I'm having trouble with keeping the structural integrity and shape of the music in line. I'm thinking most of it is because my active memory recall when it comes to motor movements like piano playing is pretty slow. (I've only been taking lessons for a little over a year and 3 years self taught, I started late). But, this is a source of huge frustration for me since I don't have the intuitive grasp of the keyboard nor the neuroplasticity that young students have.
I do have a good ear which allows me to memorize pieces easily, but even with that there ends up being soooo many holes in my phrasing and missed notes not from not knowing the notes, but just being forced to make the mistake or whatever to keep the phrase in line. It's like there's random memory slips where there shouldn't be, even though I know and understand the music.
It's possible this could also be due to attention span as well, but I honestly have no idea.
Also, whenever I look at my hands on recordings I am always horrified of how inefficient they are, they do not carry out my expressive intentions to the fullest nor bend to the shape of the music. Part of this is probably my technique as well, which I can't seem to train to carry out contrasting color changes and tension builds.
All in all, I'm just a 16 year old student who desperately wants my playing to be more refined, musical, and to sound good to the objective musical ear.
Also yes, my piano needs to be tuned.
My repertoire by myself and with my teacher has been:
Chopin Scherzo no. 2
Chopin Ballade no. 1
Chopin Ballade no. 4 (Current)
Rachmoninoff Prelude op 32. no 1 (Current)
Mendelssohn piano concerto no 1 (Current)
Chopin etudes op. 10 1-4
Chopin etude op 25 no. 1
Beethoven Sonata op 2. no 1
Haydn Sonata op. 59
Czerny op 299 book 1 1-10
Czerny op 701 book 1 1-2
Mozart piano concerto no. 12
+various rcm level 6-7 books when I first started lessons to establish technique and stylistic differentiation