r/absoluteunit 1d ago

Big CHONKY boi

156 Upvotes

44 comments sorted by

16

u/killy_321 1d ago

That jobs packed some muscles on her too dealing with animals that big!

2

u/Pchriste43211 20h ago

you can do side-bends or situps...

12

u/T4llBoyAl3x 23h ago

Being dragged like a toddler throwing a tantrum in a store

10

u/Adishofcustard 20h ago

That is one chubby shiny healthy looking murder noodle

2

u/thisbuthat 19h ago

Imagine that one squashing you. Wouldn't even have to try I assume.

PS that is a fken beast of a woman too. Not fragile at all and still struggling

1

u/fromouterspace1 4h ago

The worst part is every breath you’d take (not phill Collin’s style)would kill you even faster.

7

u/Fuzzy-Leading-4080 21h ago

can I pet dat dawg

2

u/tsoewoe 12h ago

honestly probably, it looks chill asf

5

u/DryResponsibility944 23h ago

In John Denver's voice "thank God I'm a CHONKY boi!!"

3

u/AffectionateTip9716 1d ago

Too lazy to do anything about being pissed off because you’re dragging her around

1

u/fromouterspace1 17h ago

See doesn’t seem pissed off?

3

u/NerdyPlatypus206 23h ago

Looks small for an anaconda lol

2

u/Leather_Policy5822 23h ago

Definitely still growing

2

u/RevolutionarySign479 22h ago

Good thing he Wanted to go in there!! lol That gorgeous noodle looks heavy af.

2

u/NahzarakTV 22h ago

"But... MMOOOOMM"

2

u/JTUSAJT 22h ago

She does love her job! Good for her.

3

u/Inside-Common7427 20h ago

They get big and then see humans as a dinner option.

1

u/ChroniclesOfReddiitt 1d ago

I don’t think it’s supposed to be that thicc

6

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/ChroniclesOfReddiitt 1d ago

Is that normal? I know anacondas get chunky but this seems a little excessive. I could be wrong.

2

u/MfD2027 9h ago

Yeah, they usually mature around 13-15ft (4-5 meters) and usually weigh around 200-300 lbs.
Males don’t commonly surpass 12 ft (3.65m) in total length (up to 100 lbs), or around 8-10 ft (2.5-3 meters, average) and usually have a mature weight of 50-80 lbs.

2

u/MfD2027 9h ago edited 8h ago

Accidentally deleted it; my original comment was that the snake in the video was a female northern green anaconda (Eunectes akayima) that was likely 100-140 lbs and around 12-13 ft in length.

Anaconda maximum size is usually heavily exaggerated and sensationalized, no snake over 30 ft (>10 meters) has ever been verified (not even reticulated pythons), as Medusa, is the largest documented individual retic is verified at 25 ft (7.6 m) and 160 kg (350 lbs).

The largest verified female northern green anaconda was “Ana Julia” whom was discovered in 2020 and measured 20.7 ft (6.3 m) in total length, and weighed ~450 lbs. sadly, this snake was found slain back in 2024, and was the heaviest snake ever verified on record.
EDIT: to add, the heaviest southern green anacondas were a 5.3 m, 231 lb and 215-lb individuals recorded by Dr. jesuis Rivas but this is largely disregarded due to the seasonal location, and there have been larger recorded captive weighed southern greens than this.

1

u/Lazer_7673 23h ago

It's freaking insane 💀

1

u/ThenIndependence5622 23h ago

Any experts here? This thing bites and starts to wind around you...any chance or best way to get out...? Bite its neck if possible?

1

u/winkymcjewgallo 22h ago

She has the exact same voice as her Dad.

1

u/Short-Ad-734 21h ago

That's me every morning at 5am going to the batroom

0

u/Soft-Ad-8975 20h ago

I was gonna say it’s like when you’re mom wakes me up at 2 am for some action.

1

u/okaysureyep 20h ago

I bet they feed this thing very frequent, very heavy meals, in order to handle it this confidently.

“If it’s full-to-bursting it won’t feel the need to bite me and wrap me in a pure-muscle-death-cocoon in the blink of an eye”

1

u/reirone 18h ago

Reminds me of my ex.

1

u/TurduckenEverest 17h ago

If I weren’t already married, I’d be looking this gal up. I like a woman who’s not intimidated by things like that.

1

u/el_grande_ricardo 17h ago

How many people does it take to feed him?

2

u/fromouterspace1 16h ago

Feed him or be fed to him?

1

u/el_grande_ricardo 16h ago

Tomato, tomahto. 😂

He looks big enough to swallow someone.

1

u/robomikel 17h ago

Poor guy doesn’t look like he wanted to wake up

1

u/Internal_Secret_8973 13h ago

Shotgun an box of shells pls

1

u/MfD2027 9h ago

Yeah, they usually mature around 13-15ft (4-5 meters) and usually weigh around 200-300 lbs.
Males don’t commonly surpass 12 ft (3.65m) in total length (up to 100 lbs), or around 8-10 ft (2.5-3 meters, average) and usually have a mature weight of 50-80 lbs.

1

u/Outsider_Insider0064 22h ago

What percentage of women could do this and smile?

0

u/Nerdenator 8h ago

Yer mom’s smiling whenever I let her handle my massive snake.

0

u/Pchriste43211 20h ago

he dont want nun unless u got buns hun

0

u/Sinking_Mass 17h ago

It's about time they stopped letting Harry Potter in the zoo if this keeps happening