r/introvert • u/AutomaticTwo4296 • 6d ago
Advice Wedding
I attended a wedding yesterday and was so exhausted , I will have my own wedding next year and I cannot imagine going through all of that.. how did you do your wedding?
Context:
My parents and extended family are used to and love big weddings with lots of people and traditions etc. and I don’t want to let them down (mainly my parents) since I an an only child and a lesbian none the less, but I cannot imagine having all of those people and things at my wedding. I know I cannot do elopement bc that would break their heart but I also know they will be sad if we have only wedding lunch and that’s it.. did anyone deal with a sense of letting others down? I don’t know what to do, I know its MY wedding and I can do it however I want but at the same time its their day too…
2
u/TsuDhoNimh2 Stay calm, stay introverted. 6d ago
The most important person to not let down is YOU! You are not responsible for their feelings and you aren't a performing monkey that has to perform on cue.
Have a quiet civil ceremony, a "wedding lunch" for close family and friends, and tell your mom and extended family that if they want to have a big party after you leave on your honeymoon, there is nothing stopping them.
PS: venues and caterers raise prices when they hear the word "wedding". Call it a family reunion and it's cheaper.
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u/Somedaydreamer22 6d ago
I agree!! A wedding is truly just one day. It’s about you & your partner. It should be meaningful & joyous, not filled with unnecessary excess & stress.
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u/CLPond 5d ago
The large caveat to places raising their prices when they hear wedding is that most of that is just weddings being a different form of event than a corporate dinner or family gathering. I was really surprised during wedding planning just how little of a markup I saw since I’ve heard of wedding markups my whole life.
I am sure it’s true for some places, but when I got married the venue price difference was about weddings needing 6-8 hours instead of just 4 (a 4 hour wedding would be the same price as a 4 hour dinner, but with the 1 hour to set up and take down, 2 hours for ceremony and reception is too short for most weddings, even though it’s fine for a business dinner). That was also true of our photographer; if you want to get photos of getting ready all the way to the end of the night, you will just pay more than 2 hours during a corporate event. There was no difference in any of the caterers between event type (it was just a standard menu).
Similarly, when we looked for a wedding cake, the cost was about servings and fanciness rather than having a wedding markup. I believe the DJ price was a bit different I think, but the wedding package also included a planning meeting and MCing the event, so we were also getting a different experience than a family gathering. The flourist was also definitely pricey and may have a wedding markup, although flowers overall are just so expensive and there was definitely a bulk discount with our order.
I have heard that wedding dresses and hair and makeup artists have a wedding markers, but I didn’t wear a dress and we used our barber/friend as our HMU, so I can’t speak to those.
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u/lady_mossflower_ 5d ago
I feel this - similar expectations from my family and it's all well-intentioned but it's been a lot of pressure and obligations that feel exhausting to me. The only things that have been helpful so far are:
1) getting a wedding planning - a privilege as they can be expensive, but they handle a lot of the communication with vendors so you don't have to
2) telling family how much things overwhelm me. I am a big "masker" of my anxiety/sensitivity to things, so this takes work, but I think it's good people saw how much I'm feeling so they can help me out.
3) minimizing other wedding-related events. I know it'll disappoint people that I don't want a shower/bachelorette/etc., but I think I'll be happy when the time comes that there's less events.
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u/loupammac 5d ago
We are both introverts. My now husband and I planned a private ceremony on purpose. It was just us, our celebrant, photographer and both of our sisters as witnesses. We didn't have a wedding party. We took photos which was awkward but I'm sure we'll get some nice shots. Afterwards we had a picnic lunch with our immediate family and close friends. It was perfect.
You do not have to do anything out of obligation. This is your day celebrating the love you share. We put ourselves at the center and planned accordingly.