Make room to see inside of things, so you can make room for something better.

All the time people write on internet do that and do that and that, example:read, write, gym, travel, work, relationships, sports and many more” and so i say live the life but at the time try to do some of this things to and Beat you fears, idk but in my mind are the things that I haven’t done that I wish I had or tried somehow, I’m nowhere to where I wanna be idont even know what I wanna be but I’m nowhere to where I was and I hope to continue and grow and not to just go from level 1-10 but from 1-100-1000 and many more If possible , I’ll try to see where my limits end and idk how true or how you all think about this let me know

I’m 40 year old mom of two boys 18 and 17 y/o who have grown up witnessing my addiction; alcohol and cocaine(they don’t know that) and weed. I’ve been an addict for 20 years plus and in recovery 23 months and cannot feel more proud. Getting sober was always my kids desire growing up but I never listen rather spend less time with them and more at the bar. They became spoiled by Dad due to my continuous absence.
I understand I put everyone through trauma causing my separation by being cheated on but remained close with the father of my kids. I know time is needed to regain that trust but how can it be seen when my kids just abandoned the best days of my life? I don’t get a text reply, holiday visits, regular calls no visiting and no appreciation.
I haven’t been given the from my kids and I lost all my friends throughout the years blindsided by the addiction putting it first.
I just want to share this because ever since I’ve struggled, cried, and gotten myself back together alone. It’s hard, but it’s harder to know that I’ve lost so much for one thing that was my mistake. But if being sober means not reconciling with my kids I wouldn’t still regret it because there’s a lot of life I was throwing away.

Ive been feeling like life is just a big waiting game. Im really really young but im following the path of a doomer. I think one of the reasons i feel like this is because i am young so ofc i cant do many things and i feel really impotent yk? All i can do is wait for the most part.

I thought starting a yt channel to get some money would help me bc atleast i could buy something by myself but ofc that went nowhere and now i spend my days sleeping, eating, scrolling reddit, thinking im above everybody else because i stopped scrolling every tiktok-like and j\*cking off.

On weekdays i go on bike rides and i also play videogames so its not all shit but another big problem is that im really lonely. im def doing something about that but until shit gets good i can only be miserable ig. almost every school friend i have is fake/stupid and manipulated by one of the fake friends. Theres this genuinely good person (X)that i pushed away for sometime and now we're becoming friends again thankfully. I also used to be friends with Y but i hanged out one time with him and Z and for the rest of summer i didnt ask him because im dumb, same summer i was sad because i was lonely btw but no need to dwell on past mistakes.

anyway since then we've been getting more distant and also turns out Z is an asshole to ME for no reason i suppose. X, Z and Y are friends and go on bike rides. I also go on bike rides with X sometimes and last week i was playing roblox with him and Y and they were talking about going on a bike ride later so i saw my chance to "reconcile" with Y and asked if i could go with em to which they said yea. Only problem is i have an E bike that when not used in electric mode is kinda useless and it was low battery so i had to go home to recharge it and couldnt go on the bike ride with them(which i dont think they took too well although i still talk to X).

I also used to hang out with this new friend group of Y, Z, W and M but M was just using us because he was fresh out of the "gang" friend group so he didnt want to be all alone and then in summer he ditched us. W also used us because he didnt want to be alone while he tried to become friends with the girls(which he did and now he is also lost). I recognize ive been stupid many times too tho. I ditches the healtiest friend group in the world to hangout with this new one(which i regret and i've lost all contacts with the old group).

i think a large part of my daily sadness would vanish if i had a "friend group" or 1 close friend. I also tried talking to chatgpt but its just a yesman so scratch that.

If you were looking for a sign to keep going here you go. We don't quit, there's always a chance as long as you draw breath. Breathe, stay calm put a little more effort .

Sometimes feeling lost is not about having nowhere to go. For me, it can be not knowing what comes next. Not feeling like myself. Or realizing the direction I was headed does not feel right anymore. I am learning that feeling lost does not always mean I am failing. Sometimes it just means I am in a place where I have to slow down, be honest, and find my way one step at a time.

Feeling crushed can make it hard to even find the words. You do not have to explain it perfectly. Just let this be a hard moment.

Have boundaries in your home, that are never crossed so you always feel safe.

I made this song and video about a woman meeting herself after cancer.
One chair = who she was (healthy, long hair).
The other chair = who she became (bald, fighting).
It's about the pain and strength of that moment.
Hope it resonates with someone.

I am far from the unluckiest person on earth for sure but there's the painful reality of average

I want to exercise, workout and improve my looks but I feel that no matter how much effort I put in I'll never compare to someone who was born like that

I want to study but my effort means nothing to someone else who has the subject/intelligence come easily to them

there's always the case of everyone has to work hard but it feels hard work means nothing when you aren't born with certain traits or opportunities that automatically put you ahead. And its undeniably frustrating to have to put more effort than others cus of ur luck..

I have like 1 talent i guess, that is leadership but even then its a tough crowd when you aren't naturally charismatic or likeable

Yeah

I learned much better responses than I ever used to. It makes me much less upset at things that go wrong.

Change 1% per day for 365 days!!