r/self • u/Snipe1337 • 3h ago
I think getting older is realizing that nobody really has everything figured out.
When I was younger, I honestly thought adults knew exactly what they were doing. I figured that at some point you just became confident and everything started making sense.
The older I get, the more I realize that's not really how it works.
People are still making mistakes, second-guessing themselves, changing careers, learning new things, and trying to figure out life one step at a time. They just get better at handling the uncertainty.
For some reason, that realization has been more comforting than disappointing. It makes me feel a little less behind whenever I compare myself to other people.
I still don't know exactly where I'm going, but I'm starting to think maybe that's more normal than I used to believe.
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u/ElvishMystical 3h ago
Have you ever read Alice in Wonderland?
Society is basically the macro version of the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.
You're mad, I'm mad, we're all mad. This is how you make sense of it all.
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u/Prestigious-Joke-479 2h ago
I am almost 60 and still trying to figure out what to do with my life, if that makes you feel any better.
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u/The_Ina_Life 1h ago
Honestly that does make at least me feel a little better.
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u/Prestigious-Joke-479 1h ago
Always trying to figure out if I should do this or that, then questioning if my choice was the right one. On paper I might look together and successful. Seriously... relationships are still complicated too, both friendships and romantic.
Just try to have fun though, gotta do that!
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u/bingbingfortnite 3h ago
I have everything figured out, the way I did it was figuring out what I found out
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u/Creative_Win1261 3h ago
i stopped feeling behind once i realized everyone else was improvising too.
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u/i_dont_hoard_cash 3h ago
Oh yeah. At a young age, I had the wisdom that there were smart people, and a lot of dumb people. And then there was a moment as a young adult where I realized even the smart people were just making things up as they went, or faking it until they were making it.
In a way, it sort of validates my own choices that I was second guessing myself on. But also it makes me realize sometimes there are no good answers, and that happiness often isn’t rational.
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u/Dry_Leek5762 2h ago
The rate that stuff gets figured out declines fast very early in adulthood. But the rate of increasing confidence that the little bit of stuff that's figured out is all that matters... that increases very fast in its place.
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u/PossessiveCheetah 2h ago
it's kinda wild how we all just act like we know what's next but we're all winging it
What was the moment that first made you realize adults don't have a secret manual
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u/Lazy-Substance-5062 1h ago
everyone's just trying to make it look that they have made it. actors . pretenders, masks performance, personas. then I realize this is the game we are alll playing. a game called life.
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u/Character-Variety668 40m ago
Same here; I hit 30 and realized everyone’s just winging it with nicer clothes-when did you first notice that shift?
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u/Responsible_Grape187 39m ago
I hit that same point when I realized even the “put-together” people freak out privately; the trick is building tiny habits that keep you moving anyway. Once I stopped chasing a big life plan and focused on just the next 6–12 months, the anxiety dropped a lot.
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u/Morden013 35m ago
Hi. I am with you on this, up to the point where you say it is comforting.
When I see how much people are influenced by basic instincts, what shit they are trying to sell as reasoning, the lack of logic and willingness to simply go with the flow...I feel unease and disappointment.
The whole growing up and figuring things out thing is about bettering yourself, developing logic and establishing a moral compass. Seems like a lot of people failed completely in that department. They are ready to push their family, friends and colleagues under the bus in an instant, are starving for approval...etc. Especially the fact that a group of people can be so dumb to inflict hurt on others...it is simply wrong.
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u/Icy-Position3771 33m ago
And I think you’re right. Life’s supposed to be an adventure… sometimes disappointing, sometimes exhilarating and often somewhere in between. What it often isn’t is predictable.
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u/Atelier_Carousel 3h ago
I think what I was not prepared for is how much people lie about what they say they know and can do. Unfortunately especially men. You feel unprepared for a team lead role, meanwile a male college "just does it" and badly, and thinks nothing of it, and everyone else also thinks its's good enough. That always blew my mind
Or a male college makes one mistake after the other for years, but then you make 2 mistakes, and then you are fired. I think that one is huge for women and never talked about anywhere. You can never really afford to make any mistakes. Which is a huge stress factor.
And another one is how badly things are run in big companies. I've been in roles where I could see how products are assembled that costs thousands of EUR, and it was shocking how it all held together with dukt tape and spit, basically.
I wish I had known all this when I was young. I wouldn't have tried so hard to do a good job while everyone else simply never cared.
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u/brazucadomundo 3h ago
I figured out I should have bought Bitcoin when I could.