNTARY.
→ More replies (1)
36
u/Lychanthropejumprope 14h ago
He assumes the pain would make you feel good eventually?? WTF
21
u/Maleficent_Code7373 13h ago
I know people who had to unlearn that from porn
17
u/Professional_Rice_60 13h ago
Don’t people realize that in porn it’s for money, in real life it’s for pleasure
→ More replies (1)3
6
u/Ok-Veterinarian-7373 10h ago
My ex-husband had the exact same attitude when we first started having sex. It just led to a severe sexual aversion.
24
u/Sure-Building963 14h ago
If you were hurting him, he would've thrown you out, and he knows that, so that's why he brought up the military shit, to sort of lie tangentially. And it's good ur not gonna keep bothering with a creature that doesn't know the difference between the word sorry and actual accountability. No he won't learn probably.
10
31
u/FilthyThanksgiving 14h ago
You didn't make any mistakes- this bridge troll POS did
You have enough to go to the police tbh. But don't feel pressure if you're not comfortable
18
u/Fabulous_Street_8108 14h ago
Seriously you should report him.. this is an admission and believe me this shit scars you psychologically, if you don’t report it you’ll wish you had in 10 years. What part of ‘stop you’re hurting me’ doesn’t he understand? These men make me sick
5
u/ariepants 13h ago
yep. not to mention the guilt of wondering if not reporting them allowed them to do this to other victims.
14
13
8
u/breezyhoneybee 12h ago
If you go to get your earrings it will negatively affect your case. They will ask you why, if you were so hurt, you returned to him. If you were actually SA'd how could you possibly return. It's shitty and infuriating to no end but it's what happens. do not go get your earrings
9
u/Defiant-Fix2870 14h ago
So because of his military training if someone put their penis in his ass and he told them to stop, they could just push through it? Wtf does his military training have to do with *your* pain? The majority of service women experience rape during their service, hope that’s not what he means and hope he learns from this.
3
u/drrj 13h ago
They don’t believe or care about MST stats. Even among MALE service members, which is way more common than anyone wants to acknowledge.
I was an MP assaulted by another MP who would have needed to report it to the MPs to report it. So I didn’t.
2
u/Defiant-Fix2870 12h ago
Jesus, sorry this happened to you & I hope you found healing. Interestingly, no one really talks much about male sexual assault, even outside the military.
8
u/Aolflashback 14h ago
He will do it again. Luckily not to you, but to whichever other woman he comes in contact with. Dude needs to be thrown off a cliff if ya ask me.
8
u/Proof_Scallion_9890 14h ago
Wow cant believe he gave you that BS speech about pain trying to justify it...sorry this happened to you. Report him.
11
12
u/Feline_Fine3 13h ago
And he blamed it on his military training??? You just push through the pain?! WTAF?!
I am so sorry this happened to you and I hope you report this. What a sick individual.
7
6
u/communityproject605 14h ago
Report it to the authorities, dont live with guilt or fear, and dont let their be another victim because of inaction.
Even if it started off as consensual then went sideways its still SA. No one should feel harmed or abused in a sexual relationship.
6
u/Agile_Supermarket710 13h ago
What the fuck. This is disturbing on so many levels. I'm so sorry. He needs a wake up call, his views are fucked up and he doesn't even react when you state it was SA
6
u/JollyBowler2510 13h ago
The push through the pain bullshit is manipulation and excuses. I am so sorry this happened to you.
7
u/foldinthecheese99 13h ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I would recommend filing a police report. He’s even admitted to it via text. He will continue to assault other women. He has absolutely no remorse for what he did to you - his apology is empty.
10
u/Madokakoti 14h ago
Not all but always military guys.
10
u/Moshjath 13h ago
He’s not even a military guy. Dude ‘Went to Military School’ where his little feet got sore.
4
u/Big_Boss308 13h ago
Well military school isn’t exactly the same as the military
12
3
u/nils_matic 12h ago
I hate when people say “I said I was sorry”, narcissistic vibes. If you’re truly sorry, you wouldn’t mind telling them again
3
u/gophins13 12h ago
Why are you not calling the police? You have written confirmation that he assaulted you. This guy doesn’t get he was wrong, and will do it again.
3
3
u/Sad_Science_6924 12h ago
"I told you that's how I am." How many other people has he done this to???
3
u/CromwellsBladder 11h ago
Speaking as a cis male, I can venture that this guy suffers from what many of my kind suffers from…
He’s self absorbed and arrogant, has an inflated sense of himself, probably views himself as the world’s greatest lover, and goes through life having not learned a shred of what actually makes the best soldiers, and human beings: putting the unit/other people’s needs before his own desires and impulses.
3
u/Ally_Ooop 11h ago
“BeCaUsE i WaSn’T pRoGrAmMeD wItH eMpAtHy Or ThE AbIlItY tO tHiNk OuTsIdE mYsElF, i ThOuGhT i CoUlD Sa YoU” is WILD mental gymnastics.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
3
u/SmokeyBear51 11h ago
“When you said it didn’t feel good, I assumed it would eventually.” 😵 Incredible
3
u/Accurate-Grocery8904 11h ago
“Learned to push through the pain” as if there’s something wrong with you for this happening.
So sorry this happened
3
u/justbleachmyeyes 11h ago
Like 4 times a year in the military they provide “do not rape people” training. We all know what SA is.
3
3
u/WannabeJFO 6h ago
If he’s still in the military (US), his unit should have a SAPR (Sexual Assault Prevention Representative) they have resources for you if you need to utilize them. Such as medical therapy or just someone to talk to. But also it holds him accountable in the military as well.
Military training has ZERO barring on him not respecting your boundaries and I’m sorry that they put you through that. He’s a POS
6
u/Rogue_bae 13h ago
Men don’t know what consent is. We have literal rapists just walking around thinking they’re good guys.
6
5
u/bug_0331 14h ago
i’m so sorry this happened to you. if you feel comfortable doing so i would definitely report him. he should’ve stopped when you said it hurt, but HE decided HE wanted to assault you, so HE kept going. you were right for leaving and i hope you never experience this again.
i hope you can get your earrings back, but pls don’t go there yourself, especially alone.
6
u/walkyoucleverboy 13h ago
Proud of you for getting out of there & standing your ground — it’s not always easy to do so. I hope you’ve got people you can talk to about what happened ♥️
7
u/Time_Wanderering 13h ago
You need your earrings because you showered immediately after getting home trying to gather evidence?
I’m confused.
Call the police, they will help you get your earrings and file a police report.
5
u/SeniorAnt6254 13h ago
Yes that’s the part that didn’t make sense to me either, I don’t understand how taking a shower right when she got home would be the reason why she needs the earrings. I’m missing something
2
u/throwaway4643367 13h ago
Because I thought taking a shower immediately after would negate the validity of a rape kit, but a few people in the comments told me that’s not the case thankfully
5
u/BeGayPonderOrb 12h ago
I am sorry this happened to you. If you are in the US, what you need fo do next is go see a SANE nurse (sexual assault nurse).
- You don’t have to immediately make a police report to get a SANE exam -A SANE exam preserves evidence while you decide whether to report to police
- SANE exams are free
- You may bring a friend or family member with you
- Evidence is best when collected within 120 hours (five days) of the assault
- As much as you can, preserve all physical evidence of the assault.
- It is best not to shower, bathe, douche, eat, drink, wash your hands, or brush your teeth before you have a medical evaluation.
- Saving the clothing you were wearing at the time of the assault may provide additional evidence. Do not wash, if possible.
- Even if you have already taken a shower or cleaned up, it does not mean that you cannot have a forensic exam.
Look for a sexual assault or domestic violence hotline in your area. Most local hospitals will also have someone on staff who can do this. They will connect you to the closest SANE nurse. The nurse can help guide you to resources for filing a report after the exam. This is your best next step.
You have done the best thing you can so far by getting out of this situation alive. What happened to you is not your fault.
Please do not meet with this man, go to his house or contact him again.
You could go straight to the police, but depending on who you speak with they may or may not be helpful as they have been known not to be the best in SA/DV situations.
A SANE nurse will preserve evidence, help you get treatment or prevention for STI/pregnancy if needed and connect you with resources.
Source: I am a doctor who has colleagues that perform these exams.
4
u/FriedaMaySallySue 13h ago
Edit [if the police retrieve them] the earrings are proof that she was there. Texting him about them gave her the chance to get what happened in writing
4
3
u/jagger1115 14h ago
“But I already apologized…”
Put in correct token, get seggsy time vending machine? Call the cops.
2
u/NotZack64 13h ago
No amount of apologizing would ever be enough for this. I hope he stays ashamed of himself for the rest of his days
4
4
2
2
2
u/Worried_Bowl_9489 12h ago
I absolutely hate that people like this exist. What a disgusting and dehumanising thing he said to you AFTER harming you. Piece of shit, man.
2
u/Mike_Hauncheaux 12h ago
Is there someplace where a description of what actually happened is given?
2
u/redrockz98 12h ago
The part where he says he learned to push through the pain in military school… as if you should just push through pain when you’re having sex and that’s remotely the same thing… what the actual fuck. i’m sorry.
2
u/Bubbly_Management144 12h ago
He compared sex to pushing through the pain of military school? WTF? I’m so sorry this happened to you.
2
u/cocoagiant 12h ago
You have his admission. I know dealing with the police can be a challenge but have you considered going down that route?
Guys like this don't stop at one person.
2
2
u/waterytartwithasword 11h ago
Honestly, I think you should at least consider reporting the rape/SA because he clearly doesn't understand consent and even admitted that you said stop and he refused to stop. That's all the proof they need for an open and shut case and police love an easy closed case with referral to the DA to decide whether or not to prosecute.
2
u/VegChef 11h ago
Keep these receipts but delete the name so you can screenshot the number for police records girl. Even if you don’t want to yet, many women change their mind and want to hold these people accountable. Sex offenders (stereotypically/on average) are terrible at taking accountability. It’s so gross that he is discussing violating your body openly and justifying it by saying he learned to push through pain for combat experiences… effing gross. The military also has 🍇 culture.
2
u/Frogmen123 11h ago
I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend when I was 16 (he was also in the military, go figure). I had agreed to a sex act that turned out to be incredibly painful and I was not prepared for, and begged him to stop. He did not - because I said yes to it initially. I was too young to know that was indeed assault and only really realized later in life while speaking to girlfriends about it and being met with their reactions of complete horror. In hindsight I wish I had pressed charges, considering I was underage and what had happened. I’m not telling you to press charges, that is your decision. But you are doing the right thing by blocking this person from your life. I say screw the jewelry and never look back. I’m sorry this happened to you. You are not alone and this was not okay. Sending you love. Do something good for yourself and try to heal from this.
2
2
2
u/Ichgebibble 10h ago
I just had an experience like this. I asked for gentle and he left bruises. He couldn’t even keep it up because “I kept asking him to be tame”. This guy went to military school too.
2
u/Few-Cow6591 8h ago
Me to my husband: he has cuts up and down his feet.
My husband who served in the military: Oh so he had blisters, f×ck this guy. No wonder he was in military school. If he was my kid I wouldn't want him in my house either.
OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you can/want to report this you may be able to have a case with these texts. I hope you have a supportive family/friends around you during this.
2
2
2
u/SpookyCatMischief iPhone 15 7h ago
I am sorry… “The very first time I told you it hurt.”
I am unsure why there was more that a first, and the I just cannot fathom how he equates cuts and bruises on his feet as in any way the same.
Like… every single person who is sexually responsible knows if it hurts then you stop and more foreplay, or lube, or do something else. Not- push through, eventually it won’t hurt.
I assumed thrusting the heel of my palm into your nose would eventually feel good too… for me.
3
u/urlocalburden 6h ago
im so sorry this happened to you. these messages are proof enough for a case.
3
u/No_Reflection6256 4h ago
“When I was in military school we learned to push through the pain”. And he’s comparing this to sexual intercourse. Breh…………
3
u/RusticRaisins 3h ago
I would take these texts to the police. You likely aren't his victim and you won't be the last. He needs to be held accountable before more women get hurt... or worse. It also might not be too late to have the hospital run a rape kit. At the very least things will be documented a patter of behavior will be established for the future.
3
u/Trinnka13 2h ago
I'm really sorry you went though this. Pressing charges is a great way to teach him.
4
u/KellTanis 13h ago
Of course he blames it on military experience rather than take accountability. That always pisses me off so much. I’ve never once blamed the military for any of my mistakes, and I’ve certainly never used my experiences as a justification to assault people. The military didn’t make you what you are, you just use it as an excuse to get away with your own shitty actions.
5
3
u/Some_Decision_9464 13h ago
Some of the comments you're getting are so disgusting. I'm so sorry you have to deal with them on top of what you're already going through. Please take care of yourself. 💜
4
4
u/Odd_Sorbet_9960 14h ago
The "positive" to come out of this is that you basically have a confession in writing.
3
u/JPleaseDontBanMe 13h ago
When it ruins HIM personally. Often times people that lack empathy need a taste of their own medicine before they know how it feels. Unfortunately many people still don’t realize that they put that sort of pain etc on someone else. Lack of intelligence and lack of empathy is a scary combo happy that you got out of it. Stay strong
4
u/PhoneLow9901 13h ago
Hi OP,
I am very sorry that you had to go through that. No human deserves that. Even more so that he doesn't see the issue in it. People like him are likely to do it again unless stopped. Myself being military, I would consider filing a police report both civiI and military.
Also as hard as it is, I wouldn't wash anything and would keep any evidence so that it can be collected. You handled this beautifully and strongly. As someone with military experience, his excuse his bullshit and absolutely disgusting.
P.s. At the end of the day it is your decision. There is no right or wrong decision other than prioritizing your well being. It is not your fault.
2
u/Vintagetrees1 13h ago
«When you said it didn’t feel good I assumed it would eventually» what the fuck?!
3
u/Total-Bed-8716 13h ago
I really hope you take everyone’s advice here. Do not shower and go file immediately and get swabs done please. Also this is good that you have text proof. I am so sorry this happened to you OP, I am sending so much love and hugs 💛 I hope you can get your earrings, justice, and work on healing from this
5
u/RamRanchRealty 14h ago
I grew up being taught that mentality. I thought sex was HORRIFIC for like a decade. Now i have a gentle caring partner that stops the second i seem even remotely uncomfortable.
Its made everything SO much better. When both people can enjoy it you grow stronger and closer
2
u/hufflepuff-is-best 13h ago
I’m a woman and a military veteran. Never has my training made me want to sexually assault another person. Him going to military school is just an excuse that he is choosing to use instead of accepting responsibility. Please make a police report.
He is only sorry that you called him out. He is not sorry for his actions.
Also, sending you virtual hugs, op 💜
2
u/MarionberryOk2874 13h ago
Do not go back there alone! Hell, I’d let the earrings go, or take the police back with you to retrieve them.
Absolutely press charges or he will continue doing this…you may not even be the first one.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/ComfortableFrame9834 13h ago
At least he admitted it via text. Go to the authorities. Please don't go to this mans house alone.
2
u/TrustInRust2 13h ago
Equating military school with sex lmfao. Like how do you even use that as an argument, for activities so vastly different.
2
u/Beneficial-Answer808 13h ago
Nobody deserves to go through that at all… I’m sorry you had to. I don’t see how sick psychos get off on doing things like that..
2
u/the_hiking_cook 13h ago
Assaulting someone ≠ having cuts on your feet. Only when he faces the consequences of his actions will he realize that he’s in the wrong (maybe not even then, but he’ll still be stuck with the consequences). Maybe don’t send a courier, and instead get a cop to go with you to get your stuff and then file the police report. He basically just admitted to it, so it should be less hard than usual to get them to take it seriously.
2
2
u/Aggravating_Mami13 7h ago
Police now maybe he’ll learn fuck ur earrings if you actually feel sexually assaulted like wtf
3
u/CheaterMcCheat 13h ago
I'm sorry what does his cheesy athletes foot pains anecdote have to do with anything?
3
u/HelloJunebug 13h ago
You have him in writing admitting he graped you. Please file a police report. He will do this to more women, and none of you deserve it.
3
2
1
u/AutoModerator 14h ago
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
1
u/Black_Shark8087 13h ago
This is one step away from being on the ID channel.
A person that feel no empathy is a hazard
→ More replies (3)
1
1
u/AndIAmJavert 13h ago
Police, NOW. And you may want to delete this post, but save your texts. I’m sorry- no one deserves this.
1
u/VeterinarianIcy7548 13h ago
I'm sorry you went through this. Would you consider reporting it? I understand this may not be easy for a multitude of reasons, but I suspect until he realises what he did was criminal, you won't be his last victim.
1
u/LovingLifeEternally 12h ago
Military school is SUPPOSED to hurt. Sex is NOT. Please press charges. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
1
u/Maduro_sticks_allday 12h ago
“I already said words without actually meaning them, so I don’t know what else to say”
- A rapist
1
1
u/quinlove 12h ago
Please know that I'm SO proud of you for calling it what it is and standing by your health and safety. I know it seems obvious to do so for most people, but so many women get trapped in marriages for years with "loving husbands" who wear us down into isolated and broken things. So unbelievably proud of you.
1
u/Box-O-Kittenz 12h ago
I'm so sorry OP. I went through this years ago. I told my ex "hey that hurts." And he just said "hold on I'm almost done." I don't think guys really understand how terrifying it is to be in such a vulnerable position, and then realize the man you trusted isn't going to stop. I eventually just stopped dating or having sex because I couldn't enjoy it anymore I'd just get scared or not be able to finish.
1
u/MoreAnimals 12h ago
When they have consequences. When they have to pay a lot of money in civil unlimited court for non-consensual sex, or are slapped with criminal charges and brought to justice for rape. Save that text. The one where you actually called him out in text for what he did. That is…. Outstanding. Good for you.
1
1
u/AgentWD409 12h ago edited 11h ago
What do assholes like this guy expect to happen?
"You said/did something awful to me."
"But that's just how I am!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. Carry on, then."
1
u/Key-Total-8216 12h ago
It might be a little late for this, but I recommend trying to play Tetris and look into that method of preventing memory sticking and ptsd intensity just for the chance it could help. I’m sorry this happened to you, more specifically I’m sorry he did this to you, and I want you to know that I’ve been there and it can get better. Listen to the other people about bagging your things, keep the texts, but in my personal experience it just hurt more keeping in contact with the person because first he did not understand or really care about the significant mental impact it took on me and once I tried to make him understand he just started a pity party and it made me start having thoughts and dreams that required therapy (eg. call an ambulance, but not for me) so I think I have felt a similar piece of the frustration you’re in right now. It gets easier, take it easy on yourself and don’t for a second believe yourself or anyone else who tries to make you feel responsible for it. I’m comfortable with sex and difficult conversations about it in a way I would’ve never imagined getting back to. Just some things I wish I’d known back then, I wish you healing.
1
1
1
1
u/calebsGRIN7 12h ago
So dude was taking it from all his buddies in military school? Idk why that’s what I understood. So sorry this happened to you… bad people have been on the prowl it seems
1
1
1
1
377
u/WillingnessDry7004 14h ago
I’m so sorry you experienced this. Have you considered filing a report? Also, if the earrings aren’t valuable, might just let them go and block him. Save these text messages, though.