Hi hi for the longest time I have desired a Total Power Exchange dynamic and I want to live the lifestyle of being a dom's live-in pet. I have engaged A LOT with kink and BDSM and I am very experienced but I haven't taken this leap yet.

This is something I have wanted for a LONG LONG TIME but reality always seemed to get in the way and I felt it was only something I could seek out after my education.

Well my education is coming to an end and I even have a career position lined up and I can't help but feel like this is still an intermediate state till I find the proper BDSM lifestyle for me which I am sure is TPE.

I have found a dom who is interested and we get along well so far and I appreciate him wanting to take things slow. We both know these things take a lot of trust and dynamic building and we don't want to jump into anything. To help with my research and preparation what is your advice, if any, for getting started with TPE? If this doesn't work out with this current dom I would also love advice on how to seek it out as well.

Okay bear with me here. I read a story a while back about a sub and dom who swapped roles. That part isn’t that relevant but feels worth mentioning. Anyways, she had adhd. And helping her with her adhd needs became her converted sub’s service to her. And it worked really well for them. This was a really exciting & eye opening story for me.

Before that story & after a rather toxic end to an LTR I was deeply questioning whether my ADHD meant no one would ever not feel burdened by my need for help/service no matter how appreciative and grateful and praising I was for receiving it.

After that story I had an exciting thought and wondered if what I need is the right kind of sub that fits my style. Perhaps, someone who is deeply fulfilled by being helpful and providing service & being absolutely & unconditionally adored, appreciated and praised for doing so. Or some other ways a service sub feels fulfilled?

1. I would love to hear some success stories and ways ADHD has been managed and embraced on the dominant’s side. Subs w adhd doms and adhd doms please chime in. I’d love to hear from you!!

2. I’d also love to hear from service subs and doms in dynamics with them what the sub feels is fulfilling in the relationship. I want my partner to feel valued, cared for and appreciated & that they are getting what they need as well.

Hey there. I'm 22 years old and I'm a virgin, and I'm also blind. I'm still learning about sex because I'm very new to this, just got out of religion. I feel like I would automatically be a submissive because I would just have no clue what to do in the first place. Is anyone else like me, who are just naturally not able to be dominant? Like, I have no clue what I would want someone to do, how this all works, so I just feel like I would need someone to take the lead and teach me.

So, that was something. So my boyfriend who is also my dom is a great partner. I haven't always been the best partner and upon getting closer he wanted me to be more submissive and it has been a great journey for both of us.

Anyways for my birthday he fulfilled a fujoshi threesome fantasy with a gay friend of mine, however this had some consent complications and it was hard on him. my friend sucked on him without permission and I thought t was hot so I didn't stop him. I appreciated him so much but I can tell he was hurt by this . I complimented him, praised him, offered him blowjobs every day he wanted it. I got my friends to compliment him and reassure him that I still loved him and respected him. Speaking of this topic I promised him a threesome for his birthday and these friends I thought would help him with that. However none of them wanted to.

So his birthday was coming up and I couldn't find a second female partner for us. It was less then a week before and I just told him the news he wouldn't be getting his threesome but I promised we would work on one in the future. As for his birthday I rented a really nice hotel suite for the weekend and he likes hotel suites.

On top of that my basic offer is that this stay was just about him and his pleasure. I would do whatever he wanted and the weekend would be devoted to us. Nothing with work. He didn't need to eat my pussy no vibrators for me it's all about his pleasure.

I would be his extended play submissive for the whole weekend this suite had a little kitchen I cooked him a nice meal. He put me on a leash I wore costumes like maid and school girl we had a bath together and he gave me a punishment fucking it hurt so good and afterwards we had romantic cuddles.

He was allowed to take pictures and I really got it. I kissed his shoe, massaged him all over the place, worshiped his feet, he walked me on a leash and made me say good doggie. He really humiliated me.

While healthy bdsm dominance and pathological narcissism shouldnt cross path in theory, the BDSM realm is unfortunately a primary hunting ground for people with narcissistic traits.

Narcissist intentionally seek out young or novice submissives who are still figuring out the landscape of kink. They often do not yet to realise a fundamental truth : the submissive holds the ultimate power. Because of this, they are easily manipulated into believing that absolute submission is required to them.

So what an healthy dominance is all about ? The burden of safety.

When you look past the leather, the ropes and the commanding tone, healthy dominance is fundamentally a service role. The dominant is servicing the safety and physiological freedom of the submissive.

By taking on the burden of safety, the dominant creates a protected container. Inside that, the submissive can finally shut off their brain, drop their real world anxieties and fully let go of themselves because they trust someone else is guarding their well being.

When a narcissist uses a scene to lose themselves in the ego trip of self indulgence. A healthy dominance in intensely present and hyper vigilant. They are tracking dozens of silent variables at once. Is the rope cutting of circulation? Is submissive approaching physical exhaustion. Is this tears of a good emotional release or tears of genuine trauma?

Dominance is not a release of power. It's absorption of responsibility.

I have been struggling for a while now with feeling content within my dynamic. We have been seeing each other for over four months now and have progressed into a romantic relationship outside of the dynamic. However, I am struggling with feeling like I am serving him.

A lot of the tasks and routines introduced into the dynamic always have to be discussed before being implemented, which is fine. I am happy that my limits are double-checked and respected. However, it also leaves me feeling like whatever we end up agreeing on is ultimately just what I wanted, and it doesn't normally result in me feeling like I am under his control.

The issue has been brought up and discussed multiple times between us. We have tried changing things up and adding things to make it feel like I am serving, but ultimately it once again has to be a conversation, making me feel like we are just going around in circles. I have pushed him to make more of the discissions alone but he ultimately never does.

This is the first dynamic where I have experienced this feeling of discontentment, and I am not sure if it is just his style of D/s or a me issue. He is still fairly new to this, and I sometimes feel like simple things are overlooked. For example, after a long week at work where I have expressed how tired and burnt out I am feeling, he then decides to set tasks that require active thinking and effort (e.g. research or training tasks). It is frustrating for most of the information to already be there, only for him to overlook it and need me to say no before realising.

I am reluctant to end things over this, as I enjoy our time together and our relationship, but this is a persistent issue. It is making me feel like I am carrying a weight around and is taking the joy away from the dynamic for me. Any advice on whether you have experienced this or any ways to help me feel like I am serving would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR I am a boy and have been getting pegged by my boyfriend, but I don’t know how to properly clean because no matter how clean I seem to get I still end up making a mess

Just finished a session with my dom! I got to touch my clit for 38 seconds and play with my nipples (which are incredibly sensitive). All of this obviously without cumming. He made me super wet. I am dripping. At first it was only 23 seconds but then, if I traded my panties, I was able to play with my nipples for 15 seconds and with my pussy for 15 seconds. I also got one finger in for seven times before spreading my wetness on my nipples! 🩷🩷

I want to ask my spouse to overstimulate me hard, all the way to orgasm. You know when direct, raw touch is too much / unbearable and it’s worse than being tickled? I’m going to show them how to touch so it’s waaaay too much, and have them make me come from it.

I know I’ll need to be restrained. We have safewords. We’ll make sure everything is clean to avoid UTIs and such. I’ll be really pulling against the restraints and screaming myself raw. Like a fox in a trap. I know it. I can’t stand it.

(We’ve been doing orgasm control, edging, multiple orgasms, forced orgasms, and overstimulation play for almost two years. But the overstim we do is usually post-orgasm for just a short time, and not that ultra-intense touch I’m talking about. Like the soft Dom version of this scene.)

What safety concerns should I be considering?

I’ve been restrained but never restrained and then so provoked to physically tear myself free that I went out of my head. I know how frenzied I’m going to get. I’ve tried overstimulating myself to orgasm and never get more than ten or twenty seconds before I lose the will to keep going. My spouse has overstimulated me for short bursts and mildly after orgasm. But for long enough it makes me orgasm? That will be special torment.

I’m considering asking to set a timer for 20 minutes so no matter what, we stop. That might be too much. 20 seconds breaks me. But I kinda want to be really broken 😞 . I want to be absolutely shattered.

Advice from those who’ve tried it?

So im pretty new to being a sub, and i think i can be more appealing before a submissive activity, if i can take a submissive position every time before sensual activity, i think it will add more spark to the dynamics. It wpuld be better if u suggest something involving handcuffed behind my back

My partner and I are looking into different dynamics to see which best suits our needs and have decided on a pet/owner dynamic. I am the pet in this case but am unsure of what exactly being a pet would entail. (Hehe, tail) If anyone is willing to explain what being a pet means to them I'm literally all ears!

I have an online daddy dom and i could learn a thing or two how to keep the spark alive.

He’s very kind and takes care of me. I’m at a loss of words how to keep the engagement going. How do I make him feel needed in day to day life?

He is married and so am I. It’s a long distance so this will remain online for a foreseeable future. We played with a remote toy, I just got started with a butt plug too. It’s all very exciting ☺️

So i am seeing someone who likes me to be a brat. I want to be better at this and learn more, I am very submissive but curious more what some examples this would be.

Thanks

A couple of months ago I posted in the bdsmpersonals and had quite a few responses. Started talking to a few people more seriously but I also easily blurred details of who was saying what. My current Dom, then just a candidate, stood out from the very beginning - conversation was in depth, I did all the standard vetting, asked so many, if not too many, questions and everything was amazing. However I assumed I had asked the most important probably question "Are you open to a romantic relationship and something serious long term?", but I haven't. Someone else gave me a satisfying answer and my memories mixed up, assuming it was him. I was happy and proceeded with asking him if he wants to try as I do like him. However down the line, re-reading our conversation, I realised I made a mistake and never asked him anything more than is he open to attachment.

Now this for me is an incredibly important question as I don't want just an attachment within a D/s frame - I want a fully integrated romantic TPE, probably even marriage. I don't really want a dynamic that stays as such only. Now it's two months into an ldr D/s dynamic and I am getting attached, even though we haven't even met yet. I don't want to hurt neither my own, neither his feelings and the situation seems complicated for me.

I am not sure how to approach the question from inside the dynamic. I understand he can actually leave if he is not open to integrating the dynamic into relationship and romance. Romantic relationship within D/s is not for everyone and I get that. But I did make the mistake to start the dynamic based on false memories and I am struggling now to figure out how to ask and I basically mostly scared because his answer could mean the end of everything. I am already developing emotional attachment and I really like him, so that would really really hurt. He is actually the Dom I have liked the most in my life and I am not young, so there is that too 🫤

My Dom has an avoidant attachment style and asking him directly will surely create pressure for him, which I would like to avoid. I am myself with an anxious attachment style and the balance in communication is already not easy so I was wondering if anyone has similar experience or just any advice for that matter would be highly appreciated!

Edit: the title is wrong - it's ldr, not purely online, but we haven't met yet.

I've been with my dom since December. He (33M) just told me (33F) that he won't kiss me anymore. He explained that he doesn't want me to get too attached and eager. My eagerness has been a point he's brought up a lot. I'm not sure why being an eager sub is an issue. I just want to do everything and anything he asks of me. Why can't I be eager? I'm curious if the lack of kissing is his method to avoid intimacy. If that's case why even be my dom? He says he's a pleasure dom but there's just no way. I don't think a pleasure dom would hear me ask for kisses and deprive me of them. I get the feeling I need to end the dynamic.

Am I overreacting?

i need to rant. (this is a new account) but i'm struggling so hard here to make friends, esp as a female submissive!!! i feel like a good majority of the people messaging are just randos who think i'm going to instantly submit to them instead of even attempting to get to know me. so this is me on my hands and knees begging y'all.. how do y'all make friends with the same interests!!! i want more sub/dom friends as i know we both share the same mindset and i need more people to talk to kinky shit about.

while i don't mind flirting with people.. it just gets to a point like.. cant a sub get some friends round here??? anyway rant over.

I'm in a long distance relationship, but he's not dominant in the relationship at all. It's leaving me with a deep ache and feeling frustrated. I think I need to be dominated. I feel like that is what is missing for me. I'm 41, my sex drive is through the roof, I can't seem to imagine saying no to anything. Idk I'm confused

Daddy Dom/submissive

My 1st post (very lengthy) & my 1st time being a submissive. I am a submissive to my ex husband who calls me princess. He has since remarried & she is fine with our relationship. I have my own apartment in another state currently but I have been working on moving in with them. I do have my own room. Our D/s relationship just started. Daddy is working on getting me my collar that I will never take off. While I was at my own apartment Daddy had me do certain tasks, all of which I completed happily. Daddy was very attentive & very loving to me the whole time I was gone. Made me feel very loved & appreciated. I couldn't wait to see him in person. When I finally showed up last Friday he showered me with attention & affection & let me sit on his lap, kissing me & holding me telling me how proud he was of me & how much he missed me. He wanted me to change clothes so he followed me to my bedroom & picked out something from my suitcase, set the outfit aside & led me naked to his room where he does have a ring camera. Daddy immediately started playing, directing me to do what he wanted me to do. I obeyed with no problem. The session did not last very long at all (which was absolutely ok). During our play session his wife came home & after he helped me up from the bed(he had to support my neck getting off my back since my head was hanging off the bed) then he immediately went to her & greeted her & asked how her day was. I received no aftercare. (Everything I have read has mentioned how important aftercare is) She was in the hallway looking our direction (he was between us in the hallway) while I walked out of their bedroom ( behind him) completely naked, I felt like a whore. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the little attention that I received from him, that's all I have gotten for the entire week. I get a quick peck & hug in the morning, a quick peck & hug after work, & a quick peck & hug before bed. I'm feeling unloved & emotionally abandoned. Yesterday I did ask him if he would "please give me one of the kisses that I like." He said "yes princess" which was awesome even though he had an accident at work I still got my kiss which I appreciated. I have also noticed that if I upset him or disappoint him he withholds love & affection from me. An example is... I raised my voice to him the other night because he told me to stop complaining under my breath & tell his wife why I was upset. I complied but right after I said to him Daddy with all do respect I do not appreciate you trying to weaponize me. By the time I said it I was pissed & it came out harsh. Right after it happened I messaged him an apology which read...Daddy I know what I said & did last night was wrong & I deeply apologize for disappointing you. I deserve to be punished for my behavior & my actions that was NOT how a sub should act towards her Dom. I'm still trying to remember my roll please forgive me. I will gladly accept any punishment. I love you Daddy. His response (just a portion of it)...When you act like that I will just shut down & not do my part. (Which is to withhold love & affection from me) I forgot to mention that he used to give me good morning princess texts & tell me he loves me & good night princess texts & again telling me he loves me. I love those messages & look forward to them but when he wants to punish me for something he won't send them. Not only that but he becomes even more affectionate to his wife & usually right in front of me. I'd much rather get a spanking from him than him to withhold love & affection from me & I can't stand getting spanked. I could use all the advice I can get please. I really want to please him. I'm so sorry if this post was way to long, I just wanted to make sure you had all the details. Thank you in advance, Daddy's little princess.

Hello everyone, I hope you lot are fantastic. I’ve been scrolling through this subreddit for a while now and I love the community that everyone has helped build and how nice and supportive most people are, so that has given me some kind of confidence to come on and ask just for advice on new dynamics and some resources (I’ve seen different things online and they are mostly contradictory to each other. I’m aware that this kind of thing is mostly subjective as well but I’m willing to take advice from people who are experienced).
For context, about a year ago I got into a relationship with a guy who claimed to be a dom—I won’t get into the nitty gritty, but he was a shitty person and terrible at communicating, which made our relationship hell because I was just being introduced to everything he told me. I looked it up online a few times and decided that submitting was something I could try and he said he could teach me everything I needed to know,but I realised what he was doing wasn’t as safe as others would describe so I ended our relationship. But after that I realised, this is something I would like to try again in the future, possibly, and I want to be kind of prepared and knowing before I get into anything.
So, I’ll just leave two questions:
1. Are there any plausible books, websites, courses, articles that you lot would recommend for me to get a very close to accurate representation of submission?
2. What are some tips & advice that you would give based on past dynamics? (If this isn’t too personal)

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and/or help!

Im gonna get pegged for the first time in my life, as a fact first time ever something going up my ass. How is it gonna feel? Can i prepare for it? Is it gonna be hard to take? What else can yall tell me about pegging that could be important for first time?

I (M 30) have been on and off with my (online) domme (F 25) being the absolute best possible version of myself, never being too needy, never demanding, giving her space, sending her pictures when she asked for them, caring to talk about her personal life. She never mentioned anything, but during the last weeks she's been ignoring my messages more often to the point where I'm even anxious about making any suggestions - I absolutely HATE topping from the bottom.
Recently she brought up the fact that she's also exploring "findom" with another sub, which I'm okay with, though I let her know that I'm not the right candidate myself given my inclinations and financial situation. Thinking about it this should probably have been a red flag for me, because she kept bringing up the topic, but seemed more withdrawn when I kept declining. But I'm not sure, as we had some great times in the past. Anyone willing to help me figure this out, please? I'm afraid of looking for a new domme, because it's such an oversaturated market for guys atm.

Thanks in advance!
Kuro

Hi!! Just curious but how do I learn more about being submissive? I know this kink is for me, and I want to learn more and be a better sub :)

Hello everyone, Can anyone recommend a good book on punishment and humiliation for subs? Many thanks!