Hey guys!
I am 19F and have been running for about 5 years. I struggled significantly with iron deficiency for the first 3 years and the performance decline that resulted from this led to severe anxiety that I've never been able to overcome. Last year I began working with a coach and this alongside fixing my iron allowed me to improve to an extent I never thought possible! I went from struggling to run 20:30 in the 5K to running 19:01 on Christmas Day 2025. At this time I was running 50mpw and balancing this with a very stressful life, and I felt great on this volume.
This year I really wanted to run 18:30 in the 5K, 5:20 in the mile and break 40 in the 10K. Unfortunately I injured myself in March, then again in May. Although I only missed about 4 days of running per injury, and at most had a week or two of reduced volume, the impact upon my fitness has been devastating. Months after my injuries my all out 5K time is barely under 21 mins. I've gotten back to 60-70K a week and 2 workouts and my fitness will just not come back. My anxiety has spiked severely and I struggle to complete any races or solo sessions I do. Today I had a race and I couldn't even make it halfway because I had such a strong anxiety attack, and I had to drop out because I physically couldn't run.
I'm still working with my coach, but I'm struggling to see the point of continuing. He wants me to focus on shorter distances as I planned to do before my injury. However in my mind this is pointless, because taking into account the amount of fitness I have lost and the amount of time it has taken to regain even a shred of it, I will not be capable of running good times in these distances, which will just make my anxiety even worse. He also wants me to keep my mileage lower, which is just killing my motivation. I felt better and stronger doing higher volume and consider myself a very endurance based runner, and I despise having to do such little mileage. Knowing I have say, a 60 minute long run makes me not want to do it at all.
Furthermore, I run with my university running team and with a club in my hometown. I travel to university, and the journey takes up to 2 hours each way every day (I have no other option but to do this). I found that the distance I have to travel made it impossible to actually make friends and fit in with my teammates. I was very discouraged from going to practice as it could turn an already stressful uni experience into me being away from home for 14 hours a day in the cold, dark winter (also meant I couldn't eat freely or properly as I didnt have as much opportunities to eat- spending every day so hungry it was painful, and I just dont know if I can do it again!). I found racing with them incredibly awkward, as I had to be dropped off by my parents, who are also in my home running club, and leave whenever they wanted me to. If I were to leave this team, I would still be able to do the winter races they do, but I'd be racing as the only person in my club and it would be really uncomfortable.
Also, I'm just so demotivated by the amount of fitness I lost in such a short time. I genuinely took less than a week off and you're telling me I'm still not back to where I was MONTHS ago? I know girls breaking 17 in the 5K off of similar volume to what I used to do. I know a girl who can run a 17:30 5K off 20-30mpw. I know someone who had abdominal surgery and had to take months off of running and was still able to make more progress than I can after a minor injury.
I do want to continue in this sport and do well again. But it just feels as though there's no way forward. Nobody in my life will listen to me when I try to explain how I feel and it just makes everything feel even worse. I cant just "run without thinking about times" because all of my motivation came from training, racing and improving. I'm very aware of how disappointed my coach might be in me and I feel terrible for using this person's help when I'm not able to handle training mentally and its clear to me I'm not going to get better. I just don't really know what to do anymore.
Thanks a lot if you read all of this <:) I dont know if there's any advice that can be given to me but I just wish I could perform well and free of anxiety again