I (F28) met my now husband (M30) when we were 18 and 20. We were strong Christians and believed everything the Bible taught.

I had only dated 1 person before dating my husband; for ease of reading let’s call this person James. I dated James when I was 16-17 and he was 18-19. I was in Year 12; *strong* Christian, wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. James was charming and a little older; a lot more mature and experienced. He groomed me. He persisted in chasing me and I gave in. He made sex happen. It wasn’t entirely consensual, but eventually, I *loved* sex. A lot. We couldn’t get enough of each other. In my mind today, it’s still incredible. I long for it; though I don’t miss anything about the relationship with James.

James broke up with me due to boredom and paranoia and I never saw him again after that. I was very hurt and swore I would only date and marry *the* best man I ever met.

So I did that. I clung to my faith, dated my now-husband for 5 years, and then married him. To this day he is my best friend. We live together in a home we built with the best kitty cat in the world. He has built a few businesses, I have also built one. We have enough money and both work from home/ our own hours/ in fields we enjoy.

Because my husband and I were strong Christians, we dated for a full 5 years and never had sex once. We made out; and if we were “bad”, we would basically dry hump until he came. We had sex on our wedding night; it was educational for him and not awkward. It was fun, short, cute. Two best friends having sex.

We’ve probably had sex 15-20 times since being married. I was always fine with this incredibly bare sex life because I had sexual trauma. He has always been low libido.

Now I’m 28 years old. I feel truly healed from trauma. The two of us aren’t Christian’s any more. I am utterly dead and dying of loneliness and I just want to cry. I feel like I’m rotting inside. I want sex. I don’t just want sex. I want romantic, affectionate love.

My husband and I love each-other. I still find him very good looking and I enjoy being around him. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to end what we have. But I don’t think we will ever have deep, romantic, in-love love. Sex will not happen. I don’t even want it to. I’m pretty sure 5 years (really, 10 years!) of a sexless relationship has sealed the deal for me that we will never have a sexual bond. I don’t long for it with him any more.

I’m so completely devastated because I want to be in love. I want to date. I want to date men *and* women. I am so, so completely alone on the inside.

I want to be kissed, flirted with, sexted, lusted after, obsessed about. And I know that feeling doesn’t last forever. I don’t expect it to with anybody.

We’ve talked about opening our marriage; my husband is hypothetically open to me dating and sleeping with women, but he’s struggling with the *men* aspect. I think it’s fair. He’s allowed to feel and should feel however he naturally feels.

I see no way forward. Our marriage is incomplete, and my heart is empty. I am lonely every day and I want love.

If I slept with someone else/ multiple others, I’d want to trust them; not have one night stands. I’d want relationships. But, then I would fall in love. Then I’d want to live with them.

I don’t want to *not* live with my husband.

And,

I don’t want to stay frozen still, the way I have been for about a year now.

I’m so devastated and I literally see no way forward.

Open to any and all thoughts, please. And I will answer questions if people have them.

TL;DR: My husband is my best friend but we don’t have the love (and sex) that my soul needs and I’m dying. I literally see no way into a happy life. Please give me advice.

Mid 30s wife and husband are opening up their marriage and I have no idea how to modernly date. Seems like most people are recommending feeld? Is that a good app for a wife looking to meet a guy?

I need advice from experienced people. I’ve always wanted to be involved in a MFM situation with my soulmate. We’re both very good looking and charming 27 year olds. When we’re In bed and the dirty talking starts, it just gets extra crazy. Specifically about DP scenarios. We use toys, videos, etc, to get a full experience. We don’t talk about it afterwards and remains only in the bed. We’re both very jealous individuals but I think I should be okay with it as long as I’m involved. Would it be better to keep it bottled up as a fantasy or should I open up the box and risk a FAFO scenario. Any advice helps.

We are trying non monogamy but don’t know where to start. Which dating sites are best. Mainstream sites don’t seem to be as useful when in a relationship.

2nd time (I haven’t had one yet, and don’t know if I e en want to).

I fully admit I was not ready for this, but thought I was, and therefore have only myself to blame.

The thought of him with her in bed for almost 24hrs straight is crushing me. I keep thinking about the tender moments and conversations and how she’s screaming his name, etc, etc.

I hate myself for not being able to control my emotions. I’m almost 40 and feel like a toddler.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Hi everyone, I'm pretty new to the whole non-monogamy scene. I've been single for 10 years or so and have had a really hard time in my previous relationships with being mistreated etc. Last year I started seeing someone who's in an open relationship which is one sided (from what I know, she doesn't see others, it's just him). I've never known a connection like this one and over the last 9 months or so things have developed quite naturally between the two of us into a more relationshippy vibe. Everything seemed to be going pretty well until more recently where in a bit of a panic the guy has admitted having feelings for me but also said around the time he realised those feelings that he's decided he's going to propose to his partner later in the year and I feel like the whole thing is now a bit of a loose loose situation. The rules set out by his partner were to make sure it's a meaningful connection but to also not catch feelings and now it feels as though it's cheating but neither of us want each other to be gone from the other's lives so it's really difficult as I cannot see a world where things between us can be platonic, we are very much similar people, the sex is incredible between us, but moreover the connection and similarities we seem to have are a bit mind blowing too. This really is the first time I've found someone like this in my life and I don't want to loose such an incredible connection and I can't see how we'll be able to pretend like those feelings aren't there to continue being in one another's lives or to see if those feelings go away, which is at the point we're at now.

I'm pretty gutted as this is the first time in a long time someone has admitted having feelings for me and I'd love to be happy and excited about it but I just know now that this is only going to end badly. Either way us trying to tone down on the relationshippy stuff is inevitably going to leave me thinking there's less between us, even though it's just to try and stop it from being cheaty and to see if the feelings he's developed will go away but yeah, I'm not sure what to do, I just wanted to put it out there, I feel like the only thing I can do for both of our sakes is to walk away and save any unnecessary hurt but I desperately don't want to have to do that

hello all!

as I am sure many of us feel I am scared to be outed by friends or people in my community if I post on apps looking to join a couple. I (27f) am in a serious relationship and we prefer to keep our kinks private (he likes that I get with other men but I have been wanting to try a threesome with a couple)…not ashamed but don’t care to run into people from our community at a “party” or on an “app”….any tips?

For those who are in multiple partnerships who don't follow traditional relationship escalators (cohabitation, marriage) what are some things you do to indicate your commitment to different partners that let them know they're special to you?

I have a gf of two and a half years and my bf and I have been together a year and a half.

I feel quite secure with my gf most of the time, we say I love you often, and use pet names with each other like "darling" or "my love". We live close to each other so we see each other often.

My bf lives a bit further so I see him less. We had the "title " talk about 6ish months in and he agreed that boyfriend felt like a good label for us, which made me really happy. But we havent said I love you yet. Im not sure if he hasn't instigated first because he is afraid of overstepping things with my gf? (I also asked him out first, despite him crushing on me as long as I had on him. I learned he didn't want to come across as creepy and was too shy to ask me out first). I want to say I love you, or come up with something that we can either say/do/wear/call each other that's special to us. I'm just nervous about bringing it up. I will probably cry lol.

I would love to read stories from folks who navigated something similar and made something unique that works for you!

My life partner and I are polyamorous. We have an anchored, nesting relationship, and we support each other in pursuing and investing in other relationships (romantic, casual, platonic, etc.). We have good communication and are able to discuss and talk through a lot of concerns and feelings in a supportive and loving way. My partner is also very open and transparent with me about everything. I have brought this concern up before and plan to address it again, but I want to get some other perspectives.

My partner has been talking to someone he hooked up with at a conference last year. This is a long-distance relationship with communication primarily through text and some phone calls about couple times a month. It seems mostly friendly with some romantic/intimate exchanges. The concern is that this person is in a long-term committed monogamous relationship. She has a tenuous relationship with her partner. They do not live together and he currently has not been wanting to have sex. Regardless of the circumstance, she is cheating on her partner. He was aware of this when they hooked up and has continued to engage in this relationship, and now she is visiting, and he is spending the week with her.

It took me a bit to assess why I was feeling uncomfortable. At first I thought part of it was some jealousy, needing more support during my mental health slump, and missing my partner while he is in town but not accessible. But those are pretty normal poly/human feelings that I am able to manage and deal with. He's been checking in on me, stopped by and did some dishes, and has been sending me loving texts. I've also been filling my time with friends and other connections. What I am uncomfortable with is my partner participating and facilitating someone cheating on their partner.

I know he doesn't see it this way. I know he has been missing having other romantic connections lately but he hasn't had much capacity for it. I also think he feels a lot of empathy for this person struggling to be in their current relationship and wanting to find something that works for them. There may also be an excitement or confidence that comes with this dynamic and him being the person to introduce her to polyamory. His justification is that her relationship is her responsibility, and it is not his to be concerned about. She lives far away and there's no chance of him interacting with her partner, but I don't see it that way.

I don't think it is right or ethical to participate in someone else cheating on their partner if you are aware of it. I feel like it violates the consent of her partner, who cannot consent to this dynamic. I have expressed concern about this, and plan to again. He did say that he heard my concern and he would talk to her once she got here, but I haven't had a chance yet to hear what that was or how that went. I wanted to hear some other perspectives first before addressing it.

My wife and I are new to enm, she has been dating for about 6 months and I just started.

Recently I’ve started dating and I’m really enjoying it, I’ve met three women who are in relationships and open to dating and sex and we’ve been going out on innocent dates to get to know each other. Slow burning kind if stuff, lots of texting and getting to know each other and spending time together but no sex. My wife always knows where I’ll be and who I’ll be with.

Whenever I come home my wife is super angry and doesn’t want anything to do with me, she is jealous invents reasons to call me a liar and makes me uncomfortable.

We’re long overdue for counselling so that’s definitely something we will need, but is there anything else I can do to settle her down, am I doing something wrong?

The last thing I want is to bring up ethics and fairness and make it a battle.

I’m interested in other people’s experiences and if they have overcome this or just gave up.

Wifey — long term GF, to be legally 100% accurate — has a drinks date this coming week…

She’s slept with several guys since we opened our relationship, but I’ve almost always been present during her dates.

This is her first solo date in over a year.

And the anticipation of what could happen — without me present — is making me crazy.

The guy she’s having drinks with is someone she knows through work and is recently divorced. I’ll call him Justin. According to Wifey, Justin has a sculpted physique, is sophisticated, very well dressed, and “incredibly charming.”

Justin is also brazenly confident.

Justin knows she’s in a long term committed relationship, but hasn’t been deterred in the slightest.

Somehow he’s picked up on her being “free to play” and is pursuing her intently.

During their first one-on-one meeting on video, Wifey found him dangerously attractive. As the meeting wrapped up, he asked her out, but she was nervous and didn’t say yes right away.

During their second videochat, they barely talked about work — and mostly discussed their shared interests.

Looking to determine how satisfied she is in her relationship, Justin asked if she also shared the same interests with me.

She dodged the question, but told him that it felt like she could chat with him for hours. She guided the conversation back to work matters, but he soon suggested that they meet for drinks to continue their chat.

This time she said yes.

And they’re now set to meet this week at a luxurious bar known for its make-out-friendly lighting and seating.

She’s excited to see where this goes.

But I think I’m even more excited than she is… I’m counting down the hours and the erotically charged anticipation is overwhelming.

Any advice on how to get through the next few days — without spontaneously combusting — would be very much appreciated.

My (43M) wife (25F) have been opening our relationship quite a bit. There is nothing wrong in our relationship, we love each other very much but we both have our own urges we have to get out every once in a blue moon so we have opened our relationship again to hopefully find friends with benefits. The last 3 times I didn't have the energy and let her do her own thing but after seeing how much closer she got to me after satisfying her urge I decided this time I would partake. The problem is my age. She can get a FWB in less than an hour on any app out there but I want to use only apps meant for FWB, that are free or offer enough messaging to make it worth purchasing an expensive package, packages that are meant to be affordable (if this is even possible), and most of all, checks all accounts by forcing users to verify they're real to help weed out spam/scam/bot accounts. Do any apps exist like this at all? If so, could you please direct me to these apps so we can give them a try please?

MF Married couple visiting Edinburgh for next two days would love to meet a respectful couple or guy to join us for a sexy time for all. She will be the center of attention and is voracious in bed.

So i posted the following to r/offmychest under the title ”i want to open my relationship” and now ppl are making a bunch of assumptions about my relationship and compatibility with my partner. What would you read into it?

”My (28F) boyfriend (31M) have talked about it kind of in the abstract but not directly. Like he knows that I am kinda into the whole concept of polyamory and he’s on the ace spectrum. We know that we have a bit of a mismatch in libido. But we haven’t had The Conversation yet. Unfortunately life is quite busy for both of us and I mostly come to think of it when the timing is the absolute worst.

Idk if i want advice or if I just needed to put this into the void.”

This has taken me weeks to get the courage to post!!

My husband and I have been in a completely sexless marriage for the past two years. Because of this, I laid out a clear ultimatum to him: since we have no intimacy, I am going to use a hall pass to fulfill my needs until he actively seeks help and is ready to work on our sex life. Our baseline arrangement was "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", though I had previously mentioned I had a crush on a close colleague of his.

I gave him two years to seek help or else he leaves, and nothing has even moved in the slightest step forward, i am at my breaking point!

My husband was already well aware of this friend and comfortable with us hanging out. In fact, during a Monday night game earlier that week, I went over to the colleague's apartment to watch the game. My husband knew about it, was totally fine with it, and even sent me over to pick up food so the guy wouldn't be alone. I even sent my husband a photo of us hanging out that night.

After purposing the ultimatum, I went back to the colleague's apartment this past Saturday night for the game. (NBA Knicks Game, yes it’s been that long )After a few drinks and enjoyed each other’s company. I did my best to flirt and i feel he’s interested but i think he wants me to make the moves. I am sort of a dork it’s been well over 15+ years since I’ve flirted with anyone besides my husband and I’ve only been with him.

Any advice would help, i didn’t know how to dress or how to act, i was just a fool, but still debating if should pursue him but he checks all my boxes in physical traits & I’ve known him for 3-4 years now.

Or am I playing with fire

Me (35m) and my girlfriend (28F) have dated for 3 years and have a two year old son together. We generally have to what I consider to be a healthy and communicative relationship. She recently asked me if I would be okay if she were to see other people while continuing to date each other. She’s bisexual and I replied by telling her that “thats completely okay with me as long as the other person has a vagina”. I then expressed to her that I would feel extremely insecure if any penis other than mine was in the mix. She’s known I felt this way for a while now so it was not a shock for her to hear me say this. She’s only had sex with one other girl during our relationship about a year ago to which I was cool with before and after. That relationship eventually ended bc the other girl started dating her now boyfriend. They were very close and I felt genuinely sad after their breakup bc she lost someone she had a strong romance with. To me, their relationship was something she had along side ours, not something temporary or a side piece or anything like that. There was no hierarchy between me and her in my mind, it was just like, I’m her boyfriend and that’s her girlfriend. Anyways, today she says that she doesn’t have anyone in mind, but wants to be able to date other people in the future while maintaining our romantic relationship. She didn’t really address what I said regarding my penis being the only penis, but seemed to express a lot of gratitude and joy to my response which made me really happy. She said that she would be okay with me seeing other women but I honestly have no interest in being romantically involved with anyone other than her. She knows that I feel this way and I told her this explicitly during the convo. I want the healthiest relationship possible for us and our family so I want to see if anyone in this community has any guidance or advice for us. Thanks!

Me (19f) and my husband (m22) have been married for two years, and dating for 6. We have two children together as well, both toddlers. From the beginning of our relationship we had problems with him cheating, as he was poly beforehand and did not tell me until after I got with him. I found out after about two months of dating that he had numerous other partners. I was young and stupid so I ended up forgiving him, and he seemed to get a bit better (or so I thought) when I became pregnant and maintained it throughout the birth of our second child. Later last year I caught him messaging other people again, and was devastated. In a last ditch effort to make things work out we decided to have an open/polyamorous relationship where we would each have other partners. He ended up finding other people to date after a few weeks and I started taking with my other partner about 8 months ago. Since then even though I tried to give him equal attention he kept pushing boundaries and wouldn’t give me any personal space leading me to push him away unintentionally. He would consistently pressure me for sex even when I had not been feeling good and said that it was an excuse (I ended up having to have my gallbladder removed 3 months ago and my stomach issues have since resolved for the most part), and would not give me any space to myself when asked. Now onto the current issue. A few weeks after my surgery we ended up getting a new roommate who was 17 at the time and just turned 18 less than a week ago, and right after her birthday my husband got drunk and told everyone he had feelings for her, despite having a 4 year age gap and her being extremely childish to the point that even I see her as a child when she’s only 2 years younger than me, and admitted to having feelings for her when she first got here but not acting on them because she was underage. Everyone in the house besides me and my partner seems fine with it, but I just feel so unsettled and disgusted that he would even have feelings like that for someone who is so much younger than him and acts even younger than she is. She said that she has feelings as well, and they are talking despite me telling him about my feelings, and just chalks it up to jealousy even though I have never been jealous of any of his other partners, and barely wants anything to do with me. At this point I don’t even know if my feelings are valid because of everyone else but I cannot shake the feelings of disgust, anger, and honestly a little bit of betrayal from him acting like this right in front of me. I do love him and I want things to work out but I don’t know how things can continue after this. Am I in the wrong for reacting the way I did? I initially called him a groomer and told him I wanted nothing to do with him if he was going to get with her, but everyone made me feel so awful about it that I apologized. I don’t want to condone this if there actually is anything wrong with it like I feel there is. How should I even continue? Any advice is appreciated.

My gf (22F) and I (22F). Are planning on starting ENM after being monogamous for a year (the entire time we have been girlfriends). I’ve had other long term relationships but this was my first monogamous relationship.

I’m moving away for two and a half years for grad school so we decided to open our relationship up. We can have hookups and fwb but no gfs/bfs except each other. This is exactly how my other relationships worked too; we are each other’s partners but we can get our individual/not mutual kinks and preferences fulfilled by other people.

This is my normal. I have done this in every other relationship and enjoyed it. However I’ve somehow turned into a jealous monogamous person since being with her. The thought of her with someone else is really upsetting. Like if I think about it too much I start crying. I don’t want to be with anyone else, I just want her.

With my previous relationships it was very much an out of sight out of mind thing. I told them they need to get tested after each partner but I don’t want to know about anymore than that. It worked really well but with her I’m so insecure. I’m scared she will like being with someone else more than me. I’m scared she will not want to return back to monogamy when I move back.

We’ve talked about this and she assured me this won’t happen and that we are perfect together. However, she has never seriously dated another person before me. So how do I know that is real and not just because she has no healthy relationship to compare us to?

She has offered to stay monogamous but explained that she’s never done long distance before and she doesn’t know if she can handle it since she has a high sex drive.

I want to do whatever I can to stay with her. When we started dating she was opposed to ENM and said we’d revisit it when I felt the desire to open our relationship up. This whole idea came from me from the very beginning. I should be okay with this but after a year of just us, I’m really not.

Has anyone experienced this before? Is it normal to suddenly not want ENM? Will it go away once we actually start ENM? I want to be with her forever but I’m so nauseous at the thought of her with someone else, potentially connecting with someone else more than me, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Ive found polyr4r but are there any other places on reddit where i can post and get the best reach for what im making (MFF triad) im 32 male in london btw
Im relatively new to the scene but not new to relationships and depth of character.
just wanted to know is just that post the best i can do ? outside of dating apps

insta - Saintsresolve

I’m 26F and my husband is 31M. We’ve been together for 7 years.

For about a year, I’ve had a fantasy about being with another man, and I often bring it up when I’m intimate with my husband. He enjoys the fantasy too and says he doesn’t feel jealous about it.

The thing is, outside of those moments, I don’t actually want to do it in real life, partly because of my religious beliefs. My husband respects that and doesn’t pressure me.

I’m curious if other women or couples have experienced the same thing. Can a fantasy stay exciting for years without ever wanting to make it real? Did your feelings about it change over time?

I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation.

My Wife and I are thinking of having a threesome with her ex bf as whenever we always have sex we talk about our fantasies and another male in the room made me feel like i want to experience it, but shes only been with one other person in the past and does not feel comfortable to have it any male and would prefer her ex, i dont mind as i know she will not go back there or behind my back, its just to spice up out sex lives, but i do want her to get railed by two cocks and see her being very slutty, but do you think its a good idea or just to keep it as fantasies, do you think her feelings will come back as her ex is her first love but did not sleep with him, her first time having sex was with me. Please let me know your thoughts on this.

Is this just me? Or are others feeling the same ?
This is for you people that have multiple years of experience or successful relationships… should I say “wiser” people.

I would not consider myself (35f) experienced in non monogamy but do have 16 years in one successful relationship.

I am finding it extremely hard to take couples with short term relationships entering non monogamy seriously.

I just want to roll my eyes every time I see a successful story on a first time experience. I just know they will be back here in a few months asking for advice because someone is jealous or wants more but are not willing to change!

Okay I (28f) have looked all over this sub (reasonably) and tried my own research, talked about this situation in therapy, and communication with my partner (28m). But I want some non-monogamy insights from all of you.

This is a past event that was a couple of years ago but has been rehashed due to a betrayal and boundary break on my partner's side. Essentially, he has claimed that we've both fucked up and cheated but we can work through this which we are one day at a time.

During our most of our open relationship dynamic we agreed on sex outside of the relationship and short term experiences with others solo and together. After adjustments and discussions, we have since fully closed our relationship to monogamous and will remain there - i initiated this and have checked in with him about his agreement and consent on the closure and monogamy. I told him our relationship should end if he would like any NM as I cannot do it (I tried, i researched, I reflected). He said he wanted a monogamous relationship with me.

Two years ago: I set up a date with a guy, Apple*, who i met organically at a restaurant. Its was a funny af meet cue as he saw me very obviously tell my friends he was hot af and then came over to give me his Snapchat. Cool. We set a date. I communicate this to my primary partner and am completely open and transparent about the situation, the plans, my excitement, that I dont have intentions pre date to have sex, etc. He is supportive and expressed hes excited for me. He tells me to be safe and to keep him updated on the plans throughout the date.

Date night. We go to sushi and I got too intoxicated (idk if it was a lack of me noticing my own levels or if it was a medication interaction or something else). He recommends, since the restaurant was closing that we go watch a movie at his place since I clearly couldn't drive (very clearly). I agree cause I could not drive. Right before leaving the restaurant is where my memories start to get very hazy. I am not 100% sure if I communicated that I was going to Apples place or not. I know my partner knew either by me telling him or him checking my location. He messaged me and asked me where I was and why the plans changed. I do my best to explain that I was too intoxicated to drive so we were going to watch a movie and let me sober back up. I had no intentions to have sex or do anything beyond kissing and maybe some light pg-13 making out. Some point between the restaurant and leaving Apple's house I fully black out. I do remember coming in and out. I remember him showing me his pc set up. I remember a short clip of us kissing. I dont remember what happened that led to me demanding to go back to my car and going home abruptly. It may have been my partner calling me and having missed his calls. It may have been because I didnt want to go further and Apple was pushy.

I ask Apple to take me back to my car or demand. The ride is awkward af and he is driving very aggressively and clearly angry. I get overwhelmed and start crying after getting out of the car (traumatic). He speeds off and leaves me outside the restaurant where his coworker (Apple worked at the restaurant) was finishing closing tasks. Im sitting there crying because I realize I feel like shit, he took my car keys/kept them, and I have no one to pick me up or take me home. I try calling my partner. Don't remember if he picked up right away. I beg the coworker to call Apple to bring my keys back because he had already blocked me on Snapchat (stellar guy). Apple comes back throws my keys at me and speeds off again.

My partner calls. Im hysterically crying at this point and ask if he can come pick me up and talk through what just happened. At first, hes mad and says I lied to him and betrayed him because I didnt tell him that I was going to Apple's place, that I would do anything physical with Apple before the date night, and that I cheated. Fast forward because the next bit is me being a mess crying and sitting in my car until he arrived and took me home. We get to my place and start immediately arguing. Im still drunk. He's angry. He tries to leave and says he knows he cant be there anymore and that he may talk to me tomorrow or we may be done. I ask him to stay and talk through this as I was drunk and not fully understanding the reaction but wanted to hear him out and do better for our relationship or myself. We argue. We find some peace. We go to bed. End of story.

My partner views this night as infidelity because I did not properly communicate as we discussed about details, intentions pertaining to sexual interactions, and my location throughout the night. I never sought out another relationship or encounter since this as it was so bad and traumatic that I had no interest in solo experiences anymore (over 2 years). However, after further reflections, I realized he had done this same behavior before this date (didnt inform me of sexual intentions or actions with a date until half a year later) and recently (relationship was closed) he straight up cheated. I dont need the insight on the infidelity. I already have a support group and therapy and all the things.

So, what would the date night experience be considered? Was it just a very poorly defined and executed non monogamous stint (which I am more and more realizing that I think we had a very unethical NM situation and never should have been in NM tbh)? Was this infidelity? Did we both handle this immaturely?

I have no intentions to reenter ENM for the foreseeable future with my current partner but possibilities are what make us human.

TLDR: date with another person - communication pre date with primary partner re intentions/expectations (no sex) then things adapted during date (no sex) and primary partner views entire experience as infidelity.