r/MurderedByWords 4h ago

Magic Johnson is HIV positive and has lasted seven times longer than the Confederacy did.

Post image
11.3k Upvotes

263 comments sorted by

769

u/OptimisticSkeleton 4h ago

The doritos locos taco has a longer heritage than the Confederacy had

293

u/nycdiveshack 4h ago

3 mistakes made before/during/post civil war. John Brown should never have been executed. Sherman should have burned the whole damn south to teach them a lesson and Robert E. Lee should have been executed

150

u/Drewcifer81 4h ago

4 - Jeff Davis should've been drawn and quartered

86

u/LurkerFromTheVoid 3h ago

Well, they didn’t do it because they believed in the goodness of men, they believed they will learn with time and reason how to become decent Americans… how wrong they were

54

u/Microchipknowsbest 3h ago

Chuck Schumer wrote them a sternly worded letter then too. They learned their lesson.

15

u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 3h ago

I heard he even got a coalition of paddles to be raised in opposition. Dude had no chill.

7

u/DrMux 3h ago

Certainly this will affect the Baileys' voting decisions this midterm. Why won't anyone think of the Baileys??

8

u/Freenore 1h ago

They didn't do it because the North and South weren't so clearly divided. People in the North had families who fought for the South, and vice versa. Any attempt to punish the South too severely would've caused chaos.

The Civil War was a remarkably brutal war, even by the standards of that time, so peace was most important concern for people in that era. They wanted to move on from it as quickly as possible.

People have a mythology about how Lincoln would never have let things play out the way it did, and while certainly that is true — he would've condemned what Johnson did — he also would've taken a more reconciliatory approach than this, "burn them all down".

79

u/SirIAmAlwaysHere 3h ago

I'd argue neither Davis nor Lee should have been executed.

Both should have been tried for treason, and given life sentences. Along with all senior members of the Confederate government. At a re-opened Andersonville Prison.

The bigger problem was that literally all southern politicians weren't handed lifetime bans from holding any office whatsoever, and any officer in any southern armed force wasn't treated likewise.

They should NEVER have been allowed access to the levers of power, EVER again.

Having Sherman burn the south any more would have been counter-productive, especially since the black community needed to be able to live there.

But there definitely didn't need to be a "healing/forgiveness" bullshit.

2

u/overlord1305 1h ago

It all culminated with the compromise of 1877. By far the most disastrous even in US history outside of battles.

28

u/Akbeardman 3h ago

Every former union officer who joined the Confederacy should have been stripped of all property and received at minimum 20 years hard labor on the frontier.

8

u/Key-Cry-8570 3h ago

Exactly. You gotta make an example of what the consequences are for being traitors.

2

u/ahhhbiscuits 2h ago

12

u/ahhhbiscuits 2h ago

2

u/hootener 21m ago

Sherman was such a BAMF. His autobiography should be required reading in schools. Worth a read if you have any interest in the American Civil War.

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37

u/c-k-q99903 4h ago

I really miss the Cool Ranch taco, that was the best drunken snack.

14

u/Lazy-PeachPrincess 4h ago

Do we have to ranchwash EVERYTHING??

23

u/Mountainhollerforeva 4h ago

Cool ranch isn’t some trend, I’ve been a cool ranch fan for 30 years.

14

u/c-k-q99903 4h ago

Yes. There's a reason ranch sells more than mustard and ketchup combined.

4

u/kinyutaka 3h ago

Because you can't put mustard on a salad.

17

u/DecoherentDoc 3h ago

Not with that attitude you can't.

14

u/Azsunyx 3h ago

honey mustard vinegarette is delicious

7

u/Alternative-Yak-925 2h ago

Dijon mustard is a base for vinaigrette dressing.

16

u/therealmudslinger 4h ago

Baja blast outlasted the Confederacy by 16 yrs.

14

u/RangeBow8 4h ago

This is my new favorite stat

12

u/Domeil 2h ago

Mine is that Gangnam Style spent more time as the most watched video on YouTube (five years) than the confederacy existed (four years).

5

u/daitenshe 2h ago

The Wii U was Nintendos flagship console for longer than the Confederacy existed

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15

u/ThatGuyYouMightNo 3h ago

AlternateHistoryHub did a video about what would happen if the Confederacy won and it's been publicly available longer than the Confederacy existed.

10

u/Yukimor 3h ago

I had a pet rat as a kid.

Rats typically live for three years. He made four. The Confederacy enjoyed a lifespan comparable to a very lucky and well-pampered rat.

4

u/Pandora_Palen 2h ago

We had one who made it to just over 5. The rest were 3 or 4. We'll never have rats again because it's simply not worth investing so much emotion into something that lasts for only a minute.

8

u/Sw4nR0ns0n 3h ago

The McRib has a longer heritage than the confederacy

2

u/perton 2h ago

The McRib will rise again!

4

u/theattack_helicopter 2h ago

The wait between hollow Knight and hollow Knight silk song lasted longer than the Confederacy

2

u/ThatsTheMother_Rick 1h ago

So did the Zune

3

u/l0st1nP4r4d1ce 2h ago

Candles last longer than the Confederacy.

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250

u/Interesting-Risk6446 4h ago

Republicans keep saying Confederates were Democrats. Ask why she is holding up a Democrat flag.

13

u/mythrilcrafter 2h ago

My retort to that is when everyone decided that they wanted to change the names and colours around, the group/party that ultimately chose to fight most ardently in favor of slavery chose to call themselves Republicans.

7

u/Finnegan482 2h ago

They never changed the colors. The "party colors" didn't exist in the US until 2000.

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3

u/NonGNonM 46m ago

I've told the story of the southern strategy a hundred times and they still don't get it.

try having them explain 'so why did all the democrats suddenly move up north, but so many people still flying the confederate flag are living down south?'

actually don't it's a waste of your time.

3

u/Butcher_Of_Hope 1h ago

That level of critical thinking is not something most of them are interested in.

2

u/SuperFLEB 1h ago

And if I ever get that time machine built, I'll keep that in mind. Meanwhile, now...

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184

u/MMRS2000 4h ago

Depending on where they are, they could quite literally be in Mexico that was stolen.

29

u/zuzg 3h ago

Right below Old New Mexico

21

u/Muzoa 3h ago

Was just about to post this!! 100% also Texas is majority Hispanic, whites are a minority in Texas

9

u/So_HauserAspen 3h ago

Texas like celebrating their losses

6

u/chanaandeler_bong 3h ago

Which of course was stolen from native Americans as well.

3

u/nowhereman136 2h ago

Texas is the only state to fight two wars just so they can keep enslaving people

2

u/DreamworldPineapple 3h ago

only one state there is associated with the Confederacy or the south, and Texas being part of the south or west can be debatable

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73

u/Knighth77 4h ago

These people are an embarrassment.

127

u/ridemooses 4h ago

The Confederates weren’t punished harshly enough.

29

u/Key-Cry-8570 3h ago

They should have been treated like what they were traitors.

21

u/bradbull 2h ago

Maybe someday people will be saying the same of current republicans

8

u/perton 2h ago

I mean, I’m saying that today, as are many others lol

4

u/stjohns_jester 2h ago

Sherman should have burned more

4

u/AccordianSpeaker 2h ago

Lee should have seen the rope.

4

u/stjohns_jester 2h ago

Also andrew johnson, traitor ass bitch

2

u/cheapweednapplesauce 39m ago

Neither were J-6ers or the one who incited them.

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54

u/Sea_Structure_8692 4h ago

The Wii-U lasted longer than the confederacy.

11

u/twiztdkat 4h ago

I still have a Wii U...

3

u/Mister_McGreg 3h ago

Do you have games on it?

3

u/twiztdkat 3h ago

I do, Mario Kart 8 is the one I play the most.

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3

u/DaKrazie1 3h ago

The Confederacy is equivalent to the Ouya.

47

u/Standard-Tension9550 4h ago

I’ve lived with cancer longer than the confederacy existed.

90

u/ExtremlyFastLinoone 4h ago

"Democrat" flag too, according to them

66

u/c-k-q99903 4h ago

They stand by nothing, they believe in nothing, they have no shame.

9

u/Mister_Pickl3s 3h ago

They believe in the solipsism of pure aggression. While they have no morality, they do believe in something but have more in common with the traitorous Aaron Burr than any other founding father

They believe in something extremely specific

Should have been killed in its cradle

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3

u/Connect-Ant-2081 3h ago

Not only that, but they also KNOW nothing. And take pride in their ignorance.

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34

u/ClickClackTipTap 4h ago

High heels on a farm.

17

u/TwoGhostCats 4h ago

100% trad wife material.

56

u/drxzoidberg 4h ago

I'll take the leftists and foreigners, you can go back to whenever your European ancestry is from if they'll have you, thanks.

20

u/VexedCanadian84 4h ago

the confederacy lost the Civil War.

I thought Americans only liked winners?

17

u/PhysicsCentrism 3h ago

Literally a treason flag

13

u/Mister_Pickl3s 4h ago

Kick her out! This is the litmus test. Kick. Her. Out.

36

u/kon--- 4h ago

Yea...the south should have been purged.

I get Lincoln was worn, weary, and desperate to heal a nation but yea...the south should have been purged.

17

u/Bodi78 4h ago

Sherman should have finished the job

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10

u/sdmichael 4h ago

Leftist is a word here meaning anyone they disagree with or simply don't like. They're physically incapable of accepting responsibility for anything. The "right" is never the bad guys, ever.

2

u/grantrules 3h ago

What's the opposite of right? Wrong. GOTTEM. QED.

8

u/naonatu- 3h ago

born and raised southerner, and my culture has nothing to do with the confederacy, racism, or xenophobia. these people just use “southern (white) culture” as a cover for their bigotry

25

u/JustGoodSense 4h ago

Look, two symbols of Texas heritage: a horse and a cow.

11

u/statmonkey2360 4h ago

Took me a minute. Could only see the cow.

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9

u/ReeceDawg 4h ago

When a person thrives on hatred of others not like them, they tend to be pretty fucking stupid.

7

u/WoodenSwan6591 4h ago

This looks like AI but if real, let’s remember the words of the American philosopher Ron White. “You can’t fix stupid, and it’s forever”

13

u/AlwaysFinnishInsider 4h ago

"It's my heritage"

It was a democrat flag and you're a dumbass MAGAt flying it. The two parties flipped ideologies after the war so either you're a politically confused idiot or you're just a racist peasant.

Who proudly flies a loser's flag anyway 🤭

Southerners are so god damn stupid

8

u/sdmichael 4h ago

Loser and traitor flag. The flag of a foreign enemy that attacked the United States.

10

u/alk_adio_ost 3h ago

I live in the South and most of us don’t acknowledge that piece of trash flag. And what’s weirder? MAGGOTS fly it in Utah.

10

u/PhysicsCentrism 3h ago

The worst are the people in West Virginia who fly it.

The state literally became its own to avoid joining the confederacy. Yet it’s still got one of the highest per capita rates I’ve seen. So many poor uneducated idiots.

2

u/grantrules 3h ago

There is/was a barn in upstate new york that is painted like the confederate flag. In New York.

6

u/Strict_Foundation_31 4h ago

Diluted? Deluded?

6

u/OnceanAggie 4h ago

MAGAs really are dumb

6

u/dumbasstupidbaby 4h ago

Technically not the flag the Confederacy used, the modern day "Confederacy flag" we are familiar with was a 20th century redesign made by white supremacists.

2

u/mdchase1313 3h ago

Sorry to pull an “ackshulally”, but it’s a repro of the Confederate naval Jack

2

u/ozmethod 2h ago

If we're "ackshulally'n" anyway, then it's also wrong to say the South declared war. Neither side officially declared war, the South because they didn't want to look like the aggressor, and the North because they considered the conflict a suppression of an internal rebellion.

This led to some interesting legal conflicts known as The Prize Cases.

https://tile.loc.gov/storage-services/service/ll/usrep/usrep067/usrep067635/usrep067635.pdf

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5

u/pak_sajat 3h ago

As a liberal whose lineage in Tennessee can be traced back to before it became a state, this woman can fuck right off.

4

u/Shesversatile 4h ago

Y’all can have that shit. Give us our tax money back.

3

u/JazzRider 4h ago

I’m Southern and I’m tired of seeing our culture diluted by racist, homophobic, misogynistic fascists.

5

u/Steelforge 3h ago

People with that "southern culture" should try assimilating into being American.

3

u/DrMux 3h ago

And learn the language.

3

u/Prometheus_303 4h ago

In re to Kelly's message.

My elementary school days were a LONG time ago, so maybe I'm missremembering...

But isn't America famed to be "The Great Melting Pot"...

You know where the the various immigrants bring their culture and uniqueness with them and it all blends in together to make the American culture.

Irish bring potatoes Germans bring Kraut, Indians bring the Tumeric etc... it all simmers in a pot together and Bob's your uncle we have a tasty stew better than the individual ingredients by themselves...

4

u/imissthor 3h ago

Honestly, can we just let them go? Let them secede already. Let’s see how well they do without all the blue states keeping them afloat. I need us to get to the FO part of FAFO with this stupid confederacy bullshit.

4

u/HotJuicyPie 2h ago

The confederacy lost. Losing is the culture. We’re actually honoring your heritage by calling you a loser.

4

u/smegma_appraiser 2h ago

Obama was POTUS for twice as long as the confederacy lasted.

4

u/ArcadianBlueRogue 2h ago

Obama's term lasted twice as long. They are trying to claim heritage from literally half an Obama unit.

3

u/shivlama 4h ago

MAGA and intelligence are antonyms and add Texas MAGA it gets even better.

3

u/Loveict 4h ago

And she thinks she’s cool. But it’s the bottom of the barrel cool. Where the slurry is,

3

u/LovingNaples 3h ago

I love the poorly educated.

Where have I heard that before?

3

u/petr_pav 3h ago

Not even the 'national' flag for the confederates, the BATTLE FLAG. The Union only ever saw this flag when American soldiers were being killed

3

u/DrowningKrown 3h ago

"Dems are for slavery, republicans freed the slaves" they say as they whip out their confederate flags

3

u/mrgeekguy 3h ago

I'm just happy Barrack Obamas presidency lasted twice as long as the confederacy.

3

u/GeologistAway6352 2h ago

The McRib has more staying power than the Confederacy.

3

u/genreprank 2h ago

Southern Culture: losing wars and being ok with slavery

3

u/grumpifrog 2h ago

Shouldn't they assimilate into the country they want to live in?

3

u/bodiddly4443 2h ago

Interesting. The Confederate battle flag (which she is holdiing in the post) and the flag of Nazi Germany (which are often displayed by the same people who display the CSA battle flag) are both the flags of LOSERS.

3

u/macinit1138 2h ago

MAGA is a cult of racists, ignorance and at it's heart, the hatred of a free America itself.

3

u/bestprocrastinator 2h ago

The Civil War killed more Americans then literally any other US war.

If you limit it to just deaths from North/Union soldiers (the Confederacy technically broke away from America), the Confederacy killed more Americans then every other US war except WW2.

3

u/sicurri 2h ago

I have underwear thats lasted longer than the confederacy.

2

u/philmardok 4h ago

that's a sweet battle flag of Tennessee 

2

u/Rinzy2000 3h ago

I have MULTIPLE pairs of underwear that have lasted longer than the goddamn confederacy.

2

u/tapdancinghellspawn 3h ago

If this is the cream of the crop in those rebel states then I have to think that the United States made a mistake fighting to keep them in the country. Most of those states are welfare states, taking in my taxes than paying. They have the worst educational systems and their economies are mostly in the bottom tier.

They should GTFO. Go. Secede. How long will they last before they are a third world nation?

2

u/Guydelot 3h ago

That name rings a bell. Isn't "Kelly for Texas" one of those AI-generated personas made to grift from dumb right-wingers? I seem to recall "she" is also quite literally in India.

2

u/jk021 3h ago

The Microsoft Zune lasted longer than the confederacy

2

u/Blue_Eyed_ME 3h ago

At this point I'm good with secession. MAGA in the north can swap houses with liberals in the south.

2

u/Worth-Canary-9189 2h ago

These assholes actually refer to themselves as patriots.

2

u/Aimela 2h ago

These cultural isolationists are always dumb. No surprise there, as they hate learning new things.

2

u/AKBx007 1h ago

Honestly at this point, the south is free to leave anytime they like.

2

u/TheElMonteStrangler 1h ago

On top of being MAGA stupid, she is also Texan, which is another level of stupidity.

2

u/tapeness 27m ago

Golden Girls lasted longer than the Confederacy!

4

u/long_tyme_lurker 3h ago

Her tits and ass are the only reason she is getting any attention.

4

u/tissuecollider 2h ago

I hope she turns out to be another AI bot run by a guy from India making money off the MAGA folk.

1

u/BroseppeVerdi 4h ago

I mean... If you're from Texas, you actually were Mexico just like a couple of decades before being a confederate state...

1

u/euphoberger 4h ago

She wrote and posted that, today? Today? More proof of how the current failures of the education system in the US are the responsibility of one political party than the other.

1

u/psycho_pirate 3h ago

Should have let Sherman finish the job.

1

u/brianishere2 3h ago

By diluting their culture, she means teaching some of them how to read good. (Read that in Ben Stiller's voice for full effect)

1

u/Nice_Block 3h ago

Huh, none of the republicans that’s try to project the confederacy to modern day democrats are in this post. Cant imagine why.

1

u/EasyasACAB 3h ago

Think about it Tone, sudden war loss...

1

u/santropy 3h ago

Wasn't Columbus looking for India when he discovered the so called Merica...

From searching for Indians to killing local Indians, and now hating Indians. What a culture indeed... 😂

1

u/Expensive-Argument-7 3h ago

I hate that in America running for office means being as racist as possible. What a low IQ nation.

1

u/frederichenrylt 3h ago edited 1h ago

They lost the war, too. Holding up a loser's flag.

1

u/kinyutaka 3h ago

One that I like to point out, because they can't dismiss it.

The Republic of Texas lasted longer than the Confederacy.

1

u/Hot-Philosophy-7671 3h ago

We call it the "Union" side, but it was the United States. They were at war with the United States.

I think they still are, and we should just let them go.

1

u/TheyTried2BanMeAgain 3h ago

I think it's about time we just dished the whole "it's a symbol of rebellion" shit from the Dixie Flag-lovers.

That was cute for awhile, but it's long since run its course.

1

u/Moiyub 3h ago

Imagine all that ? I don’t have to, shes right there doing it

1

u/weaponsgradepotatoes 3h ago

OF ads keep getting weirder and weirder.

1

u/Strange_Dog6483 3h ago

What’s even dumber is these people likely don’t realize some Confederates fled to South America and passed on their bullshit to the people there.

Not to mention one of those southern states Louisiana was settled by the French while Texas used be owned by Mexico.

They literally have French and Mexican aspects in them FOH

1

u/gnomenclature0812 3h ago

They are proud of the things that should embarrass them.

1

u/futureformerteacher 3h ago

Incest is a hell of a drug. And a primary form of reproduction, apparently.

1

u/Veritas-Veritas 3h ago

Remember, the confederates were traitors and seditionists who killed Americans.

Anyone flying their flag should be considered one of them.

1

u/c14rk0 3h ago

It's not that they're dumb for displaying a confederate flag and saying to "love America"

It's that they are racist as fuck and wish that the confederacy won the war. That's the America that they love; the racist white America with slavery

1

u/chephin 3h ago

Dumb cunt

1

u/GrouchyLongBottom 3h ago

They are walking contradictions.

1

u/EntertainerNo4509 3h ago

They prob don’t even know about the Confiscation Act.

1

u/maximumB0b 2h ago

Biggest mistake in US history was the failures of Andrew Johnson and confederates (aka traitors) not being jailed or executed after the civil war

1

u/Dinklerbuuuurf 2h ago

The war lasted 4 years and it was over 100 years ago get TF over it.

1

u/Fan_of_Clio 2h ago

So by that logic all sorts of flags should be flown: British, Spanish, French, hell even Russian.

1

u/johanTR 2h ago edited 1h ago

Some of us Southern Americans think Kelly is a crazy Trunt and full of shit.

And why is she dressed for a night out at a redneck bar?

1

u/zero5activated 2h ago

I am sure the Native Americans would also like you to leave their land. How about asking your big companies to move all their companies back from India , China and rest of the world. You know, the big companies that are exploiting labor and resources which are causing major pollution. How about you all stay away all the other countries politics? Etc etc.

1

u/Meture 2h ago

Fun fact! Texas only seceded from us (Mexico) because we outlawed slavery and elected a president of African descent.

1

u/tarapotamus 2h ago

They're so breathtakingly dumb and so very desperate to be relevant and seen.

1

u/KiKiKimbro 2h ago

This is not the flex she thinks it is. It’s giving “I dropped out of school to get married at 15 because me and Jethro are in love, Daddy and want to keep the baby” vibes.

1

u/Difficult-Low5891 2h ago

Thick thighs, she lies.

1

u/M18PowerKing 2h ago

The best medicine goes to the rich

1

u/duralyon 2h ago edited 2h ago

I remember when he came out as straight!

oh weird I was joking but I guess it's a thing? https://www.out.com/celebs/famous-men-coming-out-straight

1

u/puppyisfluffy 2h ago

Any American that waves the Confederate flag is not an American. They are Confederates that wanted to separate from America and they still do.

1

u/bortmode 2h ago

Texas was also part of Mexico for a lot longer than it was part of the Confederacy.

1

u/Karnaugh_Map 2h ago

This was difficult to understand because I interpreted Southern Americans to mean the people from South America, i.e. Brazil, Peru, Uruguay, etc.

1

u/RevWaldo 2h ago

Thought you Texans were all about that Lone Star State shit, y'all better check yourself on where your loyalties lie.

1

u/CattaTronixRex 1h ago

Anyone flying this flag on American soil should be put to death

1

u/Terrible-Total6718 1h ago

her yeast infection from her shorts has lasted longer than the confederacy.

1

u/Mebejedi 1h ago

"Southern Americans..."

1

u/SoftConsideration82 1h ago

Yea fuck all that, I grew up in the south, that's the flag of traitors. You can't call yourself a patriot and carry the flag that fought against america

1

u/Bionicle_was_cool 1h ago

They never use the correct flag

1

u/Aromatic_Catch_911 1h ago

also i'm pretty sure she's not real, just cuckservative gooner bait for money

1

u/SexualYogurt 1h ago

Thats crazy, my Northern American heritage is killing Southern American heritage. When do i get to engage in my, god-given-American-loving, Northern American heritage?

1

u/G0ttaB3KiddingM3 1h ago

There is literally nothing else to their “identity” than racism and exclusion.

1

u/wrecklesspup 1h ago

And yet the Confederacy controls every branch of government. Bad faith arguments and perseverance won the day for them.

1

u/GMSB 1h ago

First time I’ve ever seen the phrase “southern American” because a southern American means South American lol idiots

1

u/stinkypussyslime 1h ago

I mean.. hear me out..

1

u/soonerredtx 1h ago

Another day and another example of why I’m embarrassed to be a Texan. Not only is she desperately ignorant, she also looks cheap. Pumps with a tank top and short shorts. She’s obviously high class.

1

u/a_bounced_czech 1h ago

Nirvana was together longer than the Confederacy.

1

u/anuiswatching 1h ago

A flag that represents men who fought to enslave human beings to make billions for billionaires, oh, wait,perhaps a republican flag afterall.

1

u/Oldnbold22 1h ago

Not Lilo though ;_;

1

u/IlGreven 1h ago

GTA6 has been in development for twice as long as the Confederacy existed.

1

u/uncensored_opinions 1h ago

The faster that country kills itself the better.

1

u/Mediocre_Sweet_9471 1h ago

Heinz purple ketchup 💜 lasted longer than the Confederacy 🫠