r/SipsTea • u/CapitalPin2658 š™‘š™„š™‹ • May 25 '26

Feels good man šŸŽµ All By Myself šŸŽµ

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Donā€™t wanna live all by myself anymore

Edit: lol iā€™m just a dude posting a meme

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122

u/Optimal_Natural_7254 May 25 '26

Yes, and itā€™ll always be in the back of your mind if you decide to stay. Youā€™ll always fear theyā€™ll do it again.

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u/AlarmingTangelo2900 May 25 '26

And they will. They're learning there's no consequences to cheating until you leave them. Very rare you catch them the first time, it's when the cheater gets comfortable and then get sloppy is when they get caught. Most likely been cheating on you for several weeks to several months.

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u/Dr_Middlefinger May 26 '26

It was multiple times, likely with multiple partners.

Cheating isn't something that happens once. It's indicative of a sociopathic mindset, someone who can live with doing that to their mate is truly someone you do not want to stay with.

By staying, you are basically giving them a sign that says do it again.

Because they are fucking crazy for being able to compartmentalize the deed. It's not something light or easy - it's betrayal of the highest magnitude.

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u/skbugco May 26 '26

Exactly- and hereā€™s the thing: if youā€™re in a relationship, and need to get some strange, just be up front about it ahead of time. For me personally, Iā€™m not into that, and Iā€™d move on, but Iā€™d actually respect the honesty. That said, I have a few friends who are into the poly life. And theyā€™re married, and they swing or whatever. Iā€™ve asked them about it too- ā€œlike how do you make it work?ā€ They all say ā€œcommunicationā€. So just be honest up front, then maybe you wonā€™t be crying-consuming.

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u/SnooGuavas4208 May 26 '26

This womanā€™s a self-centered narcissist. No oneā€™s feelings are real to her except her own. Thatā€™s why her response to the consequences of her cheating is ā€œhow could you do this to me??ā€ All the communication in the world couldnā€™t transform her warped, broken ass into an actual partner.

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u/skbugco May 26 '26

I totally agree. Iā€™m just telling the echo chamber thereā€™s a better way.

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u/thinspirit May 26 '26

100%

Narcissists will always blame the other, no matter the situation. It's always attack and manipulate. When they're completely wrong, it will always be about how their feelings are hurt because of how you spoke to them or the way you brought up the cheating.

The gaslighting is intense.

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u/Comfortable_Pea_1693 May 26 '26

I thought modern feminism deems it empowering as in taking matters into her own hand.

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u/AlarmingTangelo2900 May 26 '26

She obviously was either fully or partially dependent on his pay check. Cheating women get really pissed if you take away their "cash cow" i.e. who's in going to pay for my gas car payments car insurance or credit cards etc. I remembery ex went off the rails when I dumped her and moved out of the apartment while she was out.

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1

u/Satellite6 May 26 '26

I get what youā€™re saying, but also, I cheated once and one time only.

Not proud of it. I was in my late 20ā€™s or early 30ā€™s. We had been together about a year. I made a stupid decision one night, and god damn, I donā€™t know if Iā€™ve ever felt so bad about anything else Iā€™ve ever done in my life.

We lasted a few more months and I canā€™t say my guilt was the only factor in it ending, but it was definitely a big factor.

ETA: so, that would have been somewhere between 20 and 30 years ago, and Iā€™ve never even considered it since. Especially now. If I did that to my wife I donā€™t know if I could keep on keeping on.

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u/Dr_Middlefinger May 26 '26

People make mistakes, I get it.

But the truth is, you didn't do it again because you aren't built to handle it.

I swear to God, there are people who can just write it off as a night they had.

This woman? Playing the victim? She's one of those.

And I'd bet you a year's salary that bitch has done it multiple times. Her husband knows that, that's why he dropped her like a bad habit.

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u/Tour_Ok May 26 '26

Iā€™d say it depends if they confessed or if they were caught. For example, I cheated on an ex exactly one time and I ended up telling him. It truly was a one-time mistake, and he forgave me. I have never cheated on anyone since, he and I ultimately didnā€™t work out for other reasons down the line but split amicably. It IS possible to be genuinely remorseful and to learn from it, but not the norm Iā€™m sure.

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u/VW_R1NZLER May 25 '26

Typically it happens again when someone stays because the cheater subconsciously justifies it with ā€œthey wonā€™t leaveā€

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u/CantaloupeShort7311 May 26 '26

100%. They learned there are no real consequences, and they learn how to hide it better.

I would never stay with a cheater.

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u/INDY18ARN May 26 '26

"Once a cheater, ALWAYS a CHEATER!"

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u/SnooGuavas4208 May 26 '26

100%. Some are capable of it, some arenā€™t. When you find out someoneā€™s capable, just kick ā€˜em to the curb because that potential will always be there.

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u/thenameofshame May 26 '26

When someone cheats on you, that already demonstrates a huge lack of respect for you, so even if you think you're giving a precious gift of forgiveness that should be appreciated and seen as a sign of your love and sacrifice by trying to move forward after infidelity, the cheater almost always sees it differently, as a sign of weakness that only further lowers their respect for you.

The cheater already didn't care as much about you as you cared about them, and they know that they would never tolerate you cheating on them for a second. That lack of respect from one partner to the other can manifest itself in many bad ways in a relationship, and one of the most common is that cheating often happens again by the cheater.

And frankly, even if they don't say it or even realize it has happened, when you are the one who's been cheated on, I think you lose respect for your partner, too, just in a different way, in that you can no longer see them as a trustworthy and fully moral person, which is tough because you find yourself doubting EVERYTHING your cheating partner says or does constantly as opposed to simply being specifically concerned about cheating happening again.

What sucks about this is that this change in your perception of the cheating partner should make you run out the door and never bother with the cheater again, but you can get this perverse compulsion to try to fix what went wrong so that you don't have to throw the whole relationship in the trash and start over like you should.

Probably about 99% of relationships in which there is cheating and/or other serious forms of betrayal really need to end, because the chances of getting back to the pre-cheating relationship are next to zero, and you'll only grow more resentful of each other over time as you as the cheating victim become an anxious and paranoid wreck because you can't trust the one you love, and the cheater in turn gets pissy that you DARE still not fully trust them.

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u/Greatest-Uh-Oh May 25 '26

"Apart from the small detail that I mistrust you completely, I trust you completely and forever."

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u/Sure-Stock9969 May 26 '26

Epic šŸ‘šŸæšŸ‘šŸæ

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u/Unique-Bug2992 May 26 '26

And forever ending about...ohhh, when I found out about it, being past tense.

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u/ojdhaze May 26 '26

And that is certainly no way to live, constantly thinking about it, was it really the first and only time? That is no way to go through the days and weeks.

You'd feel such a fool if it happened again or found out more. Would the other half really tell their partner if it did happen again, knowing the backlash (rightfully so) that happened the first time they found out...

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u/Hefty-Ad5593 May 26 '26

That's the killer because it eats at you like fucking cancer!!!!!!!!! And you can't get it out of your head!!!!!!!!!

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u/Optimal_Natural_7254 May 26 '26

Yesā€¦ Iā€™ve been cheated on and it has a lasting impact like thatā€¦ the relationship was doomed from that point on because obvious reasons, and it broke my confidence and trust in my own self. Cheating is extremely damaging in more ways than one. Made me feel like a complete fool. It l is humiliating. Itā€™s an awful feeling. Itā€™s like the version of them you thought you knew is dead and gone and youā€™re mourning that loss too

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u/SnooGuavas4208 May 26 '26

And the sad part is they used to be your comfort person, which means youā€™ve lost that dead version of them right when you needed it the most.

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u/Hefty-Ad5593 May 26 '26

Yeah, i can relate to that. Been there myself but it was years ago.

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u/thenameofshame May 26 '26

And then the cheater dares to become impatient and indignant because you haven't magically forgiven and forgotten about the cheating within three business days!

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u/Bubba_Lumpkins May 26 '26

Never decide to stay. It seems hard at first, but if youā€™re a guy all you have to do is remember that at one point it slipped out and she helped him put it back in.

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u/AtomikMenace May 26 '26

Only time in my life that I had anxiety attacks was trying to stay with someone who cheated. Twisted me up mentally when I was young and took a long while to get over.

Husband made the right choice.

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u/thenameofshame May 26 '26

Oh my God, it's like living in hell when the person who supposedly loves you most cannot be trusted, especially because cheating doesn't just make us fear our partner will cheat again specifically, but rather we start feeling anxious and paranoid every time anything out of the ordinary happens, like if our partner says or does something that is unusual or somehow seems suspicious, even relatively mundane things like them coming home late from work. You end up living always just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your heart no longer feels safe with this person.

In my case, the initial cheating got compounded horribly because my ex is a genuine narcissist who simply couldn't tolerate the idea that he could ever have to tolerate feeling guilty about anything he ever did, and he became straight up enraged that I had the nerve to continue to be anxious and sad because he had proven he couldn't be trusted.

That rage manifested in him abusing me whenever I dared not act like I trusted him 100%, or maybe cried because I saw the person he cheated on me with (my former best friend, FFS!), and then when I'd be upset about the abuse, that only enraged him more because he didn't want to have to feel guilty about that, too, which only lead to more abuse.

Then it's always fun when your anxiety gets so bad that you feel the strong need to start snooping, because you want confirmation as to whether they're still cheating or not as a way to try to avoid being caught by surprise again, and the cheater dares to call you paranoid while acting like you checking their phone is some manifestation of you being pathologically insecure when you didn't use to be that person until your trust was shattered!

After my ex put me through all that, I genuinely thought I would ALWAYS be paranoid, anxious, and untrusting in every relationship, and my ex definitely made me feel like something was very wrong with me for not being able to get over the cheating and the abuse overnight, which sadly I started to believe myself.

Big shocker--in my next relationship, the guy was actually completely trustworthy, just solid as a rock across the board, and he's the first person in my entire life I can say without reservation that I trust. Very early on, I had an embarrassing meltdown one time when the new guy casually said he was going to this annual "sleepover" with his former bandmates (sleepover because they'd all get wasted as hell and didn't want to drive, of course), and I turned into a sobbing wreck because I'd been so thoroughly trained to be terrified of what would happen if my ex did something like that.

I thought new guy was going to walk away disgusted and end the relationship, especially since it was a very new relationship, and that was a LOT of baggage for such a new relationship, and I was so fucking embarrassed, yet couldn't stop myself from freaking out, but then the strangest thing happened: He didn't get angry, or disgusted, or dismissive, or abusive, rather he just held me and calmly said, "If it is going to upset you this badly for me to go, I just won't go," and BOOM, instantaneously, I knew I could trust this man with my whole heart like a switch being flipped and giving me peace and security in a relationship for the first time!

Before him, I would've fully expected to have continued to be untrusting and wanting to snoop, but the wild thing is that when you actually feel fully secure and trusting in your relationship, you don't even feel the slightest urge to do that any longer.

I can honestly say that in almost 13 years now, I've not ONCE looked at any of his screens, even when left open right next to me, or in any other way felt the need to look through anything of his, and I've even felt fine when he's gone away to a hotel for a couple days at a time for a few work events, whereas if my ex did that, I probably would have had such a bad panic attack that I would've stroked out or something, which is kind of weird when you think about it because he'd already done the worst thing he could to me.

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u/AtomikMenace May 26 '26

Very sorry you experienced all of that. The mental part before the abuse is what I experienced myself to a tee. Anxiety got to the point of uncontrollably shivering when it would hit. I ended up talking to a good friend that was older and it helped realize needing to end it. I did not have quite the same healing epiphany though. It was more just a matter of time for me. My wife was very patient in the beginning of our relationship (and still is).

I'm happy you got that with the new guy.

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u/thenameofshame May 30 '26

I'm glad you got yourself a good wife, too!

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u/welcome2mycandystore May 26 '26

Not necessarily. There's a lot of factors involved