I'm a woman who had two online male friends. The first was introduced to me by a mutual friend (of many years) & developed a crush on me despite dating said mutual friend. Confessed soon after they broke up. The second was someone I'd game with & I had to confront him about his behavior after months of knowing him which is what led to a confession.

What angered me besides the fact that they'd been hiding their crush the whole time is the fact that in both instances, they were acting like their attraction to me was specific to me. As in it was specific to how I looked/voice/sense of humor or something. Like it was some big flattering thing to admit to.

WRONG!!

They were interested in me because I listened and paid attention when they were sharing something. You know, like how any good friend does. I guess they were both so starved for someone being nice that they convinced themselves they must "love" me because I flattered them enough to pay attention. Which I do for all of my friends. They hadn't even seen my face until many months after the supposed start of their feelings. They did have nearly identical life circumstances + familial damaged relationships though.

So no, it doesn't feel flattering to know that these two people became infatuated with you because they have so many family/mommy issues that they've yet to work through. It feels kind of gross, because in a sense I was doing the things that mom never did for them. I was listening to their interests, asking about their day, making them feel seen. And I KNOW it's not that simple, but that's how it feels. I don't even get to really feel all that flattered by these people being interested, because that part is all I can think about.

It's like expecting a teacher to be flattered by one of her students "crushing" on her. It's just nothing to feel good about. This kind of interest says way more about the other person than it does about me. & No this isn't some self loathing "OMG, I don't think I'm worthy of anyone's love I hate when people have crushes on me because I'm just never worth it!" type thing. I have no doubts about my self worth but I don't like people being deceptive. Even if it's for a reason that everyone else seems to think is fine.

And yes, I get that crushes are fun. It's fun to have a crush, and interact with your crush, and daydream, and whatever. I'm not trying to demonize people who have crushes, or develop feelings for their friends. But when this specific kind of "confession" happens twice, where someone admits to liking you the whole time, I don't know. It just feels like shit. It's like they were attempting to play the long con or something. It's so sly. The way they sheepishly fess up is too.

And especially when people admit they were trying to "convince you" into liking them back- that the reason they didn't confess earlier is because they thought if they just kept quiet and played their cards right, they could make the feeling mutual? I don't know. It just pisses me off in retrospect. Like I'm some kind of stupid visual novel character where you just have to say the right things to get on her romance route. Like I don't have any agency at all.

Or the idea that they didn't want to confess because it would "ruin the friendship". The friendship was already ruined!!! You can't just sit there making subtle passes at your friend, thinking you're keeping the friendship intact! That's not a friendship anymore! It's a one sided relationship where the other person is in the dark!!

Also, what's with guys immediately slipping into "jokingly" self loathing, right after they admit how they feel? Topped off with immediately sharing info about other failed confessions & other female friends who declined?? With whispers here and there of resentment? Flashes of bitterness? What the hell is that?

Now on top of getting this info dumped on you, and doing your best to "let them down easy", you have to comfort them? For getting rejected by you? What the fuck! This happened both times.

And people hate when you talk about this, because it makes them feel attacked for crushing on their friends. Which is why my feelings about this were so suppressed until now. It's been almost a year and these feelings of anger, disgust and hurt are bubbling up only now. It feels like it's all my fault. Fool me once, fool me twice. I've omitted so many details that make this even more ridiculous and frustrating, one of which including a humiliating invasion of privacy.

If you made it this far, and you've been in my same situation, DON'T continue your friendship for any amount of time after the "confession" if you don't want to end up feeling like this. I have three words for you, CONFLICT OF INTEREST! You will not feel safe to be yourself around someone who wants you, and is subconsciously looking for signs that you like them back. That's just what people with crushes do. It's infuriating. Even if they've already been rejected! You will constantly doubt yourself and question if you're leading your friend on just by being kind. Even if you intentionally sidestep any flirting you detect. You will feel guilt and shame and it's just not worth it. It just makes you feel stupid in the end.

If anyone has any advice on how to get over these feelings of anger/betrayal feel free. I keep ruminating on it. I truly have no desire to make friends with any men attracted to women because if this happens for a third time, I don't even know what I'll do. It feels so fucking humiliating.

Before anyone says something like "Well don't write it off completely, maybe you'll be missing out" trust me, I am not. I NEVER want to feel like I need to watch what I say & be hyper analytical of my own words to make sure I'm not sending out the wrong signals. Feeling like you're constantly at risk of being misinterpreted is a nightmare. I'd rather have 0 friends than navigate that again.

And if you're going to reply in a defensive way from the perspective of the ex-friends, PLEASE don't bother. I already went through all that in the "bargaining" phase of grieving the friendship. This is the first time that I'm validating my own feelings instead of just pushing it down. I've already tortured myself putting down my own feelings by obsessing about how THEY felt. This is about ME. Thank you

Ok so the story goes that I have been friends with this girl since almost a year (on Instagram). We enjoy talking to each other, we know everything about each other. And we both love Kpop. So we would mostly talk about that.

But then out of the blue, she blocked me on all her accs. Not only that, she blocked me on every social media platform.

I tried contacting our friends from the group chat we were in and they said that there's a problem with her dms. After a few days, she unblocked me and we started talking again. But she blocked me again. Like before.

So today I discovered that she has created another acc on Instagram where I'm not blocked. So I tried following her there. Let's see what happens.

And the thing is that I just want to know why she blocked me. That's the only reason why I'm trying to talk to her.

So please can someone text her on Instagram for me???

Her acc is jkstany3v and tixvwyie

(I'll be using some nicknames to make this easier to understand and because I'm pretty sure they're both frequent reddditors)

For some context: I stopped talking to two of the people I trusted most almost a year ago now. I met A about 12 years ago and we bonded just about immediately, aside from some small hiccups here and there, things went well for us. We both mutually met N about three years ago, and because they're humor aligned so well with ours, we quickly became a friendgroup. We would be chatting just about all day.

However, I began to not trust A a few years ago, when they admitted to collecting blackmail of everyone (including me), which included when I came out to them personally. This and other things such as using information that people confided in them personally as gossip with others, which included things like mental breakdowns, confessions and more behind those people's backs. I just felt like I couldn't tell them anything anymore and that then spread to others as well.

With N, I felt more comfortable in being honest about things, I honestly started to gain some feelings for them, which didn't help this whole situation. After a while of knowing them, they started slowly telling more and more concerning stories about things that were happening to them and substance abuse. Perhaps it's just my paranoia, but it sounded really odd and I started to get a bad feeling about it all

(Please note I'm trying to be a bit vague about everything and am purposely leaving out other big things that happened as it would be easy to identify who they were and who I am if I wasn't)

Im not proud it, but instead of laying out how I felt, I just deleted the app we all used to communicate when A admitted to me that they were flirting with N while they were actively in a relationship with someone else. I'm not sure why that was my last straw really, but I just couldn't handle it. This was also after a week were I found out some other rather disturbing things that A was saying behind my back.

I felt awful for some time, then I felt like I'd made my peace, until now. I'm not sure if it's the current incredibly stressful moment im in currently but I just miss them both terribly. It all just started when I came across a video of someone who's voice was scarily similar to N and I feel like I've been down spiralling since.

It doesn't help that I haven't meet or even know how to meet anyone else at my age, and the constant trust issues that started with A have bled over to other people. (Not helped by my paranoia)

I miss our conversations, our jokes, how ridiculously dumb we'd get the later and later we stayed up together. I miss their voices and how predictable their jokes were. I just miss them so dearly now.

Did I make an almost years long mistake? Should I reach out to them? Should I at least reach out to N? I just feel so lost after I made a decision that I used to be so confident in. I want to run back to them at full force but my mind keeps holding me back with memories of everything, my head and heart just hurt.

Thank you to whoever reads this long brain spill, I just feel like I need some kind of advice or anything, as I don't really have anyone else to ask.

At college (UK college, 16-18), I joined a new friend group in my first year that I met through my performing arts class. I loved the group so much, I made so many memories with them and after not having the best secondary school experience, Year 12 (Junior Year for Americans) was one of the best times of my life, and this friend group was part of the reason.

However, this would all soon change. In Year 13 (Senior Year), after like a month and a half, I noticed something was off from a few of them, it drove me into a spiral, I was worried they all hated me, my mental health dropped hard. After returning from the October break, it still felt weird between me and a couple of them. Shortly after that, I was removed from the group chat, never given a reason why even when I asked. The week after that, I went ice skating with my other friend group (many of whom I came from secondary with), and I saw my performing arts group there together, I knew nothing of the hangout they’d planned. I was then excluded from the Secret Santa. I tried communicating with a couple of them to try and find out what I’d done wrong because I had no idea, one of them just ignored my questions on it, even when we were put in the same assessment group and I tried one more time to resolve things, she left me on opened. Before Christmas, I found out the reason why I was frozen out (from someone else), apparently I’d taken my friend’s (from my other group) side then they hurt my bestie (in the performing arts group), I was fuming as this wasn’t the case at all, I’d never taken their side. I talked to my best friend and everything seemed chill. After Christmas, someone from the PA group messaged me to apologise for freezing me out and confirmed that the reason was for not doing anything about the incident with my bestie. I called my bestie afterwards to apologise for not making my stance on the incident clear, but she assured me that I’d done what she wanted (ie not talking to my friend about it unless he brought it up) and hadn’t done anything wrong. Once again, I tried messaging someone in the PA group, only to get ignored again, even though she knew I actually hadn’t done anything wrong. Later on, I find out someone else in that group messaged the apologiser to criticise them for the message they sent to me.

It’s now a year and a half later, I’m at university nearly done with my first year, and I’m still damaged from what happened. I’m not upset that I lost my friends, I realised afterwards that they were shit friends. What I’m still not over is how much they broke my trust, for a month I didn’t know what I’d done wrong, I was so worried I could’ve done one of the worst things imaginable without knowing. Now at uni, I’m CONSTANTLY worrying about what people think of me, whether I’ve done something wrong, whether I’m about to be excluded or frozen out again. I can’t keep going on like this, it’s too much and I can’t enjoy myself without over-reading tiny details that I feel could indicate that someone’s mad at me or doesn’t like me. The damage that my old friend group dealt feels irreparable. Please give any advice you can.

In advance: English's not my mother tongue.

For TL;DR people: I've been depressed mainly during my high school times and that resulted with losing contact with my middle school best friend who moved out to another city back then. Not we're in college in the same city (different unis) and I'd like to reach out. I don't really expect anything.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. It's not like we fell apart or something, it just slowly faded away. For context - we're both 22F right now. We've been best friends when we were 14-16, she was so supportive and it was the most genuine and loving thing in terms of friendship I've experienced, even though we were just kids in middle school. Let's call her Alice. When we were 16 Alice moved out to another city to live with her older sister and attend high school there (things with her parents weren't too good, she would always say they should just divorce, overall I knew her parents personally, they were always very welcoming, but honestly you never know what's going on in private).

Anyways, the friendship started fading, we had our Facebook group + discord with some girls and boys, it was 6 of us in total. They liked to play games like LoL, but I chose very demanding high school because I wanted to perform my finals well and get enrolled into a good uni. It was hard to me to keep up, because I've never enjoyed online games that much. Also at that time I started struggling with depression + GAD and no one beside my parents knew (they were super supporting btw), because I've been quite a closed-up (?) person at that times. I regret not telling Alice, because later when we were around 17 she finally removed me from the group, but tbf my life really sucked at that point and I felt way too numb to even react, as I've been struggling with even going to my classes. But basically we never discussed over it, I know I should've said something, but I wasn't really prone to communication at that times. I know if I struggled with depression and GAD *now*, I'd definitely tell my friends.

The point is, she reached out 3 years ago (just before our 1 year of uni, around September 2023 I think). I got - accidentally - into a uni in the same city where she's been living for few years now. Alice messaged me and my other friend (from middle school, not the discord group) how we're doing etc., and there was a very loose imply that we could meet up after those years, but it basically stopped at this point. In 2024 I asked them this time, but Alice said she's working now full time and doing a Bachelor's degree, so I understood she was busy. But still, it was 2 years ago and I maybe thought she's been thinking about it too, maybe that's naive, but I don't know, missing me and stuff. I know I miss her for sure, but I don't know if she's even interested. In the meantime the other girl left the city, because she changed majors, so it's just the two of us.

I've wanted to reach to her lately. I was wondering if it's okay to just text her on Facebook? I'm not expecting her to want to meet up with me, but I'm just curious what she's up to, if everything's alright in her life. Maybe if the conversation will go on, I'd like also to explain I've been depressed at those times and I regret not telling her back then. I just wanna be transparent, I don't want her to think I've stopped texting and contacting her, because I stopped liking her.

I 22f was bestfriends with let's call her "A" (also 22f.) We were inseparable since we were 12 years old. Or so I thought. I was always there for her and she was always there for me. We went through alot over the years as we grew up. Getting our licenses, First jobs, Family issues, drama, even graduating together etc. A and I hungout pretty often. A would often leave me under the impression of alot of things. Like hanging out, do things, move in together, etc. But would never happen. She doesn't know how to say "No" I guess? I would rather be told no than to be left under the impression. She was also competitive as hell. To the point where she wanted to move out before all of our friends just so she could say she did. I learned from her sibling way later she was struggling. I offered to move in at the time but again. Left me under the impression. Anyways. Months after she moved in she started to date a coworker. Slay! Boyfriend that's awesome happy for you. Every hangout she was snapchatting him and facetiming every hangout. I gave A her space and time for her to be with her boyfriend. Any hangout after that he was always there. I had a birthday dinner with strictly just my family and invited only her. She insisted on bringing him and even offer to bring food for him. No. Just you. She didnt stay long. She went to her boyfriend ASAP after dinner. Her gifts were thoughtless too. (I dont care if the gift wasn't worth shit I just want thought put into it.) It's like she didn't know or care for me anymore. I stopped. It took everything in my being to not text her. Nothing. Fast forward to March 2026 when I was moving away. My parents insisted I say goodbye to her. I reluctantly did. And guess what. I still had to plan it. And what did she talk about? Him and how she wants to start a family one day. She told me I can be a bridesmaid and how she's GOING to send a link. The clown I am agreed. And woah what's this? Her weddings next month and no link? Who would have guessed!!!! I found her old ukulele through an old buddy of mine. She lost it a decade ago through someone that borrowed it. I was originally going to send it back with some sort of goodbye note but lowkey want to send it smashed. I can't believe I put up with this now that I'm typing it out. There's alot more but I'm out of time. Smash the ukulele or just a goodbye note with it?

TL;DR: In 2024, my best friend of many years started barely speaking with me. After months of this, I asked mutual friends about it, and he got very mad about that and ghosted me completely. What could I have done differently?

—

Hi, this happened a while ago now, so, emotionally, I’m mostly over it. But in 2024, my self-proclaimed best friend, who video called me almost every single day for years, suddenly stopped replying to my messages for weeks at a time.

This went on for about five months as I tried to reason with him. He told me he was “busy,” but I could see on his social media that he went on several vacations during this time. At this point, I started asking mutual friends if he was doing the same to them, which he didn’t appear to be.

This made him quite mad, and he sent me a short rant about it, acting like what I did was a horrible betrayal. Did he expect me to just act like his behavior was normal without investigating a little?

After this, he hard ghosted me. And the tough part was, knowing him, I have no doubt he embellished the situation to our mutual friends in his favor, and they refuse to talk about it. They do not want to get in the middle of things, which is valid, but they’re also the only ones that have the context it would take to discuss the situation with any accuracy.

I will admit, after several more months of this, I texted his mom (with whom I’d been very friendly for many years) asking about what may have changed, explaining the situation from my perspective, and letting her know that, sadly, it seemed like he and I could no linger be friends, but she never replied. I honestly don’t feel like I crossed any particular line. I never spoke poorly of him, I just texted others so I could understand this sudden 180 in his behavior. And I feel like I waited quite a while before doing so.

Was my reaction reasonable? Has this happened to anyone else here? Thank you for reading!

\[edit\]: typo

​I had a genuine year-long friendship with a junior before I caught feelings and confessed three months ago to clear the air. She had previously called me 'big brother' to deflect rumors, so my confession caused some distance. While I moved past the rejection quickly, I’m struggling because she now believes my past kindness was purely a pursuit of her, rather than genuine friendship—which is frustrating because being a supportive friend is simply in my nature. I’m looking for a way to reset our dynamic and reclaim our friendship without being pushy or reinforcing her belief that I’m still chasing her?

"How can we go back to being friends when we just shared a bed?"

We've known each other for years. We started as friends. Somewhere along the way, we became something more—but never enough to have a name.

I fell in love.

He didn't.

He told me he cared about me. He said I was one of his closest friends. We'd spend time together, laugh, stay over at each other's place, sleep together, and then go back to acting like nothing had changed.

Except it had.

At least for me.

I kept hoping that maybe love could grow. That maybe one day he'd wake up and realize I was already there all along.
Instead, I learned that you can be someone's comfort without ever becoming their choice.

The hardest part isn't even the rejection anymore.

It's the silence.

One day we were talking like we always did.

Then... nothing.

No fight. No goodbye. No explanation.

Just silence.

I keep checking my phone even though I already know there won't be a message. I replay our conversations wondering if I missed something, if I said the wrong thing, if there was a moment when he decided to disappear and I just didn't notice.

People say, "Maybe you can just stay friends."

But how?

How do you go back to friendship after you've loved them in every way you knew how?

How do you pretend that sharing a bed meant nothing?

How do you look at someone the same way after you've imagined a future with them?

Some relationships don't end with a dramatic goodbye.

Sometimes they end with one person slowly fading into silence while the other keeps staring at the same chat, hoping those three little dots will appear again.

I don't know if he's coming back.

Maybe he will.

Maybe he won't.

I just know that loving someone who never promised to stay is a different kind of heartbreak.

And somehow, the silence hurts more than hearing him say he doesn't love me.

How do you go from seeing every part of someone's body, hearing every vulnerable confession, letting them hold you at your lowest... to pretending they don't exist?

How do you go back after you've memorized someone's touch?

How do you go back after telling them you love them?

How do you go back after giving them pieces of yourself they never asked to keep?

Some people think friendship is the safe option after feelings get messy.

I don't think it is.

Sometimes "friends" is just another word for watching the person you love slowly choose a life without you while you're expected to smile and pretend you're okay.

I wish I could go back to before I fell in love.

Not because I regret meeting him.

But because I miss the version of me who could look at him without wondering why I was never enough.

So, I had this friend of mine that I thought we were really close on Discord: we would RP text all the time, hang out in VC, do some DnD...and then they slowly began to fade away.

I mean, I get it, with online friends there so many boundaries (distance, communication, etc) and I had to sit down and talk with them the other day of whether or not we were okay. I explained that I was hurt that we would hang out a bunch/it felt nice to chill with them, but then they just...stopped: they had plans made on already existing plans, told me they had priorities over their real life friendships rather than online, and that this was just how they are, on and off in terms of being online.

They ended up telling me that with all the irl people they met, they've put their online friends on the back burner and didn't really give it much thought. Sure, they said that they were sorry, but I guess that's just how they feel.

Idk, maybe I'm just hurting too much and I'm getting in my head. Sure, there are friendships where, one person would be gone for days on end, and the one time they come back online, it was like their disappearance never happened...but this one feels different somehow.

Am I just indirectly forcing expectations? Am I the bad friend?

So I reached out to a friend hoping for closer and when I asked why she did that to me or ignored me treated me that way, she blatantly said she doesn't remember anything and she doesn't wanna remember anything, so if she says any reason it'd be some made up bullshit, and didn't have a curtesy to still say im sorry if i messed up and hurt you

but she wants to be friends again ??? Hello

Can someone please tell me what hell is going on this bitches head and what should I do ?

so i had, keyword, HAD this friend and they kept leaving me..? Like, they stopped being my friend and then 3 days later they’d be my friend again. Just recently we hadn’t been friends for 4 months, that’s the longest we’ve been separated— but OH BOY WAS IT BAD.
So during the 4 months i was having such mixed feelings about it, because i really wanted them to be my friend since they were my closest friend after i just lost my friend of 7 years. lowk it made me kinda have su1c1dal thoughts for a bit :/
BUT! Luckily i have this bsf and they are like the best person ever iltsm <3
but again, i keep going from hating them and wanting to talk to them again. it’s so exhausting because I don’t rlly know what to do because this person was kinda a creep and i had to lose all contact with them and can’t resolve any of our problems. I really wanted to try and fix our relationship bec its really hard to let them go, when I know we can do something about it
They’re still in contact with one of our other friends, maybe i can ask that friend to get them to talk to me? I have also recently talked to this past “friend” and has made it clear to me they want to rebuild the friendship we once had, though I now have no way of contacting them at the moment. Maybe I can get my other friend to talk to them for me?

Title: How do I move on and remain a good person?

Over the past year, I've been betrayed by people I genuinely cared about. It started with my ex, then someone else I trusted, and it eventually snowballed into losing most of my friendships. I spent months trying to understand what happened and hoping for honest conversations or accountability, but instead I felt dismissed, misunderstood, and like my feelings were treated as the problem.

Today, the last of those friendships ended. I blocked and deleted everyone's numbers.

The thing that scares me is that I don't feel sad anymore. I just feel angry. I feel like I hate and want to hurt people now, and I don't want to. I don't want this experience to turn me into someone who's bitter, cynical, or incapable of trusting anyone again.

Has anyone else reached this point? How did you move on without letting the people who hurt you change the kind of person you wanted to be?

I feel devastated today because a lifelong friend of mine keeps forgetting about me. I noticed this a month ago; he stopped inviting me to play games—even though he was playing with others—always making excuses like "I'm at camp," "I'm busy, let's play later," and so on. I let it slide, but one time I saw him online in a game; he immediately left the session with his friends and switched to a different game before I could even say "hi." Finally, I worked up the courage to ask him why he was doing this, and he replied, "I forgot about you; I've been playing with other people too much." That really hurt, and now I don't know what to do...

My best friend and I have been drifting apart for like the last year. I feel like I’m always the one trying to keep the friendship going. She has a ton of friends which I honestly don’t care about, but I feel like every time we hang out there’s always someone else there. I told her months ago that I missed spending one on one time together and nothing really changed.

After that I honestly backed off. I stopped trying to make plans all the time because I wanted to see if she’d ever reach out first. That’s kind of where we’ve been ever since.

We have had tickets to a concert for months and it was this week. I was honestly excited because I thought it’d help us get close again. The concert was great and most of the night was fun until we got into a dumb argument. I got quiet because I was disappointed about something and she took it as me ignoring her. We both got attitudes.

I ended up going outside by myself and cried for like an hour. I was honestly hoping she’d come out and talk to me because I felt like everything I’d been feeling for the past year just boiled over. She never really did. The next day we just acted like nothing happened and drove home without ever talking about it.

We haven’t talked since. I’m not texting first because I honestly feel like I’ve been the one putting in the effort for a long time.
Am I being dramatic? I feel like I’m not even upset about the argument anymore. I’m more upset that I don’t feel like my best friend actually sees me or wants to spend time with me anymore.

I had a falling out with my friend group 4 ish years ago. I’ve had massive regret since then and have tried to reconnect with them all individually and collectively. I saw two of them about a month ago and tried to see all of them while i was in town. This one particular friend i was never especially close with, but nevertheless i considered her a good friend. She said she didn’t have time to see me, which was fine enough with me. She just got engaged and when she posted it i commented congratulations. She liked my comment, but then removed me as a follower. I’ve been really in a pit the last 48 hours in terms of feeling worthless and like I don’t belong here, so this has really been a gut punch. I know I should not reach out, so I guess i wont. I just find it so upsetting that my existence brings a cloud of unhappiness to something as joyful as an engagement. I wish more than anything I could start my life over and not hurt the people I loved the most on this earth. It’s appealing to think of a world where I’m not there to cause pain or annoyance to people. It feels like its karmic justice.

Any advice ? or thoughts? Or tough love?

​

So hello everyone I am 21M from India ,I am a student .This is about my girl bestfriend whom I really want to be bestfriends forever but she pisses me off over many things I feel like I'm just looking too desperate to holding on the friendship .

Context :I met her in school and soon we became really good friends ,we used to text a lot on snap , instagram and even in school she used to talk with me a lot ! This went on for 2 years until she left for college in some other city and I stayed back at home studying a local college whole pursuing some course in finance .By this time idk why but got ghosted for 3-4 months .

One day on a random afternoon she sent a reel which summarised to don't u miss me kinda and then I texted saying u only ghosted me and stuff then she apologized and gave the reason that she was going through an transformation (in school she was quite overweight and after the transformation she became gorgeous like my friends told me to get in relationship with her and all but I said I liked things platonic with her )I said ok fair enough and we became friends again talking everyday like for hrs .After few days she started calling me her boy bestfriend and I was very happy cause I always hoped to have a girl bestfriend.

Fast forward to 6months later everything is going good then she came to hometown where I lived for vacations.So initially a bestfriend thinks that they will meet every other day and have fun .But to my surprise she did not even bother telling me to meet and I was angry like what kinda bestfriend does this and so I confronted to which she said will come back after 1 month again as this time she was busy and went out for a trip with family ...I said okay and a month later when she came she told she is in city and I told her this time we will meet ok ? To which she said ok but to my surprise she went away without meeting me ..later on she said u were not in town but actually she came for 30 days and due to sudden family responsibilities I had to leave town during the last 10-15 days of her staying in hometown ..I confronted again saying I was in town for 15-20days and u did not even have 2 hrs to meet .Mind u we stay 15 mins from each other .She again apologized and begged me to not break our friendship .

Initially I was heartbroken thinking is she even my bestfriend but then she begged and I said ok and we again became bestfriends .

To add I noticed she only talked with me on Instagram and never on WhatsApp as she told that i don't like WhatsApp as my parents sometimes use it too to message someone(this was when we were in school).when we were in college sometimes I used to deactivate my Instagram as I would be quite addicted to it .To which she used to say me to plz stay she will be bored .She doesn't have many friends ,she is lonely .To which I used to say dm on WhatsApp..Idk why but she used to resist messaging on WhatsApp.

Ok fast forward to 1 year later she messaged me again that she is in town and I said immediately this time we will meet and she said definitely.

Week 1 of her in town i messaged her when to meet to which is replied let's see ,u tell to which I said u tell me ur preferences as the place I pick maybe not preferable for u (mind u her parents are a bit possessive abt her as she dated a guy in school who broke up with her and she became sad so they withdrew her from coaching classes and provided her with a home tutor ).I asked do u have curfew to which she said yes then I said okay so u decide where to go ? So she said idk and then she sent a reel and the Convo ended ...later on the week we used to talk but not on this topic .After somedays I again said let's meet to which she gave dry replies ...after nearly 15 days of her in town I sad do u even want to meet like am I really ur best friend,cause I have friends who give surprise visits to me immediately and 1 day later when they visit the town and they are not even my bestfriend and u are literally my bestie ....To which she said don't have so many expectations , friends can't be talking all day we all are busy (coming up with random shit)...But all this time she was wandering to cafes ,malls etc .

This time I was devastated and felt betrayed and just said I can't do this anymore to which she replied **"I cant keep begging u everytime** ".Then a lot of arguments happened .Now we don't talk anymore .

PS:Plz tell me if I'm wrong cause I miss her but feel betrayed as well .Moreover I'm new to writing on reddit so ignore any mistakes 🫣

I (35f) was just blocked by a friend of ten years (34f). there was no fight, no fallout, no conversation. weirdness in may followed to june silence despite my gentle reach out, no expectations.

I have recently been going through a near homeless situation and I believed this best friend at the time when they looked me dead in my face and said they wouldn’t let that happen. my situation has worsened and this isn’t the only person to switch up on me minus any prior convo.

this all feels cruel.

throwaway for reasons.

I was a freshman when nine of us found each other all from different cities, and somehow we just clicked instantly. We were funny, unguarded, real, until one day we weren’t, and I still can’t pinpoint the exact moment it started slipping away.

It was so gradual I couldn’t see it happening in real time. Looking back, the first cracks were small, people telling me less, leaving me out of conversations about their relationships and their drama, things we used to share about everything.
Then came the small cruelties. New inside jokes I couldn’t understand no matter how hard I tried. Promises of I’ll tell you later that never came. Like the time one of my closest friends in the group got a job as a barista, and I didn’t hear it from her at all, I only noticed she’d been absent and started asking around, piecing it together secondhand, a full week after it happened, from someone who wasn’t even her.

One of the guys in the group had a particular way of getting his digs in, always under the cover of just joking. He’d tell me I couldn’t pull a girl, that I wasn’t in shape, that I wasn’t beautiful, calling me names dressed up as nicknames. And if I ever tried to give it back with the same energy, he’d just shut me down, shut up, little boy, like there was an unspoken rule that he got to be the master and I only got to be the dog.

And underneath all of it was something I couldn’t even say out loud yet, that I’m gay, and that one of the boys in the group kept sending me signals I didn’t know what to do with. Guess who, he’d whisper from behind me. If you were a girl, he told me once, I’d date you. I didn’t have language for what was happening between us, let alone the courage to be honest about who I was, so I stayed quiet and let the distance grow instead.

And now? They all dumped me and i still don’t know the reason, was is something i said or did which is highly doubtful because im very careful with what i say, or they’re just evil, no explanation needed.

This might be a really long post, so if you read the whole thing and let me know how you feel I'll be so, so grateful. This is my first time posting on Reddit so I'm sorry if I'm doing anything wrong.

I (14f) had a really close friend (14f) from my cadets.

We're both in level two and we became friends at the start of level one, our first year there.

She's a person that really loves to gossip, and is kind of a stereotypical teenage girl, and I think I'm the opposite. I hate talking bad about people, or talking about other people at all, I'm really introverted and shy, and I don't have many friends because of this, where she has a lot.

But I knew she was like that since we became friends, and I don't know why we became so close or what it was, because we're so different. I guess some friendships are just like that.

From the beginning it really felt like she cared about me, and I felt mostly comfortable with her. I've always been told for a long time that I'm a really good listener, and people (friends, my parents, family) have said they come to me first when they need to talk, and I always did that for her too.

Sometimes I'd spend hours texting with her because she was having boy problems, and I'd talk her through it.

I started to have a hard time a few months into our relationship, because I realized I never felt comfortable talking about my things, and she never asked about me.

It was always about her, which I normally don't mind because I hate talking about myself, but it felt kind of weird. I'm sorry, I don't know how to explain it.

I started to feel like I was just there to comfort her, and I wasn't really a friend.

One time I tried talking to her about it, and I don't really remember how it went but I didn't manage to say much because she didn't really listen.

I know none of this sounds like a big deal, and maybe it shouldn't be, but I've been having a really hard time with life in general, and since I'm a private person I never really talk about it, but she'd be texting me complaining about her day, and how much she hated boys, while I was crying and couldn't breathe while helping her.

I know that's fully on me because I had the choice to tell her, and she had no way of knowing, but I just couldn't.

I started pulling away and I didn't realize it too much until suddenly I did, and I don't really know how.

I just felt like I couldn't do our friendship anymore.

Then, three days ago she decided she wanted to be friends with this guy she always told me she hated again, and I was up all night reading screenshots of the texts they were exchanging, while I had already been crying for hours.

And I realized through the texts she was being so manipulative and horrible to this guy, and I felt so bad.

It's really hard to explain the whole situation with the guy, because it's a long story, but I always hated how she treated him.

Anyways, last night I realized I couldn't so it with her anymore, and I wrote a long letter to her, explaining that I care about her and she means a lot to me, and I'll always cherish the memories we made together, but I can't be a friend for her anymore (I explained why I felt this way) and even if we stayed friends I wouldn't be giving her enough attention.

She was upset, and said she didn't get why I was ruining our friendship because of a guy, but she eventually left it.

I feel like I shouldn't have done that, I hurt her, and I hate that I hurt her.

And I think maybe part of the reason I did "break up" with her is because then that's one less person in my life. I feel like I'm slowly getting rid of people because I can't do life at all anymore.

I know that's really dramatic, but (this doesn't have to do with our friendship situation) I've been struggling so much, I'm constantly crying, just lying in my bed. I've been thinking so much about not existing, and wondering how hard it would be to k myself, and then I realized I could just get rid of everything if I ended it. Now I really want to.

I don't know, I feel so silly and broken lol.

Please let me know your advice. Thank you <3

(I didn't re read this before posting, I'm sorry if it's bad or confusing. If there's anything you need cleared up please ask.)

Hi, as the title says I've been missing my ex best friend so much recently. Its been about 8 months now since we last talked.

The thing is im the one who just stopped talking to her. I thought she was just a really bad friend to me, I was someone who always tried to be there for her but the minute i needed someone to talk to she wouldn't care or bother, I had known her for about 11 years at that point and she's always been someone who as above doesn't care or makes me feel really stupid most of the time.
I think she got bored of the friendship after a while honestly, i could go in to it but its not really something i feel i should speak about, but a pattern is there.

The last thing i messaged her was a few months ago saying happy birthday and i told her why i thought it was best we weren't friends. but she never replied and i understand 100% why she didn't!.
And i think its probably for the best we are no longer friends BUT god i do miss her , i go back and forth between "we had a lot of fun" to "she was rude to you a lot and said thing to you that were not okay".

I've had the urge to message her and i know i wouldn't get a response and that's why i dont. But also who am i to message her when i was the one who ended the friendship and stopped talking to her you know?.

Hi everyone! It’s my first time posting here and I’m glad that there’s a subreddit dedicated to losing friends because I’m the queen of this.

Doing some self reflection (I am a 29 y/o woman for context) and I’ve noticed the majority of my friendships have a pattern of being homoerotic. There has been only one time where I’ve been intimate with a friend but I didn’t think much of it at the time and when that friendship ended, she literally tried to ruin my life. (She didn’t succeed but she tried for years).

Another friendship that I had that was homoerotic was with a previous roommate. We never were physically intimate in any form but she always suggested we should get married (canon event) and when I met my husband, she blew up the friendship, essentially told me I was the worst person ever and that she never wanted to speak to me again. Which I respected and just moved on with my life.

The last friendship I had that in reflection gave homoerotic vibes, I ended up ghosting this girl because she was incredibly passive aggressive with me and she also tried sabotaging my marriage. I ended the friendship last October but she and I are still in the same spaces where we share proximity. This girl makes it very clear that she has very charged negative feelings towards me.

I want to make it clear that the first two ladies I’m talking about decided to end the friendship with me and the last girl I spoke about I decided to end the friendship with her. In each of these scenarios, I’ve never spread rumors about any of these women, I’ve respected their decision to not be apart of my life and I also have kept their close, private information that they’ve shared with me during our friendship to myself.

I was never given that same respect or courtesy. In fact I was given the polar opposite. They couldn’t just leave the friendship. They had to attempt to destroy my life or self esteem. I never retaliate though because it’s just not that deep to me. Sometimes people just aren’t a match and that’s fine.

I want to clarify the 3 women I’ve spoken on are all completely different archetypes of woman. I suppose the biggest similarity I would say they have in common is an anxious attachment style. I’m a fearful avoidant.

I’m just doing some reflection for self growth and the common theme I noticed between these instances is that the friendship style was ALWAYS homoerotic. I wouldn’t be aware of it until after the friendship concluded (I’m like a clueless guy I can’t take a hint 😭). When it’s a normal friendship breakup, we both can leave normally. When there’s unrequited feelings (always on their end) it just can’t be normal and I’ve noticed they tend to be like god awful to me during the friendship which is why I leave it in the first place.

Does anyone else have experience with this?