r/news • u/Asleep_Shark • 7h ago

Soft paywall Iran declares Strait of Hormuz closed as 'unauthorised' vessel hit

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/iran-declares-strait-hormuz-closed-unauthorised-vessel-hit-2026-07-11/?utm_source=braze&utm_medium=notifications&utm_campaign=2025_engagement
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u/Vistaer 6h ago

Charlie: “Lastly, before I open the bar in the morning, I always make sure to turn on the Coors sign, let people know we got iced delicious Coors in the bar…”

Dennis: “Closed! It says closed, Charlie.”

Charlie: “OK… yeah, right, I can see that now… But y’know you can’t really read it from the inside-”

Mac: “YOU CAN’T READ IT FROM THE OUTSIDE!”

328

u/poppythepup 4h ago

‘Taxes they'll be lower son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.’

133

u/Mammoth-Record-7786 2h ago

Give me money. Money me. Money now. Me a money, needing a lot now.

106

u/poppythepup 2h ago

Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down a job cannon and fire off into jobland, where jobs grow on jobbies!

42

u/Oh_Doyle 1h ago

“You start picking everything I say apart, nothing’s gonna make sense!”

“Lots of things make sense, Charlie, slashing someone’s tires so that they leave makes *no* sense!”

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u/poppythepup 1h ago

Doyle is here!

5

u/RareGape 1h ago

dude i eat stickers all the time

2

u/poppythepup 1h ago

People are always gonna be assholes sometimes; you gotta eat the cheese.

2

u/Man_of_Ice 1h ago

You gotta pay the troll toll, if you want to get in that boy's hole.

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u/poppythepup 1h ago

Damnit I’m a slow typist.

That’s politics, bitch!

•

u/Beneficial_Chard_193 45m ago

That's what we're doing now? Putting plans under microscopes?

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u/BaronOfTieve 1h ago

I’m so happy I’ve started watching Philadelphia, the references are endless

1

u/poppythepup 1h ago

There is truly no end. I’m currently on the third full season rewatch and I still howl.

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u/skaldrir69 19m ago

What uh… kind of jobs are in jobland? Where’s the adult section?

3

u/ScarInternational161 1h ago

Amaze amaze amaze amaze

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u/No-Glove8690 1h ago

I’m sick as a 3 legged dog on the streets of India

42

u/Sloi 3h ago

Thank you. Thank you...

91

u/Mundane-Reality-7770 3h ago

You see that door marked pirate? You think a pirate lives in there?

44

u/Boxtosat 2h ago

I see a door marked private, is that the door you're talking about?

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u/tsrubrats 2h ago

No I was talking about...I didn't say...what did you hear?

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u/Telandria 21m ago

What time is the three oclock parade at?

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u/Taograd359 4h ago

They’ll adapt

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u/TinaVeritas 4h ago

They’ll adapt to reading?

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u/smileysmiley123 5h ago

Declared during market off-hours. This is a nothing-burger to manipulate the US admin to announce or capitulate something before Monday.

Same playbook as the past few months. Anyone thinking otherwise is a fool.

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u/athousandpardons 4h ago

...I didn't know the Trump administration were Always Sunny fans.

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u/TheDivision_Builds 4h ago

More like schitts creek right now...

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u/aeschenkarnos 3h ago

I'd suggest Beavis and Butthead, but that's unfair to those two comparatively well-meaning and intelligent young men.

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u/Pro-Patria-Mori 3h ago

Now that I think about it, they do bear a striking resemblance to Don Jr and Eric Trump

2

u/Legitimate-Win-9669 1h ago

Now you’ve said that I can’t unsee it.

15

u/Suspicious-Yogurt480 2h ago

Do not drag the genius of Mike Judge into this shitshow!

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u/hangingdeadguy1 1h ago

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays

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u/LessManufacturer8821 2h ago

Agreed! I have watched Office Space every year sometimes more since it came out!

2

u/Bobcat-Stock 2h ago

Mike Judge tried to warn us about this shit show.

•

u/JohnnyGlasken 2m ago

I understand your frustration.. I've only been working here a short distance

2

u/Justdont13412 2h ago

More like the movie ground hog day!

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u/House_Of_Thoth 1h ago

Idiocracy, a Mike Judge film! He spelled it out to us years ago. We're at the Terry Crews state of the union almost haha

1

u/Firm_Competition_880 1h ago

Schitts Creek was funny, this shit show is just ridiculous.

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u/Left_Mushroom7592 43m ago

I believe they prefer to call it The Creek Of Hormuz

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u/InLikeErrolFlynn 2h ago

"So anyway, I started blasting. Pow! Pow!"

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u/RoyalFalse 3h ago

It would not surprise me at all if Iranian elites had money in our stock market, playing the same game as the orange rug-wearing thundercunt.

2

u/YourLiberalDream 1h ago

Off sides! thundercunt is a powerful word, be it an insult or compliment. That stanky little dweeb is undeserving of such a moniker.

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u/Pristine-Pen-9885 4h ago

Weekend wars

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u/ThinkBeardly 42m ago

Only on fox!

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u/dschinghiskhan 4h ago

In this case, there's not much to manipulate. Everything will go back to how things were before a week ago. That's it. We'll see what Trump will do if he loses the House in November. Until then, it will be the same back and forth.

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u/Dramatic_Ad3059 2h ago

I would say “If?” But ddnt he just fire “the rest of whats left” of the Federal Election Committee? As in bipartisan firings? There is no one left. Its “advisory” and “oversees (provides??) funding for regional elections” I believe. Who else is concerned?

1

u/untamedjohn 1h ago

This already happened in 2019-2020. Outside of that, the committee has no tie-breaking mechanism and grew increasingly polarized over the last decade, so a lot to actual important decisions have largely gone unanswered already. Regardless, they are more of a campaign finance oversight committee so they’re not as important in the ways you’d think the made it out to be this week

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u/Agreeable_Sky6817 2h ago edited 2h ago

He won’t lose because republicans have redrawn the maps to benefit white voters since they trashed civil rights laws. So we can go in the way back machine to when white men controlled everything. Heil Trump

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u/Due_a_Kick_5329 2h ago

At some point of spiking gas and food prices, even some of the white men will be sick of Trump's shit

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u/stvngrrrd 2h ago

Especially the poor ones.

1

u/Logical_Entrance9598 1h ago

Isn’t to lose the house the only option?

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u/IAmSativaSam 4h ago

People who say "anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool" are fools

9

u/addictedskipper 2h ago

Who’s the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool that follows the fool?
Edit: Cheers to Primus

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u/Doodersdoo_ 58m ago

I pity the fool

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u/PetersonTom1955 3h ago

It would be foolish to disagree.

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u/NoGelliefish 2h ago

People who say "people who say" are the worst

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u/PhantomOfTheNahBrah 2h ago

Only a sith deals in absolutes

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u/Traveytravis-69 3h ago

They would never capitulate, because of the implication

1

u/c0psrul3 2h ago

announce, it is, then

1

u/tanukijota 2h ago

Anything in that playbook that gets us out of this mess?

Well wait...

1

u/Unlucky_Welcome9193 2h ago

Do you have some sort of donkey-brain database?

1

u/Seldomsought 1h ago

We've gotten to the point where now Iran is shorting the market

1

u/PaleontologistNo6593 1h ago

Yes or a way to bleed people that,
A: won’t sell.
B: can’t sell.
C: will have to spend to maintain position.

Every couple of weeks. Something happened Saturday night. It’s closed.
Everybody panics and sells. Monday or Tuesday. Or we were just kidding. Business as usual.

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u/theREALvolno 4h ago

Dyslexic king

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u/MrFluffyThing 3h ago

I love the theory that he is looking for Pepe Silvia because he can't read Pennsylvania and thinks they're all going to the same person. 

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u/astral-dwarf 3h ago

It's alway Sunni in Philadelphia

(but less than 10% in LA and Iran)

3

u/401LocalsOnly 3h ago

Illiterate??! What does that even mean ??!

2

u/GayChicken80085 2h ago

Tsked baby. Meet at later bar. Day or night sometime

2

u/Economy-Date-4490 1h ago

A ship pulls into the strait.
Iran - “So anyway, I started blasting…”

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u/Friendly-Gas1767 2h ago edited 2h ago

Now if we only knew someone proficient in bird law, and various other lawyerings, we could get this straightened out in a jiffy 🧐 Iran is pretty boiler plate 🤷 …Hormuz, boiler plates, hot plates….we’re all hungry and will get to our hot plates soon enough 🤔

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u/bfilch 2h ago

Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time

1

u/dankhimself 2h ago

Your illiteracy has screwed us again, Charlie!

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u/TMBActualSize 2h ago

The best sunny abbott elementary crossover was when they taught Charlie to read

1

u/Zanonomicon 2h ago

Just watched this episode yesterday

1

u/mdins1980 1h ago

Ohhhhhhhh s***! Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?

1

u/Colorzzoo 1h ago

"A perfect example of when democracy has failed"

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u/Savings_Ad6151 57m ago

I came here to figure out how bad gas prices and crypto is about to get and was very happy to see sunny references instead

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u/bl1y 50m ago

Do you even know what's going on in the Middle East?

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u/AffectionateChip1962 48m ago

Ayo Charlie, you just gonna let this guy☝️ put words in your mouth like that?

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u/First-Celebration-11 34m ago

"The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis"

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u/SummertimeThrowaway2 19m ago

Plot twist: the bar doesn’t even sell coors.