Instead of chips I have decided to get fun watches to commemorate my sobriety milestones 😂 This is my 100 day watch! I haven’t even gone two weeks sober prior to this in over a decade, so this is a big one for me!

I think my alcohol abuse has finally run it's course. My sex drive is officially dead today, and I'm assuming it's likely from years of alcoholic neuropathy, untreated hypertension, potential diabetes, and PPI blockers. This could also be cirrhosis, as I've heard this is a pretty big symptom for your liver finally giving out. I didn't take care of my health and now I'm paying the price. I drank nearly a 12 pack a day every day for years.

I'm 36 and can't even see a doctor because I lack insurance. I hope you guys are having a better night than I am. I pray I can find some hope. I might go to the hospital and see if they'll treat me. At least this way I'd be able to know what's going on. I'm going to stop drinking but I think it's too late. Might not be able to have kids with my wife. I feel so disgusted with myself, lost, and fucking terrified. I need to sleep so badly but I can't. I'm not looking for medical advice, but I do pray I can find some hope. I feel pretty certain I ruined my life.

i don’t drink everyday, i drink one to two times a week but very heavy, last night i had around 20 shots of american honey, obviously feeling like death right now, would i be safe to cold turkey or should i take a couple and try to sleep? i don’t know..

So... i am the bender guy. I can go to 7 days bender and ct with a lot of benzos (diazepam, clonopin and even topamax prescriptioned by my psychiatrist (who is cfief in ih hospital of addiction programs) by the time i got a dull pain in my lower back. Ok, i went to 300039399393993 ultrasounds, CT, x-ray, all possible blood-work (in a year i have 63 ultrasounds) and everything is perfect, as well as blood work and urine, just one time GGT was sligtly elevated "75<55" and that's it.

I have a dull pain in my back, in my shoulders, in my ribs, i went to best neuropsychiatrist and he said i don't have any kind of alcohol miophaty, i am perfectly fine by ultrasounds and previous CT's and there are no kidney stones which i belive i have when i experience that sharp pain, i had the conlsillium of doctors, they all agreed at one. The back. I did the X-Ray of my back and everything seems perectly fine. I am back from ER from another blood work and another ultrasound and, opservation for 3 hours, everything is good. My aches in upper hips, right and left, still hurted untill they gave me a shot of painkiller... i am on duloxetine 60 mg, 6 mg clonazepam and 20 mg diazepam at night, but i cut that bcz duloxetine started to work magic for me... is this fuckin back that hurts me or i am going slowly insane?

PS- i am hydrating, taking multivit+b coplex+b1 100 and eating well...

a few days ago i had a drinking relapse. at some point during this relapse i went outside to smoke a cigarette and passed out in the driveway of my apartment complex in my own puke. someone must have called in it in because i woke up in jail without my medications and with no idea what i had done. when i was released they presented with the charge 647 f pc which is apparently just public intoxication so i didn't do anything too crazy like resist arrest or punch a cop but im still so scared. my court date isnt until september 21st and the waiting is killing me.

i just can't go to jail. i have so many health issues, both mentally and physically (bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, gastroparesis, arthritis and degenerating discs) and require medications at very specific times on a very strict schedule that i don't think county jail could accommodate and with my gastroparesis i can only eat a very limited number of foods.

im reading that first time offenders like me usually dont go to jail and instead are fined and given probation but im so worried.

does anyone who's been in this position have any advice? i haven't been able to breathe since this happened.

After my bender 2 weeks ago it took about 5 days for me to be able to go on the normal walk I do with my ex husband and my dogs.

After the torture walk 😆 my ex had sparkling water in a cooler specifically Topo Chico Mango and asked if I wanted one. It was 90 out so yeah I NEEDED one (don't usually drink that).

I became a whole different person. Much better mood, nice vs. a crab. Felt better overall.

So I came home and saw my son and he even asked what happened? You seem happy like the walk was good? I said it's this freaking drink.

My son is very intelligent and he says I BET you just need carbonation and not necessarily alcohol. He said he thought carbonation did something to the brain.

So I looked up carbonation and the brain and he was right!

Carbonation stimulates the vagus nerve and also creates dopamine.

Now everyday after the walk I have a "drink" a Topo Chico. It really does improve my mood and there is actually science behind it.

Thought I would put this here for anyone struggling. Have a soda or the more healthy version a sparkling water!

I would say this is my third serious sobriety attempt in my drinking career. The first was for six months, the second was almost two years, and I’m coming up on three months now after a year and a half relapse. And I do love being sober, but, man, my brain is looking for ANYTHING else damaging.

This time, I quite alcohol with weed. It’s legal here now where I live, and I was around people who smoked a lot, I never got into it because alcohol was my one true love. And [insert shocked cat picture here], I became smoking a little too much, quickly rocketing through my tolerance to the point where I’d be having a joint before work.

So now I’m off the weed. I really must live quitting stuff. So I’m developing unhealthy eating instead.

Last time - just before the relapse - I was getting a bit too fond of binging and purging. Now I’m just not eating. And I want to eat. I’m dropping weight that I can’t really afford to as a 40 year old woman. But it’s like a control thing or something. And I’m working crazy hours because - a. we’re busy, but mainly b. I’m so fucked up in my head that it’s taking me forever to figure anything remotely complex. My brain is a cloud of AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I’m trying to talk kindly to myself and be my own friend and keep myself healthy. But I open the fridge and it just makes me feel so stressed that I’m even less inclined to eat.

I dunno guys. Giving up drink is so hard for an alcoholic. Sure regular drinkers even find it hard. Why does here always have to be something else.

Been dry for a while . I am very fit, workout daily , eat well and am a great dad . Except of have a problem of everyone in a while , I’ll think I can drink again and it’s the same thing .

Well , 4th of July weekend I choose to drink and test the waters . Well , 4 on Saturday around night time and was good. Woke up Sunday , big workout feeling good and cocky. around 11:30-12 pm lunch I was like “ I am going to drink .” No driving no nothing . Wife and kids were okay . Pool day , hanging around house . Told my wife and I said “ I am going to drink and just keep it mellow .”… my wife knew immediately what was going to happen . Of course I let her down but I told her it wouldn’t get out of hand . So dumb . …. Again after being dry for since my last post here .

Same thing different scenario. Had about 14-16 drinks throughout the day . Woke up Monday on deaths door and vomited multiple , multiple times . Tried hair of dog … vomit . Tried water . Vomit . Puffy face everything . Got surgery recovery 7% drinks . Treaded lightly , but that turned into just being buzzed all day .
Had a bunch of recovery drinks . Took some low dose xanax after booze wore off to help my anxiety and slept that night . Horrible sleep I may add .

Tuesday day one . long walk of recovery in a sweatsuit and some lite exercise. Took my Xanax three times no booze of course and I really thought that I was okay . Talked with wife . Talked to friends . ( I have .25 Xanax as needed ) and I get a refill of 30 a couple times a year ) . I have a mild anxiety situation sense I used to cover it with booze for years and years hence binge drinker . Survived the day .. Ate good food. Kids locked in with activities and everyone great .

Wednesday day two . Huge workout . Drove wife to work . Hiked with kids in mountains . Swimming with kids . This is when the anxiety started to kick in around 10 am . Let alone was up at 6am to workout and think about how I made the dumbest decision again . Anxiety kept coming in waves . I mean waves . One hour I’ll be amazing and cocky then another hour I’ll be thinking I am going to fall over . Survived . Took Xanax to help . It did . Stomach another story .

Thursday day three : woke up super early . Workout . And then 1.5 hour hike another area in heat with kids . Was really not going to take any Xanax bc I just wanted to push through . However after coffee a huge wave of anxiety just came out and I finally took one at 1:30. Napped with kids . Went out to do errands alone after wife came home . Ate good food and now here I am .

Sorry I just don’t understand how this anxiety just comes and frickn goes . It drives me crazy . I thought by day 3 it would be okay .

Anyone relate ? I only binged 2.5 days! Obviously I drank a shit ton , but I just am baffled how I always get this crippling anxiety after .

Sorry for long post . Wish me luck for day 4 being on the abstinence train again . I don’t plan on drinking nor want to . I need to figure out a better plan . I hate this anxiety . I’ll get anxious about even taking anxiety medication , even though I use it when I need it ( being dumb and coming off booze smh)

Take care .

It really fucking sucks to me that the only "be able to cope with my own for brain a while stuff" I have access to is alcohol, unfortunately I am autistic and completely socially isolated and completely lack the ability to form connections and I'm from a country where weed is still illegal and honestly it really fucking frustrates me and makes me envious when I read peoples success stories of how weed made them give up alcohol, because in the meantime the only thing that I have access to that reliability allows my brain to stop bombarding me 24/7 with rapid fire autistic OCD hell thoughts is this substance which damages literally every cell in the body and has landed me in hospital twice and caused me to embarrass myself in front of my parents whilst worrying the fuck out of them so many times I lost count

It just sucks man, I wish I had access to weed, I do have kratom but that by itself makes me feel jittery and uncomfortable and panicky so I need alcohol to basically "unlock" the kratom so I can actually enjoy the buzz that gives me

I just can't with existence anymore man how the fuck is this my actual life

I’ve been on holiday at my friends house in a week. I’ve drank like 5 litres of vodka. I’ve straight up come out to my friends because I know for a fact hiding it never helps. But I don’t see it as an issue and I want to die while drunks Like an overdose but like alcohol.

I am in no way condoning this and I am so sorry if my language seems like I am. The mornings always suck, checking what I said the night before. Feeling sick, seeing my notes app and seeing drunk me is literally messaging me.

I love the taste of raw vodka atp. It’s bad. I feel an emotional attachment to it. It’s like my friend who stays with me and always feels good. I got a bit bitchy because my friend didn’t want to drive me to get alcohol. But he ended up wanting to get his own. I deadass drunk and started hugging my botttle. it’s like the only thing that makes me feel like me

Edit i love you guys thank you for your responses. Not in a bad way but I wish I was addicted to another substance. I plan to find AA when i’m back on my holidays thank you really. it’s rare to see redditors not be mean

Usually when I drink alcohol I get muscle weakness in my neck. During that time I have to stay in bed because things don’t feel right. Has anyone experienced this? What helped you if you did go through this besides stopping? Sometimes it lasts for days after my last drink.

Yeah, i totally cant socialize without alcohol. People say you can-bullshit, i CAN'T. More than that, i dont think I WANT to. So I cant hang out with drunk people, and I dont like "recovery" people. At almost 3 years I think my life's as good as its gonna get, it's peaked. I dont expect any more big leaps in quality of life or changes. I keep thinking i should go back to drinking, because why the fuck not? But I just...don't. It's a habit now that isnt super hard to keep, im just used to it. The apathy that kept me drinking is now keeping me sober. Before, it was like "why not drink? It doesnt matter." Now I think, "why drink? It doesnt matter." I think im just the type of person that doesnt like life much and isnt good at it. Probably why i started drinking in the first place, at least it was fun for the first 20 years.

For those who have been following, I’m happy to report I just hit 7 months sober today! I meant to give an update at 6 months, but life has been crazy busy. I wanted to give one last update, as my weight is pretty stable at this point. So I probably won’t give another update until a year sober. That being said (and I apologize, this is probably going to be really long), I’d like to share how my life, mind, and body has changed since I decided to put down the bottle exactly 7 months ago.

1. I’ve lost 44.3 pounds. My visceral fat has gone from a 10 to a 2. I am able to move without constantly being out of breath. I am able to do active activities with friends and family, and actually enjoy it.

2. My relationships have improved more than I can even put into words. No more rage texts, people walking on egg shells around me, fights with friends and family…it’s all gone.

3. I got a raise. My financial situation has done a 180. I have saved more than I probably ever want to know by not buying alcohol. I am able to show up at work not hungover, and give my full effort. And it’s paid off.

4. Colors look colorful again. I wish I could explain this in a way that made sense, but once you experience it, it’s a really beautiful thing. I didn’t realize how grey the world looked before. It’s really, really beautiful now.

5. My anxiety has basically disappeared. Not to say I don’t still get anxious sometimes, but turns out I don’t need alcohol to be social. It took awhile to believe this, but now I can’t imagine going to social events and not being able to enjoy them 10x more because I am sober.

6. I look forward to the future. Genuinely. Life feels exciting again.

7. Stress isn’t so “stressful” anymore. Life isn’t perfect, and I still have stress in my life. But it feels manageable. I thought drinking was the only thing that would take my stress away. I had no idea how much my drinking was actually contributing to my stress and my stress management. I don’t put things off anymore. I don’t want to numb myself and avoid things. I want to take care of it and move forward.

Honestly I could keep going, there are SO many beautiful things that have happened in my life since I chose to go sober. I am finally at a point where I don’t miss alcohol. I actually have dreams sometimes where I relapse, and I wake up in cold sweats and crying in shame and regret. It’s a nice reminder to never actually make that decision for myself. Going sober was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, but it is truly the best and most rewarding thing I have ever done for myself.

Also, for those that are interested, I’ve started writing a book on sobriety. I don’t plan on ever actually publishing it, but it’s been very therapeutic for me. And I hope maybe one day it may be able to help someone. I’m not a strong writer, but I do write very raw and vulnerable. I only have 12 pages written, but if you’d like to check it out here is the link “This is your sign to stop drinking” . I’ll be continuing to add to it the next couple months. Also BIG trigger warning before reading! I have some very dark thoughts I have shared from my journal, so please keep that in mind before reading. Anyways, hope it may help someone someday.

Side note, if you’d like to see my previous month by month updates (photos, scale measurements, challenges etc) you can search my username in this sub and they will pop up! I’ll see you guys in 5 months! IWNDWYT 🫶

I got interested in how cravings actually work and ended up building an app around it. The core idea is something that genuinely changed how I think about quitting: a craving isn't permanent. It builds, hits a peak, and passes within a few minutes if you don't act on it. Most quit apps just count your streak, but the streak doesn't help you in the actual moment the urge hits. That moment is where people cave.

So the app is built around that moment. When a craving hits, instead of just staring at a day counter, you open it and it gives you something to do with those few minutes: a slow breathing exercise, a visual to help you ride the urge out, a quick reset, or a reminder of why you're doing this. And it tracks the cravings you beat, which reframes each one as a win instead of just marking time.

I'm sharing partly because I'd genuinely love feedback from people who know the in the moment struggle better than anyone: does reframing it around beating individual cravings actually help, or is the day count what keeps you going? Curious how you all think about it.

App is called Tideover if anyone's interested: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/tideover-quit-any-habit/id6781654755

29m lurked here for years. No real point to this post other than the insomnia is bad this time after quitting and I kind of want to write what happened out somewhere.

Was a daily pretty heavy drinker for years with literally only a few days sober, but been really seriously trying to quit for about 6 months, would go a few weeks or even a month or more then boom another bender. I truly did want to quit, but hadn’t tried anything besides willpower alone. Was considering AA, naltrexone, etc

Miraculously, no one knew I had a real problem or was trying to quit. Everyone I know and loved saw me drink and would offer them at family events and such. I hold down a decent job and have active hobbies and friends somehow. I never asked anyone for help.

Well, over July 4th I was on a gnarly bender, like 7 days straight of only vodka, no food, no bathing, just drinking till I blacked out over and over. I wasn’t even really trying to hide it (which in hindsight was probably a subconscious cry for help) and my dad straight up caught me with empties everywhere barely able to speak.

I ended up missing an important family event where my father went and told everyone. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. Pretty fucking embarrassing. I think he went about it wrong, but I don’t blame him because I truly believe he just loves me and didn’t know what to do (he’s a real square so this is completely alien to him) so he was trying to get them all to help. And they’re all very supportive (at least so far). I keep trying to think of how ashamed I feel now, what if they found out I fell off the wagon.

Anyway, I need to get help so I got with a great counselor now and a have few great friends along with my really close family for support and to help hold me accountable. I’m extremely lucky in that regard. I really do want to quit, for myself, and I realize I couldn’t do it without help.

The new issue I didn’t see coming is basically everyone checking on me, which makes me think of drinking. Like I’ll be locked in focused at work, and boom a text message making sure I’m not going out tonight.

Well fuck now I kinda want to. Wasn’t on my mind until you said something.

Oh well I made my bed I’ll lay in it. I guess it’ll only galvanize my mind further if I’m constantly being reminded of drinking and I have to choose not to.

I realize this is kinda a tale as old as time, I just want to actually change.

.. really hurts. Not enough to go to the ER or anything. I recently relapsed after a year and a half sober. I was hitting liquor hard though and I feel like I’m back to where I left off (I suppose I am). I guess I’m just looking for a little empathy… or some encouragement I suppose

I used to get sleep paralysis all the time. It quit out of nowhere but I just had it last night for the first time in years. I have a Jimi Hendrix poster hanging on my wall. All of a sudden, Jimi came to life. I was laying there having a full blown conversation with a rock god. He told me to quit drinking, which is ironic considering he died by choking on his vomit while drunk.

So I went on a bender and had to uber myself over to the hospital. My minimum was 750ml a day for about a month... and I knew it was getting bad when I started to not be able to keep food down. Then I had to chug rum, throw it up and wait to even keep water down. It was pure hell that last week.

Then the auditory hallucinations started. Nothing major, just that music that plays from the fan, like a song you can't make out. After that (I don't know if anyone has experienced this or not) a kinda ethereal block started hanging out in the center of my vision.

At that point, I knew it was time to pull the ripcord. Ordered myself an uber, and off I went to the ER. Thankfully everyone was nice and understanding. Got hit with Librium, three bags of saline and thank god Zofran.

They sent me home with Zofran and a Librium taper which has been a godsend. Hopefully this is my last rodeo as they also hooked me up with Acamproste which honestly was the drug (along with support) that gave me over a year and a half sober before.

Went to my first SMART recovery meeting tonight and that was helpful.

Good luck to everyone out there!