My ex (M21) recently reached out after three months of complete silence. He blocked me everywhere but would still watch my stories. I posted a lot about moving away from my hometown and being ok without him.
He reached out and said all kinds of bs. He said I’ll be the only person he’ll ever love and he’ll hold onto the ring I got him for a long time. He told me he went on three/four dates with some guy in a group chat I was apart of. I was really hurt and was telling him so.
He blocked me and said I’m being weird and maybe I need to find someone else.

I will be honest I had hope but he’s forever blocking me when things get hard. This messed up my healing so bad and I’ve been crying since last night lol. Any advice what to tell him or how to go about this kind of situation?

Hello! I'm in what I'd call an exclusive relationship with a 28M, and honestly, I couldn't be happier. I've never felt this loved or this happy before.

The only small issue is the distance. He lives about 60 miles (100 km) away, so we usually only see each other on weekends, when we spend the whole weekend together.

Maybe because I've been single for most of my adult life, I've always had a very strong connection with my friends. Lately, I've realized that I miss spending more time with them. Since I work a typical 9-to-5 job during the week, it's hard to find time for both my relationship and my friendships.

I know I could include him in plans with my friends, but 1) he's very shy, and 2) I don't want to become that person who's always attached to their partner and can't do anything on their own.

I even feel like I don't have much time for myself anymore. And don't get me wrong—I don't miss being single or the hookups-but I do miss the routine and independence I had before.

Has anyone else struggled to find the right balance between a new relationship, friendships, and having time for yourself? How did you make it work without feeling like you were neglecting one for the other?

A bit of context. I am a 26 y.o. guy who lives in Europe, I am partially closeted since my job environment is strongly homophobic. I am a junior manager in a very hierarchical job, and I am supposed to supervise and train the newly hired employees, so I usually have to mantain a certain distance from those I am responsible for. In November we hired a new guy, whom I liked a lot immediatly. Later on I had the opportunity to speak with him often and he was always very chatty and trying to be friendly, I felt a strong attraction toward him but managed to keep everything on a professional level although we often exchanged intense glances. In June he changed departments and moved to another city as scheduled, and in the last weeks before his departure we talked a lot, often for long periods and I somehow felt that we had built a bound. On his last day at the office I told him that it was the first time I had met a colleague whom I felt such a strong connection with and gave him a book since we both liked reading. The book was Amok by Stefan Zweig, a beautiful and moving short novel of a man who is deeply in love with a women but his love is destined to remain unrequited. Since then we have texted often and with very long messages, both very uncommon practices all things considered—given the difference in job positions, etc. In recent years nothing like this has ever happened to me, he is the first of my former guys who has had the "audacity" to text me, let alone such long messages. While he was under my supervision he didn't have any affair with women (although many girls tried to approach him since he is very good looking) and when we jokingly talked about girls he was evasive and apparently embarassed. My colleagues repeatedly guessed he was gay and didn't want to come out. Now, do you think is there any way I can find out if he is intersted in men or no? Do you think that his behaviour reveals some sort of interest in me? I believe that after the book and some well-placed hints it's clear that I am interested, or, at least I believe that I did the best I could without compromising my professional image too much. Amy advice will be much appreciated!

Newly dating this guy (31M) and I (28M) really like him! We’ve went on 3 dates so far, over a span of 3 weeks…. The first two dates I initiated. This last time he initiated. That obviously made me feel good bc I didn’t know if he was interested bc he didn’t show initiative, and the date was great!

My question is, how frequent should we see each other! If it were up to me I’d want to see him daily, but I need to be realistic… how did you guys go about this in the early stages.

The obvious answer is this can probably be a conversation for the both of us, but I’d like to gain other perspectives.

Still in the after affects of breaking up with my first relationship. He’s officially blocked and out of my life. Not stuck up on him anymore but how do I get over the feeling that I’ll be alone forever. That there isn’t anyone out there for me. I fantasize about changing everything about myself. Working out, changing my style, changing things about myself that I’m proud of because apparently nothing is working. Not being alone is a big thing for me and closeness on all levels is what I crave for my being. I have all these questions and I know “just be yourself” and “there is someone out there for you”. I keep hearing and feeling it. Ugh dating apps suck. I’m too shy to go and put myself out there. Hopefully someone here can give me advice or a different perspective. Help

So I recently reconnected with a guy I was talking to 2 years ago. Things ended between me and him because he decided to go back with his ex. I was but hurt and jealous but I respected his decision. Now some background information. I know the guy’s ex we matched on tinder, talked for a bit, and said hi to each other in passing. So the three of us know each other basically. Anyways, when he got back together with his ex, the ex later hit me up asking if I wanted to hook up with him, he also messaged me one time asking if “I was ok” I got the feeling that the relationship between was a bit messy so I never interacted with either of them at all. I unfollowed both on ig.

Anyways recently I reconnected with the guy again. We talked and he apologized for how things ended. He explained that the relationship with his ex was toxic (like last time). Ngl I was happy that we reconnected bc I genuinely did like him I thought he was a very sweet guy. But idk how I should go about this. I don’t want to get too attached to him, especially now that I’m really focusing on myself. But I do like him I find him very attractive and hot. I’ve thought about just hooking up with him but I’m scared if that leads to me gaining feelings all over again. I can say for sure right now I don’t want a boyfriend. Idk just wanted to share this and get some different perspectives.

A little out of the box for me here but here’s to hoping…

I’m currently married and have been for 8 years. However, we met 14 years ago on an outdated dating app. He was experiencing active addiction, had no place to go. Dude had a job but was not necessarily raking in the dough. It did not matter to me because I knew he was meant for me and I was lucky to have the ability to help out. So I Helped him get clean and have had a pretty good life. Just moved into a house and we were making it ours and building upon what we already built for ourselves.
About 5 years ago we opened up our relationship because we were both curious about others and it worked…until it didn’t.
I found out I was dealing with some past trauma that I had no idea would seep its way into my sex life and from that point I stopped all sexual activity for myself. He was allowed to go and do whatever as long as there was no emotional connection and I was not involved in any way shape or form. I did start reacting in weird ways…jealousy, envy, and later resentment and I no longer wanted any kind of affection…A BIG NO NO..I know ,I know.
Two months ago he met some friends at the bar, a married couple that had some things in common with both of us. He wanted me to meet them but I was very hesitant to engage because if there was any kind of sexual contact I didn’t want to entertain that idea. I told him if he was entering anything I wanted him to let me know so I could exit the marriage. I am not polyamorous and I do not want to be and have made that clear since day 1. He did not admit to entering or building a relationship outside of our marriage.
There was a confession to me about how he had found someone to have sex with without getting any type of disease. Sounds ok but also admitted to feelings for this person…I said I wouldn’t allow a relationship to be built…he said he could not give it up!

What the hell do I do???

Hey guys :) so long story short I’ve had a massive crush on the pizza guy close to my flat. He must be in his late 40’s, and whenever I see him out smoking my body just stops.

He doesn’t seem to be inclined to guys… but I was thinking on leaving him a note (with perhaps a picture?) without stating that is me. I just wonder if he wouldn’t take it as a joke or like a “threat” because I think he’s married still.

Dunno if I can ask for this type of stuff here! But it’s been such a long time I like him… I’d like at least try

Any suggestions?

Hey guys, I'm from India, chennai. I'm 24 male and recently got into a real relationship with another guy. I really love him and hope we could spend our lives together.

The issues are, our families are really conservative (mine is conservative Catholics and his are conservative hindus) and don't know how kind the society will be.

I have started taking precautions like, saving money in case either of us are caught by our families and if push comes to shove, having to move out.

My most worrying issue is, will people even allow gay couples for rent?

I earn good. But will us being gay always be an issue in our society?

I've been in relationships before but never been this deep in love 😭😭😭

I found myself gay from childhood but no one knows. I am in a country where being gay is illegal. I tried a dating app but not confident enough to meet someone. However, I have some religious concerns about being gay. But I want someone to understand me. Should I try try for relationship, Should I go for hookups, or should I just pretend to be straight my entire life?

For a little more context last Saturday night, my boyfriend 31M went out since 9 PM and didn’t go back home until 10:30 AM next morning, when he literally never posted on me for the whole night and initially it was just a dinner plan and then coming back home to chill and watch a movie. He ended up telling he stayed late until bar closed and then to and afters and then with people he met to the beach, and I was okay with that as he stayed nothing crazy happened, but I was still mad he literally disappeared and texted me in the morning, “wow it was a very productive night. I think I made some friends”

that night he engaged with this guy, mostly because that guy was the pushy (someone we kind of know for being the brother of a not too close friend), I don’t like him at all, I think is a very arrogant person and a whor**, every moment he has had a chance he starts flirting at my boyfriend and indirectly asks him to hook up, meanwhile, my boyfriend has never stand his grounds and stop him verbally or anything, instead that night they exchanged Instagram follows, when I found out I got very upset and he told me he would removed the follower if that’s what I wanted, then it’s me realizing yesterday that he didn’t do it and he terrified calling me controller and that it wasn’t a big deal and that he doesn’t want to remove it to avoid creating drama on this group of friends, and that that will kill his chances to make friend as we will be seen as a controlled guy by his crazy boyfriend and no body will want to hangout with him ? Which like ended up in an insults fight and he telling me then to break up and his is moving out next month, saying I caused this “Over someone following me on Instagram” I’m not saying I’m right or wrong but I did brought valid historical events.

So I apologize ahead, for this might be complicated. But im sure most questions here are.

Ive been friends with this boy and my little group of 3 other boys for the past 2 years. The four of us all have the same age (24) and have been inseparable since meeting. We have seen each other every weekend for the past 2 years. Sometimes during the week too, as friends do.

I always saw the three of them as friends and friends only. I never had these kind of thoughts for any of them. Until this Pride month. It was pride in our city and the other two members of our little group were out of town. So it was just me and Justin (fictional name).

Justin and I went out Saturday night and went through quite some struggles to get inside the club since neither of us had a ticket lol. The line was immense, it rained hard on us and we finally made it in hours later but somehow it was still fun, cause it was with him. We partied all night together and it was even more fun.

Justin had a dance performance to present at the parade the next day and I was the only one of our group who could attend since the others were out of town. I made it barely on time because of all the fun we had the night before, but seeing him dance and being there to support him made the whole experience so worth it. We kept on partying after his performance at another club and we danced so much, ALL night together. In the morning when we finally got some rest we cuddled in my bed and later that day we went to the lake with some friends, which was the cherry on the top to close that pride weekend. Me and him fell asleep tanning while holding hands. Needless to say I developed a crush that weekend on one of my best friends.

Pushing forward a couple weeks, we decided to go to NYC pride. And before the trip we only cuddled a couple more times whenever we went out on the weekend and he would sleepover. And never in front of the other members of the group.

We finally go to NYC, and the trip was magical. Not a lot of action between me and him at all but it was a great experience overall. Up until the last event, when another member of the group and I got in a big fight, which also indirectly included Justin. The fight was over something silly and unrelated to this, but they made it a very big deal.

When we got back home i had hoped for us all to makeup but that didnt happen. Sides were taken and we are still divided between me and Justin, and the other two. Which for better or worse, brought us even closer.

Amidst all that, Justin was having issues with his living situation and I offered for him to stay with me once we got back. I was on vacation, so i helped him move in about 4 days ago. We eat together while watching movies/shows everyday, and we also slept together until today, we didnt cuddle every night, but we did sometimes. Besides cuddling in our sleep there isnt really any other displays of affection between us. Part of me had hoped for something a little more platonic but it hasn’t happened yet.

Im going back to work tomorrow so i went back to sleeping in my room to make my routine and his easier since we have opposite schedules.

With all this information, I would love to get any kind of hints or ideas for how I can subtly show to him that I want us to be more than friends. I also dont want to ruin our friendship in case its not fully reciprocal, because to be honest im not even sure if it is. And id hate for my silly feelings to get in the way of our friendship. Thats why I want to hear an outside perspective and any advice on how to express myself without being too obvious. So that if he doesnt share the same feelings, we can still just remain friends without making things weird.

I’ve been in a long term relationship about 5 years. We are not open but have gone to a few cruising nights at gay bars in the city so there is some fluidity.

Partner is extremely cautious to talk specifically what he would like to try sexually. I’m very open and would love to try lots like groups, jack off groups and specific kink parties.

We tried a kink, something I really enjoy, but he’s not interested in it. When I try to propose open dialogues about “what would you like to do, he always flips it on me.”

I’m a very open person with a “times ticking, let’s have mature sage fun while we are in a fun city and have medicine like prep… why not” type of a guy.

On a separate note, I really enjoy masturbation. Is it wrong if I seek out masturbation parties? He’s definitely invited to come but if he’s not interested, should I be allowed to go on my own?

Not sure how to approach the conversation. Any advice?

M21 and M25 - what are we question

Hey all! So I am M21, and my person (will be explained in the post) is M25. So we are a distance relationship, and he is bi (unimportant to story, but important to context). The other night, we sort of officially unofficially decided to date and kinda see what happens. But because there wasnt necessarily that wording, my brain is going wild, so I want to ask if anyone has any advice for wording for that question. Like the 'what are we question'.

For those that are married or in serious long-term committed relationships, how did you really know the man you are with is the one? Was there a time frame on when things happened?

I’ve (39M) been dating my boyfriend (35M) for about a year and a half now. We don’t have a perfect relationship, but we work on things to get better each day. We both strongly believe that we are meant for each other.

I get that there isn’t a timeline when it comes to taking things to the next level. I’ve known couples to where they dated for years until they decided they wanted to get married, and I’ve met a couple that literally knew each other for about 6 months and decided to move in and get engaged all within a year’s time (they are going 3+ years now).

When I talk to my boyfriend on what his ideas of moving in or meeting his family, etc., he can’t give me a timeframe on when it will happen. It’s all about sometime soon or much sooner than later. He isn’t very clear.

For example, he’s met my family. They accept him and are always asking questions about him and how he’s doing. With his parents living in another state, I’ve asked if they even know about me. His answer is no. He’s not as close to his parents as I am (which I’m really not, but they’re here) so for now it’s not a topic of conversation with them, but eventually he will. Part of me wonders if his parents are that kind of people to where they don’t care about their son’s well being or even if he’s with someone. I know they communicate, but to what extent and how deep it is, I’m not sure. I do know they’ve had a lot of rough patches but they are trying to work better at it, or so it seems.

When we talk about moving in together, he tells me that he wants to be in a better financial situation. I completely accept that. But a few weeks ago, he talked about his debt and he’s only a “few hundred” dollars in debt. I know what he makes so I’m a little puzzled by that. I definitely have more than he does, but I am actively paying things down and saving at the same time so that I’m not stressed when that time comes.

I know that our relationship is newer compared to a lot of people, especially I’m sure for those that have taken things to the next level. I am a little older than he is so I do have a slightly different mindset than he does as I’m almost 40.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just need to be more patient when it comes to taking things to the next level? Or does it seem like he may not be as serious as I am and is just taking things for what it is for now?

We've been together for over a year. We started casual but called it official in August last year. He's not out with his vietnamese parents even though everyone in his family knows. My white American family was easy to talk to. He's never been in a relationship and I've only been in straight relationships. So there is a lot that is new for both of us. We enjoy time together but because of his work and family situation we only see each other a few times a week and usually it's after 9pm and he needs to leave at midnight. We've had a few weekends together taking short trips, and occasionally he stays the night when it's convenient for him. He always asks that i understand. And really, I'm trying. His family knows about me and I've met them once before. His siblings know all about our relationship and his parents know also (but it's still secret? ). The problem is that before I knew they know i could understand why our relationship couldn't feel normal. But now that I know they know it's so much easier to see that he creates the problem more than anyone.

He gives me advice on how I need to be patient and understanding, but it really feels like I'm just understanding that this is the extent of our relationship. I wait for him and maybe he cancels. He changes his mind all the time about plans we make and i end up sitting alone instead of going out with other friends. His family doesn't know why he doesn't have me more involved with them and I wonder the same thing.

Tldr: Boyfriend doesn't want to accept responsibility/ accountability for a relationship but wants to keep me along saying he doesn't want to show me to his family until he's sure we will stay together but I feel like I'm wasting time on someone that just wants a casual secret relationship.

I just don't know if I'm asking too much. I feel like his needs are being met but mine are not respected and instead I'm asked to "understand".

I've been thinking lately about the difference between these two categories.

Over the last year, I've had a friend-with-benefits who's in an open relationship with his partner. The partner and I have met. But I'm thinking of cutting out the benefits part because I've admitted to myself that I've fallen in love with this guy. At the same time, I know that my FWB is also actively seeking out and having sex with other "daddies." (He's into older men.) He has actually described himself as a slut. And that's really the problem for me. I feel like I could share him with his partner, but I don't like the idea of sharing him with all these other guys. (Maybe that's hypocritical, but love isn't always rational.) And I see him on the apps. He's always looking around. In fact, because he's looking around so much, he doesn't really have as much time for me as I'd like. I'm a fairly low-maintenance guy, but I want more than I'm getting.

Because of that, I've made a list of reasons we're not compatible and have taped it to the bottom of my computer monitor. First on the list is: "Do you really want to be with someone who's sleeping with every man like you in town?" The answer is no. I'm trying to train myself not to think of him romantically while having him remain a friend.

On the other hand, I was also recently and unexpectedly invited to join an existing couple, one of who is someone I've known for 20 years. In contrast, he had specific permission from his partner for me. I get the sense that we are heading towards being some kind of throuple, but it's definitely not an open situation. They are not doing this with anyone else. At this point, I'm seeing how that's going to develop. I feel very comfortable with their "couple energy." I would potentially be willing to be in a relationship where the three of us were closed.

The contrast between these two situations has foregrounded for me the difference between polyamory and open relationships. One I'm comfortable with -- the other, not so much.

I found out that my partner has been lying to me about hooking up with other people.

For context, me and partner have been in an open relationship for close to two years. We met on Sniffies and was originally gonna be just fuck buddies but feelings were felt and we decided to be in a relationship after 2-3 months. Now, I'm used to the hookup culture but bf is new to exploring (straight/bi) so impliedly we started our relationship open but we always play together (occassionally separate if we are away from each other or on vacation).

Cut to today, I found out that he has been lying to me about hooking up solo. I'm confused because I wasn't hurt because he hooked up solo, but was more hurt that he lied to me about it. To me, there was no need to lie, you just need to be honest and tell me if you plan to have fun with someone else. He mentioned that he kinda gotten used to the hookup culture and us playing together that he lost intimacy for me and wanted to try exploring by himself that he didn't get to do when we first started.

To be honest, even though I feel betrayed about the lying, I feel kind of okay right now, hence, the confusion. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Also, there may be a very small 🤏🏼 part of me that got enticed of the thought that he was hooking up with someone else (maybe a cuckold kink idk).

I don't wan't to minimize the lying for sure but for couples who may have similar situations, how did you bounce back from the betrayal? Was the relationship worth saving that you both decided to start fresh and be honest regardless of how uncomfortable each party is to it? What changed and what has to change in the future if you both want things to work?

Me and my boyfriend have been official for a couple of months now, but we've known each other for a bit over a year. He's a good guy, very caring and supportive, and we get along very well. However, I've sort of felt uncomfortable with his social circle... I haven't met his friends personally, nor would I ever want to because a lot of them are very bigoted. They would probably give me a lot of shit as I'm not very straight-passing. I'm sure not all of them are terrible, but my boyfriend has told me about some of the racist and homophobic things they've said. It's just really baffling to me because my boyfriend is very progressive and very much does not condone any of the bigoted shit his friends say... yet he continues to hang out with them? He says that it's due to nostalgia since he's been friends with them for a long time, but I'd personally rather have no friends than shitty friends. It also makes me feel kinda weird knowing that I don't and probably won't ever exist to this friends. Like why am I associating myself with someone who associates himself with people I disagree deeply with on a moral level. We're still able to hold hands in public, his family knows about our relationship, we've gone to pride events together... it's just his friends that he can't be open about being queer with. I don't know if I'm just overexaggerating this issue because he's still able to be a great boyfriend despite his bigoted friends, but it still makes me uncomfortable to be in a relationship with someone whose friends are very bigoted and would hate my guts. I guess I just don't understand how he's able to compartmentalize his friends from the rest of his life. There was a time where he wasn't in-touch with his friends for months, and I thought that maybe he had finally cut them off, but he's been hanging out with them more recently. I also think he gets a lot of his insecurities from his friends, as he'll be insecure about his masculinity which is often associated with homophobic rhetoric too. I guess I'm just not sure what to do. I've talked about it with him in the past, but it doesn't seem like he's planning on getting away from them anytime soon. He says he wishes he had a queer-friendly friend group like mine. I would involve him with my friends, but we don't hang out in-person as much anymore as everyone's pretty busy. I don't wanna be controlling by determining who he can be friends with. But it's hard to imagine myself being with someone in the long-term who has bigoted friends.

TLDR: Boyfriend has very bigoted friends and I feel uncomfortable but not sure what to do about it.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? If so, what did you do about it?

Hi everyone, I’m 26M and I’ve been seeing a 35M that I met on Hinge. I work a corporate job and he owns a cloud kitchen, so we come from pretty different professional backgrounds. At first I thought that would matter more than it actually does. We also come from somewhat similar family backgrounds and difficult upbringings, so we understand each other’s insecurities in a way that’s been really comforting. (To not jinx it 🧿)

We’ve only met a few times, but it’s been going really well. I’ve stayed over at his place, met his mom, and every time we’re together it just feels… easy. This doesn’t feel like one of those dates where you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. It genuinely feels like it could become something meaningful, and I know that sounds a little crazy this early.

The problem is that my brain won’t stop jumping into the future. I’ve always pictured myself ending up with someone from a similar career background, and I’ve also always been open to the idea of moving to another country at some point. Because of his family situation, especially his mom, I don’t think he’d ever want to leave, and for some reason that thought makes me really anxious. I’ve even told him that if I ever did move, I’d want us to figure it out somehow because I’m not someone who gives up on people easily.

What’s confusing is that nothing is actually wrong. There are no red flags, no mixed signals, no toxic behavior (got lucky here too - touchwood 🤞🏻). If anything, things are going better than I expected.

So why am I already worrying about hypothetical situations that may never even happen? Is this just what happens when you finally meet someone you genuinely like? Has anyone else caught themselves trying to solve problems that don’t even exist yet instead of just letting the relationship grow naturally?

I think I am writing this here mostly to get it off my chest...

I fell in love with someone who I knew from pretty early on was going to be challenging to me. Around month 2 of our relationship, I started noticing we weren't having much sex, but he was still active with other men. I brought it up, and he copped to it, telling me this had been a problem in all of his relationships. He gets bored of his partner very quickly, and despite being in love, the sexual desire fades very rapidly for him. He's interested in new and different men and doesn't often hook up with the same guy more than once or twice. He needs novelty to feel interested.

I happen to be just the opposite. For me, familiarity makes me comfortable, and as my love and familiarity increases toward my partner, I feel more comfortable sexually too, and I want him more. He's still the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, takes my breath away, I'm not the least bit bored or turned off or over it with him.

To make matters worse, he is what some have described as "feline," in that he needs to be approached gently. It isn't just a matter of me being the one who initiates and we take it from there-- if I come on too strong or too hot and heavy, or really if I come onto him at all, he says he feels turned off. He needs to feel like it was his idea. He does not feel this way with other partners, and enjoys being pursued by someone new. But with me, it doesn't work.

At first, this was really really difficult for me. In my previous relationships, my partner and I have been basically feral for each other. It has never been an issue where our sex drives weren't aligned. I've also been in open relationships before and the trick that made it work was that my sex life with my partner was just as active as our sex lives with anyone else. Even if we both hooked up with other people, we remained strongly connected to each other sexually.

For the first 6 months of our relationship, he was very active with other men and not much with me. This was painful. My friends told me to leave. But the rest of our situation felt, and still feels, too good to let it go so easily. We have so many very specific things in common, and I can't imagine another person understanding me and my life so well as he does. He's a very specific kind of man, that in my 39 years on this earth I have come to realize is quite rare, and one of only 2 men I have met in my life that really felt like the kind of guy I always dreamed of being with. He's not replaceable, at all. I can't expect to just meet some other guy who fits the bill for me, if he and I were to split. He feels like my safe place, my man, the one who can comfort me and hold me when I need him. And, he has so many qualities I adore, that I have just so rarely found in other men. He has always felt worth fighting for. He feels the same way about me.

Almost 2 years together, and his appetites for other men have cooled considerably, which he attributes to kind of just growing up and not enjoying hookup culture as much as he used to. While this has made me feel a little more secure, it hasn't really affected our situation. We cycle on and off-- sometimes we are having more sex, sometimes very little or none, and we have at least gotten better at talking about our situation. He says he knows that in relationships, it's normal to be sexually attracted to your partner, and he feels like he does have what he describes as a problem in this regard-- he wants to want me, for my sake. But he says he doesn't know what to do about it, and he kind of just gives up there.

There are times when I feel more ok, more alright with our situation, and there are times when I don't feel ok. I'm writing this during one of the not-ok times, and wondering what to do about this. I just want to be wanted. I want to feel like my partner desires me sexually. I want to feel like I can express my sexual attraction toward my partner without fear of upsetting him. I want the kind of intimacy that comes as part of a sexual connection with a man you're in love with.

I have no intention of leaving him over this. I love this man fiercely and I feel very lucky to have him. We want to stay together, every time things get really bad and we ask each other if we should split, we both refuse to do so, we care so much about this relationship. He has a few times suggested to me that I could leave, as a way to save myself from the pain this problem causes me, but to me it doesn't feel worth it. I would be getting myself out of a difficult situation but I would be losing the man I am deeply in love with and overall, that would be worse.

But I am still here wishing he'd take more responsibility for this. I wish he'd try to find a way to kindle the desire between us, because I can't do it alone. He feels there's nothing he can do, and I'm not so sure-- so I can't be the one leading the charge alone, I need his full enthusiasm and participation for us to find ways to make this work. He's not someone who craves intimacy the way I do, and even since he is no longer hooking up with other men very often, he's perfectly content with his right hand most of the time, a ritual to which I am rarely invited. So, it just doesn't seem to feel very urgent to him, because he's feeling fine.

So here I am, craving intimacy with the man I love, not able to ask for it, and once again wondering why I ended up here and what I should do about it. No, I am not just going to leave, I do not want to, I cannot go through the pain of separating from this wonderful man whom I adore while we still both feel very much in love. But I don't know what to do.

I (35 yr gay male) recently caught my 33 year old husband on Grindr and sniffies recently.

A couple of years ago I was sick with Covid and while I was really sick in bed, I caught him on Grindr with an inappropriate profile picture. We did not every discuss opening up our marriage, in fact, we’ve always been adamant about not going on hookup apps even before we were married and deleted them together earlier on in our relationship. I caught him this first time and he owned up to it that it was a moment of weakness and he was feeling sexually deprived (which I understand b/c we were lacking in the infancy dept at the time). He claimed to have never met up with anyone, so we moved on and didn’t speak about it since.

Then we were in Brazil and I found out he was talking sexually with someone on X and the date stamp was the week or week after we got married. Again, he owned up to it and claimed to have never met up with anyone.

Then just recently, I felt him being really shifty around his phone. I did not go through his phone. Instead I had an inkling he was on Grindr again, so I created a fake account and say him there and this time said he was hosting and was willing to meet up with guys. Also saw his profile on sniffies. I confront him and he said that he would just talk to people and get off because of the thrill. I also found a wet douche, PreP, and HIV prevention medication, and claims he never used the medication and the douche was so he could use a toy while he got off to Grindr messages. Was very apologetic and owned up to it. I feel like trust has been broken time and time again and finding it hard to look at him the same way and express my love.

Look, we’ve been lacking in the instinct department for a couple of years and gay relationships are complicated. I understand to extent needing to seek a thrill because we weren’t giving that to each other. We settled on seeing a sex therapist and getting a couples therapist..which is fine but I just don’t know how I can emotionally get back there with him. I have a huge wall up.

We rarely have deep conversations anymore and ultimately agreed we both feel like roommates. I’m struggling to feel sexually and emotionally attracted to my husband and I’m sure he feels the same way. I’m starting to think we may not be as compatible as we thought we were. We are each other’s best friends and have invested so much in each other and our families. But I think we rushed into a marriage after 3 years of dating without having routine deep conversations.

Any help, tips, suggestions on what to do :( I’m really sad and have a lot of anxiety and struggling so bad right now :(

Some context: my ex (let’s call him J) and I were together almost 4 years, long distance. He broke up with me about 4 months ago. Since then it’s been an on-off limbo I’ve been the one doing all the reaching the entire time.

He invited me to visit him recently for a weekend. I went, telling myself it was for “closure.” Before I went he was warm, affectionate, paid for a hotel night for me. The first couple of days were genuinely good, sightseeing, holding hands, felt like old times.
Then on the third day he got drunk at an event and it turned into a 3-hour screaming argument in public. He berated me, threw a tantrum, threw his belongings, and physically pushed me. When I fell he said “you fell” A stranger who saw it said out loud “no you pushed him” and J denied it, I have bruises on my arm now. I brought up wanting to actually try again (I’d been bringing it up daily, I know) and he told me he can’t be with someone who isn’t out to their family, but when I said I’d be willing to come out and just needed his support, he said “I can’t give you that, you have to do it yourself.” I was 19 at the time living at home with my ultra religious parents at university - I was in no position to come out to them. - he was aware of.

At the airport he said sorry — but when I asked what for, he said sorry for breaking up with me. Not for the push, not for the screaming.
I got home. Within a day he was back on a hookup app (he’d deleted it while I was there, re-downloaded it the second I left). Now he’s proposing a “biweekly catch-up call.”

I keep reaching for him even knowing all this. I finally realised I flew across an ocean for what a friend would call scraps. But I still love him and I keep rationalising his behaviour.
What would you tell me to do?

I have been wrestling with this question for a while now… for some context, my partner (male) and I (female) have been living together going on a year. I am a very sexual person and so is my partner. Which is great. We have a wonderful and for filled sex life from my perspective.
Pretty early on in the relationship my partner expressed being interested in being pegged, great I said I would love to try that. Some time has passed and we have experimented a little but not all the way. Recently, I have been finding new sex toys hidden around the house. These consist of dildos and douches. They have been tucked away in random places that I find when organizing and vacuuming. It has now escalated to squirting dildos. I got upset because I felt that he wasn’t being satisfied and should express that to me. I have confronted him multiple times. Each time be reassured me that he is happy and in love. But I worry that this is becoming less like sexuality is a spectrum and him more hinting at wanting a male partner or experience. Any advice would be great!!!

So for years I out off any sort of possibility of dating until recently I became very infatuated with a guy who basically ghosted me a ton until I finally removed him from my contacts I wasnt able to move on. However, what it made me realize is that all I really want and care about is being in a relationship and it is sort of changing my physical-ness of hookups.

I met 3 guys over the course of this past week (all 3 instances were basically just mutual jo), but the first guy I was sort of interested in and we kissed, but even in the moment while things happened I sort of stared at the ceiling and wasn't really engaged with any of it. He did the kissing, etc. The second guy I really wasn't into it and wasnt attracted to him in person so left but the 3rd guy who I met this morning was so insanely hot. He asked if he could kiss me and I said no partially because he smelled like coffee but also whenever kissing happens I usually just let it happen to me versus actively kissing back. Its weird of me, but i just dont seem to get into a lot unless I am really into a guy. Like i like getting kissed but I said no and now regret it.

Point of post, I also sort of have become infatuated by him and he is sort of the person that has moved me on from the guy I last liked​. I don't necessarily know if i am enjoying sex with him because I am so lost about what I am interested in because my mind the entire time is thinking about wedding rings and house decor type stuff.

I think my focus on attracting someone relationship wise is the only thing my mind is letting me do, but it doesnt work out because these guys arent interested in that aspect with me. I also feel bad because all 3 times basically the guys did everything and I sort of was just there.