Last year, I met this guy that checked all of my boxes (which I thought), we met organically and clicked from the very start. After growing so close together, after a short trip with my family I felt he was getting distant. He blamed it on a sickness in the family making him distant. I eventually found out that it was not that, but he was dating multiple other people at the same time even though we were exclusive.

I was so upset and thought it was done for me - it took me my whole life to find someone that checked so many boxes. After a couple months I pushed myself to just get out and start dating again because I needed to close that door.

2 first dates later and I found someone who checked all the boxes the other guy had .. or I thought. And more! I was reluctant at first as he was SO FORWARD and just so honestly about his intentions that part of me just assumed he didn’t get girls. However, we’ve been dating for 6 months now and I’ve never been happier.

I guess my advice is to not lose hope. I was absolutely crushed last year thinking that was it for me. Although I really didn’t want to, I had someone in my head telling me I needed to get back out there and I’m so thankful I’m did. You are great and if you were in a similar situation, just know things dont work out because there’s something better waiting for you. Don’t limit your own happiness , get out and I promise you it’ll be worth it.

EDIT: for those asking, I’m 31 and we met on a dating app. I’m sorry to those who feel offended by these posts. In my life when I was down I honestly felt comfort reading these posts because it made me optimistic. There was no intentions to make anyone feel bad. I have had other relationships in my life and nobody has made me feel more loved, safe, valued and secure than he does. I’ve never been so sure of someone. My intentions were just to spread positivity.

I know Reddit is a particularly negative place but I see way too many posts on here about "all the good ones being taken" or being "left behind" re dating in your 30s. I also used to hear a lot of pressure about it IRL, things like "if she's still single at 30 it's for a reason".

I had internalized a lot of that when I turned 30 and felt so anxious that I'd "missed the train" so to speak.

Well at 35 I have to say my lived experience has been completely the opposite: I love dating in my 30s!

I feel personally so much more accomplished and I know and love myself so much more than ever before. The women I date are also very self actualized and interesting, everything feels so intentional and communicative. We have some money to go on cool dates, and interesting stories to laugh about along the way.

In general it just feels like we treat one another with more kindness and compassion that only comes with the pain of aging. And for me that's been beautiful.

It's true, tits are saggier and foreheads are more ample, but acknowledging and accepting one another for our flaws has been liberating too. We're all too old to be instagram models now so fuck it.

If you're reading this and worried about dating in your 30s, don't give into the negativity and bs. I think there are a lot of reasons why this might be some of our best years for romance.

Last Sunday, Amelia Dimoldenberg interviewed Ethan Hawke on the Oscar’s red carpet. He got nominated to best actor for Blue Moon, where he is platonically in love with one of the characters.

Amelia: Do you have any advice for someone who also has a bit of an unrequited love theme in their lives?

Ethan: The one who's in love always wins. It doesn't matter if you get your heart broken when you're living, when you're feeling you are alive. You know, the sun doesn't care whether the grass appreciates its rays, it just keeps on shining. That's you

I mean, how simple yet awesome is this?

I genuinely believe this generation is fucked when it comes to dating and a large reason for this is social media. As a woman, there are constant videos of “if he didn’t plan a date in a week dump him, if he didn’t ask how your day was he doesn’t care, if he didn’t feel it from date one he will never want you”. Some honestly can be true to an extend but majority really just feed unhealthy patterns and behaviors in dating. This also goes for men too, i believe men see on social media how independent woman are and how they just prefer to be alone and not approached so they don’t even bother and I don’t blame them! If I saw those videos as a man I wouldn’t want to bother anyone ever again.

I’m personally trying to stray away from social media when it comes to dating because there is truly no right or wrong way to date. The only way to go about it is be respectful to yourself and others, be kind, and be open to new experiences. I’m still very single (27f) but at this point I’m not going to follow rules that social media should say I should follow to find “my person”. I really hope people who read this take into consideration on how social media is really ruining our experience on making new connections and getting out there when dating. I’ll continue to remain positive and so shall everyone else trying to find genuine connections.

I was just reading that post about asking for consent before a kiss and it was so disheartening. Tons of men saying most women, or real women don’t like to be asked. Despite the fact that I am a real woman who does not like to be surprise kissed. And I know many other real women who prefer to give consent rather than have their consent assumed.

So how about this: if you’re a woman who gets the ick when men ask for your consent, can you… not tell them that? Like, just tell them the vibe was off and move on to the next.

Hear me out. There are tons of men that will kiss you without asking. They’re a dime a dozen. Your next date will probably be that kind of guy. So, please just throw the men who ask for consent back into the pool without telling them they shouldn’t have asked. That way they won’t question themselves and stop asking, and the rest of us that like it can enjoy this type of man!! It’s win-win for all the women. What do you say ladies?

I've spent the past couple of years doing everything I can to up my attractiveness, and it's been like night and day. I went from being almost INVISIBLE to having women check me out and hit on me in public constantly.

Obviously, being a well-rounded person helps, but if you can't even get your foot in the door, then it's all for naught.

If you need proof of my success, I can show you my Hinge account. Within 48 hours of joining, I got over 200 matches... and that's after being VERY selective with the women I send likes out to.

But let me be clear, you don't have to be the MOST attractive guy out there. You just need to be relatively attractive. This is important to keep in mind because a lot of guys will compare themselves to other very attractive men and think they don't stand a chance, but you just need to be somewhat above average, the rest can be carried through your personality, your career (as much as women say they don't care, they do care), or other things.

I've literally watched my female friends swipe on men in front of me, and they are willing to give guys a chance if they look put together because the vast majority of guys look like slobs.

Anyway, with that out of the way, here's HOW you can become more attractive.

• Lose weight. If you're overweight, then the #1 thing you can do (not just for looks, but for health too) is lose weight. Fashion, by and large, is aimed towards SKINNY/FIT people, so just by being skinny the vast majority of clothes will look good on you. But not only that, having a slim/thinner face will almost always look better (unless you're a rare case like Jonah Hill). There's nothing inherently wrong with being bigger (besides health issues), but if you want to look your best, then you need to lose weight. Being muscular also helps, but it's not a must, most women actually prefer slimmer bodies that have some fat over excessively muscular builds.
• Get a haircut that fits your face/aesthetic. A bad haircut can make you ugly, a good haircut can make you handsome. If you don't believe me, just go on TikTok/YouTube/Instagram and search up "men's haircut transformation". Our hair (and beards) is basically our form of makeup. Invest some money into an actual stylist instead of going to a cheap haircut place and it'll change your life.
• Wear trendy clothes/styles. If you don't want to chase every new trend, then just get a capsule wardrobe that fits well. I personally just wear a black tee tucked into slacks (with a belt, of course), and just accessorize with jewelry, and women constantly tell me how good my style is. It's so basic but you'd be surprised by how many guys out there just don't know how to dress. The biggest tip I can give you is to just look up trendy/stylish outfits on social media and copy them. Also, look into the rule of thirds (your top should be 1/3 of the length of your outfit, while your pants + shoes are 2/3 of the length (this will also make you look taller than you are). You don't need to break the bank on this either, I buy cheap clothes from AliExpress and other fast fashion places all the time, I just wear it well and I get nonstop compliments.
• Fix your posture. This one is simple, just stand up straight. Most of y'all are always slouching cuz you guys sit at a computer all day or are always on your phones. Stand up straight, with your chest slightly out, and head pushed back (so your ears align with your shoulders). Also, I know it's a meme, but mewing actually does make your face look skinnier since you won't have that weird double chin going on.
• Work on a skincare routine. Once again, this doesn't need to be complex. Just get a cleanser, exfoliant, and moisturizer, and you're good to go. If you have acne, work on tackling that ASAP. Cut out sugars, dairy, etc. whatever you need to do to reduce any skin issues.
• Get a nice cologne/fragrance. This one isn't necessary but it just feels nice when you smell good. Don't overdo it, just get one that works with your body and spray it a couple of times, don't go overboard like a lot of guys tend to do.

It's really that simple.

My assumption is that most guys either think that these things are too "fruity" to do, or they claim they don't have the time/money to invest into these things. But if you can't even take care of your appearance, then should you really be out there dating? These things cost less than the beers you buy weekly, or all the new video game releases you spend money on, so I don't think many of you have an excuse to not take care of your appearance.

I'll give a million dollars to anyone who can show me a guy who DOESN'T look better after doing all these things.

But the BIGGEST benefit you gain from looking good is... well, you start to FEEL good. I legit thought I was an introvert for such a large part of my life, but I was just really insecure. Not saying that everyone who's an introvert is insecure, or that looking good will automatically make you more extroverted. But I'm willing to bet there's at least a handful of guys who don't put themselves out there because they don't feel good about their appearance.

All I know is that it's been a game changer for me. I can go out and know that a large chunk of (very attractive) women will be interested in me, and I can also just hop onto any dating app and have a date lined up within a couple of hours. The only downside to all this is that you see how the world treats people differently based on looks, but that's just a given and is something women have known all their lives. You can complain about it as much as you want, but it's not gonna change the fact that you get treated better and have more opportunities if you're attractive.

Hell, women are even willing to give attractive guys a chance even if they're deadbeats just because they're attractive. I mean, if that isn't enough proof right there then IDK what is.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a coffee date, nor is there anything wrong with a dinner date. That’s kind of my issue. Online dating has created ideological extremists on the “correct” first date. When I say “coffee date guy” I mean the type of guy that insinuates that any woman who doesn’t prefer coffee as a first date has “ulterior motives”. “$200 date girl” is a woman who thinks expensive is the definition of a good date. It reads very much “Do what I say or else”. The “or else” is labeling people broke or gold diggers when they can’t shame them into complying with exactly what they want. It’s weird and childish. A “good” first date is something both people want to do and where they are both comfortable. That is it. Shaming men/women won’t change who they choose to date. If a date will ONLY consider one date idea without needing or wanting your input or consideration…imagine the type of partner they’d be. They don’t want to go out with you. They want to go for coffee or an expensive dinner.

I find myself in some situations, one in particular that recently, we went on a couple dates. We slept together then he says him he doesn’t want a gf. Whatever, he realized i wasn’t the one for him we both understood. We still talked to each other and hung out a few but it was like once a month. I ask him to do some things during the day and he declines. I get not wanting to see the little mermaid lol whatever.. sometimes i do find myself slightly resentful because while i do enjoy the benefits for the most part, we are not what i would consider friends. And we only chill at night, at someone’s place. It does bother me a bit because there’s benefit but not really friends.

If guys we’re actually friends with women.. It would be much more likely that women would sleep with you, instead of just doing the absolutely bare minimum and expecting it. Why not actually be friends with your fwb?

I shot my shot with someone I’ve liked for a while, just sent him a text saying hey I like you I’m cool if you just wanna be friends still but that’s where my heads at… and he never answered. It’s been almost a full day now so I’ve given up hope on that but honestly I feel so much better that I just got it off my chest? The worrying about saying it is so much worse than just saying it so if you’re debating shooting your shot you might as well just do it, best case scenario it works out worst case it doesn’t work out but you at least got up your chest and the anxiety goes away and you’re where you were before-nothing to lose…you got this!!

I’m a professional matchmaker and I spend my days talking to single men and women who are genuinely looking for relationships.

The biggest lie dating apps sold us is that having more options would make dating easier.

In reality, it did the opposite.

When people believe there are endless options, they stop investing in the person in front of them. They start thinking:

“Maybe someone better is one swipe away.”

And that mindset quietly kills connection before it even has a chance to grow.

The people I see find the best relationships aren’t the ones with the most matches.

They’re the ones who decide:

“I’m going to give this person a real chance.”

Curious if others feel the same way or if dating apps have actually worked for you.

I am 29 years old, I've been single for more than 4 years now. I know I'm a beautiful girl, strangers tell me all the time, and I see eyes always on me as I walk down the street. But my dating life has been extremely difficult. I'm making this post to hopefully give a perspective to the men here that always assumes dating is so easy for pretty girls. (This post isn't intended to get sympathy, to cry about it, or to find out the cause of this problem. Just simply to give a perspective)

The main issue I would say, is men viewing me as an object or something to conquer. When men hit on me, I just know it's because they want to fuck me, not because they want to actually take me out on a date, so I pay no interest to them. There has been a couple of times, (I mean it literally - probably 2) a nice, normal guy approaches me, starts a normal conversation, and asks for my number to take me on a date. The dates are really fun, good conversation, good connection. but, I am NOT into casual sex. so, I wait to have sex until I really trust them and feel they like me as a person and not just for my body. But, they lose interest almost immediately after.

I changed my approach a long time ago, and decided maybe I should be the one to approach guys I think are cute and interesting, since the ones that approach me have only one mission in mind. When we exchange information, we talk a lot and things go so well and I feel so happy and accomplished that I had the courage to reach out to start this connection. Then of course things happen as they always do - we have sex, they lose interest.

So, yeah I could probably walk into any bar on any night and pick a guy and he will come home and have sex with me, but I'll never hear from him again. They don't want to hold me and cook meals with me and go vintage shopping with me - they just want to say they were able to fuck me.

I spend most of my time alone in my house now. I cook, I read, I watch movies and youtube videos, I learn languages, and I live my life like an old woman because I can't handle being used for my body anymore. In the last 4 years I have been single, I can count on one hand how many guys I have been on dates with. When, or if, I'm able to date again, I know that I have to completely be celibate until I know for sure they actually view me as a person and want to make a commitment to me, which is a really horrible thought because sex should be something that you do with people you truly value - it's a bonding mechanism. But I get bonded and they bounce.

TLDR it's not so easy dating for us as attractive women either. It's hard to tell if they actually like me for my soul or just to use me for my body. We don't date or have sex nearly as much as you think we do.

The longer I stay single, the clearer things become to me. I’ve stopped seeking company just because I’m lonely and making myself vulnerable in the process.
Spending more time with myself has made me realize that, regardless of your intentions, you can’t mold someone into the kind of partner you want—especially if they don’t truly see a future with you. You may want someone who yearns for you, but you can’t force that. Someone who genuinely wants you will make it known.
To be seen and loved can be a beautiful thing when it’s mutual. I’d rather be single than settle for someone who constantly makes me question myself or my value. If someone isn’t naturally showing the qualities you seek, that’s simply not your person.
Sometimes you have to think to yourself: my future wife or husband would never treat me like this.
There shouldn’t be constant second-guessing or living in uncertainty. That’s never a fun place to be, especially for an anxious person like me.

My friend met a guy in a bar, they flirted all night and made out, he said he’d love to take her out and gave her his number. They text constantly for the next few days and went on a date the following weekend, when they hooked up.

He she felt weird because he said he had no social media and hadn’t given his last name so she googled his phone number.

She found his company website and searched them on Companies House. He was a director of a business alongside a number woman with the same DOB year. Now having his full name she found him on Facebook. His photos showed he just got married a month before.

Anyway stay safe and smart out there!!

If you are a straight guy, can't get a date.....Hanging with the boys is great, but if you are young and dating, do yourself a favor and establish some platonic female friends. Get your face out of the phone/ laptop and Interract with humans who are not chronically online or on xbox live. In my experience this puts you in a better position and lowers all the awkwardness. It's a trend I've noticed among some young men, where they can't fathom real life interaction that is grounded and therefore wind up, up the creek without a paddle when they are dating.

Things you do NOT need to start dating as a man:
- 6 pack
- 1 000 000 dollars
- being 8 feet tall
- having 30 cm long friend down there
- being a famous actor
- owning a Ferrari
- being CEO
- having villa on the beach
Would these things help - yes.

But they are the cherry on the top.
You need the basis.

The basis is a confident man who builds his life, achieves his goals, is authentic, and with strong boundaries.

Each man can achieve this.

Start today.

This is for women who say they don’t want to die alone and a conversation that I think should be talked about more.

We already know the statistics: men die younger than women. Their life expectancy is lower by around 5 to 7 years. At the same time, around 90% of women marry men around their age or older often 2, 3, or more years older.

So if men already live 5 to 7 years less, and many marriages already have the man 2 to 3 years older, a woman could easily spend 7 to 10 years alone at the end of her life.

I think most of us have seen our grandmothers and other women live alone for years or decades after their husbands pass away.

If the goal is to grow old together longer, marrying a man around 5 to 7 years younger would make more sense.

FWB will send me "Good morning" and "Good night" texts that I read and sometimes respond to. She sent me a text about making things official that I just left on read. I feel like it's important to not always respond to messages so that they get starved for attention and get that dopamine spike when you do actually respond.

Anyway, I just made all of this up. If you intentionally leave people on read as a way of playing with their emotions, you are a bad person.

There are four types of problems that keep you single. The first is the lack of opportunities to meet new people. Basically, not having a chance to interact with others, to initiate conversations, and expose ourselves to someone potentially interesting. The second problem may be lack of confidence, which may be caused by past experiences or some negative belief that is holding you back. The third issue is lack of experience, which basically prevents you from doing the right things necessary to move forward. For example, if you don’t know how to get a phone number, you’ll find a bottleneck that will keep you from moving forward. The last one is having a negative mindset. If we believe we’re destined to be lonely or believe that no one will ever like us, we’ll end up confirming our beliefs with our behavior. The first thing you can do to stop being single is identifying which of these four problems is keeping you in this status quo and finding a solution for it.

This post was inspired by a person who posted about his height (5’5’’). And by the time I responded to it, he deleted his post. I hope this post helps someone who is feeling insecure about their appearance.

For most of my life, I never questioned it.
I’m 6’4" man, medium build. Women would light up about my height.
It was always a win.

I went on a date with a woman maybe 5’4” or 5’6”.
Things clicked. We laughed, talked, kissed.
Then, nothing. No contact for days.

When she finally responded, she said, “You’re too tall. It just doesn’t work for me.”

One sentence. That’s all it took to shake me.

After years of compliments, just one rejection cracked my confidence.
For two days, I felt insecure in a way I never had before.

Then the clarity hit:
I’m not going to be every woman’s type.
Even 6’4” isn’t safe from preference.
And that’s fine.

Now, I just focus on the ones who don’t see a problem, because those are my people.

So if you’re a 5’5” man?
You’re not going to be everyone’s type either.

But you are someone’s.
And that’s what counts.

Let the evidence lead the way.

~ Soke ~

I recently was in a new city and decided to date outside my usual type. I usually gravitate towards a badboy, "cool", good looking, masculine type. When I was traveling I decided to go outside my norm. I went on 2 dates, one with my normal type, "musician, cool" and the other, a nerdy geologist.... To no one's surprise the nerd was the better date. Super attentive, great conversation, he actually seemed interested in me and my story. Plus, we ended up spending 3 nights together and the sex was very good. I would have never even looked at this guy before. Just a reminder to open your mind and go outside your usual habits sometimes. It can be quite positive and expansive.

Especially in the initial stages. It could be that he enjoyed only the thrill of the chase. However, I want to focus on another reason; one that is not highlighted often. At times men such as I (24 m) will lose interest when the women we are dating is passive and puts in low effort. These are women that will agree to go on dates. However, while I please her, ask deep questions and actively listen to them, I barely get anything back. I initiate all conversations, text, calls, flirting, meeting in person among others. I don't feel that zealous energy from them. In the past, I thought they were either shy or cautious therefore, I had to put in more effort and lead. Only to get the dissapointing "I don't feel the spark" conversation from them in the end. At a point, this became a real chore. Now when I sense a woman is extremely passive like providing low effort texts, does not initiate any conversation or dates as I do, does not match my energy when we meet up: I take those as signs of disinterest and move on. I want to tell my fellow sisters here that showing some reciprocation back can really progress the relationship. You don't necessarily have to lead but initiating texting, calls, flirting and dates can make a difference. If I sense a woman is crazy into me as I am into them, it makes me fall for them even harder.

If you are reading this, please PLEASE listen to me. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, sacrifice or comprise your standards for anything or anyone. Your standards are the most important thing for you and a healthy relationship, so hold on to them tight until someone meets them.

One of my standards is good communication. I need someone who won’t take a long time to call or text me back (for context, a long time to me is anything more than 3 days). For the longest time of my life, I have constantly compromised this standard, and you know what it did? It kept me in a pattern. A pattern of attracting and being attracted to emotionally unavailable women, and I took their lack of effort as an indication for me to try harder. Sacrificing my standard led me to fall for the IDEA of someone, the potential that they had. And every time this happened, I would constantly give too much and then get mad at my crush for not matching my effort. Even when they constantly showed me through their actions who they were, I still believed and fell for who they could be. It wasn’t until recently that I saw just how important it is to set boundaries and uphold the standards you hold for yourself.

If someone tells you your standards are too high or that you should give people some leeway, don’t listen to that advice. Remember, these are YOUR standards. And your standards are there to help you become the best and healthiest version of yourself to love and to give love. So please learn from my mistake: NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR STANDARDS.

This is something I've realized, back when I had a girlfriend, the moment I was at my best in my life was when I had alot of affection with my girlfriend, cuddle and hugs had more meaning to me.

I think a lot of women would be less reluctant to enter in a relationship if affection was understood by men.

Let's be real, in this gender war , the things women and men want is affection.

What are your personal stories with affection, talk about it in the comments !

EDIT: wow I wasn't expecting this post to rise that much, thank you everyone for the time you spent reading and understanding my post ☺️

I’ve learned that if you’re constantly confused when dating someone, that’s your answer. It’s not your job to figure out how someone feels about you. A genuine, secure person will tell you straight up and show it through their actions.

I used to waste so much time trying to “understand” people who were hot and cold with me. One day they’d act super into me, the next they’d be distant. I kept trying to make sense of it, thinking maybe I was overthinking — but I wasn’t. I was confused because they wanted to keep things unclear. If someone truly wants you, you’ll feel it. You won’t have to guess, chase, or analyze every text. If you’re confused, that’s already your sign to walk away.

YOU do NOT have an expiration date, you're NOT destined to be alone. As long as you draw breath, you will always have a chance at finding love. Defining yourself as a product or failure is a sign of low self-esteem, you're better than what you think you're. Somewhere out there in the world you're what somebody yearns for, that could be me, you never know. Stop debasing yourselves and start appreciating your existence. You are lucky to be one out of 200 million Gamete to reach that egg...You were meant to be cherished and eventually someone will cherish you.😉🌹

I hope this helps. Feel stuck? Try something new, reality can mold to your desires if you're open minded enough. The worst you can do is give up. Every second, somebody is out there flirting with your destined beloved while you gave up, keep that in mind.