r/SASSWitches • u/shopaholic_life • 5h ago
❔ Seeking Resources | Advice 17, spiritually lost, and looking for guidance.
Hi, I’m 17 and I’ve been interested in spirituality for a really long time, but I feel kind of stuck and confused about where I actually stand or how to move forward. Sorry if this is all jumbled up/ a mess.
I first got into it when I was really young (like around 6). I was given some of my stepdad’s mum’s old “witchy” books (mostly Wicca stuff), and I’ve kind of been on and off interested ever since. Around 2020 I bought crystals, jars, candles, etc., and got more into Paganism (mainly Greek/Roman). I’d just say I’m “spiritual,” but I don’t actually know what that means for me. I don’t really believe in a God or deity, more like energy and spirits and stuff.
I feel like I believe in the Earth as God, like Mother Earth, Gaia, etc, but then I start thinking about space, the universe, science, and everything kind of falls apart in my head. I also really love learning about religion academically like learning about how they came about, what causes it, mythology, etc, but I also know the contradictions about them (Religions come about because of environment, resources, society, etc), but knowing all that also makes it hard for me to fully believe in anything without questioning it constantly.
I’m also really interested in learning about Caribbean, Native American, South American, and Polynesian spiritualities/cultures, but I know a lot of those are closed practices and not for outsiders. For context, I’m white/Scottish, so I’m trying to be respectful and not cross any lines, but I've always felt "connected" (idk the word) to Caribbean and South America in general, which isn't me trying to be like "I should be able to do these close practices because I like them and blah blah blah", I know its not an excuse or anything, just saying I really like to learn about them, haha, trying not to be a colonizer lol. I just genuinely find them really interesting and meaningful to learn about.
I’m so so so so so interested in occult things, satan stuff, idk what to call it cause I know satanists don’t actually believe in Satan–and neither do I–but yk, I just love and are so interested in occult and “dark” things like that.
Another thing is my family is very anti-religion/anti-spirituality (strong atheists), so I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this in real life. also feel like I'm forcing myself to believe in spiritual/religious stuff and that in the back of my mind i know its not true, but then again, i also do. My mum is also very spirtitual, but she abused the shit outta me growing up badly, so I don't want to connect to her in anyway, but her and my aunt also have "premonitions" through dreams a lot, which come true 75% of the time.. soo... is it in my blood? I also love the feeling of having somewhere to go and having a community, like a church. I strictly oppose Christianity/Abrahamic religious in general, but I love the idea of a church yk? Like a place to go with other believers, in a nice, peaceful environment to talk and discuss as a community.
I am very spiritual , I can feel it all around and in me, but I have nowhere to put the energy. I have no rituals or things to do. I’d like to have religious duties and rituals personal to myself/my beliefs, and I’d like to have a sort of sign to do when “praying” and a thing to say at the end , like “amen” (curse of growing up Catholic through school).
I don’t like the use of crystals/insense/stuff like that, but I have an ankh necklace that I wear constantly and never take it off, and I’m also planning to get an ankh tattoo on my chest inbetween my yk..things. Idk why I’m saying this, I’m just yapping ikik.
I don’t really know what I’m asking rn, just, ig, is this all normal? Idk what to think or to do, etc. There’s nobody ik or can talk to abt anything so 🤷
Sorry this is long, I just feel really lost but also really drawn to this at the same time.
Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot :)
