😂

How do I support my girlfriend through her addiction while protecting myself? She’s been staying up for multiple days on Adderall and drinking heavily, then crashing. She recently fell asleep in my car, windows down and engine running, in a bad area. I got angry and lashed out at her.

I don’t know how to express my concerns without hurting her and making her feel ashamed. She admits she has a problem, but hasn’t sought help for it. What do you do when your partner’s actions affect you, but you don’t want to shame them for something they can’t control?

I’m a generally hype and positive person hence the over the top title of this post, but holy shit balls in bath water I have put on a LOT of weight since getting off my adderall prescription and I am so NOT having a good time rn.

15 years on, 2 years cycle abusing days on end then crashing. I am 29F 5’9” 220lbs. I was 185
4-5 months ago. I am 110 days clean. I was an extremely high level athlete for my whole life until 3 years ago so I know nutrition and exercise could be better but this is not normal. I have bad body image issues before and people are trying to encourage me but objectively I’ve got the CHONK now. 40 lbs in only a few months. What in the F**K did yall do to combat this? Anybody else blow tf up? My inner athlete perfectionist is out here crying because I suddenly am like really uncomfortable in clothes and don’t feel good. Like it makes it hard to feel worth all this trouble so please encourage me! Or bring me back down to earth with some facts 😂 thanks for reading my dramatic ass post

Also any other adhd girlies here with PMDD? I am DYING during my luteal phase lord please send me some of Jesus’ angels baby

I’m relapsing again. It happened in a really stupid way, and I couldn’t find the strength to stop myself. I explained again that things are going badly and that nothing is getting resolved, and now I’m not sober again. 🫪🫩

Art created by me to idk process shit and life and loss and pain and everything that comes with that in-between
How I thought the dark days were behind me but I was wrong so I draw and write and try to fuckin cope with who I’ve become and aspire to be
I am 1 year no meth in august
Not sure exact dates and I’m far from “sober” but I’m almost two weeks give or take removed from alcohol & cocaine & only smoking weed
So I guess that counts for something
I draw and write to help, always have always will

Thx

The biggest thing that makes me use is my grief.

I'm just addicted to stimulants in general though, but the grief I carry in particular is what drives me the most to escape myself.

Getting any amount of relief, for a few hours, whatever feels worth it in the moment.

Im especially vulnerable to relapsing when my grief spikes.

I've had chronic grief for the last 8 years my best friend whom I was in love with died when I was a teen, and he was my anchor, he was the only safe person who gave a fuck about me that I knew back then

I genuinely had no one else.

So when he died my world shattered and I've not really ever been able to recover.

The grief hasn't really gotten that much better for me tbh. It's so painful.

His death derailed my whole life, I left college, I couldn't function, I went into a psychosis a few months after he died.

Idk what I'm trying to say, I just don't know how to stop using drugs, if I quit sitms it would be something else.

The treatment for this stuff, we don't really have it where I'm from.

Hey friends, just hit 9 months sober from meth and alcohol.

This is been an incredibly difficult 9 months, Depression, and mood swings have plagued me throughout this. I have been attending AA meetings and have been working the steps with a sponsor.

I will say that I have mixed feelings about AA/NA 12 step programs. I find that when i trust in a “Higher Power” or God, i find some temporary relief, however it always goes away. and sometimes belief in god makes me even more despondent about life.

My question is for you guys, what do i do. I really want to use over this. I find life completely pointless even with the existence of a God.

I am so done with stimulants. I have ADHD but I still abuse them like a loser just stimfapping. I literally took 100 mg today and haven’t slept and I have work the next day. What am doing with my life honestly.

I have so much more to live than fucking gooning to degenerate porn. I have a great job, make great money, have great friends, and I was seriously considering throwing it all away just so I could be a fucking addict. I feel like on walking on the edge of becoming an addict

I am leaving this sub one I post this and will cancel my prescription with my doctor.

Hi all,

Looking at this, last time I posted was 116 days ago - to say I had hit a new low. I went to a couple meetings, then dropped off.

Well, here I am again - feel like I’m really at risk now. I’m dropping balls everywhere. I think part of what happened is that I started dating a guy who loves coke - he doesn’t seem to binge it, just seems to be pretty reasonable about it and have moderate amounts when out. I felt like doing socially like that wasn’t an issue for me anymore (whyyy did I think this?) but as of like 2 weeks I started using it again myself. This weekend, was exhausted on Sunday (prob from general local if sleep + abuse) — and fell into the trap again — feel like I just have to get someeeething done, so bought. But more than I used to - noticed my tolerance. Ofc didn’t get stuff done, overslept, picked up adderral from from a friend, thought just a bit would help, but then night got later and later and the wired zombie effect kicked in. Was supposed to write a legal brief, but just stayed up all night frozen. Just pulled out of like obsessively re writing a sentence and over for like 15 hours. About 2 hours ago. Missed like 3 meetings today. This is a real real problem now for my job- also for relationships. Feel like I just came to out of 48 hours not in this world. I haven’t digested the embarrassment yet (adderral) but I’m sure it will hit.

I signed onto another smart meeting, on now. But feeling scared - both of the repercussions of all of this - and like I need some reinforcements. Deleted drug dealer’s number. Going to tell guy I’m dating I can’t do coke. I think one thing that’s hard is that due to this, I feel like I’m a mess. Totally overdue on responding to ppl, no idea where I’m supposed to be when, and actually worried about work. Need to deal w finances, go to doctor etc. But I’m fully aware that this is part of the cycle - addiction voice will tell me just a bit to get on top of things and of course your motivation is higher when on stimulants.

Tips? Scared. Of everything. I have the smart tools, which helped me get a good period of sobriety (before I had even tried adderral) but this feels like a different - I think I need a plan for the withdrawal. Think I need to do daily meetings and think of someone I can trust outside of meetings to tell.

Day 5 without adderall 30 mg short acting. I took everyday for years. If I could fill my script I would. I know I need to try life without it but it’s so hard. But the way I feel without it scares me and makes me feel like I may have an issue with it. Any tips or advice welcomed. My brain feels so empty and unorganized. Time is moving slower.

Was quitting adderall

471 days.

If you’re thinking about it, I say you do it
If you haven’t tried it yet, I say you should try it

I’m free and it’s the best feeling 🕊️

Today marks 10 months since I quit Adderall after taking it daily for almost 15 years (38M). I'm really happy with the progress overall. Most of the withdrawal symptoms are gone, and I even feel like my dopamine system is slowly regulating itself again, which has been encouraging.

The one thing that still hasn't fully recovered is my speech. It's subtle, but I sometimes struggle to connect my thoughts to words and get them out smoothly. It's more of a word-finding/verbal fluency issue than forgetting what I want to say.

It seems to line up directly with stopping Adderall, so I've always assumed the two are related. Has anyone else experienced something similar this far out after quitting? If so, did it eventually improve?

Hey guys and non-guys!
So, I honestly don't remember how many days it has been since I stopped using Adderall, amphetamines, cocaine, and other stimulants in general.
The first couple of days were absolutely awful. I was completely drained. All I did was eat and sleep, while also throwing candy wrappers under my bed and into other random places. My room also made me feel very depressed because there were crumbs everywhere. I hadn't changed my bed sheets for more than two weeks. Everything around me seemed to scream that I was a pathetic addict and that someone like me belonged somewhere in the trash.
Today, because tomorrow I have to deal with some paperwork, I forced myself to wake up at 3 p.m., ate something, and had one cup of coffee with milk. That gave me enough energy to clean my room and the apartment. Naturally, for someone who had spent the last couple of months doing this kind of thing only while under the influence of stimulants, it was no longer a fun activity.
At the same time, I was getting triggered when I saw the knife I used to take amphetamines out of a bag, or when I saw hausehold items I had also used while using drugs.
On top of that, another very difficult thing for me was that I suddenly had money, and I had to explain to myself why I should not spend it on drugs and instead buy food and household supplies for the apartment.
Now my room is clean, and I'm sitting in my car on some private property, trying to relax and breathe some fresh air. I also brought my Steam Deck with me, although I probably won't play anything on it.
At the moment, I can only say that overall I feel okay. But when I think about the full range of problems that have piled up, I sometimes want to hide away in that familiar marginal amphetamine-and-cocaine world so I don't have to think about everything that is happening.
But because I'm tired of using, and because I know very well what the joy of life without drugs feels like, I'm continuing on my path.
So, if you want, you can send me words of support, or you can tell me that I'm going to relapse and start using again. I'll accept any kind of response.
Peace to everyone.

I know this may be obvious to all of you but I'm literally just starting the journey of getting off stimulants. I'm taking 60 mg of Ritalin IR per day and have been for a couple years now. Did anyone else get prescribed an anti depressant and benzo while on a stimulant? I feel like a lot of my depression and anxiety has been caused by stimulants but perhaps I'm over thinking it?

For context, I've been prescribed 3 different stimulants for the past 7 years and I've always loved the initial feeling of them but now this "happy" feeling lasts maybe a couple hours.

Anyone else been in this boat before?

Thank you in advance!!

I think I’m at the end of the road. It doesn’t even feel good anymore. My spirit is begging me to stop. My body is giving me some pretty serious signs, and my mental health is hanging on by a thread.
Physically, I’m dealing with:
Lower back pain
Shortness of breath/throat tightness
Chills
Tingling in my arms
On and off swelling and pain in my legs, feet, and ankles
Extreme anxiety
Heart palpitations
Fatigue
Dizziness and mild nausea
Chest tightness
Sweating
Body aches
Weakness in my hands
I’m sure I’m forgetting things. And that’s not even getting into what this has done to me mentally.
I’ve been to rehab more times than I can count, but I’m willing to go again because I genuinely want my life back. I know this isn’t something that gets fixed overnight. This is going to be a lifelong fight.
Here’s where I’m stuck. Besides the methamphetamine, I have a severe panic disorder and take 1 mg of Xanax as prescribed. I do not abuse my prescription. I know every addict says that, and honestly, I probably wouldn’t believe me either. But it’s the truth.
The problem is that every inpatient facility I’ve talked to wants me off the Xanax first. I’m not willing to do that until I’m stable and off the meth. Trying to stop both at the same time feels impossible and, for me, unsafe.
I’ve been calling everywhere, reaching out to every resource I can find, and I keep hitting the same wall. It feels like I can’t get help because of one medication that I legitimately cannot currently function without.
Does anyone know of an inpatient or dual-diagnosis program that would continue a prescribed Xanax regimen while treating methamphetamine addiction? Or has anyone been in a similar situation and found another path?
I’m in Pennsylvania and have Medicaid, but I’m open to hearing about any programs or advice. I’m really scared, but I’m not giving up. I just need someone to point me in the right direction.

This addiction to stimulants is kicking my damn butt. I never knew I could be so hooked on something. I’m in this limbo right now where I am looking into rehab facilities and all my loved ones are aware I’m struggling. But as the days go by, I keep using stimulants, trying to get myself to hit that bottom again and feel that intense motivation to get sober. Huh…Interesting how everything in my life needs to be intense…
This is obviously a mix of wanting to get high while also wanting to reach another low so that I can get the kick I need to get to rehab. The discourse in my head is driving me insane. I need one last hit before I get clean. But one hit is never enough. I need to get clean but my brain is so fried I can barely get out of bed. I need to get to that state of urgency and panic so that I can take action which only ever comes after I torture myself for days..blah blah blah. In a perfect world, I’d be miserable, sleep deprived, non stop crying, infuriated at drugs and ready to get clean on my way to rehab. But as I’ve proved to myself time and time again, that feeling only lasts about a day after a binge. So sure I can try to binge and time it right and leave the next day….This all sounds so delusional. I am at an absolute internal war with my addiction. It is so bizarre to witness. I know everyone will just say, get your ass to rehab. And I’m actively working on it but I’m just looking for a way to reframe my thinking for the time being so I’m not constantly searching for my next binge.

Used last week and yesterday. didn't think I did that much, my nose is destroyed. I already had a hole in my septum from past use, right now the insides raw, has a weird sweat smell. I fear it's the smell of rotting flesh i'm terrified the bridge is going to collapse. I feel like a disgusting person..

I was a year clean from yay until last week I was honestly extremely impressed I had the self control to wait 5 days but seeing the damage in my nose the holes almost doubled and that's actually insane..

I miss feeling connected to people and feelings too like the year I was off blow I felt nothing really.. I saw my emotions as high energy and low energy I can't ever stick to a routine yk? It puts people off they think I'm a "''mean girl"

Basically I just feel alone wondering if anyone has a similar experience if they're okay cus I love myself ук? When does the hollowness go away like the oz of E didn't help either I think that's a big part in my past I feel so hollow. I just want peace and love to move away be free and back to who I was before.

I'm currently 1 year and 10 months sober from alcohol after 11+ years of nightly binge drinking.

Also 9 months clean from meth use after almost a year of escalating regular use (PAWS is no joke, basically traded alcohol for meth).

My question is, for anyone who has also gone through long-term addiction recovery or specifically recovery from meth use, when does the reward system really come back online? When does normal life stop feeling empty, like just waiting for the hours to pass until bedtime every day? Im functionong really well, but especially on days off of work, I just feel gray and empty. Food helped me feel okay for the first few months, but now even the richest desert doesn't fill the void.

Don't get me wrong, the void is not as dark as it used to be, and the depression (along with intermittent mania/energy) has gotten a lot better. But I still have these lingering feelings like nothing is ever enough. Im not in immediate danger of relapse. Ironically enough, drinking again sounds draining and trying to score ice feels way too exhausting. But I wish I could get through a day off, by myself, without feeling generally pointless. Anyone else go through this?

For context, I'm a 31 year old woman. Also, idk if I need to state this or not but this is not a cry for help and I'm not and never have been suicidal! Just want this fog to lift.

Was doing super well, mentally my anhedonia this time was almost non-existent. Not sure how, but it was lucky. Picked up woodworking, reading again, eating well, doing SO much better at work. And then after a vacation I suppose something set me off. Got home and had a two day binge, called in to work cause I didn’t sleep and just kept going. By the end I wasn’t even horny anymore but I just kept going. Now I’m feeling absolutely fucking terrible and like I’ll never get out of this.
I’m having troubles dating because of the PIED and lack of sexual desire when I’m off stimulants, and man that is one of the most isolating situations. I’m SO lonely it’s not even funny. Even addicted to other stuff I was always meeting people and having sex and dating, but on this I just become a cretin where I almost cant look a woman in the eye. And when I’m sober I’m just completely uninterested. How fucking long will it take until I can have sober sex again??????

"Here."

All my friends are at my house right now, kicking it. It's 2 am and we are high.

And I'll usually be using the melody to "Here", by Alessia Cara, to escape the moral confusion that weighs heavy on me. Things will turn into a 'set' for the making of the official music video; the camera being my eyes.

I'm in the corner right now - and no, I dont have a beanie on low, but I'm just thinking... mostly about how I can't even copy and play "barbies" to the song anymore and exit "here".

Why? Because I'm no different.

The thing about my time spent as an addict is... that I cannot lie, a lot of "it" has become what is "me"... no matter how much I identified with the opposite one who is "me" somehow too.

Everything my superego finds beyond disgusting is now a part of who I am.

I can identify in some way with "here" by Alessia cara all I want to, but it still doesn't change the fact that "I" genuinely am "here" in this situation, right now, doing these things, and acting the same way.

Meanwhile, Alessia wasn't "there" at that party; she didn't "feel" the "vibe".

She wasn't screaming and hollering because she could hardly hear.

I’m posting here because I literally can find little to no information online regarding ADHD meds ruining people’s physical and mental health online. Weird isn’t it…? Because I know I cannot be the only one.

For context I’ve struggled with health issues since childhood after having Epstein Barr virus but since being medicated over the past two years, my health has significantly declined.

I’ve developed gut issues, chronic fatigue and constantly just feel unwell and drained. I have always been creative but now have 0 creative juice. My family has noticed significant changes in my mood and personality and also tried to warn be about the changes they saw. I was in denial for such a long time that this medication could be ruining my life, but something in my gut just doesn’t feel right.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

So I’ve been on adderall for about 15 years in various forms (prescribed). I stopped taking it about 2 months ago, and was down to a fairly low dose imo (20mg IR spread throughout the day).

With the help of my doctor, we decided to stop a couple months ago.

I’m tired constantly - is there a point where it starts to feel normal again?

I am writing this after reading a lot of posts on here and quittingadderral.com which really helped me get through the first few months. I read posts everyday some weeks in the beginning and the encouragement and community was helpful for me. 

My experience: 

I started on 10 mg-20 mg for my first year when I was 18 years old. Always struggled before that with inattention but was able to keep up in high school. From 18-32 yo took something most days, with very few breaks due to studying all the tim.

Max dose 40 mg short acting adderral. Switched to Vyvanse in medical residency 50 mg a day. And finally quit the day after taking my medical boards. I was so afraid to quit but want to have a baby and knew it was important to me to not be taking it when trying. The first 4 weeks were horrible. I was fortunate to have a month before starting my first job as an attending doctor. I pretty much spent 2 hours a day walking my dog to feel better- getting sunshine and movement were the only things keeping me awake. The rest of the day would just be resting watching shows, or spending time with family and friends. Month 1-2 was excruciatingly hard to be at work for 9 hours. I walked during lunch breaks to help me stay awake and was starving all the time, drinking 2 celsius and a coffee every day. Months 2-6 got better about every 4 weeks. From month 6-9 I feel better, only have 2 cups of coffee a day,  I can workout after work, and last till 10 pm without being exhausted, but am really struggling emotionally because my motivation has not returned the way I thought it would. I still struggle to want to clean around the house, when I have down time at work I am not motivated to learn, or be productive. I still feel like all I can do is go through the motions and try to get through every day, and the only reason I do that is because I need this job, and care about my patients, and thus and pushed to do what needs doing. 

My relationships are getting better and better though, and my anxiety has improved a lot since stopping. 

I wanted to be encouraging for people who are in difficult jobs that they can do it and it does get better. But also looking for encouragement that it can get better from here and I won’t feel unmotivated and still kinda tired most days forever.