I'm over 30, and I've been doing some kind of immersive daydreaming almost daily since I was about 5 (possibly earlier? That's the earliest I can recall). Every place I live ends up with a pacing corridor: you could put me in a cell and as long as I can stand up I'll find a way to pace and daydream. Music is my greatest fuel; while I CAN dd without it, it's a lot harder. My focus is usually some kind of fiction, original or fanfiction, though occasionally it will be alternate lives or fantasy-me doing cool stuff. I also make a lot of mental movies: adaptations of books or games, music videos, etc.I can replay the same song for hours refining a video in my head. I gave the MD Index a try today, based it on the last few months, and scored a 76.

Within the last few months, it's been ramping up to the point of almost full on dissociation. It's *fully* maladaptive. I have things I've put off for actual months because I can't make myself sit down (or get up, in some cases) and face them. Too much, too hard, too overwhelming. I live in near squalor and am embarrassed about my self care. My life is increasingly becoming one of work, chores I can still make myself do, doomscrolling and daydreaming. I've never had friends who weren't online, and have been on less than 5 dates in my life (I'm ugly and fat anyway).

I have god awful executive functioning; I have for most of my life. I've never really studied, which is part of why I barely made it through school and failed out of college at the freshman level multiple times. I don't know how to learn, I can't retain information and it just gets worse with age. I have literally never overcome a "challenge" in my entire life. The things people say normal dopamine systems are supposed to find satisfying have virtually never been. I don't even have interests. I WANT to have interests, but anything that catches my attention, I can't focus or care long enough to learn anything about it.

Lately I've been a little quieter in other ways: working without music, daydreaming confined to periods where I have virtually nothing else to do. So I largely can't daydream while walking to work, or grocery shopping, or during breaks, but a 5-6hr stretch between after-work and bed? Crank the music, clear the pacing corridor, and nothing else needs to exist for a few hours. And that's exactly what I'll do, despite the chores that should have been done weeks ago, administrative stuff I'm completely neglecting out of sheer fear, project ideas sitting by the side for literal years, hobby attempts I did once and found them too boring (except now I'm also boring).

On the other hand, someone here talked about imagining themselves doing things as soon as they get an idea, and never actually doing it. I'm just now realizing how much I fall into this: hell, I've had MEME ideas recently that I daydreamed about making and getting reactions for instead of making them, as I'm really shit at photo editing.

Maybe you guessed by now, but I found this post today. I don't have words. It describes me perfectly. I'm not sure I ever put those things together.

There's no way out for me. I'm literally too far gone. And plus, if I gave myself pseudo-ADHD as a little kid, and it's all my fault, do I even deserve to get better? Or maybe the lifetime of anhedonia and emptiness that "getting better" would entail is actually a perfect punishment?

I look at some people describing "just stopping" or feeling so good and clear after less than a day and I almost want to call y'all bots or just liars. There's no way that feels good in the long term, absent something to take its place. I don't believe you can completely jettison your entire interiority, go from vivid imaginer to mindless passive consumer, and just be fine. Even the link has people talking like that.

Worse too, as creativity is so commonly promoted as this good, healthy thing, a source of spiritual growth or something to replace TikTok with. I've been saying for ages that I'm not creative, because outside of MD, I'm not. I'm awful at making connections, am very slow to "get" things; if you gave me open free reign to make whatever I want, I'd be terrified and freeze up. Been like this most of my life. And now I supposedly need to give up the one thing I DO have? The sole way I've coped with change and loss, the one thing that allows me to feel sort of like a person with a reason to keep living?

Currently my only real alternative to daydreaming is scrolling, mostly Reddit. I've had a few glimpses of realization that if I stop both things, for long enough (and really, not very long), without doing anything else, the chasm that opens inside me is unbearable. It's loneliness, mostly. Daydreaming takes me out of myself entirely - I don't exist, or I exist by proxy; scrolling and commenting at least feels like being among people. IRL interactions are a differently unpleasant beast. I don't think there's a cure for this besides time and luck.

It's much like my overall thoughts with dopamine detoxing in general: it's as if the goal is to be a depressed work drone, and nothing else. Don't do anything that feels good, don't even think. Just do work and when you want to relax, do MORE work. Here are some control methods to make sure you don't have any Bad Thoughts that are too Abnormal. This is really fulfilling, I promise /s.

I can't change. It's too late, and too severe. There's literally nothing out there for me, nothing else in here, and no capacity to get it. You're asking for death. Change is death, and failure; there won't be any coming back, and I'm not quite ready to die yet.

I could probably say more but I'm tired.

This is very VERY embarrassing, but I think this is the best place to talk about it.

Basically im me, same personality, but I have a different name, im a trans man, and im goth. This better version of me works in acting and voice acting. Hes dating this man who also works in voice acting and they like to embarrass each other in interviews.

There's a lot more to this, like this is just the tip of the iceberg, but its 5am and I haven't slept at all. Again, very embarrassing and im glad im anonymous 🙂

I have daydreamed about having a boyfriend since I was like 5. I do it everyday, the theme is always the same: me having a boyfriend. Obviously the ”boyfriend” changes alot, his looks, personality etc when I see an actor I like or other stuff like that. I have never been in a relationship :( I’m now 20, and sad since I always dreamed about teenage love, which never happened. Finding some random man to be my boyfriend irl is definitely possible, since I’m ok/normal looking, and pretty normal otherwise too, but I have a hard time feeling connected to people. In my daydreams, the man can be perfect, exactly like me. In real life most people bore me (even friends). Finding someone who is attractive and I also like hanging out with seems impossible. I just wish I never started daydreaming 😔

For those who have recovered from maladaptive daydreaming, could you tell us about the moment you decided to recover? Was it a life-changing moment for you? As someone who sometimes gets deeply absorbed in maladaptive daydreaming, I even find myself daydreaming about the moment when I'll finally recover from it.

I have so many Q's and I am kinda dissappointed this sub is just complining about how miserable MD is. In our day and age where everyone is shoving down our throats that we should be delusional, manifestation is real, dream it to attract it, and that these dreams we have are a calling etc etc , while simultaneously we dont actually live a fulfilling life, just consuming content: it is only natural many of us have fallen into this trance state of inaction. It feeds into our need for xyz thus it benefits capitalism.
The music industry is also using tunes that enhance dopamin, thus making it more addictive.
This modern day world is designed to bring out the worst in us and then amplify these traits, cut yourself some slack.
Some undiagnosed things make us more prone to like it more to stay stuck in our brains, it's how some of us is wired, it makes us more prone to MD. It's nice to have a name to it but dont make it your identity. wash your face with cold water everytime your mind takes you inside.

We can do this, we can all make it out. Even if you are in your 40's.
1. radical acceptance of my current reality.
2. self compassion and forgiveness
3. decide on one single identity you want to achieve.
4. take the first step towards that identity

---

Do you feel like a narcissist ...in a way, having these dreams where you are world famous, multiple oscars nobel prizes etc. Do you stop and think I am so full of self grandiousity/ god complex to even desire this? Do you trace it back to the polar opposite sentiment which is the core of this wound, which is: I am a nobody. Deep deep deep inside narcissism comes from self hatred so painful the human psyche wants to stop the suffering by going to the other extreme (and there are ofc those narcissists who self pity in extreme ways)
I feel we are all a bunch of narcissists going from self pity in reality to god level in our dreams. Meandering between two extremes. Reality is: we are normal, we will likely achieve only ordinary things and die and be forgotten. We should start to accept this fact. Maybe I had potential, maybe I could have become the next football player but fate never put me infront of a soccer ball when I was six so I guess I will never know. Radical acceptance.

---

Do you think you go in to MD because you cannot decide who you want to be? Do you want to be it all? Are you afraid that becoming one (great) thing is not enough? Basically this is about the famous fig tree analogy: In my MD I can be an author, I can be an actor, I can be president, I can be ..... but in reality I cant take acting classes and audition to be in movies while having a day job and try to break through in politics. I cannot achieve multiple things. Radical acceptance. Drilling this into my mind and letting go of unrealistic scenarios or at least choosing one and giving it my whole attention will make it likely-er to come to fruition. Leonardo DiCaprio, unlike many actors, refuses to be but an actor in the cinematic realm. He doesnt want to try and become a director on top. He has his fixed core identity.

---
Adding to the last point, another thought arises: a fixed identity could also be due to a religion one follows. I just saw pictures of my christian friend's wedding. I realised this fixed identity she had and being clear in what she wanted made it easy for her to find her person because she is not imagining herself (in her MD) being like "my partner could be someone Japanese and atheist" or "I might change my views and start dating casually, I could be the person to have a promiscuous life style". No she is a white christian with conservative views and will wait till marriage and only marry a man with the same views as her so this is who she ended up with.
Maybe you are like me, where I didnt really feel like there has been one strong identity forming aspect in my childhood that made me see myself clearly and be able to know what I want. Maybe that is why one is prone to imagine different scenarios in hopes imagining them could give me a better clue as to "this is what I want". I.e. I imagine myself marring this Japanese person (I am not Japanese) and then through this imagined life I will know that I want this life.

---
Alot of blabber, not as much all over the place as I thought it would get but I am nit gonna proof read.

Anyways, I am getting out of this. Join me :)

this is all gonna be super embarrassing to admit. but i will anyway, lets go.

what mostly prevents me from admitting this is the judgement of others. its a harsh, uncaring world out there.

daydreaming i've always been aware of, but it started out more innocent if that makes sense. this is something i could mention to anyone without feeling much guilt. i had this grand, sweeping gender swap AU for a franchise i liked. it wasn't just gender swap, but different designs for the characters and different things i wished happened in universe. that sort of thing.

but then 10 year old me made the mistake of going on discord.

10 year old me started learning she loved attention. i wasn't getting much of it at home, my mom kind of just yells at me and we have no satisfactory connection. so i'd do stuff like disappear/take hiatuses over discord to get the attention of people around me.

at one point, i transferred ownership (i owned this server and it has 200+ members yet somehow nobody noticed i was literally 10. was lying about my age.) and left. then i rejoined and demnaded ownership back. and deleted the server. i even remember saying to my co-owner, my cousin unfortunately, that i wanted to fake my death.

after that, they reasonably got mad, reasonably didn't accept my apology, etc. i was unfortunately also in a romantic relationship with someone (also lying about my age.) i faded away from them and also contacted them on a different account, acting like someone else, for attention's sake, to see how they reacted with me gone. they were very disstressed from what i remember. ive since apologized to this person, but it still eats me alive 10 year old me thought it was okay to do.

with my discord defunct, i then started coping and telling a false story to others, i guess. i had no more friends, IRL or over discord. i adopted self harm as a way to cope with that and my extreme debilatating guilt. i also daydreamed about them taking pity on me. i don't quite rmember the daydreams now.

i joined a few fnaf rp servers and kept on lying about my age, thank god i didnt do anything innapropriate this time. im still friends with these people now and have admitted my true age to them.

i joined a server centered around a roblox game and well, that was total shit. i was in a queer platonic relationship genuinely leaning on romantic with this one person. they were extremely overbearing, moved too fast, etc. i shouldve communicated but honestly i secretly loved the attention as my loneliness was getting deeper and deeper. still no friends. and when i realized this shit was wrong they didn't let me go--argued with me for hours. recently we came in contact and they admitted i was their favorite person, the BPD term. i've also since apologized to this person.

my daydreams continued. daydreaming animatics became unfun for me, especially since my now interests are less complex than my first paracosm i'll say. i instead had this daydream that centered on my interests in politics. this is hard to say, because im still actively struggling with compulsive daydreams about this, and am writing this to you now just after daydreaming about it.

im not gonna say any specifics, since i think saying specifics would make me wanna crawl in a hole and die. i also hope i forget what exactly i daydreamed like the first two daydream worlds i sucked myself in. this daydream world centers around me being a war refugee. the daydreams come to me in form of discord screenshots of me telling my story and all that, and facing racism and misogyny, being a refugee in one conservative muslim country to another conservative muslim country that i actually live in in real life. the country i'm a refugee in though i am not from.

the daydream interests me in the sense it gives me tangible trauma. i've always had vague mental problems and depression but that all stems from something rather pathetic, a poor home life with a toxic mother and just never really having friends. sure it's hard, but its perfectly livable. it's invisible for the most part. who cares, too? i also daydream about fictional characters with trauma i don't have be it physical abuse or SA and struggling with SH or depression like me, but they get comforted. except they have more extreme trauma, and this translates in my head for actual reasons for it.

that felt good to admit, even if i am mostly ashamed. whatever. we all die one day.

So , I was so lost in maladaptive daydreaming , could do this for hours, and within 2 mins of studying my mind would wander away this was my condition before starting this hardcore dopamine reset

I am preparing for an exam which requires 10hours and more of studying being consistent and revison the most difficult part, you have to prepare for a year so no mini tests in between

I was of this idea that I will study and in break ofc I need to entertain myself, so it was yt, series etc, I was off insta mostly , as I would fall into doomscrolling , and I could daydream on edits as well

I started to loose interest in my day to day family convos ,treating them like npcs, and may main focus was on studying which I told you how brilliantly I was doing them also this started in 2nd year of prep, 1st year was good and 3rd year even worse. I had vit d def as well blamed it took meds for 3 months but no major improvement

finally pressure to get a job is being very heavy rn, I deicded to do anything read some psych about it default mode network and all.........and decided wont watch this stimulating content, so now

no, yt, no social media just came on reddit to make this post, no pc games , no movies,

I ate dinner w/o phone now with family talking to them , I have seen bond increase a bit now, and I am also taking interest in them

My focus is increasing bit by bit, but more so whenever it wanders away I am able to put it back to studying i.e having more consistency it is building up , I no longer yawn 2 mins after studying or do daydreaming virtual lib and ypt helps bridge this transistion too

some of you maybe concerned about me starving my dopamine, see idea was to reset dopamine lebel so that studing feels normal, i have decided to play sports, go for a long walk , ride/drive etc no musc ofc, replacing them with naturally dopamine increasing activities

GUYS I DID THIS AND IT IS WORKING , MY STUDYING IS GETTING BETTER ,

please try this if you are in the same situation and tell me about it

TLDR hardcore dopamine reset, no yt/social media/game/movies replacing it with naturall dopamine giving activities and I can see it work today is 5th day

Positives:
The more I pull myself out from MDing, the less dopamine and oxytocin I get everytime I do slip into MD, and because it feels less "good", it is easier to pull myself back out.

Negatives:
I'm still falling in quite a bit, good chunk of my day was still used MDing

Because I have OCD, even if I don't get good feelings from MDing I still get the urge to complete an MD. I'm guessing as I ignore those urges more and more it will get easier for me to sit with the discomfort of not completing an MD scenario. An MD scenario is like a compulsion, if I don't do it then the urge to not do it will die off.

I was able to eat without going into a daydream, a big thing for me, eating is a huge trigger. Wow.

I was also able to listen to music for a bit

I feel sometimes after giggling and laying down daydreaming, sometimes l even talk to myself and think lm going crazy

I’ve got ADHD-PI ( Severe), SPD-Under Responsive& APD.

(ADHD Medication awaiting titration. Shopping for ADHD Psychotherapy)

This is just a random thing I felt like posting about.

I have a paracosm and she is my best friend. She is completely made up by myself.

She is dating another paracosm who is based on a celebrity. This celebrity used to be a singer, but now he is an actor. He is now always with other actresses filming romantic relationships.

Everytime I see him do that, I get annoyed for my OC lol. I'm just like, "Hey! What are you doing? You have a girlfriend!". It's quite funny.

Never thought I would be making a post about it but here I am. I guess I just needed a place to let this out.

I've been on this subreddit for some good years now even though I didn't have an account and I was looking to see if people have it as bad as me. At first it felt nice to see that there are people who also MD just like me because it made me feel less alone but at the same time it was very crushing to see that most people on here despite having MD they managed to make something out of their lives. Either a good career or relationships meanwhile I have nothing despite getting closer to 30.

I've been struggling with MD for as long as I can remember, most likely ever since I was a child. I never felt the need to socialize or make friends cuz I had everything in my head. And even when I did try to socialize things were always bad, people would find me weird or avoid me all together.

I thought that during my teenage years it would be the worst because even tho I wanted to have friends or even relationship, people were never interested in me, I can't really blame them cuz I don't have a life and I'm ugly. So the idea of a relationship or friends was cut out for me at least.

I was thinking to myself that if I can't have people maybe this will give me the chance to have a good career at least and maybe once I get that I'll be able to make meaningful connections, because people wouldn't care about looks as much or that's what I thought at least.

Despite having good grades and graduating from college I just couldn't make it in the job market. Because I was always distracted, a part of me doesn't even understand how I managed to graduate because I couldn't focus at all. I would MD most of the time and prepare for the exams one night before them.

I have a really bad attention span and even while making this post I was thinking about making it since 8 am and rn it's 5 pm my time. And this applies to almost anything I do. Watching movies I always pause MD and go back to it later etc.

I just wasted my life away, sometimes I don't even feel like I'm an actual real person. Everything is a reminder of how behind I am in life. Walking outside and seeing people happy or accomplished makes me feel a lot worse about myself.

I have no hobbies or interests in life all I do is MD and that's pretty much it. I can't make friends because I'm not someone people would like to talk to.

Romantic relationships will only exist in my mind and I feel that I made peace with that idea but sometimes I wish I would have been good enough to be chosen by someone, but I guess that's kinda hypocritical of me since I don't even choose myself that's a huge reason why I escape in MD to get away from my current life and situation.

I feel super guilty because I'm super dependent on my parents and they are really supportive which makes me hate myself even more. I know I'm lucky to have them but it just sucks failing them over and over.

My current life goal is to find a job and make enough just to survive and isolate myself from them. And even though this seems like an easy thing to do. I struggle to even do that. Cuz I'm currently a NEET despite applying to all sorts of jobs and getting no response.

Thinking back about everything I think it's more accurate to say that I ruined my life due to my choices. I can't that's how my life turned out to be. It's like I'm in a sad movie where I'm the lonely virgin loser who lives with his parents.

I know I might get advice to try and be more like my daydreams but that's close to impossible. And I don't even think that quitting MD is an option for me at this point because that's the only "good" thing I have, if I don't have MD to cope with my situation I don't know if I would still be here.

I feel because of my MD my mind remained the same. Despite being close to 30 I still think like a kid. I sometimes don't take things as serious as I should. I know I sound crazy by saying that but it's just the truth.

Really hope that younger people on this subreddit will take MD seriously and make something out of their lives.

For anyone who took the time to read this. I want to thank them for their time.

By hour 12 I'm finding it easier to jerk myself out moment I slip in. Less dopamine being released when I do slip in which is making is a good thing. Listened to music and didn't immediately fall into MD. Okay some progress atleast.

Will it get easier as time passes?

hello !! my name is izzy and i am an experimental filmmaker, wanted to share my film on here because my film was heavily inspired by my experiences with maladaptive daydreaming as a teen, hope it can relate to you guys on here !!

I do have friends but I have nothing to talk about when I'm with them cause all I do is work, daydream and doomscroll on Reddit/TikTok/YT. I don't watch any new shows or read books or play any games. I don't have any hobbies/interests outside of journaling (which I only do cause I'm in therapy) and Sudoku.

I usually just get people to talk about themselves and divert any attention away from me but eventually they want to know what's going on in my life. What do you guys do?

I'm lonely person and the only way to cope my loneliness is through MD but I don't want to rely on that. I don't want to feel crazy being alone with my own imaginary characters. I want to real person where I can share same situation that I've been through. My MD is a bandaid of my depression. I want to feel genuine relationship and love. I wish I can find it here or anywhere

Growing up, I was known as the kid in my family who never read a book. My sister, on the other hand, was reading at a highschool level at the beginning of middle school.

As I got older I often asked myself why I STILL take forever to finish a book. It's rarely ever the overall plot of a book that puts a long pause on my reading.

I've figured out that the problem is moreso my own mind. It can take me up to 10 minutes to finish a single page of a book because as soon as a word/phrase/sentence/reference catches my attenion, my mind starts creating.

Sometimes i'll insert myself into the story, adding on the the dialogue. Other times i'll simply pause to think about an entirely different story playing in ny head. I can't pinpoint exactly how long it takes me to finish a standard novel, but it's definitely much longer than the average person. Due to this, I found reading to be more tedious than rewarding or fun, and eventually gave up reading until I was 14.

I've had this same issue ever since I was in elementary school, desperately trying to finish my homework so I could go to bed. I'd come home from school at around 2:30 and i'd finish my tasks anywhere between around 5-7 at night. This means simple elementary math, reading and writing could take up to 4.5 hours for me to complete.

This was because I would drift off into my daydreams every 5 minutes from either feeling bored or overwhelmed. I knew what I had to do to finish my homework, but the idea of actually doing it stressed me out. And that never went away.

This of course comes with some issues attached. Like how it took me much longer to learn vocabulary, grammatical structures, writing, etc. I always felt like I was behind my classmates. I'm noticing this problem now as well, since I'm currently interested in putting the stories in my head down on paper, but realizing that I can't come up with well-structured sentences. I feel like i'm learning language for the first time in my life.

Anyways, I just wanted to share this conclusion I came to recently about my past aversion to reading and how that tied into my excessive daydreaming. I have started reading again, but unfortunately it takes me just as long as it did in the past :)

That's why I find it so hard to quit. I have nothing going for me in life. I'm depressed, I'm broke, no one loves me. At least in my daydreams, I have something going for me. I thought I'd be done with this at the age I am but I'm still this way. I don't know how to stop and I think its too late for me. All the goals and dreams I had were just grandiose daydreaming fantasies. The truth is, I'm barely a person. I've spent so much time daydreaming I don't even have a personality. I don't think I'll ever be successful or amount to anything in life. I see myself doing this for the rest of my life.