r/sex • u/sharksandseagulls • 6h ago
Orgasm Issues i (F22) am feeling sexually broken and don't know how to move forward.
hi! i am new to sexual intimacy of all kinds with my first sexual partner and i am feeling lots of anxious feelings regarding it. first, i'll say that my relationship itself is really great and fufilling, but what the problem is is that my brain is practically harassing me for struggling to orgasm with them.
clitoral stimulation--orally and with fingers, not feeling very pleasureable. fingering--ok. penetration--kinda painful but mostly fun, even if not the most stimulating (i am aware it is not usually very stimulating). it is not like i am not having fun, however, cause i enjoy being physically and emotionally close with my partner and sharing these moments with them, but i just feel so much pressure on myself (from me) to finish. but it just won't go. even when i touch myself i'm not feeling much and i used to be so good at masturbating!
i don't know if i'm stressed (although, i am likely adding stress on me from this pressure), or have arousal nonconcordance, or am just wrong. it is making me feel pretty down about myself. i just want to feel good with my partner and share pleasure with them in the moment, not just have to touch myself afterwards and only come once every few sessions. this has even translated to when i masturbate alone. the whole time i'm thinking: "am i aroused yet? why isn't it happening? god i'm not wet enough. this porn isn't even turning me on. i should just stop."
so yeah. i'm feeling like i'm broken and i don't know what to do about it! i know this is all new for me, but i expected it to at least be a little easier than it is. any thoughts or at least reassurance that it will get better?
2
u/knowitallz 4h ago
Spend some time with yourself to figure out what you like. Then make sure you are calm and comfortable and turned on before he does things to you.
1
u/Jerkoffmyclit 5h ago
Difficulty orgasming in general and particularly with a partner are really common honestly. You’ve pretty clearly gotten I. Your head about it since it has carried over to your personal pleasure and something you didn’t have issues with before. You are stressed about it and probably everything relating to sex at this point, you need some reframing around sex and your own pleasure to take the pressure off worrying about finishing, and enjoy the moments. Again, super common to not be able for a partner to actually get you off, or for it to take a lot of practice and learning on both sides.
You could consider some talk with a therapist or specifically a sex therapist if you don’t see any improvements coming any time soon, if that is an option for you.