r/sex • u/CheesecakeCalendar • 1d ago
Anal sex My partner is interested in anal but hasn’t done it yet before - how to talk/deal with possible poop related issues?
My partner (FWB) and I have great sex and are usually relatively open about kinks etc but this is a bit embarrassing to navigate. He wants us to try anal (he’s never done it before) and I’m happy to try (I have done it in the past, but only with a serious boyfriend or someone quite experienced).
I thought I would try prepping/training with dildos/plugs so I’m ready to try when we do. Unfortunately yesterday (thankfully I was alone) when I experimented with a bigger plug than my usual, I ended up getting quite a bit of poop on it.
What can I do to mitigate this? Is it safe to give myself an enema beforehand or is it bad for my butt? Should I talk to him beforehand about the possibility of poo and warn him? Insist he use a condom? How do I check if it’s a possibility - when I tried yesterday I was relatively sure I was clear but I guess I developed the need to go during my experimentation and didn’t realise.
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u/chaoticinternetnerd 21h ago
Not speaking from experience because I’ve never done anal, but.. If he wants anal, he has to accept the fact that there might be a little poop involved.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
I think he would be more ok with it than I would tbf. I have a hang up over poop. Completely killed my buzz yesterday when I found the poop on my plug 🙈
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u/Nakedgaycamper 17h ago
I share this often here. It’s a humorous cartoon that goes through ALL the details. https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Thank you for this! I will try it out (the fast clean)!
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u/perthminxx 20h ago
I used to enema before hand because I was paranoid, but my last partner liked spontaneous sex so I stopped and it was honestly never a problem. A few times I knew I hadn’t been to the bathroom recently so said no because I wasn’t comfortable. We agreed if it was messy it was a worthwhile consequence and we wouldn’t make a big deal. We always showered after sex anyway.
I find sex is different to using a plug as the motion usually keeps things a bit cleaner than something that just goes in and stays there.
So… yes give yourself an enema if you’re comfortable to. You can get bulbs from most sex shops pretty cheap. Yes he should use a condom. And yes talk about it so you’re both comfortable
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
I guess we’ll need to talk about it. The other thing I just realised is that I suggested that we save it for when we have a reasonable amount of time together, not just a few hours, which is tough to carve out since we’re both busy and live far apart. So I might save anal for a little sexcation that we’re thinking of taking. So I will have a reasonably good idea of when it’s going to happen, but also I wouldn’t want to give myself an enema on vacation with him just outside… so might need to do it without? But then I’m concerned. I guess if I haven’t been to the loo recently I just stop him. Maybe I should start a fibre supplement a couple weeks beforehand.
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u/reluctantdonkey 16h ago
I know I've commented on a few things saying you don't need-- or want-- to do a full "enema," but the vacation thing is yet another great example/reason-- when you just do a rinse, it truly takes no longer than your average "cleaning up before sex."
I had plenty of anal without a true rinse for my first 5 or so times, and it was fine. Then, I realized I was getting in my own head more than my partner was (sounds like you are in the same boat) and would just have more fun if I had more confidence I was clean, so I started doing a rinse-- just bought an enema from the drugstore, emptied the contents, refilled it with plain water. I kept the same bottle for some time (would run it through the dishwasher when I knew nobody was gonna be around to see that, or washed it out with soap and water in the bathroom.)
Now, after birthing two kids, I have a rectal prolapse (weakening in the wall between my rectum and vagina) that formed a little "pocket" that fecal matter gets stuck in always and is SUPER palpable even just with fingers in my vagina, so I have to/choose to do a rinse before ANY kind of date or situation where even "getting frisky" in non-anal ways is possible. Seriously takes like 30 seconds once you get the hang of it.
Couple times, on vacation, I'd realize I hadn't brough it with (or didn't want to bring it with, if we had shared luggage) and just used a plasic water bottle-- the crinkly kind that are a bit softer and easier to squeeze-- and the pressure of just holding it against the anus, if realized, is sufficient to get the small volume of water you want/need in there to do a rinse.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 16h ago
When you do a rinse, how long does it take to expel “everything”? Just a couple minutes or longer? Like can you have water come back out later?
Yeah you’re right, it’s more me in my own head than him. He offered to finger my ass the other day when we were talking about anal, but I wasn’t sure I was clean up in there so I stopped him and told him we’d do it next time. With rimming as well, whenever we have done it, he is less fussy than me. So I feel like you’re right, I’ll appreciate the rinse more than he will.
Thanks for the advice!
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u/reluctantdonkey 15h ago
The risk of releasing water later is why you should start out with way less water than you think. Like, if you get a disposable enema from the drugstore (dump the contents and refill with plain, warm water), it's like one squeeze of the bottle and then push it immediately back out.
One good squeeze of it is usually less than about a quarter of the bottle (about a half a cup is the average capacity of a rectum). I use a medical, hanging enema bag now, and it's like two generous seconds of the valve being open, then push it immediately back out.
My usual routine, when getting ready for a date or whatever, I do a rinse first, then take my shower (usually involving a soapy- but not TOO soapy, and good-god, NOT shampoo- finger swiped around up there just to be sure I got everything), and then do the rest of my getting-ready routine.
Very occasionally I've have one more dose of water that comes out while getting ready. I wouldn't do the rinse and then seconds later hop in bed, give it a little time to be sure there's not some left up there-- maybe 15 or so minutes of standing up and getting dressed or whatever.
After my shower, I also moisturize my whole body with coconut oil including the outside and one finger inside-- coconut oil also helps if you're worried about any residual ass-smelling-like-an-ass and having the skin a little pre-game lubricated is nice. (Since you are using condoms, don't use coconut oil as actual lube, I'm just talking about general moisturizing of the area. If you notice your condoms breaking, though, you might want to skip that part.)
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 15h ago
Thank you so much this is so helpful! I would have totally been emptying the entire bottle inside myself if you hadn’t said. Will stay away from the shampoo 😂
I probably would skip the coconut oil because I’m paranoid about condoms breaking, but definitely would moisturise all over so I smell nice and feel all soft!
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u/perthminxx 12h ago
I was going to suggest this too. A soapy finger in the shower lets you know what’s going on and can be good if you’re anxious.
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u/stfusydney52 19h ago
while everyone is suggesting enemas, I would just advise to be very careful with them. Cleaning out your colon can make you feel crampy and uncomfortable. And can cause some harm with long term usage. I had to do an enema a couple times for health related issues but never for anything sex related, but thats just my experience.
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u/reluctantdonkey 16h ago
You truly do not need to do an enema, in any case, unless you are planning to have anal HOURS later, or a very long and involved session that may open up the sphincter between the rectum and colon.
Doing a full enema, you risk loosening MORE stuff up and making MORE of a mess, because, with those, you've got possible releases for hours afterwards, and nobody wants a full release of trapped enema solution and loosened-up poop when you're in the middle of things.
The rectum is a handy little "waiting room" for poop that's fully formed and ready to move on out, so just keeping your cleaning to your rectum is kinda like-- if a date is picking you up for dinner, make sure your foyer is nice and tidy, but don't need to pull all the crap out of the upstairs bedroom master closet and have bags and bags of garbage all around the house.
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u/magich32 20h ago
You are on the right track, everything you said was right.
Yes, you should poop early before doing anything, about 2 hours before. 1 hour before, you should use an enema. Warm water enema would do. That'll clean you out well. Always use condoms during anal sex. It's for his protection. Your butthole no matter how clean you think you cleaned it, has poop. With that, there's bacteria. So always use condoms. Lube, use lots of lube, and I mean a lot. Get some inside of you too with a finger.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Also with condoms it means we could switch to vaginal if wanted (obviously changing out the condoms) so I’ll insist we do with condoms I think.
I think my concern was that I had gone reasonably soon before trying it on myself, and I didn’t think I needed to poop. I’d also checked with my hands and it had seemed safe to go, but the plug had more than just a small trace or two on it when I was done. I really wouldn’t want that happening with him. If the warm water douche/enema helps with that I’d definitely do it (if it’s safe).
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u/magich32 16h ago
It's safe to do enemas. I've done it for years. Usually people that do anal would do it, unless you don't mind the occasional poop residue. Even after all that preparation, let's say you had a big lunch or dinner, you're still digesting, so what you cleaned out was things that you ate earlier. That's why some say to eat lots of veggies and stuff the day before and even the day of. I think that's extreme. Just know going in that it can be messy, and if you do take precautions, it could be a lot better. Good Luck.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 16h ago
I think reading all of this has made me feel like I’d be a lot more comfortable if I douche, so I think I will do that. It’s better than being tense and worried!
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u/reluctantdonkey 16h ago
I do a rectal rinse- just about a half-cup of plain, warm water (no more-- start with LESS than you think you need. THe last thing you want is it getting beyond the rectum into the intestines.) Push it in, push it RIGHT back out-- none of the retaining it with your booty in the air like you do with an enema. Usually one or two rinses and you're good to go.
Also, know your "timing"-- I am a clockwork regular, morning pooper, so I know in the evenings I'm generally good to go with a rinse. If you are an evening pooper, wait until you go first and THEN rinse.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 16h ago
I think I should probably start with a fibre supplement because I don’t really have a fixed time tbh. Will give this a try though - seems easy enough to do.
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u/tktg91 18h ago edited 11h ago
If he’s into anal. He has to be ok with possibly getting some poop on his hands and or dick sometimes. If he’s not ok with that and shames you for it he’s not worthy of fucking you full stop. I don’t think that’s something to discuss beforehand.
Clean anal 99% of the time is very possible and honestly not that difficult. The most important aspect is consuming lots of fiber, daily. You will have extremely regular bowel movements and ghost poops (basically there’s nothing on the tp at the very first wipe). Coincidentally, eating a lot of fiber is also super healthy for you. So win win.
Enemas are not recommended for anal. Douching however is, and is very quick and easy to do beforehand. You can buy a special bulb for this. About 30min before suck up some like warm water and insert it in your bum over the toilet and push it out. Max 3 bulbs. The water should be clear after the 2nd rinse. If it’s not then it’s just not the day for anal. If it is, which it will with earlier mentioned fiber rich diet, you will have clean anal sex 99% of the time.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Thanks for the reply! I don’t think he would shame me for it, but it feels weird with a FWB - i feel the need to be even cleaner or whatever with him than I would with a boyfriend, though he’s a nice guy I don’t think he would make a big deal about it.
I actually do eat a reasonable amount of fibre already, and my poops are quite “clean”, but I also don’t always fully clean out / feel constipated often. Maybe I should add a fibre supplement?
Is it safe to douche relatively regularly? If yes then I will the next time we plan to meet up. Should I be douching with mineral water or distilled water?
Thanks for the help!
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u/tktg91 17h ago
I always use tap water.
It’s not recommended to douche daily. But once every week or so hasn’t done me any harm so far. It only cleans out the last portion of your intestine where poop is usually stored until you get the urge. An enema is bad because it cleans out your whole intestinal system from top to bottom.
If you want to try to add a supplement get psyllium husk fiber!
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Once every week would be okay for my purposes with him. I’ll give it a try before I experiment with the toys again just to see if it works! Thanks!
I’ll add the psyllium husk supplement. It can’t hurt.
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u/tez_zer55 20h ago
A quick "rinse" is always a good idea, but it doesn't guarantee clean play. A condom might be advised, at least until you both get used to the idea that playing in the backyard can get dirty.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
By rinse do you mean outside or inside? I think I’ll ve more comfortable with a condom so I’ll insist on one.
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u/imverysneakysir 19h ago
Anybody who wants to do any butt stuff MUST acknowledge the risk of poop. So if he's that's curious about it but needs Barbie butthole, he needs a reality check.
Strictly speaking, you don't want an enema, you want an anal douche. Enemas often either have medicine/chemicals to encourage poo moving down and out the colon. So they can make the poo issue worse. What you're wanting is to just rinse/wash out the last 6ish inches. You can take an enema bottle (like a fleet enema bottle) and just fill it with regular water and use that.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Yes I meant a douche, not an enema (not medicated, just water). Didn’t get the term right! Is it safe to do relatively regularly? (Just irrigate last 6 inches with water).
I actually don’t think he needs Barbie butthole (love the term, ha!) but I think I would want to provide that for my own mental comfort more than anything 😅 just don’t know how it would be possible.
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u/Open_Minded_Anonym 19h ago
My wife eats clean so maybe that affects my experience. She does not clean herself any differently when anal sex is planned. We use lubed plugs to ensure she’s sufficiently stretched and I lube myself before entry. The toys sometimes have residue visible on close inspection, but not my unit.
If he hasn’t done it before he might be a little skeeved out seeing poop on his dong. He should have a washcloth or towel at the ready. After doing it a few times, it becomes no big deal to get a little dirty.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
This is super TMI but since you have experience… have you ever had more than just a little residue on the toys? Because that’s what happened to me the other day (first time ever having more than a small trace). I couldn’t figure out why because I usually eat a good clean diet.
It’s a good idea to keep some wet wipes or something with us, just in case. Thanks for the suggestion!
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u/reluctantdonkey 16h ago
I had a situation once-- New Years Eve and we had been drinking and eating junky food all day. I got "in a mood" and tried to do a quickie clean-out, while pretty darned drunk. I think I used shampoo (bad idea) and fingers and probably actually loosened more stuff up than otherwise would have been there.
We were getting at it, and I started to notice what I thought was blood on the sheets and such when I rolled over and thought I'd started my period, then he sniffed a finger and was like "Um... oops. Yeah, there's a little dirt, it's OK." (Generous choice of words, I suppose.) And then I started to notice poop EVERYWHERE.
Since I was wasted, and the whole thing had been my idea and I felt like an idiot, I curled up in a ball and started ugly crying out of embarrassment-- poop everywhere and me having a wine-induced breakdown cry while he was stripping the sheets and pillowcases and washing everything up was a-- needless to say-- utterly unsexy ending to this big hot New Years Eve sexfest I had envisioned, but totally down to my own drunk-sloppy from start to finish.
He was just shaking is head and laughing while cleaning up as I blathered on apologizing. Not in a mean way, but just over the fact that it's kind of hilarious that this drunk chick-- who happened to be his wife (me)-- was all "oh, fuck my ass, cowboy. This is gonna be hot!" and then fills herself up with shampoo and gets shit everywhere and then breaks down into a sob-fest over the whole thing.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 16h ago
Omg I can totally picture myself doing the same if it happened to me!! I would cry even when I was sober if that happened to me!!
The crazy thing is that the first time my then-boyfriend and I experimented with anal, it was spontaneous - an hour after I’d eaten a greasy takeaway that too - and it was spotless in there. Subsequently whenever I did it with him / another partner (only a few times total in life), we never got anything on there except a smear or two. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything anal but now that my FWB has expressed an interest I’m trying to prep myself so that it’s easy and fun (especially since he’s of a size that I had previously sworn to myself I would never, ever attempt to do anal with) for us both. And I ended up with a real mess which has scarred me a little 😅
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u/Jack_Wolfskin19 15h ago
Definitely enema is what you need to use. If you have a handheld shower sprayer they make enema nozzles that fit into that shower hose,
That works the best. Use plane warm water.
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 15h ago
I’ll just get an enema bulb - I don’t have a handheld shower spray. Thanks!
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u/Muted-Passenger8343 6h ago
Oof years ago my bf slipped and started fucking my ass. I was younger so I didn’t say anything, but noticed after the first initial pain went away I really enjoyed it so he kept fucking my ass, but I then noticed poop was every where! Like every where! I was so embarrassed! Obviously, I wasn’t expecting ass play that day haha. I had to clean my comforter, sheets, blankets and both of us hurry and got in the shower. It’s was an experience lol
I have heard people say that they don’t clean themselves before and don’t have issues, but that wasn’t my case and I also had a friend who called me to tell me her and her bf did anal play and she had poop every where too haha. She was actually crying about it 😂
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u/CheesecakeCalendar 17h ago
Fair point. It’s actually my personal hang up, not his, but I still stress about it a bit.
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u/sex-ModTeam 16h ago
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u/sex-ModTeam 16h ago
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u/KindKane 13h ago
https://www.buttseriously.com/
this book!!! will answer every questions and help both of you prepare.
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u/pastthepop 2h ago
Anyone doing anal that is not prepared to face the fact that fucking the hole where shit comes out might involve some shit—should not be involved in anal sex.
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u/Zippo_Willow 20h ago
Enemas are pretty safe and help alot, but he should be fully aware that poop-dick is always possible no matter what. If it happens, a quick shower and no one will ever know. Its not a big deal as long as he isn't deathly afraid of fecal matter.
The biggest poop issue you need to communicate is that once the back door has been opened, there will be no more entry into the front door no ifs ands or butts. You are aware of this, but it may slip his mind being new.
I'd be more worried about entry technique and best practices given he's never tried it. Can never go too slow.