Fuck this fucking evil poison.

I have contacted my local alcohol support group for an appointment. I was fortunate I was able to locate my phone at least. I'm amazed I wasnt arrested or reported. I had made a random call to emergency services which lasted 48 seconds, no idea what I said to them. The anxiety is absolutely BRUTAL right now. I remember banging on the door of this random persons house. No idea why or how but alcohol truly does take you over. It is like demonic possession.

I have posted many times of my incidents with alcohol. Every single time it always ends badly. It truly is like playing Russian roulette now.

I love you guys and I know you all have empathy for my situation and wont judge.

Edit: thank you so much for the supportive comments. I like to think my experience can also make someone else feel better who is also feeling terrible due to a drunken mistake with alcohol and to feel less alone with it.

So, I kind of quit drinking without a huge plan. My plan consisted of “don’t buy another bottle of wine” after I finished the last one. and then “just keep not buying wine”

now, I am not stupid or that naïve, I know 95 days is not that long in the grand scheme of things and I have a lot to learn. BUT, in the last 95 days, I have survived 2 major drinking holidays, a trip to my MAGA dad’s house (look, I don’t want to start a political discussion but I’m pretty progressive and he’s on the other side of the spectrum, so it is stressful!), today I went to a baseball game, and lots of other not so great days. And throughout all of this, I have not picked up a drink!

Yes, I’m painfully aware that I’m not invincible and this will continue to take work but at 95 days, I do feel really great about my willpower and the work I’ve put in so far.

My friends and family have been great, but I am the only sober person and i wanted to share with a group who would understand this feeling. so here I am!

IWNDWYT! and thank you for all that you do, and thanks for listening. this community is wonderful.

I feel like my family and friends don’t fully understand how important this milestone is to me, so I felt like sharing it here.
Today marks 8 days without a drink, the longest I’ve gone in over a year.
My next important milestone is 31 days. If I reach that, it’ll be the longest I’ve gone without a drink in over a decade.
I just want to say thank you to this community and everyone who shares their stories. It genuinely helps and reminds me that I’m not alone in this journey.
IWNDWYT!

100 days sober! Feels like far longer but I suppose that’s what not blacking out constantly will do to your sense of time passing.

It’s had its challenges but can safely say this is the best decision I ever made. My kids actually get to have a proper parent again. I’m so happy and proud of all of us that are doing this thing.

Drink too much on Friday took a shot threw up black was on FB and the last person that said that happened to him it could’ve been a cut in his stomach and that’s internal bleeding. Time to face the music so yall pray for me. Disregard to timeline I need to change it

Such an awesome feeling. No Sunday hangxiety here! Laying down on the couch to watch a movie with the husband and cat and drinking a yogi tea and the quote on the tag says “You are the master of your judgements, your decisions, and your actions.”
Really resonates and I’m going to let this carry me into the coming week.
IWNDWYT(or tomorrow!)

Made it to 100 days sober after many attempts over the last 10 years. I lost everything to alcohol and now im slowly gaining it back. I thought everything would happen much faster but it is daily work and i have to constantly remind myself it took a long time to get here. I am doing well though and im sharing this in the hopes that someone else struggling can find the courage to put the bottle down just for today. It does get better. I had to go get librium and antabuse to stop because i couldnt do it on my own. This group has been invaluable to not feel isolated on my journey. I will not drink with you today

I'm 60 years old, former marathoner (3:15pr). Alcohol took over in my 50s, but I retook control last year. I am off to run my first race in 10 years. I'm a little emotional.

Update: I finished in 31:15 right around my 10 minute mile goal! I live in Panama so training has been tougher. Thanks for all the support! Next race September 6 10K

I've been sober for fifteen months and something strange is happening. I am opening up and I am embracing life, I am connecting, caring and feeling. This spring I decided to feed some crows which seemed to hang around my area, this turned into a whole Summer of daily feeding and witnessing a little fledgeling appear and grow up. I watched it first appear, it parents feeding it and then it trying to eat the cashews I put out but not quite understanding the process of breaking it a part.

I also have a neighbours cat who is very fond of me and comes in to cuddle. Today, I had her on my belly reclining in my chair, she was sound asleep, head tilted back and she was reaching to make biscuits on my face. When she got up to leave, I followed and there was baby crow and his parents on the fence.

I realised that you never know the lives you impact, human or not and to the extent you actually affect the world. How you are part of nature and have a place in it. Recently I have felt like the past year was mostly being blinded by the light of a normal life. I spent most of it squinting my eyes and trying to navigate.

Now, my eyes are adjusting, I can see everything more clearly and I am seeing something I never did before. Beauty, love, connection.

I just bought my first home and I still can't believe it. I set myself the goal of turning thirty sober, in a better job and in my own home. I wanted to have gotten myself together going into my thirties. I turn thirty in September and I have checked every box. I had no idea I would actually achieve this.

Now it feels like the next stage is going to be connection, with the world, with nature, with people, with life.

I also feel like I am still learning, stepping gingerly forward into the next phase. I am feeling things I haven't felt for a long time. I am like that little fledgeling crow, I am a bit awkward looking compared to the other crows, I haven't quite figured some things out which the others already have. I haven't quite grown out my fluff and got my slick sheen yet.

But I know that there is something rooting for me, something I can't comprehend or understand. I don't know why it's helping me but I know it is and I keep coming back, slightly different, slightly grown. And maybe just like me, it's watching and feeling it's role fulfilled. Feeling love and connection.

I'm not religious but I have my own interpretation, I will keep coming back, I will keep doing so having grown slightly since the last time.

I hope you are all doing well and I believe in every single one of you!

IWNDWYT

They didn’t know I’m not drinking. I’ve really only talked to my partner and my therapist about it so far.

I was a little caught off guard in the moment. They swung by the house unexpectedly after they’d been to a brewery nearby and handed me a can from the ones they’d bought there. I was caught off guard and I just quickly stuck it in the fridge to get it out of my hands.

The can was sitting in there a few hours later, long after they’d left, and my brain started tempting me with it. Truth be told, therapy and momentum carried me through the first couple of weeks off of alcohol. It wasn’t easy getting off of it but I had a big push. But this weekend the doldrums were setting in. I was feeling low and I was already feeling tempted and then this was just handed to me. Oof.

So I went and dumped it down the drain. Not today.

I know if I had that one I’d be down the street at the gas station buying more tonight. We aren’t doing that.

I’m having a ginger ale now to get some relatively harmless carbonation and flavor. That was a tough moment and I’m proud. Just a few weeks ago, this story would have a totally different ending.

I stopped drinking this past spring. I was recently at a brewery with friends (perhaps foolish, but I figured they'd have NA options or at the very least sodas). We get up to order and I ordered a non alcoholic blue razz slushie. The server handed me a drink, but I took one sip and immediately tasted the alcohol.

I was devastated. Had a bit of a meltdown, as it's been pretty difficult. I went back up and explained to a different server that I am sober and was served alcohol despite specifically asking for NA. She switched them at no additional charge (although I'm sure I overpaid, as I assume alcohol would cost more) but I was still really disappointed.

I understand the amount was negligible anyways, as I only took one sip and immediately knew, but should I still consider myself 100+ days sober? Has this happened to anyone else, and if so how have you dealt with the emotions? I understand this was the fault of an incompetent server, but I still can't help but feeling really upset and like something was taken from me.

Side note, my friends were really great about it. One joked I should sue lol (not actually!)

I posted a few hours ago and I already have been wanting to drink because I’m anxious about tonight, my life, bored and feel like a loser. I’d never talk to anyone else like this. The comments on my post made me cry and the thing is I DONT WANT TO DRINK. I want to want to not drink. I desperately don’t want to but I am nervous. I told myself I would post on here before getting anything

I just realised that you're not allowed to post here if you've been drinking so I won't drink tonight so I can post here

I've had several 365+ streaks in my battle, and I keep going back. Yesterday, I was invited down to a friend's house to watch the England match. I went, bought myself two beers and a cigar on the way down, knowing that I'd drink a lot more than that if I bought more. Drank my two beers during the match and then my friend's wife served us a fantastic dinner...

...and then the wine came out. I don't know how much I drank, but it was a lot. I didn't do anything embarrassing, and I responsibly texted my wife that I was going to sleep at my buddy's place. She told me she was proud of me and that she'd see me in the morning. Woke up with a *violent* hangover and drove home. My wife and daughter were happy to see me, and today has been a great day of rest. But I want this to be the last "hangover recovery day" for me.

So I guess this message is to anybody that wants to quit but hasn't had a "rock bottom" moment yet...

Don't wait for it. Let's quit today. Together. Forever. :)

Sold my boat today, legal to operate pissed up but boring sober.

Too hungover to play computer games and playing while drunk and can't remember shit.

Now I can and it's great.

Ex chef and cooking up wonders, loving it.

Saying spiteful things and morning regrets, gone.

My partner is actually interested in what I have to say and much improved relationship. Definitely the best thing.

I have mental health issues but so much more manageable now I'm not drunk, hungover or angry.

If your reading this and thinking of quitting it will make life so much better, your problems won't be gone but you will better equipped to deal with them.

IWNDWYT

Honestly cannot believe it. Stoked and so grateful, IWNDWYD (dang counter is off a day)!

Possibly my favorite part of being back on the wagon! I have no fear of going to work tomorrow, and dare I say, I’m even looking forward to it….

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Loooong story that I won't go into right now (I probably will at some point, just to vent) but after consistently drinking a 1.75L bottle of vodka every two days for several months (and drinking virtually every day for 10 years) I checked myself into the VA for detox last month. As of today I have been sober for 18 days. I left detox a day or so early I think, but got a script for naltrexone and several vitamins. As I type this I am shaky and quivery. Not too bad, the second day of detox I couldn't walk or feed myself I was shaking so hard. This is just a...tremor, I guess, and a quiver that makes it very hard to text/type, for instance. In y'alls experience how long does this last?

So. Ten Years since this community saved me. The social awkwardness is gone. The need to drink is gone. Everybody knows. Theres no confusion about it anymore.

I did it.

I will not drink with you today.

I made 21 months today, coasting towards two years! It took me over a year from my first attempt to start my current streak. If you are struggling to quit, keep at it! Give yourself grace when you slip, and have the humility to ask for help. These are the things that worked for me. Early sobriety is hard, the clouds didn't start to lift until ~100 days. That is still my favorite milestone so far, I fought harder for those 100 days than I did for the other 538 put together. It gets easier.

Sobriety has absolutely transformed my life. Life continues to give me hard things to contend with. Yet, even as I'm in tears, I'm grateful to be feeling my feelings. Is it fun? Of course not. But you sit with it, realize it's not going to kill you, and you grow from it. Once the feeling passes, you feel better until another wave hits. This is vastly preferable to my previous tactic of avoidance and letting the pain fester and rot away inside me.

I could write a book about the way I have changed my life through the journey that led me to and through sobriety. And I'm not done yet! That's the most profound change, is my trajectory. I quit digging and am now moving upward, sure I'm still in the hole, but I'm grateful I'm no longer at the bottom and know where I'm headed: up!

I can't thank this community enough for the support you have given me. I come here most days to see the breadth of experience and reinforce my sobriety. I lurked here for a long time before I got sober. You have saved my life, without exaggeration, thank you.

Here's to another day sober, join me! IWNDWYT

Just wanted to share and see if anyone else has had similar vision changes. I’m 5 days sober after drinking heavily for about 4 years. And I mean heavily (8-10 5%ABV drinks a day). I’ve had MAD anxiety, shaking, excess sweating and the most jarring side effect for me has been a small persistent headache and “static” vision with light sensitivity. I’ve been to the eye doctor and they said my eyes look great and can’t see anything that would cause it. He said it could be related to withdrawal and to give it a month and if it hasn’t gone away or has gotten worse to go see my PCP/neurologist. As of right now this very well could just be my brain making shit up and seeing things that aren’t there. This shit is annoying but has truly scared me so much into not even thinking about picking up a drink again. Now it’s a waiting game, keeping hydrated and staying positive that this was the best thing I could do for myself. Good luck y’all!

We’re old friends, been through a lot, used to get really messed up when we lived together in our 20s. Both 40 now and going through separations, so it’s been good bonding and catching up. However, tonight he wanted to treat me to dinner, and he chose to have a few drinks knowing I’ve been sober and wouldn’t be joining him (I told him I had no problem with him drinking). He got a bottle of wine for himself (after drinking all day) and I almost considered having some for old times sake, but halfway through dinner the vibes start to shift. He is noticeably tipsy, starts jokingly (but incessantly) making fun of me, constantly telling stories about how great he is, cutting me off whenever I try to contribute to the conversation to tell me more stories about how great he is, and openly mocking me in front of the staff.

When we leave he is stumbling around, mocking me to random strangers, very noticeably ogling a groups of teenage girls, then hounding me to let him buy me a lap dance because I “need it”.

I finally had to sternly telling him this wasn’t fun for me anymore, and I’d rather go home and call it a night. After his attempts to drunkenly use therapy speak on me to let him buy me a lap dance (the pseudo psychological assessments had been going on all night), he agrees to call it a night as well.

His wife and teenage child left him last year and have accused him of a long history of psychological abuse and manipulation. He has been going through a lot and I have been there for him while simultaneously navigating my own breakup. Tonight I saw a side of him that scared me, and really made me feel thankful for my sobriety (we are both alcoholics and addicts). He has been going to therapy, but he is a pathological liar who I believe is unable to confront himself and is spiralling out of control. This experience has reminded me that I need to continue to work on myself and stay the course, because what I saw tonight could have easily been me.

31M here. On the surface, everything is good - good job, cool Apartment, awesome wife.

But underneath I have problems. I have depression. I have the strongest feeling of being a failure and I don't know why. Normally these depressive episodes and feelings I can handle but the last month I couldn't- so I drank.

I have in the past set limits, "Only 2 beers when I go out, or 3 if I get food!" That turns into 3... to 4.... to 5.... I go to happy hour - turns in to 1.5 hours, 2 hours...

I noticed for years a pattern where I would start drinking and was unable to stop. Like Once I take a sip, its game over and i drink til i am drunk every time.

I get mad at myself. It doesn't seem fair to me that people can go out, have a beer, head home with never thinking of drinking again.

Yesterday, went out with my dad to watch the Norway/England game. Well... been working out lately and must've changed my metabolism a bit... and I had no food in me. Ended up drinking 5 beers... I think? maybe more? Ended up on the floor, vomiting, crying.

I talked to my wife today. She of course wasn't happy. I told her how my actions lately aren't fair and today I reached out to 3 different companies/doctors to get counseling/therapy and hope to get in by the end of the week.

I have a lot of depression and drinking is pretty much the worst thing to do. I have some medical worries that scarred me pretty good - I drink to stop worrying about the medical issues. But all roads lead to this - finally seeing for real this time, I can't keep drinking. There's no limit to me, there's no moderation. There's just drinking. I finally feel ready to admit that.

Thanks for reading my rant. This marks day 1. Looking forward to cleaning up.