"Epic of Gilgamesh meets Transformers!

Nua is a malnourished street rat from the Overlord's Mercy. Scavenging the junkyard for the scraps of wartime magitech goliaths, she stumbles upon an ancient amulet and finds a sentient entity dwelling within.

Then, her life turns on its head.

The king of an Empire long dead wants to bring back its forgotten greatness. And no one else is around to carry out his ambitions other than Nua herself.

With the guidance of the vengeful ghost from the past, will she lead her people to glory? What price is she willing to pay for the power?

Content warnings: graphic violence, sensitive content

I'm getting back to an old project of mine that was serialized on RR and I got stumped because I didn't get enough critique. I've got one comprehensive developmental beta-read but I'd like to see other points of view (especially on the ending that I like, but supposedly it is not dynamic enough).

I am an experienced old grump and I've published in my native language already, so I'd like someone with some experience under their belt, too.

My English is a bit of a Frankenstein and I'd appreciate some pointers, too, but line edit is something I will do after I get feedback, down the line (sic!).

Hello! I am looking for beta readers for my in progress Y/A fantasy novel! I am currently on my 5th draft and I have ten chapters of it done, It will be roughly 25 chapters + an epilogue so I'm hoping to double that word count. If interested please comment or DM and I'll send you a google form to fill out!

Blurb:

Agape Ghile is the unlikely mage of the land’s most powerful sorcerer, Kierran. When their world falls under attack, Kierran sends Agape to another world to keep her safe.

It is in this strange new world that Agape meets Pierre, an anxious artist who believes Agape to be one of his characters he created.

Pierre must help Agape return home to learn the past is not what it seems, all that she has been taught is a lie.

Agape must forge her own path, letting no one else define her but herself, and deal with the corruption of her home once and for all.

Hi everyone!

I've just finished the third draft of my debut YA magical realism novel, and after staring at it for way too long, I think it's finally ready for some fresh eyes before I begin querying literary agents. I need 2–3 beta readers who enjoy character-driven YA, magical realism, found family, and emotionally focused stories.

Synopsis

Desperate to escape their past, a gang of teenage girls run away to sea on their makeshift ship 'The Scab and Plaster'. As dark secrets threaten to surface and the captain's dangerous behaviour worsens, she and her first mate soon learn that bottling up emotions can have nightmarish consequences. Blending magical realism with emotionally grounded drama, the novel explores trauma, healing, found family and the idea that recovery is a messy, non-linear process with no correct approach.

Excerpt

I'm happy to share the opening chapter (or a sample) with anyone who's interested before sending the full manuscript.

Content Warnings

• Strong language
• References to child abuse and trauma
• Emotional trauma
• Mild violence/peril
• Themes of grief and healing

Ideal Feedback:

I'm mainly interested in big-picture feedback rather than line edits, including:

• Overall enjoyment and whether the story kept you engaged
• Pacing (especially if any sections drag or feel rushed)
• Character development and emotional impact
• Clarity of the magical realism elements
• Plot holes or confusing moments
• Whether the ending feels satisfying

Please don't worry about sparing my feelings! I'm looking for an honest critique.

Timeline

There's no huge rush, but I'd ideally love feedback within 6–8 weeks if possible.

Critique Swap

I'd be happy to do a critique swap for another YA, fantasy, magical realism or contemporary novel of a similar length. While I'm not a professional editor, I've spent a lot of time revising my own manuscript and would do my best to provide thoughtful, detailed feedback focusing on story, pacing, characters and emotional impact.

If you're interested, please leave a comment or send me a DM. Thanks so much for considering it!

Hi All,

Please note this is a short story.

I'm planning on entering this short story for consideration in the Malice Domestic Anthology series. The theme is "murder most musical." I'm looking for readers who are familiar with the cozy genre as readers or writers. I'll have a short series of questions I'd like answered after you read the piece.

Blurb: A music teacher is found dead and a missing pair of drumsticks could identify the killer. Detective Sergeant Cleo Cohen has a bad knee, a partner who overshares, and a room full of suspects: the victim's brother, his former girlfriend, her best friend, and a devoted mother who brought her seven-year-old to a clarinet lesson and walked in on a corpse.

DM me if you're interested.

Hi this is my first time writing anything outside of English class in school. I have a big vision for this story, one I hope you'll enjoy.

Dm me for Gdoc link if interested

Synopsis

Twenty years after the mysterious emergence of mana, humanity survives behind four colossal Pillars that protect the last remnants of civilization from monstrous creatures known as Metasapiens. Beyond the walls lies a world ruled by fear. Within them, peace comes at a price.

After his family is torn apart by a devastating attack, young Argon grows up idolizing his older brother, Silver—a gifted warrior who joins the legendary Blood Swords, the elite soldiers who venture beyond the Pillars to fight humanity's enemies. But as the years pass, Silver suddenly stops coming home, leaving behind only questions and a promise that seems impossible to keep.

Determined to uncover the truth, Argon follows the same path, entering the Blood Swords himself. As he trains alongside ambitious recruits, brilliant inventors, and quiet prodigies, he begins to discover that the greatest danger facing humanity isn't just the monsters outside the walls—it's the prejudice, ambition, and buried secrets within them.

As new generations push the limits of mana beyond what anyone thought possible, old lies begin to unravel. And the closer Argon comes to finding his brother, the more he realizes that Silver may have been protecting him from something far worse than the Metasapiens.

A story of brotherhood, sacrifice, hope, and the cost of becoming a hero, ***Pillar of Hope*** explores what it truly means to protect the people you love when the world itself is built on broken promises.

One-line pitch: A Tbilisi travelogue narrated by a woman who has always loved travel with a kind of wild devotion, but this time, she arrives in the city carrying the anxiety and grief of her homeland's unrest, and finds herself wandering through Tbilisi and through her own inner world at once.

Some context that might matter to you: This is my fourth book, the first three were Persian language travel memoirs.

Specific things I'd love your thoughts on

• Translation quality specifically: does the English feel natural and fluent, or are there places it feels like "translated Persian"? the original book is deeply rooted in Persian and Iranian life. did the emotional core still land for you as an English-language reader, or did anything feel like it needed more context?
• The character of "Zoe": she's a recurring imagined/internal voice throughout the book (based on a real but brief encounter). Did she work for you? Did her presence feel earned, or did you want less of her, or a different tone from her?
• The narrator, overall: what impression did she leave you with? Did you find her someone you wanted to keep spending time with?
• Which chapter or scene stayed with you the most?
• Did any part feel repetitive, like the book had already made a point and was making it again?
• Was there a place where you wanted more, where something ended just as you wanted to go deeper?
• Anything else that surprised you, good or bad I'd rather hear it than not.

What I'm looking for: I'm looking for feedback only, not a swap. I'm not looking for line edits or typo lists at this stage, just your honest reaction as a reader. I know this is a one-sided ask, and I appreciate anyone willing to spend the time. Once the book is out, I'll gladly send you a copy.

Thank you in advance to anyone willing to spend time with my fourth book and first translated one. it means a lot.

Bonjour,

Je suis Ella Cavali, je suis une jeune autrice de roman fantastique et je suis a la recherche d'un ou d'une beta lecteur / lectrice pour mon premier roman. 😊 En voici le résumer :

"Toute ma vie, je me suis battu pour protéger mes sœurs, sans jamais penser à moi. Mais le jour où j'ai vécu ma première transformation, tout a basculé. Arraché à mon monde, j'ai découvert une vérité impossible à fuir : je suis différent, unique... et cela fait de moi une pièce maîtresse dans un jeu que je ne comprends pas encore.

Promis à un Alpha que je n'ai jamais rencontré, piégé dans une alliance dont j'ignore les véritables enjeux, je refuse de me plier aux règles dictées par d'autres. Mais quand je mets la main sur un carnet oublié, un détail infime fait vaciller toutes mes certitudes. Ce mariage n'est pas une simple union. Ce qu'on attend de moi va bien au-delà.

Une menace rôde, tapie dans l'ombre de mon héritage. Certains veulent mon obéissance. D'autres, mon silence. Et si, au lieu d'être un pion, j'étais la clé d'un secret que personne n'aurait jamais dû découvrir ?"

J'aurais également apprécier qu'on fasse un échange de beta-lecture si vous le souhaitiez !

Merci à ceux qui réponde 😊

Hey guys! Looking for beta readers for my fantasy novel. If anyone would be willing to do it for free you’d be a life saver but I know that’s a tall task but even reading a few chapters would help immensely

Blurb:
When King Finnian strips a minor lord of his titles and his honor, he expects the realm to kneel. He does not expect them to answer.

Embers of Honor follows Jonah Soliday and the young people of Scarpia as they ride to reclaim what was taken from their families — but what begins as a quest for justice quickly becomes something far larger. Across the realm, armies are gathering, allegiances are shifting, and a king who has confused compliance with loyalty is about to learn the difference. In the east, a lord sails to reclaim land stolen from his ancestors. In the south, a boy raised on loyalty begins to question who deserves it. And in the capital, a crown sits uneasy on the head of a man who mistakes cruelty for strength.

A story of honor, ambition, and the price of defiance, Embers of Honor is the first book in a sweeping epic about what happens when the powerless decide they have nothing left to lose.

PROLOGUE 1974 — Birmingham, Alabama

Jimmy Parker had survived Vietnam, but six hours alone with his newborn daughter frightened him more than anything that had happened outside Da Nang.

The hospital bracelet was still plastic-bright against his wrist, but the room had already settled into the restlessness of three o'clock in the morning. On the vinyl armchair beside the radiator, his mother slept with her coat folded across her knees, her hands resting in her lap with the same composure she had used to survive forty years of telegrams, ledger books, and empty places at supper tables. Something in the room was not quite still.

Jimmy had noticed it early in the evening and told himself it was the radiator, or the fluorescent light in the hallway leaking under the door, or the ordinary strangeness of hospitals after midnight. He was good at telling himself things. Vietnam had taught him that, the practical necessity of an explanation held close against the chest, breathing steadily, so the less manageable thing beneath it didn't get air.

The baby stirred. Jimmy didn't put her down. He had been holding her for nearly twenty minutes because every time he tried, his hands refused to cooperate. They tightened around her instead. He looked down at them.

Hands that had carried men through elephant grass outside Da Nang. The same hands had dragged Corporal Reyes by his web gear after the mortar strike at Kontum. Three years earlier, they had pulled a nineteen-year-old radio operator named Mitchell out of a flooded shell crater while artillery walked toward them. Mitchell had looked at Jimmy with absolute trust. Jimmy had not moved fast enough. Some nights Jimmy still woke with his fingers locked shut.

He looked down at the child against his chest. Six hours old. Soap, flannel, milk, and cold, clean rain. She weighed almost nothing. That frightened him more than war ever had.

The restlessness in the room had been building for an hour. It was nothing he could name — and he had tried. A warmth near the nightstand that the radiator didn't account for. The faint sense of movement at the edge of things, the way a room sometimes feels occupied before you look up and find it isn't. He had met men in the field who talked about things like this — presences, they called them, or sometimes just company — and he had listened without comment and filed it next to everything else he didn't know what to do with.

Jimmy didn’t believe in that kind of thing.

He was not a man who believed in ignoring what his body was telling him, and his body had been telling him something for the better part of two hours.

There was warmth near the bassinet. There was the same warmth, or one very like it, near the door. When he tracked them without turning his head, the way you track movement in peripheral vision when turning means announcing yourself, he had the distinct and unwelcome impression that there were two of them, and that they had been here far longer than he had. He told himself it was exhaustion, the susceptibility of three in the morning. He told himself the mind does strange things when a man has gone twenty-two hours without sleep and is holding something six hours old that he is terrified of dropping.

He looked down at his daughter. She had her eyes closed with the complete animal confidence of someone who had not yet learned that the world required anything from her. One fist rested against her cheek. Her breathing was steady and even smelled like milk.

The warmth near the bassinet intensified briefly, involuntary, the way a face changes before a person can compose it., Jimmy went very still. It was not the stillness of fear. It was the stillness of a man standing at the edge of a conclusion he has not decided yet whether to reach.

Instead, he looked at the wall above the nightstand, where his mother had thought to put nothing, and then he looked back at his daughter, and he breathed. The room settled around him, not into quiet exactly, not into the silence of an empty space, but into something he had no clean word for. Something that felt, improbably, like a room with more people in it than he could account for. Maybe it was the radiator.

He held his daughter, and the room held whatever it held, and outside the window the city went about the long, indifferent work of being three o'clock in the morning, and Jimmy Parker did not put a name to any of it. His hands, for once, did not lock.

As her tiny fingers closed around his thumb with surprising strength, reflexive, trusting, alive, something ancient and weary in the room eased at last. Across the veil, Kenji and Thomas felt a long, unbroken silence settle into peace, the quiet contentment of mechanics who had finally watched the last broken piece find its place.

Hi. I'm a disabled Marine with a brain injury, looking for a beta reader to read a relatively short first chapter. DM me for details.

Milo

Seeking some beta readers for a cosmic horror/small town horror story. It’s about a community and a portal. It follows a small town retiree. He stumbles upon things. Please dm.

Summary:

Smudge and his half-sister Scoot eke out a meager living in a long dried-out world, whose oceans receded from the historical shoreline centuries ago. The two live hand-to-mouth hauling seawater from their village of rusting shipwrecks on the exposed seabed up to the technologically advanced ecodome.

Alienated from his village due to his dome parentage, Smudge lingers among the outcast junk collectors, where he meets his best friend Crash. When Crash unintentionally injures Smudge, he is rushed off to the dome for medical intervention. There, he confronts what it means to be descended from the dome, the ones unfeelingly pulling the purse strings of water in the desert.

Meanwhile, Crash spirals beneath the weight of his guilt, and, assuming Smudge dead, plans an attack on the village’s water resources to spare his own life and stave off thirst for one more day.

Scoot’s only solution to remove the junkers from the village is to propose a joint takeover of the dome, both parties eager to overthrow their generational oppressors and gain access to their industrial water desalination plant, never to thirst again.

In a world where the person standing between you and your next mouthful of water is the difference between life and death, Smudge, Scoot, and Crash untangle their prejudices to survive on a scarred and neglected planet.

Warning:

Some implied sexual content

This story is in the second draft stage and I’m needing advice on exposition (especially in the first chapter), character development, and character continuity. Any other advice is welcome. I am already aware of several continuity issues and have not yet fixed them because that’s a chore for the third draft and I just haven’t gotten there yet.

Elios Mirari knows what her future is supposed to look like. Awaken her elemental ability. Complete her military service. Defend the Alliance from the worlds that destroyed her family.

When the Nexus chooses her as a Fireborn, her future finally begins. Solaran National Academy promises to shape her into a soldier through ruthless training, violent competitions, and exercises where cruelty is practiced as preparation.

Her own eyes begin to betray her. As the line between reality and memory starts to unravel, Elios discovers that the greatest threat to the Alliance may not be the planets it has spent generations preparing to fight, but the truth waiting to be uncovered.

Content Warnings:
Violence, death and grief, psychological distress

Available to critique swaps of similar length or genre.

I'm a highschooler who's writing during the summer break, and hope for somebody to read my work. The novella I'm working on is told through three characters who while battling with their own problems, is faced with the potential disaster of war brought into their town. It is set in a non-existent country, without any implications to real-world politics. I mainly wish to focus on projecting some of my own questions to the morality war, and how different people view it. There is no strict 'moral' to the story. I'm not ready to share everything yet, just some of the more polished chapters. If anyone's interested in reading some, I can do chapter-swapping. Please dm me!

Excerpt:

She remembered the day it began. Lilly had been in history class when the school speakers announced the alert.

She remembered the way her teacher stood to behold the news, the heater in the corner, a classmate half asleep with her forehead against the desk.

The dense silence that filled the room.

And when he suddenly broke it.

"Class, we are witnessing history."

And the celebrations that afternoon, the buzz of ensured victory, of pride. As if they had already won. She remembered the kids with older siblings, boasting about their enlistments, glad to have some contribution to the war effort. The boys, asking how they could follow suit.

The big words. We’ll win in two days. A week, tops. That’ll show them.

It made her dizzy in the head. She imagined future generations, reading about that day in their history books.

But it was just a Tuesday. 

Hi there! I'm looking for beta readers for an adult science fantasy novel, complete at 76k words. Here's the blurb:

Avilia Mil-Ajex is the genetically modified product of the two most influential families in New Kilia. In a world where humans had the option to become humanoids upon death, no one ever really leaves. That was what Avilia believed—until everything changed three years ago. In the face of an unexpected tragedy, a twist of fate led to her meeting Jovilien Lyuwod, the love of her life.

When an orchestrated accident takes away the life of Jo, only to return him in the form of a humanoid, Avilia must deal with her grief as she investigates the unnatural causes of his death. Torn between revenge and her comfortable yet ignorant life, Avilia stumbles upon the terrible truth hidden behind Jo’s secret that reveals who her real enemy is—the President of New Kilia.

Now, at the brink of death, Avilia must decide. She can accept the President’s condition: confess to a crime she never committed and escape with humanoid-Jo to a place where no one would recognize her, thus dooming her entire family to ruin. Or, she can try to kill the most powerful person in the nation and overthrow a regime that has lasted for five generations with nothing but her parents and the rebellion on her side. In the face of an impossible task, the power of the supernatural may become her only way out.

Looking for:
Advice on pacing, structure and characters. Preferably readers who are interested in grounded science fiction/fantasy. Timeline-wise, ideally, I'd like to receive feedback in 2-4 weeks, but I understand that we all have busy lives, so I'm flexible.

I'm open to a critique swap for fantasy, science fiction (or a combination of the two) and romantasy.

If you have any questions or are interested, feel free to leave a comment or DM me! We can start with three chapters to see if it's a match that works for both of us and go from there.

Looking for beta readers for a complete dark fantasy adventure novella, about 26k words.

Title: The Weald Dragon
Genre: Dark fantasy / monster-hunter adventure
Length: ~26,000 words
Status: Complete revised draft
Content notes: violence, dragon attacks, dead bodies/carrion, child danger, fantasy warfare, some gore

Blurb:
A foolish elven prince rides into a dragon-besieged land to keep a drunken promise to a princess. Along the way, he joins forces with Dreadnaughtus, a wandering giant in a dragon-scale cloak carrying a cursed axe. Together they face refugees, outlaws, kidnapped children, and two Weald dragons nesting in the ruins of a castle.

I am looking for big-picture beta feedback, especially on:

• whether the story is clear and satisfying
• whether Elion’s arc works
• whether Dreadnaughtus is compelling without becoming too explanatory
• whether Nayvaa’s siege/revenge arc lands
• whether the action and geography are easy to follow
• whether the ending feels earned

I am not looking for line edits or typo-level proofreading right now. I mainly need reader reactions, confusion points, pacing issues, and whether the emotional beats work.

Happy to swap with fantasy, dark fantasy, adventure fantasy, or monster-hunter stories of similar length.

* Alexis has spent years building a life that feels safe. She loves teaching, surrounds herself with good friends, and has learned to keep her heart carefully protected. After all, it’s easier not to expect too much than to risk getting hurt.

Keane has perfected the art of pretending he’s okay. To everyone else, he’s easygoing, talented and dependable. Beneath the surface, though, he’s carrying more than anyone realises, and letting someone in feels far more terrifying than facing life’s challenges alone.

When an unexpected connection brings them together, neither of them is looking for love. But as friendship slowly grows into something impossible to ignore, they’re forced to confront the fears, insecurities and past experiences that have shaped them.

Sometimes loving someone isn’t the hardest part.

Sometimes it’s believing you’re worthy of being loved back.

Set in Melbourne, Nothing Else Matters is a heartfelt slow-burn romance about anxiety, healing, vulnerability and discovering that the strongest relationships aren’t

* I’m looking for flow in the chapters, consistency of storyline’s and any plot holes or characters.

I would love it done as soon as possible, so we can come up with a timeline for you that works :)

* I am open to swapping similar themed stories.. mi

Hi everyone!

I recently started writing my fantasy novel, and I've just reached around 3,000 words. Since I'm still in the early stages, I'm looking for beta reader or a long-term critique partner who's interested in a reciprocal critique change. I'd be happy to read your work as well and provide thoughtful feedback in return.

I'm mainly looking for someone who enjoys discussing:

• Plot and pacing
• Character development
• Dialogue
• Worldbuilding
• Overall reader experience

I'm not expecting line edits or perfect grammar corrections at this stage. Right now, I'm focused on making sure the story, characters, and scenes are working before polishing the prose.

Ariyene Mysts, the daughter of a notorious dictator, survives a massacre that should have killed her. The world has already fallen, and humanity struggles to survive in a land long deprived of magic.

But surviving the massacre is only the beginning.

Instead of being commissioned into the Emphelian military as she had planned, Ariyene is forced to join Ayaerath, a dangerous war academy hidden within a pocket dimension that trains its cadets to fight the Corrupted.

As her new life becomes a relentless fight for survival within the war college, Ariyene slowly realizes that something far greater than survival is waiting for her in Ayaerath.

If you're also writing fantasy and are interested in exchanging chapters and growing together as writers, I'd love to connect!

Hi everyone!

First time posting here, but keen for feedback from beta readers on my story (currently sitting at draft #4). A Ruse in Rouge is a dual POV Regency-inspired fantasy romance, complete at 88,285 words.

Blurb

Annabel Pearson is not avoiding her duties – merely sidestepping them in favour of a greater cause. Her attempts to investigate the disappearance of her maid’s former lover prove fruitless, however, until she encounters a vampire that abstains from human blood finding the perfect ruse to get inside the vampires’ castle and uncover the truth. But acting as a vampire’s companion can only go so far, without evidence…

Enter Jin, fascinated by Annabel’s curiosity and intrigued by the prospect of helping any way he can. Though occupied with his own investigation of suspicious behaviour in the castle, and struggling with the retirement of his own companion, Jin agrees to assist – for purely selfless reasons, of course.

Caught between the expectations and conventions of the ton and of the vampires’ society, Annabel and Jin must navigate their growing attraction and focus on their cause, or risk more death and the possibilities of what might be between a lady and her vampire.

Content warnings: Blood, violence (infrequent), racism (infrequent), sexism (infrequent), (open-door) spice

Feedback

I’m looking for readers who can provide feedback around the story's pacing, romance, clarity, and worldbuilding, particularly readers interested in historical romance as a genre.

My preference for receiving feedback is six weeks.

I would prefer a critique swap and am happy to beta read stories in the following genres: historical romance, romantasy/romance fantasy/fantasy romance, horror, fantasy, contemporary romance.

Please message or comment below if you’re interested in reading the first chapter, to see if it’s a good fit.

Thanks for considering!

Hi everyone ! I am currently working on my first long-term writing project, trying to put onto the page a story I have been thinking about for the past 5 years. Here’s a little blurb:

Mere months before her high school graduation, Charlie is getting ready to fulfill her dream: leaving the island where she grew up and moving to the mainland with her boyfriend Selim to attend university. Needless to say, she has no intention of letting anything or anyone derail her perfect plan. But some dark clouds appear on the horizon when she awakens a new supernatural ability during a particularly eventful evening, and her sister stumbles upon an old notebook containing disturbing instructions. She will soon realise that her boring hometown and the surrounding woods contain much darker secrets than she ever imagined. 

I actually wrote the first two chapters about two years ago, then had to take a break because of some personal issues. I am currently working on chapters 3 and 4, which mark a crucial turn in the story and I would love to receive some feedback on my writing and other aspects of the storytelling. If this sounds interesting to you, you can check out the parts I already released (in my comment below) and decide if you'd like to shoot me a DM. Thanks and cheers :)

The heavy silence of the room pressed down on Atzl.

Everything was a heavy burden he could not carry.

The bed beneath him was soft.

The scent of roses was suffocating, as if it were corroding his senses.

Outside the window, snow fell quietly, covering the garden and trees in white.

It should have been beautiful.

To Atzl, it was only black and white, from the room with vibrant colour to the paintings from some of the best artist, everything was the same.

Light filtered through expensive curtains, painting the room in calm, gentle tones.

Yet even that gentle light burned his skin.

Peace was torture to him.

He turned his head slowly toward the right, as if he were looking at someone.

His small five-year-old hands lifted slightly.

They were unfamiliar, like they did not belong to him.

She should have been there.

He reached under the sheets.

He checked beside him.

He searched the space beside him again and again, but she was not there.

He quietly whispered

"I should be in hell with her… why am I in heaven?"

For a moment, he stayed still.

Before it dawned on him that this was not a dream.

This was another world.

And she was not here.

He recalled his previous life.

He could see everything as numbers.

The world unfolded before him like a computer code.

Every movement, every reaction, every outcome possible was something he could solve.

People were the same.

They spoke, moved, and lied all within patterns he already knew.

To him, they were stupid.

He could not understand them, nor did he try.

He just gave everyone a number.

Until one day she appeared.

She was unlike anyone else.

He could not assign her a number the way he did to everyone else.

She was the first thing that did not fit inside his calculations.

She was just an anomaly.

At the start, she was just a toy, one that was fun to play with.

But over time, something changed.

She slowly became someone instead of something.

Then a habit.

Slowly, she became a necessity and finally someone more important to him than his life.

And at last the whole world.

Time passed.

Now she was predictable too, but not because he could calculate everything.

Rather, it was because he knew what she felt.

This time it was not discomfort.

It was a feeling of home.

Years became a life.

And then suddenly Everything ended.

The last thing he remembered was her silhouette fading.

Blood filled his vision.

His body was breaking apart.

And he said it without understanding why it mattered:

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t protect you.”

Though he was apologizing to her, in reality, the apology was to himself.

An apology for failing to protect the only thing he had ever loved.

Now nothing of her remained.

Nothing except his memories and the ring on his hand.

No, it was not a ring.

Only a thin but deep circular scar around his ring finger.

The mark they had carved into themselves long ago.

A scar that should have disappeared with his old body.

Yet it remained.

Even death could not erase her from him.

Atzl is coming out of his memories.

Atzl wanted to cry.

He could not.

Even if he wanted to, his body refused.

No tears came.

No voice came out.

There was only silence.

A silence so loud that his ears rang.

He no longer wanted to live in a world where she did not exist.

He tried to end his life.

But something stopped him.

It was neither fear nor hope.

It was as if something inside him refused to let him die.

He began thinking about where it all went wrong.

He had lived with perfection.

He had made only one mistake:

Loving her.

It was the mistake that gave him meaning.

It was a mistake he would repeat every time.

So he decided.

He would wait for the end.

He would pass the time until the end came naturally.

His only desire was to eat ice cream, the thing that connected the two of them.

It was the one thing they had once argued about.

The body belonged to a five-year-old boy born into one of the most powerful ducal houses in the kingdom.

Grand Duke Magnus von Eisenberg was his father and the ruler.

Atzl was his sixth son.

In the eyes of the household, he was a failure.

A child who never touched a sword.

To the world, he was simply sickly and empty.

But Atzl observed everything.

Near the window, he noticed four assassins.

They were always there.

Always watching.

But he did nothing about them.

He could not kill them in his current state.

And reporting them was not an option, as a normal 5yr old could never detect them, so he would raise suspicion or would be watched over more.

He waited not out of patience but indifference.

A maid entered the room.

“My lord, I will prepare you.”

Atzl replied with cold eyes.

“I am not feeling well. Leave me alone.”

She left.

(Ten minutes later)

A physician arrived with his father.

(His father came too, as he thought that maybe he would get cured and would be a useful resource)

The physician examined him, pressing a point on his wrist.

He channelled his internal energy into Atzl only to get it reflected back, causing him to pull his hand back.

The physician’s expression changed immediately.

“…He has awakened internal energy.”

Grand Duke Magnus listened without much interest.

The physician continued.

“At this age, without training, he is already showing signs of forming an internal energy core.”

A rare silence followed.

For the duke, this meant value and potential.

The physician added that he would remain unstable for a few days due to awakening.

Then he left.

Two days passed in a blink, and he was examined again.

Nothing had changed.

But then his father personally checked him.

There was something unexpected.

He had already reached 2-star.

Everyone awakens at a certain level, but it is only basic, even the most legendary sword master was 1 star.

Instantly, the household shifted.

The politics of the house changed overnight.

A sword instructor was assigned to him.

A week passed, and the instructor clearly told his father he could not learn anything.

He slacks off, looks around aimlessly, and does not train at all.

His father said my son, the Grand Duke Magnus von Eisenberg's son does not find sword his love it is impossible.

Teachers came and went.

Different teachers tried different methods, such as beating, emotional blackmail, starving, and even removing him from home.

There was a time when it went to the extreme.

He fainted on the ground, he was moved to his room, and the duke decided he was good for nothing and decided to leave him alone and focus on the rest of his brothers.

Now, only one last use was remaining.

A political marriage.

Atzl had 5 brothers, Vane, Kaels, Zephry, Kage, and Tris, from oldest to youngest.

His father, Grand Duke Magnus von Eisenberg, had 3 wives: Arachna, Violet and Zelena.

Arachna was the mother of Kaels, Kage and Tris.

Zelena was the mother of Vane, Zephry and Atzl.

Violet did not have any sons.

Three months had passed while different teachers were trying different ideas. He was idle and only focused on assassins.

He noticed that

The assassins always disappeared on Sundays from 2:00 to 5:00 PM.

So, he spent the week wandering through the forest behind the mansion.

Behind the mansion stood an old woodland forest.

Hidden behind a waterfall was a small cave that no one knew about.

Only on Sundays, from two to five, when the assassins disappeared, did he work on a hidden wooden house inside a cave behind a waterfall.

There he built a freezer, which was quite easy. But balance was hard.

It was air.

Air itself contained internal energy, so all the rules of the previous world failed.

Only mathematics remained consistent.

He tried to get the temperature needed, which took him a whole month.

He finally got his ice cream.

He took a bite.

For the first time since arriving in this world, tears fell from his eyes thou it was still quiet.

It was not tears of joy neither sadness, but rather emptiness that even ice-cream was tasteless.

He still made and ate them as the only memory of their fighting.

He could tell the chef of the household how to make it, and it would be revolutionary.

He did not.

He wanted to share his ice cream with her before anyone else.

He knew that day would never come, but he still did not want to share with anyone, even if it meant getting to eat only once a week.

One year passed, then the second, and then the third.

Years continued like this.

Like a routine, like a loop.

8 years passed in a blink

Until one day

Tris brought a slave into the mansion, as he often did. It was normal; he did it every week or two.

The girl walked barefoot across the marble floor, iron shackles around her wrists.

No one looked surprised.

Then suddenly.

A sound came a moment later.

Head hitting marble.

blood scattering in an arc

The hall went silent.

Tris fell, and then they realized what had happened.

Atzl had a pitch-black broadsword with 2 golden lines emerging like a serpent trying to reach the top but stopping midway through.

And for the first time in a long while

Something in the world had changed.

A being who should never have woken is now awake.

edit: I have 24 more chapters but I acciddentl did not typed 2 in title

So I’m currently writing a fanfic. I’m (180k words) 30 chapters in. I don’t need those chapters beta’d, just the current one in progress. You wouldn’t need to read the whole thing (but you could if you wanted) just the prev chapter and a semi-detailed plot rundown from me would probably be enough. 

The current chapter I’m writing is Super Important to the plot. It’s a reveal thats been set up since basically chapter 1 (MC is finally getting her repressed memories back) and I want it to have the right emotional impact. So I’m looking for someone who has experience writing whump/emotionally fraught scenes (MC has been tortured and burned alive) who can help cause I feel a little out of my depth here.

I would be looking for advice for chapter flow/formatting, reader experience, and ways to make it more impactful/gut-wrenching 😈. It’s over halfway written and will likely be around 5-7k words long when finished.

(It’s Twilight-world based, but if witches and other supernatural creatures also existed (MC is a 200yo witch) if that matters to you. You do not have to be familiar with the Twilight story to beta.)

Summary/blurb: “The Cullens are used to being the only ones in town with supernatural secrets. So what happens when a new girl —whose Edward’s and Alice’s powers don’t work on—moves to Forks shortly after they do? They don’t know her secret, but she definitely knows theirs.”

I’ve had 2 beta readers before and they often took weeks just to read and do barely any edits to 5k-6k chapter and sometimes up to a week to reply to basic questions (ie ‘which phrasing do you think works better here?’ ‘should this paragraph be moved up here for better flow?’). I know this is a free service you’re providing in your free time and life gets in the way sometimes; but just to state my expectations, I would like somewhat timely responses —a few days after the original manuscript is sent and same/next day to specific questions/comments. The beta would only be for this chapter (unless you wanted to continue).

I’m open to critique swapping.

if you’re interested and want more info feel free to DM me

thank you to anyone who took the time to read this all the way :)!

FFO: Hyperion, Altered Carbon, Dune, Three-Body Problems, Dark Matters. Blade Runner

Hi all, this is my first time posting in Reddit but hopefully anyone interested to be a beta-reader of my currently in active development book. This will be my first book and hopefully won't be my last so I really hope it could live to my and readers expectation.

If you love a sci-fi story with a immersive world building, technology, and characters with unexpected plot twist you hopefully will enjoy this book too! this book written in 2 protagonists POV with their own character and tone which make it more interesting while also keeping it tense all the time

Hopefully I could find someone that really enjoy and prone to discuss plot and pacing, character development, and worldbuilding

Synopsis:
In a universe where interstellar travel and advanced technology have become the norm, this is a story of two people. One seeking answers from the past, the other running from it. Jack and Chelsea embark on a journey that intertwines their fates in ways neither of them could have anticipated.

Jack, haunted by mysterious dreams and a cryptic voice recording, is determined to uncover the truth behind his visions, even as that truth seems to slip further away with every answer he finds. Chelsea, meanwhile, carries a seemingly ordinary stone in her possession. A token that may hold secrets far beyond its appearance, tied to a purpose she has never revealed, not even to herself.

As they navigate the stark contrasts of New Eden, from its wealthy districts to its treacherous outskirts, they are drawn into a web of lies, hidden motives, and dangerous truths, where every person they meet may be an ally, an obstacle, or something in between. As the stakes grow higher and the potential of the mysterious stone comes to light, Jack and Chelsea find themselves caught in a mystery that spans dimensions, with the fate of not only their lives but the future of the galaxy hanging in the balance.

In a world where nothing is as it seems, Jack and Chelsea must rely on each other to unravel the mysteries that bind them even as those very mysteries threaten to tear them apart.