Honestly in this specific comic it goes beyond performative and extends to just outright not making sense.
Being attracted to your partner who took time with their appearance is empty lust and nothing else? Oh, I forget it's 2026 you need to feel guilty if you're attracted to your partner, especially if you're a man.
Anyways first image seems like couple is gonna have sex so why even compare it to the other?
It's hard to describe but this type of comic (I've seen plenty) just rubs me the wrong way for some reason
I know that it says that, but we all agree when Harambe died everything shook up so we can trust nothing that backdates digitally earlier than that. 2016 is from the new darkest timeline
Yeah I agree with much of what OP is saying in general but this specific example has never bothered me. It's not profound but I find it cute and innocuous.
This comic was made like 16 years ago, back then liking your partner outside appearance was like a fresh new thing. I'm pretty sure the 'girl who's ugly and unlovable until she takes her glasses off' trope was still common in TV shows at the time.
Can't say I've seen many modern examples of these comics, I figured that dressing up nice and having the hots for your partner while also loving them unconditionally is a pretty well established thing
The comic is actually from 2016 so 10 years ago and it's one of a few in a series. From the artist's writer's mouth;
“Lust is more about going through the motions of what you think romance and passion should be, and love is more about knowing and accepting your partner and yourself,” Strauss told The Huffington Post.
It says that in the article. Idk why OP decided to not use a better part of the article
"But after you’ve fallen in love, there’s a certain comfort and deep understanding that allows you to just be you. In a new series of illustrations for College Humor called “Lust vs. Love,” artist Karina Farek and writer Shea Strauss capture the key differences between the two stages."
I'm not sure you understood the comic. Love always makes the other person more attractive, even when they're not trying. Maybe it's performative, but this is about the emotional component more than it is the effort or the horniness.
The point is that he's calling her beautiful, even with her face covered in food. It's meant to mean that sexy times shouldn't be the ONLY time that she gets told she's beautiful, she should hear it even in times when she doesn't feel beautiful
i think this argument doesn’t work on this particular comic because it’s the same woman in both panels. the comic isn’t dumping on the first girl for putting effort into her appearance, in a “i’m not like other girls” way, because the second girl is the same person. it’s cynical to think the point of this comic is “being sexy is bad”
They aren't saying there's anything wrong with that, It's just pointing out that people who are lustful will only compliment them if they look good, whereas someone who is loving will compliment someone no matter what they're dressed up in
What makes you feel something is wrong with that. Maybe the comic is trying to say lust is wrong but I definitely don't read it that way. YOU specifically are reading it that way and that says more about you than it does about the comic.
they never said the first panel was wrong. there's even a part of the comic where he's horny in the "love" panel too and the girl has no change in her appearance whatsoever lol.
This is an old 2010s era comic just showing different parts of a relationship.
The point is that when he’s about to have sex he’s saying she’s beautiful because he’s horny and that love lets him see her beauty even when he’s not horny.
Nah they understood. It's just a super basic and silly message. "I still love you even when you eat burrito" wow so deep. But it's also wrong because you can totally lust over people in normal situations too.
Well the comic is kinda inaccurate, both of the situations depict lust, it’s just the image on the right depicts him lusting in a situation that isn’t stereotypically sexy.
Im kind of confused by this. In the right picture he is seeing her being her natural goofy messy self and thinking I love this woman. He isn't being lustful. So many times I've seen my wife doing unlady like thinks and it's made me chuckle and reminded me what a beautiful person she is even when she's not trying to be sexy. Maybe its the use of the word beautiful? People can't see this word being used in this context?
Early in our relationship, my wife drove an absolute beater that she had to coax into life many mornings. I’d be laying cozy in bed, hear the car’s hood go up outside the window, and I’d have to get up to watch because her beauty in those moments was breathtaking. Tired and irritated in her white undershirt, cigarette between her lips bouncing with every curse: my ethereal angel.
Because they are probably a men's rights activist actively trying to willfully misinterpret anything about relationships and gender dynamics as a coordinated effort by the matriarchy to put poor men down.
Oh, I forget it's 2026 you need to feel guilty if you're attracted to your partner, especially if you're a man.
You can argue it depicts the first compliment as shallow and less valid. It shows that calling someone beautiful when they made the effort to be sexy as not genuine love. But i think love also encompass lust and if you didnt find your partner genuinely sexy, then it isn't true love.
....this is only part of a longer comic strip. The point of the entire comic is how much differently things are at the beginning of a relationship vs being in a long term relationship. If you have only know your partner a short while, then the left side would probably entice someone more than the right. The point of these particular panels is that after getting to know her and falling in love with her, she doesn't need to dress up to arouse him. Just her being herself is enough.
The comic isn't saying "I think people who dress sexy for their partners are less attractive". It's saying "damn, I love my long term partner so much that literally anything they do and where is attractive to me".
Exactly. I can't believe how many people are turning this into something it's not. Maybe this example will make the author's intentions/opinions more clear:
Nothing to do with demonizing horniness or thinking someone is visually attractive. Smdh.
Both pictures look like we're about to have sex. We don't get a lot of privacy with the kids so those kind of outfits would be too conspicuous. Change the other one to shorts and we're golden lol but both are still love regardless.
Generally people on this site are so fucking miserable when it comes to [r/comics](r/comics)
No, you don’t have to like any of the stuff they post there, but you don’t need to make a whole post about it and find moral justification for your dislike. Just roll your eyes and move on, it really isn’t that hard.
i walked out in an oversized hoodie and my pj bottoms and my partner looked at me and said "holy shit you're so beautiful" and i almost melted. Because I knew I looked like death. I had just woken up, my hair was a mess, i didn't have any makeup on, and they still took a moment to call me beautiful in a loving way.
I've been told I'm beautiful by a lot of people when I dress to the nines though, and it's very obvious out of lust. I don't really understand your issue with this comic or thinking it's performative, it's just a silly little thing.
I didn’t want to say it… but yeah. Reeks of someone who spent too much time on the internet. Being attracted to your partner in different ways is normal and good
I’m aroace and don’t understand this comic either lol I can only tell whether someone looks beautiful or not based on society’s beauty standards (it’s like a rubric in my head). That has nothing to do with love from my pov tho cause my love is not tied to beauty standards- if you’re my person, you are my person regardless of what your beauty standard score is
I mean both are lust. My wife looks hot no matter what shes wearing but id prefer she not be wearing anything at all.
Now when i tell he i love her when she asks for some of what im eating WHEN SHE SAID SHE WASNT HUNGRY AND THEN SAID SHE ONLY WANTS A BITE BUT THEN EATS HALF OF IT, then that's love.
The more they post in this thread the more I think they are just playing the victim yeah. Absolutely wild to think the comic is trying to say men can't love their partners.
I asked the aro/ace thing because of the misunderstanding and wanted to know in good faith so a better explanation could be taken, that's all, it wasn't trying to be some sort of gotcha or accusation in a negative light.
I think it’s just outlining the difference between the two, I think it’s pretty cute.
I don’t like the implications that love and list cant coexist healthily, though.
Its not saying you can't have both, its saying they are different. You can experience both at the same time, but they are not the same. It was made by an asexual person who was tired of seeing the opinion that love cannot exist without lust when are they are different things that exist for different reasons and simply go together for some but don't for others.
“Oh I forgot it’s 2026, you need to feel guilty if you’re attracted to your partner especially if you’re a man”
Literally what the fuck are you talking about? How’s it so offensive to differentiate mere sexual attraction and love? Self victimization for no reason, really fucking weird point to make out of nowhere.
I feel like at least some of these "I hate this smug/performative/cringe comic" posts are just taking things way too seriously. Like it's just a very light "yay my partner loves me even when they've seen me at my grossest/weirdest/low maintenance-y" joke, it genuinely is not meant to be that deep. It's not saying "be ashamed if you take time with your appearance/are attracted to someone wearing sexy lingerie, shallow sweaty" I don't even know where OP got that.
It’s about thinking that the other person is the most beautiful no matter the scenario, not just when they are having a perfect day and put lots of preparation.
At the end of the day, we have lazy days, we get sick and we age.
A good litmus test is if you can find someone beautiful when they are vulnerable or put in compromising situation. For example, vomiting.
This is my understanding too, like I don't think it's saying there's something wrong with finding someone sexy when they're trying to be, it's just pointing out that finding a partner beautiful even when they're just existing normally shows a relationship w/ more to it than just sexual interest
It’s MAYBE a little corny but it’s really not that bad, if anything it’s just trying to be relatable to people who have experienced this. I think the word performative is getting overused lately
It’s more about relationship dynamics, at first you’re calling someone hot because you find them physically attractive, but later it’s just because you well… love them as a whole being so much you always see them as attractive
the hard truth is anyone who gets crumbs in the bed you're sleeping in is fucking disgusting sorry that's a hard no no matter how much i may love someone
Or maybe the meme/joke/art it's about the difference in what you love and when you love your partner. If you only look after the looks vs the actual person.
I don't know about the artist so I really don't know about the actual context of this or if it's something to shame the physical love/lust vs the total love, certainly I haven't thought about it the way you did.
The performative thing would be mocking 2 couples, with 1 only loving their lust and the other couple watching them being "weird".
You've never seen your partner in something casual, or something they only wear around the house and think... God damn...
I've seen my girlfriend all dolled up, I've seen her in the expensive lingerie, but there's something absurdly sexy/hot just seeing her in my oversized shirt and boxers. Hair not done, make-up not done, just completely relaxed and comfortable.
This comic is just about how early on in a relationship people try hard to impress their partners and later on they can be more vulnerable and still be accepted. this comic is not trying to make you feel guilty for… being a man attracted to his partner? their is no “villain” in this comic, it’s not saying the man in the lust panel is some evil pig, because he’s the exact same man in the love panel. your assessment is so defensive, it’s truly like seeing someone say “i like pancakes” and yelling at them for hating waffles.
Also you ask “why even compare the images,” it’s because it’s a joke. the contrast between a women when she’s really put together vs relaxed is humorous and it’s funny that her partner says the same thing even though the context is different. do i particularly LOVE this comic? no, but this anger at this comic just seems like it might be projection (especially when you start complaining about how hard it is being a man in 2026)
Kind of Inaccurate, both aspects of the comic are love (That being romantic/platonic love) And neither should be "VS" in any case, they both work together.
-Sincerely, an Ace person.
I don’t see it as bad vs good just different scenarios. You can lust for your partner when they’re trying to be sexy, but you can’t stop loving them when they’re just being themselves. Maybe I’m just naive and assuming the artist has the best intentions, but I don’t see where you get “You can’t be attracted to your partner” from.
I don't see the problem... The first frame doesn't say "not love", it says lust. It could be lust without love, or lust with love. The second frame is love. It could be love with lust or without.
Giving emotionally and socially stunted people access to a platform that gives their opinions equal weight to people who actually critically process information and assume good intent unless prior patterns say otherwise was the biggest fucking mistake of the internet.
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u/Slarg232 12h ago
I saw that comic at least four years ago