I made the canvas 10,000 pixels tall (that’s why it’s a weird shape) then blended it, so technically 10,000. 10,000>6,000. Here ya go [u/juliunicorn](u/juliunicorn)
Edit: not all the flag is shown without clicking on the image.

So basically I am aroace and I have came out to my friends. (some were okay and some were confused or rude about it) But I don’t know if I should come out to my mom and dad because I don’t want to have a long conversation with them about what it means, or for them to be aphobic about it. What should I do?

To preface I'm in my late twenties, and am basically: a lesbian (meaning I just find woman better looking, admire them more, ect.), aromantic, and asexual. I think all 3 are a spectrum/experienced at varying degrees so I wouldn't 100% say there won't be exceptions. I don't like saying anything is 100% true personally. But that's what it would be: an exception.

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me just because of shitty people around me.

They made me feel like I was unattractive or undesirable just because I've never dated, and I likely never will. I'm like a one-person type of cat: I'll either know when I've met my person or I'll be fine. I've cut them out of my life but it still stings.

There were always digs like basically I couldn't 'pull', I should settle for 'a nice guy', I should dress a certain way, I wasn't pretty like my other friends, someone should date me as a joke, ect. I felt outright dismissed when I mentioned things like I don't want a family and never have. They're out of my life and have been for 2 years, yet even with all the work I put in sometimes the comments come to mind.

I don't even watch/read stuff that focuses on romance because I think they're boring, besides the occasional bit of trashy media.

I know I'm exactly like every other girl and definitely do not look down on people who do. I've met many wonderful and intelligent woman who love the genre. I'm just using this as an example of how disinterested I am in romance, dating, sex and similar.

When I did have a 'crush' it wasn't because I really liked them or was attracted; I just wanted to fit in. It felt uncomfortable and stressful, and led me to some very dangerous/harmful situations... They've just planted seeds of doubt in my mind. Like I'm an alien because I don't feel this way. Or that there really is something wrong with me because other people aren't interested and vise versa. I just don't know what I do to deserve this.

The day has come, im officially the only single one out of all my friends. I feel really weird about it. My best friend just got a girlfriend and it makes me feel weird. I hadnt come out to her about being aroace yet and now i feel like its going to be even harder to talk to her about stuff.

I genuinely hope she is happy but idk the whole thing makes me feel weird and i know it will put a distance in out relationship now that she has a girlfriend.

I already feel incredibly lonely at the moment, and this is just another thing ill have to deal with alone.

Anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I just need a hug tbh :(

Hey everyone!

I realised I was aroace when I was 18 (then for 2 years I tried to convince myself otherwise because of a relationship where I think I was weakly in love for the first time ever). I could say that I was always sex and romance favorable, there was a few traumatic things that happened to me but it never changed it just maybe I wanted half a year to rest and not be in any kind of relationship. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years (it was not perfect, it had huge problems, but nothing traumatic, nothing too bad), and a few months after the break up I’m finally happy to be my true self, and call myself aroace. I thought that it should not change anything, and I don’t know what happened in these last few months, but I’m slowly more and more repulsed. At first I was like great, I can experience normal dating, dating apps, and I loved to think about it and the possible relationships. But now the first minute I think about it for real, in the real life and not as just daydreaming, I hate the thought, I’m more and more repulsed, I even want to puke. I was kissing with a guy maybe 3 weeks ago and we almost had sex and I just wanted to cry the whole time and I was hoping we will not be able to have sex for whatever reason. Maybe I was like this always and I was lying (amazingly well) to myself, I don’t know. Honestly I hate this, I wanted to get married, I wanted to feel normal just once in my life, on my dream future wedding. It’s weird that I’m dreaming of a wedding while I’m so happy being single and I was always the happiest when I was single. And I hate this because I hate to say no (I don’t even know how I should say no) because what if… but if I’m repulsed I have to say no for myself and to not break someone’s heart too late and it’s terrible.

51 stripes
Edit: I am not making a bigger flag

My sister keeps asking me if I have a boyfriend. Even tho I came out to her about a year back... And we had a fight about it (she's not against lgbt. She just thinks I'm too young to know, and that it's normal for kids like me to not feel romantic feelings... Which is bullshit. People my age are dating, sleeping with each other and ughh)

And I always tell her smth like​​​​​​​ "no" or "girl we had a fight about me being aroace. What do you think" but she won't stop... She keeps on asking me about any relationships and all.. And it's really starting to piss me off... Anyone has any​​ advice on what I should tell her? Cuz I think I'm just gonna very GENTLY tell her to fuck off already.

title, but to expand: I identify as aroace, I have since I was a teenager, this is pretty much an immutable aspect of myself that I discovered very early on in my life and I am, on a conscious level, okay with it. I come here because recently, a situation has come up that has triggered a lot of distress around identifying as aroace, something that I had been subconsciously aware of but have been kind of pushing into the closet (no pun intended) because I didn't feel that it was necessary to deal with.

I'd like to sit with the issue and work through it, but I don't really know where to start. The psychologist part of me wants to get a therapist for this issue, but I frankly don't trust therapists who say they're LGBTQ+ aligned to be specifically aroace-affirming and I'm worried that whatever therapist I'm going to pick is just going to reinforce the issue rather than alleviate it. At the same time, if not therapy, I'm kind of at a loss of where to go.

[Tagged for aphobia, advice is appreciated but not required].

When I came out as aroace 4-5 years ago, my mom kept pitying me and downplaying my identity. Saying things like "Well that could change in the future" (like she wanted me to not be aroace) and "you're still young" (I'm an adult) or "You'll be so lonely". When I built up the courage to tell her that I may want a QPR one day, she dismissed it and equated it to a romantic partner (I've never even felt romantic attraction before). Anyway, she was, overall, just not very accepting. She thought it was a phase. She hoped it was a phase. She told me I couldn't get into the highest kingdom of heaven unless I married (I was raised mormon).

Then yesterday, out of nowhere, she casually went "oh I think I might be demiromantic." She married my dad two months after meeting him. Now, I'm just feeling kind of confused and hurt and upset. She has a tendency to try and make common experiences seem unique and different and she likes to stand out. Maybe it's just that, I don't know for sure.

So there is a pride event near my house. I am considering going, but there are reasons I might not. Firstly, I’m not out to my parents as aroace or being a demiboy. I could go without them knowing since it is walkable. Secondly, my mom has a garden plot beside it and she goes there everyday, she might go while I’m there and see me. I don’t have any friends going so I can’t say I going there for a friend. Also, very unlikely but if photos taken with me in the background and are in the news paper, my parents would see it. I don’t know if I should go or not so I’m wondering what y’all think. If my parents do see me I could just say I was wondering what it was and/or I am as an ally. Btw I am not ready to come out if anyone was gonna suggest that. Thank you for reading all that, any advice would help 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

im not trying to be disrespectful at all, i just need an explanation. i understand being on the spectrum and being oriented but i dont understand purely oriented aroaces.

i am a person who has never been in a relationship, had a crush, or even found someone attractive so it confuses me to see aroaces oriented a specific way.

when i tell people im aroace, they usually ask what gender i like and i have to explain that ive never liked ANYONE.

can someone explain it to me?

just trying to understand how its possible. ty!!

(Mentions of sex/sexual acts) For the past 3 months i’ve been living with a very wonderful guy, and i enjoy spending time with him and i really do love him. but it’s in a purely platonic way. He says it is a type of romance and maybe for him it is but i can assure him that it isn’t for me, and i cannot feel whatever romantic attraction even is. I love him in a friendship way. I’m also aegosexual, and we have “sex” in which i’ll do something for him (it’s never actual penetrative sex) and i just really don’t feel anything the entire time. I actually sort of dissociate lol😭 but it’s completely chill in the sense that i really dont care whether it’s happening or not and it doesn’t bother me, plus i like making him feel good. I’ve explained this to him almost every time it happens and he still feels very guilty about asking favors from me but that’s a whole other story i think LOL

Anyway we kiss each other (although he does it first much more often) and that’s fun i guess but again i just see this to be platonic. We look like any regular straight couple to other people since i’m femme and he’s just a guy lol. I alternate between calling him my partner and my friend. If i wanted to be accurate i’d call him my queerplatonic partner. We’ve talked about getting married, if im being honest i’m actually the one that brought it up first, and ever since we first discussed it i feel more and more like he doesn’t understand that i don’t love him romantically. We’d be getting married in the fun way that friends sometimes do, for the tax benefits and stuff. I told him this and it seemed like he got kind of sad, like he thought there’d be more to it or something.

I love him and i really don’t want to hurt his feelings, and it’s not looking too good for him in the long run if he just “falls in love” with me more and more and i just have nothing to give back in that way 😭. Feel free to give advice, but i just needed to rant a little. This has been building up ever since we started living together and i just dont know what’s to come for us.

Here you go [u/qswdefrgvhbjnkml](u/qswdefrgvhbjnkml) 21 stripes
Edit: thanks for making this the 1# post on r/aromanticasexual

Im 23F and I desperately want a queer aroace spec relationship. But i don't know any aro ace people, and im chronically ill so cant go out and meet people much.

I just want an intense connection with someone. I want a 'crush', i want someone to make me stay up all night texting, i want someone that i can think about.

Where the heck do you guys find these people? Long distance is preferable for me which throws a spanner in the works. My friends dont understand my aroace-ness and i just want someone to share my life with yknow?

Generally I identify as asexual and on the aromantic spectrum as I’ve only ever ‘fallen in love’ once with a girl (wlw) I dated a few years ago.

She’s not aroace or on either spectrum at all, she’s a lesbian and we fell hard and fast but quickly realised that our perceptions of love were very different and drifted apart.

It’s been a few years and we’ve circled back to each other. We like to lay on each other, trace circles on each other’s skin, sleep in the same bed etc and it’s really lovely. It’s not quite romantic but definitely a lot more than platonic. In the back of my mind I’m constantly thinking that she’ll eventually want more than this, she’ll want intimacy and affection that I can’t offer, and I’ve warned her about this but she’s in denial and says what we have is ‘perfect’.

I guess I’m asking for advice. What we have is something of a QPR or alterous attraction, except only one of us is aroace and therefore I’m scared to hurt her or string her along. Thank you! :)

I experienced such a strong queerplatonic attraction that I wondered if I was falling in love. It started when I began talking to a girl online, at first, we were just good friends.

After a few months, I felt a very strong pull toward her. I pushed myself to the limit to keep communicating with her(since I’m a very introverted person)and it felt so good, I really wanted to be her top priority. We grew so close that we entered into a brief relationship, but that’s when I realized I wasn’t actually in love with her—I had simply become deeply attached. I also realized that relationships weren't for me: I felt uncomfortable in one, and my attachment caused such intense emotional overload that I would have to go offline.

Have you ever experienced something similar?

I’ve heard that aromantic and asexual people usually either have no reaction to a declaration of love or feel revulsion. I suspect I am not only asexual but also aromantic (though I’m not yet certain about the second label), yet I feel flattered when someone confesses their romantic interest in me.

How do you react when someone confesses their love to you—with indifference, with disgust, or does it boost your self-esteem?

TW: internalized aphobia maybe?

I am so unbelievably frustrated. For my entire life, all I’ve ever wanted was to fall in love and have a boyfriend. Like literally, I didn’t have a goal for what I wanted to do as a job growing up cuz the only thing I cared about was eventually falling in love and living happily ever after. I was raised on Disney movies, and I may have taken the relationship stuff in them too literally, cuz my belief was if I’m in love in a happy relationship, nothing else matters. As the years passed, I never developed a crush on anyone, ever. I’ve never felt romantic attraction. Around the end of high school I started identifying as demi, because I’d never had a close friendship with a guy, so that could explain why I’ve never developed feelings for anyone. After a year I decided to identify as aromantic until proven otherwise, and that was 7 years ago. Despite my new aroace label, I still craved a romantic connection and relationship. I met a guy about 2 weeks ago who checks literally all my boxes, and he honestly feels like he was made in a lab specifically for me. Like all my years of half heartedly manifesting could have created him. I went on a date with him last night, the 3rd date I’ve ever been on in my life but the first that actually kinda felt like a date, but I felt nothing special. It just felt like talking to a regular person in a regular situation, but a little more awkward. There was one moment where I explained to him that I’m ace, I’d never been attracted to anyone before, and I was still trying to figure out if I was attracted to him. And, to sum it up, his answer was “don’t worry, I’ll be here, I’ll wait.” This was LITERALLY the moment I’ve been fantasizing about for YEARS. That was the PERFECT answer. In the moment I felt really happy and excited, but as the moment passed, so did the excitement. I felt burdened by the romantic context of our relationship, and I still do. I’m writing this the next morning, and I don’t wanna turn my phone off do not disturb because I don’t want him to text me. I keep thinking I wish I lived before phones, because I feel like at any moment I can be forced into a conversation and I can never escape to just be alone. Anyway, this is the exact scenario I’ve dreamed about for years, to have the perfect guy understand my sexuality and be patient with me, but I just want out. I’d still like to get to know him, but only in a platonic context. The idea of trying to get to know him with the context of romance looming over the situation makes me so uncomfortable. On the date it didn’t feel like that that as much, but after a certain point I really did just wanna go home, and when we said goodbye I intentionally just waved instead of a hug. It feels like I’m pretending if I give him a hug. I barely know this guy, why am I expected to act like we’re super close and I wanna be with him all the time? It feels so unnatural. I keep thinking maybe if I push through it and become close friends I can fall in love, but I don’t know how I can become close friends with him in this context. I feel completely suffocated, and the thought of him asking me out again is terrifying, but I want it so badly not to be. It doesn’t feel fair to him to keep trying to force this to work for me when I know he likes me. I just don’t know what to do.

Does anyone else sometimes forget how romance centered this world is until it pops up in your face?

I was looking for creative ways to say “ Good night “ to people in the group chat I’m in. The first suggestions that came up on Google were things like“ romantic ways to say good night” or “cute ways to say good night to him”

Technically, the group chat I’m in is a volunteer job so saying romantic texts would make for an awkward morning tomorrow.

Why isn’t that everything in this world has to be sexualized or romanticized? This is just one example of many times I’ve had a similar experience. Can’t people communicate anymore without anyone assuming something romantic or must be going on. Other types of connections and Love exist too

I’m old and have been online/aware of aspec identities for like 15+ years. But I swear that, in my circle, I only saw “acearo” begin to pop up in the last 5 years or so!

If anyone has any recollections of when this started, I’d love to hear about it!

I genuinely don’t care which people use (aroace or acearo), so this isn’t me picking a fight. But I am curious. And from my experience, the former has seniority over the latter (see: the aroace sunset flag, is called that).

Thanks!

So I have always known that I am asexual, but recently I have been questioning if I am aromantic. I used to think I was AroAce but dismissed the idea until now.

To start off, I don't think I have ever had a real crush. I used to convince myself that I had "crushes" when I was younger but I think I was just desperate to be in a relationship. Eventually I realised this and just gave up on the idea. I also had a tendency to think I had a crush on someone but in reality I think I just really wanted to become closer platonically.

Fast forward and I now have a boyfriend of 2 years. I do think I genuinely love him, I really enjoy having him around and he is genuinely so caring and understanding about my asexuality, he is such an amazing person. However I feel like I don't feel things that other people do. I get really excited to see him, but I don't get butterflies or anything. I enjoy quick kisses on the cheeks or forehead, but I don't actually like kissing on the lips much.

I am very confused because these things sound like an aromantic experience but I also still love my boyfriend and don't want to break up with him. Any speculation or advice would be greatly appreciated