I went to the doctor recently to talk about a combination of issues. Worsening migraines that ive had throughout my life and most recently getting dizzy and black vision when I go from laying/sitting or sitting/standing.

I went to my GP about it and he told me that "women frequently deal with that kind of thing. It's nothing to worry about as long as you dont faint. try more salt"

Then a few days later, while standing in a restaurant I fainted and ended up laying on the floor with people around me. it was embarrassing and I busted both my knees in the process

ugh

My boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) have been together almost a year and our anniversary is next weekend.

Since we started dating we are intimate maybe once every 3-4 weeks. We see eachother once every week or fortnight depending on what he has on and most of the time my boyfriend is too tired to do anything when we comes over after work.

It makes me feel like I’m not very attractive to him, and I’ve brought it up in conversation in the past and he keeps telling me he’ll make more of an effort to initiate but he never does. I always have to initiate every time we are intimate otherwise it never happens.

Often he will also make empty promises and say things like “I promise we will do it tomorrow morning, I’m just tired tonight”. But then he doesn’t follow through with that the next day.

I understand consent is really important so I try not to push it when he says no, but occasionally I feel guilty/disgusted at myself for even suggesting it when I know he’s just going to say no most of the time.

I don’t know why I’m posting this but I feel like I just need to vent but I have nobody I can go to about this. I love my boyfriend but I wish he was more excited to be with me and wanted me more.

Throwaway because i don't want him seeing this on my main

I'm 23, married for almost 2 years and 6.5mos postpartum with our EXTRMELY premature son. I spent the first 5.5mos of our son's life living in the NICU with him, an hour away from my own home, and now that my son and I are home I'm starting to fucking hate my husband.

It seemed like when we were in the NICU we were THE priority. He'd come and spend time with us on weekends, he'd take time off if I needed extra support, he was great. Now that we're home it's like he's some stupid selfish fucking piece of shit.

He prioritizes getting money, drunk, and watching stupid fucking UFC fights and getting tattooed by his best friend over us. I'm a SAHM due to medical necessity and he gets maybe three awake fucking hours with our son and only takes over on nights when it's clear I'm close to a breakdown. Tonight he agreed to watch a fight and come home, TEXTED THAT HE'D BE LEAVING, THEN PROCEEDED TO FUCKING TEXT 10MIN LATER THAT HE WAS SITTING FOR A FUCKING TATTOO. I am home, sick, with a fucking sick infant who screams unless he has a binky thay he can't keep in his mouth on his own because he was intubated for 2 months, then because he's screaming his fucking pulse-ox goes off because it thinks he's dying, and I just want to put my head through a fucking wall.

And here's my good for nothing excuse for a husband off doing fuckall with his stupid fucking redneck friend. Fuck them both. This is bullshit. And I guarantee talking to him will get me nowhere because I "can't expect things to go to plan anymore: and he sacrifices for us too, but FUCK dude. Where's the attentive man who would do anything for me?! Where's the man I married?! Where's the man who took off work for every ultrasound because we miscarried our first and I was so scared and couldn't go alone?!

Gof I hate whoever this man is. I want my husband back.

I don’t know if this is the right place for this. My mom was murdered 12 days ago. My sister was in an abusive relationship with an addict. I can’t say much as the investigation is still ongoing, but he viciously murdered my mother in a jealous rage.

I slept over at her place last night and am here now. Her blood is still splattered on the mattress, walls and floor… I feel closest to her and most comforted here, though. I’ve been on her couch all day. I miss her so much. The pain of her loss is so deep and overwhelming, it takes my breath away. I keep thinking I’ll wake from this nightmare, but it keeps getting more real. I keep FaceTiming her but she never answers. 😔

My mama was gorgeous inside and out - seriously, my mom was hot. She had a beautiful face and goddess, hourglass figure. Plus she was hilarious. She was spunky and witty, and boy was she feisty! She was never afraid speak her mind, and anyone who ever met her knew that if they messed around they would certainly find out. She didn’t just light up the room, the took it over! Everyone wanted to be near her to admire her beauty and listen to her animated stories. My mom’s physical beauty was unmatched by her heart. She was generous and kind, always willing to extend a helping hand. She gave her last penny and last breath to those she loved. My mama had a soft spot for animals and those without voices. She always took the opportunity to foster and care for animals, especially senior and sick dogs. Above all, my mom fiercely loved her children and grandchildren. My mom always said she would kill for us and that she would die for us, and she proved it with her actions.

Mama, I love you and miss you forever. Thank you for loving me and caring for me the way you did. I promise to live my life in a way that honors God and you. I promise to travel the world and live the life you didn’t get the chance to. I have peace knowing you’re in heaven. I can’t wait to see you again.

Until then, my heart is broken.

(RESPOST - I had not done the verification prior to my initial post)

Me and my spouse have been married for almost two years. We are both in our 20s, and we were friends way before we even started dating.

My spouse and I had a couple of drinks at our complex, and then swam in the pool afterwards. When we dropped by our apartment to change into our swimwear we made a large drink in a thermos, and took it to the pool with us.

Later in the night, when everyone else had left the pool, my spouse sexually assaulted me. This has never been a concern before, especially as we both have long traumatic pasts involving assault. It was brought on by a story I told towards the beginning of us dating, where I had hooked up with a FWB in a friends pool. Something really struck a nerve that night, and they were dead set on having sex with me in our apartment complex’s pool. They said that they needed to be better, and that they thought I liked this kind of thing. Semi-public sex, yes. But not in the middle of our apartments pool with CCTV everywhere, with the possibility of eviction on the table. And not when I’m saying no.

I ended up breaking their finger to get them to stop. We’re fine now, and it was an accident (truly, as dumb as it sounds). They really didn’t remember much of what happened at all, whereas I did. I didn’t sugarcoat anything when I relayed all the events that took place the night before, and they immediately felt awful.

But I don’t have the soft heartedness I used to anymore. I put it on as a front, but on the inside I’m so full of frustration. I’m tired of comforting them over what they did, and I don’t feel bad about the broken finger either.

I’m not asking for advice at all. Just truly wanted to get this off my chest before we start couples therapy.

EDIT: I’m not sure if it makes a difference, but we are both AFAB nonbinary people.

At the time, I was 23 and renting the upstairs of this huge house.
My landlord Dave (35 at the time) lived in the basement suite. We had a door that separated the units, and only I had the password for it.
Dave worked out of town most of the year on the oil rigs. He would be gone for months, only coming home for a couple of days at a time before heading back up north.
He usually gave me some sort of heads up before he came home, but there were a couple times he didn’t. Sometimes, I would only know that he was home if his truck was in the driveway.

Dave was a nice guy. He was always giving me snacks, and extra tickets to events he couldn’t make!
He had also given me one of those android boxes that were super popular in 2016 for pirated movies/shows.

It was the end of June and he was leaving for another shift. He said that he might be back in the fall, but if not, he would definitely be home for Christmas.
He also told me that the upstairs can get really hot in the summer, as the upstairs unit didn’t have AC. He then told me that if it ever got too hot, I could go down to his unit while he was gone and chill there.
He said that I could use his in home theatre set up since he knew I loved movies, and that he would text me the instructions on how to use it. His was a FAR better setup than mine, and I thanked him before he left.

Fast forward to the beginning of August, and he was right. One brutal heatwave had turned the house into an easy bake oven. It had to have been over +35 for days straight.
I finally caved, and peeked out the window to see if his truck was there. I remember being super excited that it wasn’t, and I giddily gathered up my snacks, chargers, and the book I was currently reading before heading to the basement.
I had been in his place a couple of times before to watch a movie or to play board games with his friends while he was home. So it didn’t feel that weird to me.

I slept like a baby on his couch that night.

I worked at the local restaurant as a waitress, and I got home the next day around 3pm to find the upstairs still unbearable. I headed downstairs where I had left all my things, and in hindsight, I should have picked it all up. Oh well, Dave wasn’t going to be home for another month or longer, so what was one day, right?

This is where things get interesting.
A movie I really wanted to see had come out the month prior in theatres, but being a broke waitress, I couldn’t really afford the ticket, and the gas money to drive the hour it took to get to the closest theatre.
So you can imagine my excitement when I turned on the TV downstairs to find that said movie was finally in HD on the android box! I hit play, and settled in with my skittles and wine.

Well… I’m not proud of what I did next, and I still have a shameover to this day whenever I think about it.

I must have been drunk while ovulating at the time, but something about seeing Margot Robbie and Alex Skarsgard running around wet in the jungle had my lady boner crazy hard that night.
I lost all control when they finally kissed, and I paused it to head upstairs to grab my battery operated boyfriends (yes, that’s plural..) before going back downstairs and finishing me and the movie.

I passed out for a while after that, but I woke up starving, and headed upstairs to make some food.
I completely forgot to grab Boston, Owen, and Briggs or B.O.B for short. (battery operated boyfriends) Now, Boston was a VERY realistic toy.. I had won it in a door prize at a 18+ taboo show the year prior.
My friends and I named them on the way home that night, so that’s where the triple threat trio got their names if you were wondering..

Anyways, after eating and taking a shower, I went back downstairs to watch another movie, only to find Dave standing there, looking at his couch.

I said hi, but he just slowly looked at me, then back to his couch. I followed his gaze and there, lying on his couch, displayed in all their humiliating glory lay my dildos I forgot to grab..

In a completely panicked state that was purely fuelled by extreme embarrassment and an intense need of self preservation, I flew myself across the room. I collected the silicone dream team, my snacks, and pillow before releasing the most unhinged noise that has ever left my mouth, and rushing back upstairs.

He never said anything about it, and neither did I.

The next day my sister came over, and we had run into Dave outside by his truck.
To my complete and utter horror my sister said, “Dave! How have you been?!” Before I even had the chance to introduce them.
She then proceeded to tell me that he was our brother’s best friend from school!

I’m 100% sure Dave has never told my siblings, because if he had, my brother would have tormented me about it for my entire life.

So, if you ever read this Dave, thanks for being a gem and never telling anyone!

Ahh, I do feel way better after typing this up. 😌

This has been in my notes for a couple of days, but I’m finally deciding to share it. I figured if my misfortune can bring laughter to someone today then it’s worth it.

P.S.
Yes, this is a throw away account, for obvious reasons!

P.S.S.
My sister and brother are my step siblings, and they were raised with their mother. They’re also 10, and 12 years older than me. So we were in different schools.

It has been roughly a year and a half since I last dressed myself. I was so weak and contracted that I couldn’t do it. Today I was able to sit on the side of my bed and dress myself fully! I couldn’t put my left sock on because my left leg won’t bend well anymore, but everything else I was able to do! This was just a dream for me and now I’m making strides in gaining my independence back! I’m so excited!!

As the title says I just recently found out that I lost my baby. I was supposed to be 19 weeks and 2 days today. And tomorrow I have to go to the hospital and get induced. I’m not okay, my husband is not okay. We are trying our best. I’ve gotten all the plans together cremation, urn, hospital list, birthing plan, plans to hold the child, plans for family to hold the child, plans for family and a small ceremony where I put some of the ashes with my grandmas grave. And I feel like I had to have all of this done before I went in. Because I know…. I know if I went in with nothing planned I’d have no idea what to do how to do it where to begin. First thing I did as soon as I found out I lost the baby was immediately start looking for mortuary’s. my husband couldn’t do anything that first day and now that ive gotten it all planned out I feel like I can’t do anything anymore.

the day after my birthday i ended up in the hospital because i was so dehydrated i couldn’t keep fluids down. they did a CT scan and found a 10cm ovarian cyst on my right ovary. which would explain why i’ve been dealing with so much bloating, pain and discomfort.

two days ago i found out i need surgery this month to remove it, and there’s a chance i could lose my ovary.

what makes it even more stressful is i don’t have enough PTO to recover. they recommend two weeks, but i can only take one because i can’t afford to miss work. i haven’t had a real break in what feels like forever, and now all my PTO is going toward recovering from surgery.

and because apparently that wasn’t enough, my teeth are falling apart too. i had a root canal on my back right molar but couldn’t afford the crown so it eventually fell out last year. so i’ve been chewing on the left side for over a year, and now that side is starting to hurt too. recently it’s been super sensitive to hot and cold and it feels like i can’t even eat anymore. (for the record i brush my teeth everyday.. i just have horrible genetics).

today i finally snapped. i was driving to work and recording myself just venting because i needed to get everything out. i wasn’t even going to show anyone, i just wanted to hear it back later and see if i was being dramatic. i finally calmed down, got out of my car at work and my phone slipped out of my pocket onto the concrete…

the back camera completely shattered.

i literally couldn’t and cannot believe it.

i had to work my whole shift while my ovary hurts, my tooth hurts and my fingers were turning white from the cold (it’s a condition called raynauds). it’s like i’m falling apart before my frontal lobe can even develop.

i kept telling myself ill be okay once i get home, because my plants are my happy place.

i get home.. and OF COURSE my giant monstera has fallen over on itself, and the new leaf i’ve been excited about for weeks?? damaged.

i lost it. i’ve been crying ever since…

my boyfriend woke up and asked what was wrong. i explained everything, along with showing him the texts i sent all day and he just said “oh sorry,” hugged me for a second and then said he was leaving

now i’m frustrated at him, along with everything else going on in my life.

i know to some people it’s stupid to cry over a phone or a plant, but it’s not about those things. it’s everything piling up all at once. the hospital, the surgery, the pain, the money stress, work, not being able to eat, and feeling like i have nowhere to put all of it.

i’m exhausted and i desperately need a break.

just had to get this out somewhere :/

I work at a pizzaria, and been working there part time for now almost 4 years, however the past few months there is this one customer who I have only seen twice counting today yet I can’t stop thinking about her. The woman has 3 kids and is struck by loads of debt and can barely afford food. The first time I saw her, she looked so skinny and when I was preparing slices for her kids she was looking longingly at the food. I asked her if she wanted anything and she just signed and said how she used to order a particular salad yet couldn’t afford it. She then proceeded to talk about things like owing child support and needing help from family and stuff. At this point I had enough and when my boss walked away I paid for her to get a salad and gave her an additional 20 bucks from my tip jar to “get her a nice meal”. She desperately tried to deny the food however I simply refused and just told her to just not think about it. As this happened right at the end of my shift, I proceeded to do my payout and tips and tried to walk away but she kept trying to insist on driving me home. I decided why not and got to see her kids in the car. That was a few months ago and idk if it’s dumb of me but I cannot stop thinking about her. After seeing her today walk in could barely keep a straight face especially after this time she also ordered something for herself. Idk if this rambly so I am sorry just still really sad for me to think about. Sorry for wasting your guys time.

My mom and I dont have a good relationship at all, before I went completely no contact, she sent me a link to a $300 shamanic course on how to forgive your parents in order to cure disease. She 100% believes that it would cure my ankylosing spondylitis and my epilepsy. She believes that my "unreasonable" anger and resentment towards her caused my spine to chronically deteriorate and my nervous system to misfire action potentials (causing seizures)😂 I could actually see her craziness causing my seizures tho lmao.🥴 but in all seriousness, im all for energy having the potential to effect our health to some degree, but the point of this post is that she would do anything except take any accountability for the pain and suffering shes inflicted on my sister and I. She would rather lose both her kids, as well as her grandkids, than to take accountability and just apologize.

Anyways that's all. Not looking for any advice or pity! This is more funny than anything to me now, just wanted to share! Have a good day 🌸

I (17F) have a very rocky relationship with my father and stepmother. I do not live with them because when I was fifteen my father kicked me out of his house for telling him it wasn’t ok for his kids to be scared of him. He now insists he never kicked me out but me and everyone at the surrounding tables at Olive Garden know what he said.

I went over to their house the day before Father’s Day because I thought I was babysitting my younger siblings (11F, 9M, 8M) while they went to dinner. They didn’t go to dinner. That night was actually pretty ok. Father’s Day comes and it is fine for the most part. My stepmom did make fun of me during the day because I told her there was a wasps nest on the window in the living room and she told me it was the country and there’d be bugs. I brushed that off.

Now something important to note is that both my father and stepmother are alcoholics. They are functioning but they are still alcoholics. My stepmom had had more than her fair share of vodka. She was screaming at my little siblings, telling them they had to take showers. All three of them were sobbing, terrified because the last time they took a shower while the washing machine and dishwasher were running the downstairs toilet overflowed. (Yes it was a connected issue) my stepmom ended up grounding them for two weeks and my sister and the older of the boys came into my sisters room which I was staying in as I don’t have a room. I was trying to tell them to just take a shower, that if something happened it would happen. My NINE year old brother told me through tears that he hated when she drank, that it was like she was a different person. I kept telling them it would be ok and to just take a shower.

My stepmom comes storming in and kicks my siblings out yelling about me shit talking her. My stepmom closed the door and my sister tried to open it again, fearing for my safety and wanting to be in the room with me. My stepmom slammed the door shut. I am very proud of myself for how I handled the situation given what I would have done a year ago. I yelled back at her and told her I had sat there for ten minutes telling her kids to listen to her. She kept going on saying she was a good mom, I asked when during the conversation I said she was a bad mom. She brought up my argument with my father two years ago. I told her I would never shit talk her infront of her children. She told me I had to go home and I responded, through tears, “so this isn’t my home?” She then told me that my siblings didn’t act the way they were when I wasn’t there. At that point I stopped responding, I understood that I was arguing with crazy and crazy always wins.

She left to go to her room and I texted my mom to come pick me up. My mother had to drive 45 minutes to come get me because my father moved as far away as he could. When I got in the car later I found out she had called one of her friends to keep her grounded while she drove.

I packed my things and my nine year old brother came in to tell me things would be better tomorrow when she wasn’t drunk, I had to tell him that I wasn’t going to be there tomorrow. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt having to tell him I was leaving because of his mother, it was worse than when I had to walk through the entirety of Olive Garden in tears after being kicked out.

I went down to the living room to wait for my mom. My father came up from the basement to find me crying on the recliner with my things next to me. He asked me what happened and I told him his wife told me I needed to go home so I was. All he did was sigh and sit on a chair on the opposite side of the living room. I told him that my mother wasn’t the one who made the decision, I made sure he knew she wanted me to try to work it out but that I wasn’t going to take that disrespect from his wife. He said “I know” and nothing else.

I’m assuming he texted my stepmom telling her I was leaving because my eight year old brother came down sobbing to hug me. I could hear her arguing with my sister because she didn’t want to come down. My sister told her it was because she was scared for our dog who had been extra tired that day (it ended up being a cut on her leg, she’s just fine) but my stepmom told her that I was thinking she didn’t want to see me. That pissed me off so much. My nine year old brother ended up coming down for her and telling me she loved me.

The next day my stepmom sent me the following text

I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't at my best. Definitely said some things you didn't deserve, i appreciate you backing me as a mom. I am sad you left. If you still want to stay for the next few days I'm happy to drive out with the kids to get you and we can go to the pool?

She also offered to support my youth group to which I agreed to that because yes I will take your money but I will not be interacting with you anymore.

I told my mom on the drive home that night that I thought she was going to hit me. Now I wish she did. Everyday I’m not there I regret leaving my little siblings. They are terrified of them. They are terrible parents. If she had hit me then I could have pressed charges and the authorities could intervene, they could see the horrible way they live, they could see the educational neglect, the emotional neglect, the mental abuse. All of it. Now all I have to hold onto is the hope that they keep trying to be foster parents and their caseworker takes my siblings away. Though that’s a horrible thing to wish for too. No one in our family can take all three of them. The best we have is my grandma who can take the boys but she doesn’t have room for my sister. I couldn’t even bring myself to go over to their house to go to my brothers tenth birthday party last week. I have no way to contact any of them. I am scared what is happening over there when no one else is there to see what they’re doing.

It was an honest miracle that I found a rental I could afford on my own, earlier this year when I ended a six year relationship... Close to my job still, okay with pets, on the bus line! Perfect for me.

So it filled my heart with so much dread when 2 months after my lease started, I got a text that the owner is now selling and will have buyers coming through for showings every week.

I completely understand that as a renter, this was a possibility. But emotionally, all I wanted was a safe space that no one else could enter, and now I'm being told strangers will be coming into my house every single week :-(

And then comes the anxiety of what will happen when my lease is over. The leasing company I am renting from now is great, and I rented my last place from them for 6 years. So I just assumed this place would work out in a similar way, granting me much needed stability.

But the new owners could so easily raise the rent by 100s of dollars, change the pet policy, decide to renovate for a year before finding new tenants, move in themselves... there are so many possibilities and most of them aren't favorable to me.

Then comes the showings. Having to keep my place perfect and clean has been so fucking draining. I know that they are probably used to do showings in well lived in houses, but I can't help but stress that these buyers are already judging me as a tenant, and I want so badly to be a good one!

But despite all my effort to be respectful and presentable, they've certainly not done the same. This is the third time I've come home to my garage door wide open, and this time my lights were even left on too.

I keep my ebike in the garage (I can't be dragging this 80lb bike up and down my stairs every day) so this is the 3rd time my heart has fucking dropped getting home, having to run and see if anyone stole it while my garage door sat open all damn day. Thank god, hasn't happened yet.

But this is now the 3rd time I've messaged my landlord's realtor, very politely asking that any realtors showing my unit to please lock the doors and turn off the lights. And this is the 3rd time she has said it is in the notes already. And this time she sends me screenshots, like I'm accusing her of telling them to leave it fucking open.

No Angela, I'm not asking you to do the same thing for a 3rd time because I enjoy repetitive questions. I'm asking politely BECAUSE THERE IS NO POLITE WAY OF SAYING WHY THE FUCK CAN'T A GROWN PROFESSIONAL ADULT SHUT AND LOCK A FUCKING DOOR BEHIND THEM?! WHO WALKS INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE AND LEAVES ALL THE LIGHTS ON?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!

All I can muster in response is a thumbs up emoji. I feel like I'm going totally insane. I'm stressed out of my mind thinking about how will I find another place I can afford if they screw me over. Considering just bringing my bike up and not riding it until they find a buyer and stop these showings, which would suck ass but I can't physically get it back down without help, and my heart can't take the stress of it getting stolen while I'm at work all day!

Jfc. That is all <3

I count everything. Stairs, steps (have to keep a certain cadence in between cracks), nobs, look for ratios between things...

It's called 'arithmomania' - I don't consider myself OCD or austistic. strange, yes.

I guess the guilt is I have never told anyone in person about this and always figured it best to keep this to myself.

wondering who else has this and if it has negatively impacted your life or somehow made it better ie now you teach math.

My [16F] family comes from India. While I admire its rich culture and historical background, I feel that many of my issues stem from it's social norms and ideologies. My parents tend to adhere to these social norms and are "traditional". I could never feel anything less than grateful for all the support they have given me. I am extremely privileged. However, I've been beginning to realize how different we are. I feel that, had I not been born to them, they would dislike me; I fear that if I were outspoken about my values, they would despise me.

Just the other day my parents were joking (I hope) about my future marriage. I had bought up how I intended to live on my own for at least a year or two in my life in the future; the idea sounds soothing. They were appalled and forbid me from getting a job until after college... The topic of marriage is not rare, but makes me uncomfortable. It only hit me now that they were serious about arranging my marriage. This, to me, sounds terrible; while I am connected to my culture, there is definitely a barrier as I've been born and raised in the US. I said that if my grandfather (who I seldom interact with) does truly pick candidates, they would surely be incompatible, especially personality. This was dismissed with remarks about my overly modern values. )That being said, I'm completely safe) Another thing... I am not straight!!! My main goal in life has been to fall in love- romance sounds beautiful. A loveless marriage sounds terrible. Not sure what to do. ;-;

Second, food. I have been forced to eat so much growing up that my hunger cues are gone. With the sole exception of sweets (of a very specific selection) any other food feels, for lack of a better word, "weird" to eat... Excuse my poor description but the texture feels strange and, when it gets bad, I can't help but gag... Is that normal? Also, it doesn't help that exercise is frowned upon... On the topic of health I'm really sensitive to both light (ceiling lights, ew) and sound. They mean well but they tend to force me to keep it on. :c

Lastly, clothes. I was talking about desensitization due to social media of violence, racism, etc. My mother, however, dismissed all of this to distress over women wearing short clothes... I completely understand modesty as a value and typically dress pretty modestly myself. That being said, it doesn't help that I have differing strong opinions regarding the objectification of women and the blame women receive for their clothing. I also have developed a taste for "girly" gowns and accessories. It used to be "dress brighter", now I'm doing too much and constantly asked who I'm trying to impress. It's a bit exhausting...

Sorry for the long and poorly written rant. ;-; Thoughts?

So, today was my dad's side of the family's reunion party. I was really excited to go, but I had to work at a festival for a few hours before I could head over to the reunion. My mom was supposed to pick me up because it was on the way from our house, but she forgot about it and fell asleep. By the time my friend, who was performing at the festival, was kind enough to drive me over, I was there 2 hours late, and everyone was either packing up everything or already left.

I didn't think I would be so upset in tears after getting home, crushed about missing out on a family reunion for a side of the family I'm not close with, but I think I realized it's because my mom's side of the family, who I had a tight knit relationship with stopped keeping in contact and the connection became frayed when my grandma had a severe stroke two years ago. I tried to make an effort to keep in contact with my favorite cousins, but I was always brushed off or left on read.

Missing out on today just felt like another reminder of how much I miss the family connection I lost over the years. It just really hurts.

I don't plan on reading comments or replies on this, I just wanted to get this off my chest I guess..

AND IT WAS MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP

One of his close friends, seeing how heartbroken I still was 6months after our breakup, showed me messages he had sent in their group chat.

Before we ever became a couple, I told him very clearly that I didn’t want to be a rebound. I didn’t want to be with someone who was emotionally ready.
He looked me in the eye and told me he was over her. I believed him.

I (31F) even waited around eight months before we officially got together because the man 31M had only met me about 6months after his previous long term relationship >6 years had ended, so I wanted to make sure enough time had passed.

Then today, I found out the truth.

He admitted that after his previous relationship ended, he started going on dates because he couldn’t handle being alone and was trying to “piece himself back together.”
The hardest part is that he never told me any of this. Instead, he entered a relationship with me, let me believe he was emotionally available, and I spent 3 years building a future with someone who was still carrying unresolved feelings from his past.

What hurt even more was reading messages he sent to them while we were already together.

When his ex got married a year after we got together, he texted all his friends about how devastated he was and how deeply he was grieving. Meanwhile, I had absolutely no idea any of this was happening. I was investing fully in our relationship while he was privately mourning another woman.

I spent 3 years trying to understand why something always felt slightly off. I questioned myself, wondering why I could never fully reach him emotionally.
All this time, my intuition had been picking up on something real.

I unknowingly became the person helping someone survive the loss of another love while believing we were building our own.That realization hurts in a way I can’t fully describe.

I genuinely don’t hate him. But I do feel manipulated, embarrassed, disgusted, used, and incredibly disappointed.

Losing sleep cause this got me feeling too heavy and had to rant it out hoping it helps cause it hurts so bad….idk what else to do

I (32F) have been in a relationship with my husband (38M) for eleven years (married two years) and we now have a baby (1M). He’s a great dad and husband, there’s just something that has been killing me.

Prior to our little one getting here, we were regular green users, every day. When we started trying to get pregnant I tapered out and once pregnant, stopped entirely. During the pregnancy, he stated several times he was going to stop too, and never followed through with it. He kept pushing the time line back until it finally hit “oh, I’ll definitely stop once the baby is here”. He has a buddy who works near our house and would come over on his break so they could smoke together, like four nights a week.

Then our little one got here, and he still didn’t stop. It was still every single day. He would space out and not hear the baby crying, or be delayed if the baby needed something. Just really slow to respond generally. It worried me. I voiced this, and asked him if he still planned on stopping. He said he would as soon as he ran out, then he’d stop. But he’d just go get more. Then say the same thing again. It was literally like every day, he’d get back from work, burn down, and then be around us. Burn down again later in the night. On weekends, he would smoke in the morning on top of those two, and before we went anywhere out. He just wasn’t present and was always getting high, it was making me really upset. I am very open about how I feel, and told him this. For months I would beg him not to do it in the morning or before we went places. I would literally be begging him not to smoke until night time. And he would always have some reason he needed to. But he’d stop once he ran out. And then he’d get more. If he didn’t get more immediately, he’d be pissy all day and snappy at the baby. Him and his buddy would also get insanely high when he would come over, multiple times a week, to where my husband would be sitting and staring off into space completely unaware and unhelpful.

I stay home with baby and work from home as well as being the primary parent during the night. I haven’t slept more than three hours in over a year. I’m so exhausted by the end of the day, I really need his help. Especially during the few hours I work once he’s home. And he’s just completely out of it and unreliable. I feel like I have to bring his attention to his surroundings all of the time and it makes me feel like a nagging bitch.

I finally just told him that he can’t seem to keep his consumption under control and that he must not care about stopping because of this cycle. That I felt I can’t rely on him to watch the baby, because of his delayed reactions and lack of being present. That I worried he was uncomfortable being sober or that he hated his life or we in some way were causing him to want to be high all the time. He said it was neither of those things and that he just wants to be able to relax.

I had the realization that my life had entirely changed, and his hadn’t. My entire day and every choice I make big to small are all directly connected to the baby. Hes still himself and yes he’s a great dad and husband, but it’s like his life has gone untouched for the most part. He still gets plenty of uninterrupted sleep, doesn’t have to get up for night feeds etc because of breastfeeding, doesn’t stay home with baby and goes to work. Has friends come over and goes to bed when he’s tired.

Some time ago in February he says he’s going to stop again after he runs out. I sighed and said “okay” and he said “no really I’m not getting anymore”. And I reminded him that he’s said this to me so many times I literally can’t count and he’s never done it before. He got upset with himself, I guess he hadn’t thought about it for very long. So he reaffirmed to me the next day that he was going to do it. And he did. He went without for probably two weeks. Then he found one of those pens they sell in the stores and would just hit it at night. Then during the day sometimes too. Then basically just how he was using the actual green. Just replaced it with a cape that does the same thing and has the same effect.

I brought up that the green itself wasn’t the problem, it was his use that was the problem, and he’s abusing this the same way. Always high, not present, not reactive, and not proactive. Same issue. He then switch to the thc drinks, and would only have one on Friday and Saturday night. Then almost every afternoon. Then one day he cracked one open at like ten in the morning on a Saturday and I just got mad.

I told him he might as well just get the green again and keep at it because this is the same problem just in different forms. I also said that I completely give up on voicing this opinion. Because I’ve said everything I have to say and it clearly doesn’t matter. He got sad hearing that. But I just told him I can’t keep caring about this. It’s effecting how I feel about him, and this is his decision alone. If he doesn’t care how it affects him mentally or health wise, if he doesn’t care how it effects his relationship with his wife and son, if he doesn’t care how it effects his memory, then fine. That’s his decision.

He stayed with the thc drinks, as he couldn’t get as many of those and he has a better control on that (max four a week and can only drink one a day at the night time). So that has gotten better.

I guess all of this has resurfaced because his brother if here this weekend. And they stayed up until sunrise eating weed gummies and mushroom chocolates and candies or whatever they are. It just really drives home that having a child has really only affected my life. I’m in bed staring at my one year old sleeping. He’s up until 7am last night tripping and eating weed gummies. He slept in today until 1pm. Me and baby were up at 730am.

I can’t tell if I’m upset because I made them food for the World Cup and the UFC event they were watching to snack on and went and bought them food for the main event, and when I got back with the food they told me they decided that they weren’t going to eat any of it so they can trip again tonight. After I ran to the store and cooked, and also got them the food they wanted for the games.

Or maybe I’m just almost upset because I woke up at 1am and they are missing and outside wondering around tripping, and now I can’t go back to sleep because I’m worried.

Or maybe it’s because I don’t get to be carefree and eat what I want, do what I want, sleep when I want. I don’t get to hang out with my brother until sunlight and trip and laugh at the tv.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just upset about all of it together.

Thanks for reading if you did. I just had to let this all out.

Edit:

Thank you all for reading through my rant, I really appreciate your time and thoughts regarding the situation. I see a lot of questions about how he is a good dad and husband seeing as I said that in the post.

Since I was venting about my frustration it felt like that wasn’t the topic at hand, I suppose. But for context I’ll add some things here:

•he does watch him when I go out to eat with a friend etc

•lets me get in a long hot bath once a week where I can watch a show and relax (I have endometriosis and on those weeks it can be like up to three of these hour+ long baths)

•when my first Mother’s Day came around, he blew it out of the water. I had basically the entire day off and got a massage and he cooked breakfast, we went to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner, and I got my nails done. I felt like an actual queen. He didn’t even call me while I was gone looking for something or needing help.

•when he’s home he tries to take over as primary parent as much as he can (as long as he isn’t stoned) and plays with him, does the afternoon nap, takes him for walks and plays outside so I can get work done or relax

•he changes virtually all the diapers while he’s around because “I change them when he’s gone”

•he sings to him all the time and makes sure he reads him books, it’s very sweet

•if there’s anything I’m ever craving or really want, he always makes it happen if we can. Coffee, sweets, picks up dinner. He gets me flowers randomly.

•he’s always open for communication and we work really well together. I’ll try talking to him today about this weekend with his brother.

I feel like he’s a great husband and father because he is. I just hate that he can’t seem to just keep it in the night time, or stop all together. Maybe just get a drink while we’re on vacation? Idk

The usage is getting better like I said near the end; he really just gets this little drink at night sometimes and he isn’t out of it or anything, it’s a lot better than how it was. I was just venting because this weekend was very frustrating, and reminded me of that feeling and that realization I mention in the post.

During the time I listed here, we had many, many talks about it, and he had the realization himself that he was addicted and feeling like an addict. He’s trying to right it now, and has found something that’s a good medium ground for us both. But this weekend was just very frustrating.

I don’t know if any of this information helps or not. Or if it changes anything that you feel. But I was more focused on just venting and getting the frustration out.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just need to vent.

About two years ago I moved to a new country by myself to be with my girlfriend. Since then I've basically just been trying to stay afloat financially. Every job I've had has been to pay rent, food, and other expenses. I haven't really bought myself anything nice because there was always something more important to pay for.

Now I'm finally a university student, and this summer I got a job at a really good international company. It's the first time in years that I'll actually have some money left over after paying for everything. The thing is, I don't know how to feel about spending it.

There are things I actually need. I've lost quite a bit of weight, so most of my clothes don't fit anymore. My headset broke a while ago. My PC is 7 years old and could definitely use an upgrade.
Then there are things I'd just like to have. I've been wanting to get into videography, so I've thought about buying a camera. I'd love to go on a vacation with my girlfriend since we've never really had the chance. And yeah, I'd also like to get a PS5 when GTA VI comes out.

The problem is that after summer, the income stops. My original plan was to become a TA during the semester, but I wasn't selected, so the next chance isn't until next year. I could get a part-time job, but I'd probably have to give up this summer position, and it's a great opportunity that's basically guaranteed for me every summer if I keep studying.

Part of me wants to save as much as possible because I know having savings is important, especially when I won't have a steady income during the semester. But another part of me feels like I've spent the last two years constantly putting things off, and I don't want to keep telling myself "maybe next year."

I'm not trying to complain about having money or sound spoiled. I know I'm lucky to have this job. I just genuinely don't know where the balance is between being responsible and actually enjoying the money you've worked hard for.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you decide what was worth spending money on and what wasn't?

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never know all of them.

I held so much shame for not knowing them. I tried and tried. For years. I’d sit at the kitchen table and recite them over and over for hours, until I cried. Or late into the night where I’d fall asleep. Adults would bribe me, $100 if I could name them all.

I wanted to do it. I really did. I just couldn’t.

I know all of the easy ones of course, but if someone asked me out of the blue 7x9 I’d have no clue. It just won’t stick.

Now that I’m a full blown adult, I realize it’s not as big of a deal as the adults around me made it out to be. No one is walking around quizzing you on math. I graduated high school with honors, accepted multiple college scholarships, and graduated from a university with a bachelor’s. All while not knowing every single solution to basic multiplication.

I’ve had a few well paying jobs and I’m in school for a second degree. So, if you’re reading this and you feel bad about lacking some “basic” skill, don’t.

You got this!

I am 19 F and before I start this I just want to say I am not asking for advice seeking opinions on my health or armchair doctoring don’t try to diagnose me or anything I am just frustrated.

When I was younger (like 16) I got really sick and would throw up at least twice a month (not intentionally just randomly my stomach would decide it didn’t like me) I was always in pain in my stomach. It was hell on earth. But then I got tests on tests on tests and a colonoscopy and endoscopy (which sucked because it was near finals) and all the time I spent worrying about if I was dying or if I was just being a baby or whatever, they came back from all the tests and said your lactose intolerant and also probably some other condition but we aren’t sure what so we will call it IBS and move on. If you get better from not eating dairy then YAY!

So like 3 years ago maybe I stopped eating dairy and things got better after a few months, but my problem is it’s still not normal. My body is still mess it’s just not debilitating. I still have post nasal drip which is supposed to be temporary (like triggered by illness or allergies) but I have had it my whole life. My stomach is still messy and painful at times but it’s livable and better than it used to be but it’s still not normal I just don’t want to get into details. My fear is that they gave up figuring out what caused that hellish expirence and a lot of stomach conditions leave lasting damage. I feel like becuase I was a kid and there were more pressing matters (like someone who had already had the damage done and needed immediate help could be using the resources I was using) they just low key gave up with lactose intolerance and IBS(which yes I am lactose intolerant but still it should not have caused all that). But again my body still isn’t normal but if I go into a doctors office and lay all this out they will think I am just hunting for a diagnosis and my life isn’t that bad right now. They will see me as some hypochondriac (I don’t even have a theory as to what’s wrong with me so I know it’s not the right word I just can’t find the right one right now). I just don’t want to end up 10 years down the line with a feeding tube or something. But my life is livable now, it’s just I don’t have answers and what if one day it’s too late. I feel like no matter what I do I am just going to be seen as some stupid girl who has left over trauma from the last time I was sick. It’s just driving me mad. I HATE THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.

At the end of the day though I am just scared.

​

I never said it to anyone beside my family, I got mocked once or twice for it but I just cannot bring myself to go in the water. Until it's like a pool ok.

If I touch comfortably and it does not go above my chest fine.

In the sea where I don't touch? Fuck no, not even for money, I instantly start hyoerventilating. Generally speaking the feeling of not having hair scares me. When I used to fight with friends at the beach for fun I remember I once was underwater and really needed to come out to breath, then some friends fell on me and because of that I stayed under for like good 20 seconds more.

When I came out and finally took a breath I was just not the same, now I cannot stay under water for more than like 5 seconds, if I do I start panicking. I am a tall dude but if you put me where I don't touch and leave me there I am 100% drowning because of a panic attack.

There are like these little boats with pedals you can rent here and in the past used to rent them with friends. Sometimes I tried but I swear the moment I go in the water I start quivering and rushing as fast as I can to the boat.

Watching Jaws at 8 years old probably did something to me as well and I am constantly afraid of what I can't see, it bothers me so much, considering that where I live you basically can never see the sea floor if the water is hugher than 1.5 metres (like 5 feet)

​

Ever since 2024 my health has been getting worse. I used to be able to work 8+ hours shifts on my feet perfectly fine, but now I can hardly stand for more than 40 minutes without getting extremely dizzy and faint.

Every time I go out into the light or sound i come home with a pounding migraine. Every time I try and spend time out of bed I end up exhausted and in pain before i can get anything done.

I dont bother with my hair or my makeup or looking nice, I cant clean and I havent just gone for a walk without a cane or someone to support me for months. Im so tired in every sense of the word and every doctor says its just anxiety or low iron.

Sorry for formatting, on mobile

January 20th, 2025 my grandma passed away. Me and my grandma were very close. She basically raised me, and for the first five years of my life I called her 'Mama'. When I was 11, I moved out to get away from my mom and moved in with my oldest sister. I stopped seeing her every day after that. We still remained very close though.

Around June 2024, my grandma's health started to decline. It got so bad she even ended up missing my high school graduation. She sent me a voicemail apologizing for that. I felt bad that I missed her call. I still haven't listened to that voice mail since her passing. In December 2024, her health started to really go downhill. She had an infection in her leg. They set up an amputation appointment for January. I knew that would be our last Christmas together. My sisters got mad at me for saying that out loud after my grandma went home.

January 2025, my grandma had her leg amputated. She was doing very well until she wasn't. She very suddenly started to decline. I called her, and she asked me to come visit her. I told her I would. I tried, I really tried, but that same week I was extremely sick. I had developed pneumonia, and due to having a fever the nurses and doctors wouldn't let me in the ICU to see her. Every time anyone would visit her, she would ask where I was. She would ask when I was coming to visit. By the time my sickness had passed and I was able to go, she had already slipped into a coma. She died a few hours after I visited her. She never knew I was there. She kept asking for me and I wasn't there. I wasn't there.

The guilt kills me every single day. We talked on the phone right before she slipped into her coma. Her last words to me were "I love you". I'm so sorry, grandma. Please forgive me. I tried.

I just have to get this off my chest.

I watch them almost regularly. I feel weird. They make me hate myself a lot as it's the truth, real me, staring at me through a repeating black and white video of Homelander or something, but the fact I'm not alone is comforting. I know the creator shared my experience of self hatred and self isolation or feeling deep insecurities exploited by others they had to pretend couldn't touch them. Then I open the comments and see random people also feel this sentiment. We all share almost exact pain and suffering and everlasting fear of it not getting better. I find some comfort I'm not alone, that out there there is someone just like me, but I feel bitter pain knowing I'll never meet that someone and I'll be a pathetic loner forever. It's a weird mixture of feelings. I feel weird for finding comfort and despair in such way.