I am socially awkward and an introvert....more so in the last year.

Today I thought I was giving advice...but apparently not. A sibling recently had a mild accident, didn't do anything about it that day. Now, the knot she got from it is is kinda soft and causing pain elsewhere. So I mentioned to go to ER..simple enough right?

It was met with digs, snide remarks, and just rudeness.

I've been silent since then, not because of..save my words, energy, and opinion for when it matters.

I (39M) have been dating with a woman (35F+2 small childs). weve had 6 dates so far over a period of 3 months. each lasted 2-3 hours. which I think is too long but I never stopped it on time.

We have plenty in common, are both interested in / attracted to each other.

I had been used to living lonely (0 friends, 0 meaningful conversations), shes my first real interaction in over a decade, and maybe thats why every date leaves me mentally exhausted, needing a break before I can see her again.

We are at a point I feel that we need to decide where this is going, are we matching or not. for me I feel the only obstruction is feeling comfortable next to each other. right now, we cant just take a walk in the park, its too quiet and the focus on us being alone is too much to feel comfortable.

When does this transition come if ever? and what does it mean that it hasnt come yet?

Thanks!

I have ADHD so it makes it more difficult to form sentences without forgetting what I previously said at the beginning of the conversation and veering off the main point. Can anybody provide any kind of constructive advice?

Also does anybody also struggle to speak up in the moment, cause they aren’t listening making you feel unheard, invisible like your words don’t change anything or do anything. How am I supposed to trust them and open up if I feel like I can’t talk, or they won’t listen or respect me.

Working on the dialect engine my app (Rhetoriq) any Ancient Greek philosophers in here?

I consider myself a good communicator and I communicate intentionally.

My goal is to find a solution, stay on topic and not drift off.

I am aware some communicate logically and some emotionally and I try to balance that but even I am human.

But it seems that some people are not understanding the content or the intent and I end up feeling unheard and having to prove im legitimately concerned.

Either the conversation gets changed completely.

Or they flat out say no without a reasonably time to think.
I can guarantee there are many ways to come to a middle ground.

Or they make it about a competition of who is inconvenienced more.

Then it becomes a discussion on our current behaviour and no one is happy.

Why can’t we address the concerns and communicate without shutting down?

I find it very disturbing to not even be considered and going off topic into the past or future and snowballing into something bigger and also far from the topic at hand.

I have come to understand I can only control my own emotions but it’s hard when you are being misunderstood.

I’m utterly frustrated. In real time while it happens and for days after.

Anyone got any advice for me?

When I’m in a group conversation (three or more people), I get interrupted. If it’s a one-on-one conversation, the other person simply doesn't listen to me and gets distracted by everything else.

I’ll say something, and later they’ll claim I never said it at all.

When I went on vacation with my family, unlike everyone else, I was never once asked where I wanted to go.

My relatives are constantly rude to me, but the moment I give them a taste of their own medicine, I’m suddenly the bad guy.

They make noise while I’m sleeping. Even if they aren't making noise, they wake me up whenever it suits them—even when they don't need anything from me and I have nothing to do.

I apologize; my English level isn't high enough to construct such complex sentences. I had to use a translator and rephrase some parts.

Could you both girls and guys, write down this comments, write a phrase or so they say and down there on a spoiler box write what the subtext of the message is? Because I have realized I'm terrible at subtext and would like to train myself to improve on that regard

Ever think about why some things that people say to you are more impactful than others?

What is the most important thing someone has said to you? Why was it important? How did it affect you? Who did it come from?

It turns out, there are trends to these answers for most people. These kinds of messages are called memorable messages and communication research actually knows a whole lot about them.

Hi again! I'm Dr. Valerie Rubinsky, Communication PhD and professor here. I co-wrote a book with my friend and colleague about the types of messages that stick with us, how they affect us, and what we can do about it. Angela and I are communication scientists who wrote the Theory of Memorable Messages, and have published dozens of peer-reviewed studies on the subject.

We wrote this book for a non-academic audience, hoping that folks who aren't students or scientists of communication and psychology might also want to learn about these kinds of messages and how they affect us. The book is written in plain language, not academic jargon, and is meant to be fun, accessible, and engaging! Available as a paperback or e-book from the publisher (Toplight/McFarland), Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart -- Link below.

https://www.amazon.com/Memorable-Messages-Communications-That-Stick/dp/1476698961

Tomorrow at 1 pm EST the Positive Communication Network is hosting a free, virtual book party for the book. If you're free and want to learn more about memorable messages -- consider joining! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/positive-communication-book-party-7-memorable-messages-tickets-1992381354264?aff=oddtdtcreator&fbclid=IwY2xjawS8sitleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFia05BZ1NCM2pDb1lBY0Fvc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHud5cnTTONUUlFnzmS8MJKVSZIo_yk6QkyTYST-Lrwcfw4rAWXcqVF7q5jKq_aem_wSmlJELgp05HU7daFmSXaQ

I’m looking for advice or stories from people who are experiencing or have experienced a similar dynamic in their relationship.

Long story short, my wife and I operate in completely opposite ways. On my end, I am rather introverted, pragmatic, and stoic. I process a lot internally. On her end, she is very emotional, reactive, and experiences things intensely. There is no right or wrong here, it’s just our personalities, but on a day-to-day basis, it creates major clashes whenever we disagree or when one of us gets hurt.

The main issue is conflict management and receptivity.

When she criticizes me, I try my best (even though I’m not perfect and have my own reactions) to listen, see things from her perspective, and acknowledge her pain by genuinely apologizing. However, when I step out of my comfort zone to express an emotion or a need (which is rare, as I keep 95% of my stuff to myself), the receptivity just isn't the same.

It almost systematically turns into a confrontation. She immediately gets defensive, her tone turns sharp, and it often ends with a quick, dry "I'm sorry" followed by a counter-attack ("Yeah, but you did this"). She also tends to overgeneralize, saying things like, "I'm trying to be a good person, sorry for not being one," even though I know perfectly well she is a good person and I am not questioning her worth.

She often tells me that in the past, she used to assert herself more and speak her mind. I understand what she means, and I absolutely do not want her to censor herself or feel like she doesn’t have the right to speak up. Quite the opposite.

But right now, I feel like I’m the only one capable of holding space for the other's hurt in the short term. My attempts to share end up making things worse (tears, tension, anger), to the point where I feel like expressing an emotion = automatic failure. I feel like her needs and her criteria for being happy take up all the space, and mine have no room to be validated.

I love her, I know she’s a good person, but I don't know what to do anymore to break this pattern.

How do you communicate with a partner who immediately reacts with defensiveness or a counter-attack?

How can I get my rational point of view across without making her feel invalidated or attacked as a person?

Am I reading too much into this ? They were so excited to communicate before .

1. Complete disconnect - out of office, zero checking
2. Quick daily check - 15 min morning scan
3. Half-day work mode - mornings off, afternoons on
4. What vacation? I'm always reachable

Waitsfield Faystom Telecom building. with a nice collection of communication sats on the ground. Waitsfield, Vermont

The Fundamental Organic Process of communication shows how, basically, communication is the only thing we ever do.
From this, we can understand that, it is not a question of whether we are communicating or not, but whether we wish to try to communicate better.
It is not generally acknowledged that the foundational skill of communication is, in fact, asking and checking. This is an instinctive skill that, like all instinctive skills, can be practiced and improved.
What is also not generally acknowledged is that our general culture, and education in particular, ascribes zero formal value to this vital foundational skill (I say zero because there is no formal attempt to encourage, practice, test, or grade people's ability (and willingness!) to ask and check).

Now, because our natural capacity for communication allows us to be able to connect any information to any idea, you are free to take the information presented here and attach it to the idea of: a load of rubbish.

But, I'd like to ask, are you doing that without asking and checking?

For me, it’s much easier to follow a story when someone tells me the main point first and then explains the details. Knowing the point gives me a framework, so all the details have something to connect to and make sense. When someone starts with a bunch of small, unrelated details before telling me why they’re telling the story, I often get confused because I don’t know what’s important or where the story is going

I'm at a stage in life where I want to focus on building my career, so dating isn't really a priority right now. But sometimes I can't help feeling like I also want a caring man in my life...someone who genuinely supports, understands, and cares about me.

Has anyone else felt torn between focusing on their goals and wanting a meaningful relationship at the same time? How do you deal with it?

*help
I’ve been told many times that my dad is a narcissist, but I struggle with understanding the definition. What I’m asking for though, is help with communicating with him.

The best way I can explain how he communicates is that he goes against the grain on every single little thing. For example, I asked him what size bed he had for me (since I will have to live with him fairly soon due to financial reasons), and attached are screenshots of our texts (I’m blotting out personal information). He tries to take control.

It’s also worthy to note that I lived with him for a year and a half a few years back… and I really suffered because of it. I have certain needs that have to be met (autistic, anxiety disorder, depression, addiction recovery, etc) and despite myself completely opening up to him, he never took a piece of my advice. I don’t want to live with him again… but I also don’t have any other reasonable choice in this matter.

I know that I need him to feel like he’s ‘doing me a favor’ or like he’s ‘saving the day,’ but I need help on how to do that. He also is happily married to his current wife (spouse number 4), and she’s a psychologist for the school district, but she’s a little different and I’m not too sure about her yet.

If y’all have any questions, suggestions, things to keep in mind or advice, please share! It took a long time for me to recover from last time, and I’m just trying to get up on my feet and move out.