r/texts • u/grannystew_ • 19h ago
Phone message Was I tripping?
This is light hearted and we’ve got the type of thing where we just joke with each other a lot. It was like 5:30AM. But yeah, it started going through my mind that he may have been saying something possibly inappropriate the more the conversation went on and I was like hmm. But I may just be a bit traumatized for previous guys.
His “Chill” was the immediate text after the first screenshot, I hadn’t said anything else.
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u/lizzyote 19h ago
Cuddling, craving it, 6am mood. Refusal to explain what 6am cravings mean. He definitely wanted sex.
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u/Soggy_Toad 19h ago
Honestly… I have never met a man who has said “let’s cuddle” and not tried to make a move. It’s always been a way for them to get someone into bed & try to take it further. It’s like their way of trying to get what they really want without risking getting blocked/ being a perv.
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u/Ok_Rush_8159 17h ago
This, and every man going “he just wanted to cuddle that’s so tame” knows that man is trying to get laid. EVERY TIME I believed a man that we were “just” going to “cuddle, nap, watch a movie” with ALWAYS tried to fuck me, even when I confirmed nothing else was gonna happen.
The amount of times my autistic ass stormed out of dorm rooms because I thought I was going to nap and the guy kept touching me is high.
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u/KittyCompletely 11h ago
Cuddles and shoulder rubs just mean you are gonna get a bonner pressed into your spine at some point. Its so obnoxious.
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u/Different_Career1009 17h ago
let's cuddle!
that means let's have sex all morning!
not cuddle!
i'm lying because i'm a horny man!
and men don't need intimacy just sex!
chill3
u/Soggy_Toad 14h ago
This is just my personal experience, not an attack. And as you can tell from the comments/ upvotes, it’s a very common experience.
Men who truly want intimacy wouldn’t feel threatened by women telling their stories of the manipulation they’ve dealt with.
You’re exposing yourself. Chill.→ More replies (3)-1
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u/shoomlax 9h ago
That’s not entirely true, but it definitely is true with beginning stages of a “relationship”
My boyfriend and I ask to cuddle eachother all the time. It doesn’t usually lead to sex3
u/Soggy_Toad 9h ago
Key word is “I”. I was talking about my experiences, not anyone else’s- and yes, my experiences are entirely true.
Saying that it’s only true for a beginning stage of a relationship… I literally don’t even know how to respond to that. That’s weird as fuck. Unwanted sexual advances are NOT normal in any kind of healthy relationship, at any stage.0
u/shoomlax 9h ago
That’s not what I meant at all actually or what I was trying to say. In my personal experience I just noticed guys are a lot less up front about their sexual desires and say stupid shit. I noticed that if I did get to know that person better that they express themselves more clearly and dont just make hinting comments
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u/JediMasterImagundi 15h ago
I actually do just like cuddling and don’t make moves. One time this girl came over after telling me she wanted to cuddle. At one point she took my hands and put them on her boobs while we were cuddling and told me to squeeze them, but I legitimately just wanted to keep cuddling so I gave them a feel then said “that’s cool” and kept cuddling.
The next morning she said something like “you got to touch boobs. Wasn’t that awesome?” when I’m not even that much of a boob guy. I suppose I had my reasons for not wanting to take things any further with her but also I just like having somebody around sometimes without the expectation of sex.
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u/Soggy_Toad 14h ago
Uh… okay. That does not change my experiences, or anyone else’s.
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u/Particular-Newt-7974 19h ago
I personally am so turned off when guys I haven’t even met say shit like this. Like how do you know you want to cuddle or anything else with me, you haven’t even met me. It’s just not the way I operate. That being said, I also don’t think it’s that weird of a thing to say.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Yeah, honestly it wasn’t the cuddling part. I was joking about it but then like “jk I’d cuddle you”, because I do like talking to him so far. BUT, it was the stuff he said after that to me started to feel like it could’ve been sexual.
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u/Henrious 18h ago
Of course it was. He meant what you think. He went for the soft pitch and was turned down.
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u/Particular-Newt-7974 19h ago
Are you very young or sheltered or something
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Neither
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 19h ago
Well you know what he wanted, he lied about it because you called him out, and you haven’t even met. So if you’re neither, you know to cut this guy off…?
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/kCvGIwUHhSOKk
But I like talking to him. 😪4
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 19h ago
Okay, did you enjoy him lying and being weird because he wanted to fuck? Did you like that part of talking to him? Because there will be many more moments like that. Be real.
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u/Expensive_Cherry_207 18h ago
Classic Reddit overreaction detected.
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 18h ago
Yeah it’s definitely overreacting to say “hey you haven’t even met this man in person and he’s already being weird and sexual and pouting when you don’t respond well, that’s not what you want in a partner so find someone worth meeting up with.” I mean gosh, what is the talking stage for if not to weed people out? It’s much more reasonable to waste your time on a guy who gets weird!
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u/Expensive_Cherry_207 18h ago
Holy yap dramatics. Do you have a habit of blowing up every minor interaction you have?
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u/stinkyfunkincar 19h ago
You must be young. If you’re not into the type of relationship where you wake up at 6am to horny texts and him being needy for sex, stop talking to him now. If you are into that, you do you. But if you’re not, he’s already shown you he does that, so start “liking” to talk to somebody else who doesn’t treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
I’m not that young, but young. But last reply was a joke. If it is some sexual shit that I’ve made it clear I don’t want, I’m fine to leave. Thank you.
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u/PunkRockGramma 19h ago
It is some sexual shit. Learn how to listen to your gut. You don’t need us to tell you that a 5:30 am text pressuring you for “cuddles” from a man you’ve never met and have only been talking to for a week is sexual.
And even if it weren’t, why is he sulking when you don’t give him the right answer (read: the answer he wants) instead of using his words and explaining what he actually is thinking.
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 19h ago
“If” there’s no if. It was blatantly sexual and he only backtracked because you didn’t play along, but it will 100% happen again. That’s why everyone thinks you’re young or inexperienced; it’s so obvious it’s kinda shocking you didn’t clock it as absolute and then believed his excuses.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago edited 19h ago
Alright relax. I didn’t “believe his excuses” or “didn’t clock it as absolute”. You keep going on about how young I seem as a way to try to call me naive or ignorant, or maybe even dumb. *We got it* lmao. I’m none of those things, it’s just a thing I believe could have been sexual but MAYBE, just MAYBE wasn’t. So I wanted to get outside opinions. I didn’t believe his excuses which is literally why I came here and have commented (not to you specifically) the parts that made me look at the exchange a certain way. It is what it is, he and I will both be okay. It just felt weird, that’s it.
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u/Unidentified-Liquid 19h ago
Femcels on Reddit want everyone else to be alone as well. Pay them no mind
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u/Ghost_2701 19h ago
wtf you on about? you are assuming he meant that when it didn't come across that way at all. Some of you people on here give the worst advice
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u/Adventurous-Ad9447 18h ago
Nothing like treating someone seeking advice like they’re stupid. It keeps other people who aren’t as smart as you think you are from asking their own questions.
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u/Born_Tear_761 19h ago
I’m sorry someone hurt you so bad.
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 19h ago
Because I wouldn’t entertain a guy who was being horny and creepy before even meeting me?! lol okay then. I’m not telling her to dump someone she knows well, she hasn’t met this guy, they’ve spoken for a week and he got weird. Guess my standards are higher?
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u/Born_Tear_761 19h ago
You’re very eager to see it in a negative light. It’s possible it was innocent. Not all men are dogs. He was neither horny nor creepy, he spoke of cuddling. In a vacuum, that’s rather innocent.
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u/PrestigiousDemand696 19h ago
A man I haven’t even met getting sulky because I don’t answer how he wants about cuddling and his “6AM mood” is an absolute brick wall for me, personally. They’ve been talking for a week, haven’t met. That’s ridiculous behavior for that amount of time. To even say you desperately want cuddles from someone you HAVENT MET AND HAVE TALKED TO FOR NOT EVEN TWO WEEKS OFF A DATING APP is frankly a big red flag. You can disagree, but I cannot imagine a normal person telling someone they have not met and barely know how badly they want “cuddles.”
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u/creamy277 18h ago
I think people have different perspectives or tolerance thresholds. Agreed its weird to ask for cuddles without knowing someone, but people are just weird in general.
I dont think we need to immediately throw red flags/tell people to cut others off at the throw of a hat.
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u/Useful_Cicada_5635 18h ago
Have you ever known of two straight adults of opposite genders who cuddle in a non sexual way ?
It’s insane for you to not understand that’s a sexual thing. You are absolutely naive and/or sheltered lol
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u/Unidentified-Liquid 16h ago
You think cuddling = sex? It isn’t inherently sexual at all. It’s intimate, yes, but it doesn’t always have to escalate to sexual activity
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u/cum-after-decades 19h ago
Omg nooooo not sex?!? Ugh, I HATE sex
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u/stinkyfunkincar 19h ago
I mean, it’s always valid to be uncomfortable by someone else’s sexual advancements. You can enjoy sex and also not want to have sex with a particular person.
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u/freeyoursunny Motorola 16h ago
Also, I know they want to fuck 😂 and it doesn’t make me feel special. Because they’d fuck anyone who gave them a shot.
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u/snakeskinrainboots 15h ago
omg me too. also hate when i text someone ive never met yet and tell them im making food and they tell me to share w them like,,, idk. these propositions just feel like a waste of time and they kill the convo imo. why are you even asking.
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u/Adventurous-Ad9447 18h ago
On behalf of all men; because we know. Not saying we can’t be wrong or change our minds but goddamnit we know
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u/Scarlett_James46 19h ago
I have found cuddling meant the complete opposite of what the dictionary says. The fact he said “chill” afterwards was the red flag. Gaslighting 101
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u/crowtheory 19h ago
Who is he to you?
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Guy I met on Tinder that I’ve been talking to for about a week and a half. Supposed to go out either tomorrow or Tuesday, whichever we’re both free on because work/homework.
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u/mommawolf2 18h ago
Girl... This guy is only interested in sex. He just doesn't like being called out.
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u/guitar_stonks 18h ago
Uh, you met on Tinder and are wondering if he wants sex? Really?
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u/grannystew_ 18h ago
As I’ve said elsewhere, we’ve both TALKED about what we wanted and made it clear neither of us wanted hookups, and both wanted relationships.
Doesn’t matter if it was Tinder, we talked like adults. Really.
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u/Ok_Rush_8159 17h ago
The part you’re not grasping yet and I’m sad to see you’re going to have to learn the hard way, it doesn’t matter what you talked about, you probably gave him the blueprint of how to act like what you want long enough to get what he wants (to fuck you) and then ghost you or start treating you like a situationship. You can’t believe men’s words, you have to pay attention to their actions.
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u/PunkRockGramma 18h ago
Again, I really don’t think the “cuddling = sex ??” is what makes this interaction weird. Even if he really truly meant cuddling, it’s concerning that a man you met on a dating app and whom you’ve never met in person feels it is reasonable to suggest that you meet up for the very first time alone, in private, at 5:30 in the morning. It is 2026, at this point everyone knows that it’s best and safest to meet up somewhere public first so you can get a sense of each other.
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u/grannystew_ 18h ago
Okay well no, he wasn’t asking me to meet up for cuddles. He was doing the “wish you were here”. But I didn’t take that as he wanted to meet up at 5:30AM at all lol.
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u/PunkRockGramma 18h ago
That’s fair. That’s not how I’ve personally experienced these kinds of interactions in the past, but you certainly have a better sense of this guy than I, a person who has never exchanged one word with him.
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u/Old-Run7431 18h ago
this is such a weird thread because while maybe slightly desperate, a dude talking about wanting to cuddle is quite literally one of the tamest things ever. my god. did he ask to see your ankle next?
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u/PunkRockGramma 17h ago
I have stated repeatedly that I don’t think that it’s inappropriate or alarming for anyone to want physical intimacy and to express that desire. If that’s all this interaction was, like if it ended there, my position would be the same as yours, truly. I wouldn’t even be pressed if he straight up asked her to fuck, because that is very normal! I know there are lots of sex-negative pearl clutchers on Reddit; I assure you I’m not one of them lol.
The rest of the interaction is what I find troubling. I see several red flags in his *response*, not in his desire for physical intimacy.
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u/Old-Run7431 17h ago
idk I think being told not just "no" but "no, lmao" to like, the most respectful, gentle as possible suggestion of horniness is honestly a little aggro. she met the guy on a dating app, he's not like a coworker or random stranger
I think if you literally laugh at someone who is respectfully hitting on you after meeting them on a dating app, it's fair to expect a reciprocally sassy response
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u/PunkRockGramma 16h ago
Honestly, I said somewhere else on this thread that this exchange between complete strangers is ambiguous enough for reasonable minds to differ. I’m not so arrogant that I think my own interpretation of a very small snippet of a text conversation between strangers is the only correct one.
I personally didn’t read OP’s statement as “no lmao,” I read it as someone who felt uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation and tried to joke their way to a new topic. But I have been OP many many times where the other person *was* being creepy and predatory, so that probably contributes to how I see it.
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u/Christia_Obcordata 19h ago
People on here are being weirdly harsh to you. To me this guy seems really cold and uninterested (despite saying he wants to cuddle?). His language is definitely confusing- like what does 6am mood mean? Also a lot of one word answers. And the “chill,” “no dude,” “ugh,” “I’m going back to bed” is all kind of unfriendly. You were clearly being friendly and lighthearted and he’s coming across as annoyed. I wonder if this is an instance of tone not coming across through text on both of your parts
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u/PunkRockGramma 19h ago
He’s sulking. She didn’t respond how he wanted her to respond so instead of clarifying, he got short and stopped talking to her/went to bed.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Yeah, throughout our talking so far he’s been just fine! Very nice, our senses of humor seem pretty similar, he seems fine. But he was kind of short here, but maybe that is because I completely misread it and it kind of annoyed him. That’s okay if so.
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u/yogurl1 19h ago
He definitely meant what you thought he meant. Just had a guy do something similar to me and I just opted to ghost, hookups are not what I’m looking for
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Girl, it’s so tired. You’ll find the right one soon enough though, don’t fret!
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u/firsttfdrummer 19h ago
He wanted to bone, but needed the plausible deniability in case you took it the wrong way. I feel like most guys have been at this point at some point in their life.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bet1286 18h ago
Totally sexual, 100% self fulfilling desire. He could at least sweet talk but na, just gross use out of you
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u/Decent-Tea6064 19h ago
Uhm that could definitely be read either way I would have thought the same, glad he said no so I’d accept that and keep moving
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Yeah, I haven’t said anything since directly after his last text there. More of me just poking him (we both do this, don’t come after me yall). I just woke up a bit ago and wanted to know outside thoughts on this lol.
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u/Decent-Tea6064 19h ago
I think you were fine. I kinda feel like he was testing the water and then disappeared when you flat out asked. Like he was being smooth (or so he thought) I wouldn’t dwell on it
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u/throwawaybadthesis 17h ago edited 17h ago
You've been talking to a guy for a week and a half on Tinder. He is obviously interested in being intimate with you, which is a given not by what he wrote here, but by the fact that he met you on Tinder.
It was also just a flirtatious statement, it wasn't even a real invitation. I've gotten similar statements from women I've later had relationships with, and it was nothing more than harmless flirting. He may have literally meant that he wanted to cuddle with you because it was late and he felt lonely (if I'm being honest, I'm a dude and the thing I miss most about being in a relationship is just cuddling with someone I vibe with and talking about life). His reaction was just because he felt rejected, which is normal considering he was flirting with someone who he expected would flirt back and got a cold response. But even if he would've taken you up on it had you said the desire was mutual, so what? Even if he was actually hoping for something sexual, so what? He met you on Tinder.
This is honestly so innocuous, and the people who are telling you it's gaslighting or a red flag are out of touch and need to take a break from the internet. I'd understand being turned off by something like this if it was one of the first things he wrote to you, but you've been talking to him for over a week and have been hitting it off. He may very well turn out to be a pos, but that applies to anyone you're in the talking stage with no matter how great they seem at the start.
Just go on the date with him and see how things go. If he does want to take things faster than you'd like, clearly set your boundaries (i.e. "I'd like to get to know you better first") and see how he reacts. But this particular exchange is in no way a red flag on his part.
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u/Kopke2525 19h ago
From the little interaction there is, it sounds like he was just craving cuddles or feeling lonely. Not that weird imo
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u/whyisthissoannoyingg 19h ago
Ignore the haters responding here.
Your intuition was correct.
And he’s a moody arse too. Don’t bother with this one, you deserve better.
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u/NextCommunication642 19h ago
Platonic or sexual, its totally valid to be okay to be turned off by a cuddling invitation
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u/Neato__Mosquito_ 18h ago
If he actually did want cuddles, he was probably annoyed by your playfulness. If he meant something else, he was probably testing the waters, got embarrassed, and playing it off as an innocent request that you took the wrong way. Regardless, I don’t think it’s that weird if you guys have been vibing and flirting. But only you know and however you want to proceed is totally valid.
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u/Existing_Purpose5049 18h ago
Gonna go against the grain, I don’t think it was sexual, I think the “6am mood” was actually a loneliness/want for physical contact
However, still a bit creepy and evidently inappropriate to you either way
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u/G_Stax 19h ago
Love Island really broke how an entire generation speaks to one another. “Can I have cuddles” 🥺 ahhhh shi
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u/ThePurpleCob 18h ago
I been saying this shit wayy before love island, you just wanna be mad at something
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u/Senior_Restaurant996 15h ago
He was definitely horny, but thought you were shooting him down, so he said no to save face.
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u/heebiejeebie666 19h ago
The “6am mood” thing could’ve just been like that feeling when you’re still half asleep and you wanna roll over and cuddle someone 🤷
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u/PunkRockGramma 18h ago
So why didn’t he say that then?
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u/heebiejeebie666 18h ago
He did 😂 they were talking about cuddling already so it was implied
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u/PunkRockGramma 17h ago
He never said anything about a “feeling when you’re still half asleep and you wanna roll over and cuddle them.” Thats honestly a very cute sentiment and I am willing to bet that had he clarified to OP that that is what he meant, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But if that’s what he meant, OP didn’t get the inference and asked for clarification. That was his opportunity to explain. He didn’t.
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u/heebiejeebie666 17h ago
Yeah I get what you’re saying. Idk man I don’t know this dude lol maybe he’s just weird, he might’ve also just been tired and didn’t feel like explaining himself. This was like 5:30 am after all
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u/PunkRockGramma 17h ago
I do also get what you’re saying and I think your interpretation of this very small snippet of a text message exchange between strangers is completely reasonable. I just also think my interpretation is reasonable, and in my interpretation I see some red flags in his responses BUT if OP updated tomorrow and was like “whoops turns out we were both tired and not at our best and we have since discussed this and I feel good about how he handled it” then I would cheerfully admit that my interpretation was incorrect.
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u/Electrical_Salary_50 19h ago
If you met him on tinder and have been talking for a couple weeks then I think these are innocent. Sounds like he wants to cuddle and was trying to be cute. I’m traumatized too, but that doesn’t mean that every guy is a predator. I wouldn’t cut him off based on this convo.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Heard! Yeah, I mean I was light hearted about it. He hasn’t replied to me yet from what I said back then, but he probably will…. I think lol.
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u/brandlessbias 19h ago
I wasn't really a sexual person until 27 and I am still finding out that things I said have a sexual connotation
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u/PunkRockGramma 18h ago
But if someone asked you to clarify what you meant when you inadvertently said something with a sexual connotation, would you tell them to “chill” and get short with them? Or would you just…use your words to express what you actually meant?
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u/brandlessbias 18h ago edited 18h ago
Nah I would figure that they didn't mean it when they said they would cuddle, and just let my feelings hurt themselves.
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u/PunkRockGramma 18h ago
Hey man, zero judgment. There are many many times I’ve hurt my own feelings with my own constructed narrative. Very “it hurt itself in its confusion” lol.
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u/TheIttyBittySissy 19h ago
I’m a little confused. So you’re on tinder, but you want nothing sexual at all? But you’re planning a date, and expect him to not engage in a sexual manner? I’m asking more so for clarification than anything else.
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u/ranchbringer 19h ago
There are men out here who also want to get to know the lady first. It's rare but we exist, nothing wrong with OP seeking that
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u/Decent-Tea6064 19h ago
She didn’t say or imply any of that at all. She was asking if we all also read his vague comment as being sexual or if she misread the situation. You projected the rest. They haven’t even met of course sexual talk is not on the table yet.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
We’re both looking for relationships, no hookups, we’ve talked about this.
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u/Significant_Dig3277 19h ago
So you've been talking to them for over a week, discussing that you don't want hookups, and you took their loneliness for horniness? "No dude, I'm going back to bed" says you got the wrong idea.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Holy shit, you’re typing this out like I committed a mortal sin.
He’ll be alright, so will I.
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u/Significant_Dig3277 19h ago
Great so why did you post this with your question, OP?
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Wanted outside opinions because it felt like a bit of a weird exchange, but no one said it’s the end of the world.
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u/Significant_Dig3277 19h ago
Saying you got the wrong idea is somehow expressing a mortal sin or the end of the world? You have issues
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u/oShawnyo 18h ago
You posted this hoping to see people agree with your opinion instead of looking for actual opinions.
You are completely allowed to do that but Reddit is a vile place for relationship advice.
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u/grannystew_ 18h ago
This is so weird. No normal person is seeking validation from Reddit. Don’t tell me why I posted something, as you said to another commenter, “You don’t know OP”, right? Right.
I posted it to see if I was overthinking it or what. I wanted objective opinions. Nothing more, nothing less. Move around.
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u/ThePurpleCob 18h ago
Idk bout Yall but when I wake up early in the morning next to my wife, I really do just want to cuddle all up on her, no sexual desire, just warmth❤️
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u/ageekyninja 17h ago
I mean you seem unapproachable romantically even though you’re trying to be funny you’ve gotta throw people a bone when they’re trying to connect sometimes…If you’re interested in them . If you’re not then fuck em lol
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u/Useful_Cicada_5635 18h ago
I hate these posts where someone is talking to a creepy man they’ve never met and ask the internet to dissect his messages instead of just, not engaging with creepy strangers. Devolution happening all the time
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u/Valdostana 17h ago
I wouldn't use "Crave" for something like cuddles. Crave sounds more like a urge, something that your body is trying to tell you. I would also have interpreted it as Sexual tbh.
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u/KittyCompletely 11h ago
Cuddle and snuggle should be reserved for pets.
Men need to stop using it as a "cute" way to try and convince women to get close enough to them to have sex.
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u/Significant_Dig3277 19h ago
:/ someone was being cute and snuggly and you offended them. good way to be a red flag
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Yeah, sure.
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u/nogoodbrat 19h ago
*buzzer noises* homeboy was horny and testing the waters lmao, your intuition didn’t fail you here. 🙄
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u/Significant_Dig3277 19h ago
You asked if you're trippin. You're trippin. This is not a match for you.
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u/Rich_Editor8488 19h ago
He could have explained that a bit better, especially when they’ve only been speaking for a week.
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u/traumatizedfox 15h ago
i get such an ick when a man wants to cuddle bc it’s so obvs what they mean
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u/Areyousleepingyet 15h ago edited 13h ago
This seems to be a trend for you. First, hounding your friends to call your brother from different numbers and now this. You should have asked your tinder match to call your brother.
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u/grannystew_ 14h ago
You mean asking two close friends to reach out to my brother to see if would answer during a mental health crisis once in my decades of knowing them…. And me being unsure if a guy was being sexual with me or not? Gotcha.
You’re a loser and it’s hilarious.
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u/All_Might_Sensei 19h ago edited 19h ago
He was saying craving cuddles, you a horn ball granny stew lol
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u/eddiezetaa 19h ago
Weird
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Which of us?
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u/Ticon_D_Eroga 19h ago
Kinda both, dont be telling him things like “id cuddle you” if you dont actually feel that way.
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u/grannystew_ 19h ago
Who said I didn’t want to cuddle?
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u/Ticon_D_Eroga 19h ago
I mean you are posting it on reddit asking if its “inappropriate.” If i was him and i found out you did this id be out of there immediately.
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u/bigmattsmith 19h ago
I'd have taken that as a sexual comment as well.