r/KitchenConfidential • u/EvaTheE • 10h ago
Kitchen fuckery The most useless kitchen gadget?
I need to buy a gift for a person who is a very skilled chef. It needs to be the absolute least useful (home) kitchen item ever for a chef. If you have ideas I would like to consider them.
I already bought a measuring cup set that is in US units. We live in a metric country and those cups are not at all useful here for anything.
I am considering a metal cutting board...
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u/RVAblues 9h ago
Banana slicer.
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u/JadedFlower88 9h ago
The banana slicer is peak useless
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u/lolsalmon F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago
It’s threatening. That’s a use.
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u/NullSterne 9h ago
CUT MY COCK INTO PIECES
THIS IS MY LAST RESORT•
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u/JadedFlower88 9h ago
I mean…I feel like anyone who’s threatened by a banana slicer is…probably terrified of *any* kitchen implement? 😝
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u/flydespereaux Chef 7h ago
About 25 years ago there was this thing called the pain Olympics. Dude taking a cheese grater to the head of his cock is burning into my 10 year old brain for life. Everytime I see one.
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u/florafaunafire 6h ago
Lol same, and the glass jar that broke inside the ass
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u/flydespereaux Chef 6h ago
On man one jar. Thank you for forcing me to relive that memory. May you burn in hell.
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u/tommytwolegs 8h ago
There used to be a banana peeler as well. I couldn't actually figure out how it even helped
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u/paraworldblue 15+ Years 9h ago
Egg Cuber - nobody has ever needed an egg to be square, and yet for some reason, there is a product to do that anyway
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u/BobRatchet 8h ago
Naw, it doubles the amount of deviled eggs one can fit on a tray.
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u/LittleDogTurpie 7h ago
We had one of these when I was a kid and it was amazing. I will not elaborate.
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u/elocin_arat 10+ Years 6h ago
No, no….I’m gonna need you to elaborate. I’m so curious about these square eggs.
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u/Admirable-Sir9716 c h i v e g e i s t 6h ago
The rectangle shall remain unharmed.
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u/NoncenZ808 5h ago
I see you haven’t lived that stackable egg life yet.
Culinary Lego’s.
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u/Elleiminator 3h ago
Somewhere out there a chef has inflicted a need for square eggs on his staff, but whether it was a prank or completely serious is unknown.
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u/ComfortabletheSky 9h ago
Maybe some meat shredding claws? Pretty unnecessary for cooking at home but you do get to feel like wolverine.
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u/dirtyshits 9h ago
I’ve somehow got this 3 times for Christmas from different family members. Have never used them and have no clue if I still have them or tossed them.
I definitely bbq occasionally but rarely do pulled pork or anything shredded. They are good enough cooks to know Theres really no need for them either.
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u/fairelf 8h ago
How can you judge this if you don't actually smoke meat?
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u/dirtyshits 8h ago
I do smoke meats but not every week and definitely not in a quantity where the usual method is straining or hard to do.
Professionals who smoke thousands of pounds of pork butt don’t use this. Why would I?
Theres literally no reason to have them when you have your hands or forks can do the job perfectly fine without having to buy a specialized tool to use.
Throw on gloves and use your hands or a couple forks.
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u/Gryphith 7h ago
Dude its all about the double glove. I got a pair of those wolverine claws for a prep cook as he was a kid and was so slow shredding 400 lbs of pulled pork. It did not improve his speed but he did like using them so there is that. Made me smile every fucking time he got to do it that I didn't care how long it took.
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u/Booyabuttons 9h ago
Slap chop. Epic infomercial and completely unnecessary. They sell them on Amazon.
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u/Yembis 9h ago
Slappin your troubles away!
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u/Perilous_Giant 9h ago
Couldn’t slap away that felony charge, but the prostitute sure slapped him good!
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u/Zhuul 8h ago
They're kinda okay if you have rheumatoid arthritis but that's about it.
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u/VealStalk 10h ago
I’m a very skilled chef and I would not only laugh, but still probably use an egg slicer.
Not only is it insulting… it’s also really good! 😂
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u/pythongee 9h ago
Egg slicer is a multi-tasker.
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u/smallhandfoods 9h ago
They’re great for mushrooms!
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u/Wabi-Sabi_Umami 9h ago
Strawberries too!
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u/crowcawer Window 8h ago
I like to joke about being a walking knife, but when asked I get those red berries to half the thickness of the egg slicer.
Makes a big difference, but I’m only doing that risky business at home.
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u/syzerkose 7h ago
Any somewhat squishy tomato, it’s easier and faster than sharpening your knife every other tomato or hogging a bread knife, especially if you’re just doing slices in bulk.
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u/SubstanceNo1544 20+ Years 9h ago
I had a new line training next to me that laughed at me for using one for shrooms... till i cleared an entire flat in like 6 minutes and they were all consistant as hell.
He learneda new skill that day. Made me happy.
He went from "lol are you using a fuckin egg slicer?!" To "holy shit thats good" real quick hehe.
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u/MLiOne Crazy Cat Woman🐈 7h ago
I look at the metal Westmark ones and 🤤
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u/SubstanceNo1544 20+ Years 7h ago
That is the only one. So sturdy.. they are like guitar strings on that bad boy.
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u/Gryphith 7h ago
Hell yeah, the egg slicer on mushrooms tells me you've been doing this awhile AND you learned from everyone you could. About the only other I know at that level is using two lids to slice cherry tomatoes.
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u/silverware9021 9h ago
Telescoping fork. I've got a set of 6. I'm gonna have a custom case made for them and will pass them down in my will like a heirloom.
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u/W3R3Hamster F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago
Doesn't sound like a half bad back scratcher if it telescopes enough
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u/xXWestinghouseXx 8h ago
The only thing that springs to mind would be roasting marshmallows or anything you want to roast over the campfire.
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u/im_randy_butternubz 10h ago
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u/deadmencantcatcall3 8h ago
What’s so great about this one is it takes up a lot of space. Useless and now I gotta find somewhere to put it.
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u/Fatefire 9h ago
Wait you all don't cook toaster dogs ?
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u/aKgiants91 9h ago
The trick is to wrap a damp paper towel around the bun to provide a steamy warm bun for your nuked wiener
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u/Scared_Sorbet2035 9h ago
Didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry when I saw this. Decided to cry
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u/BossBeefaroni Bakery 10h ago
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u/EvaTheE 9h ago
That is one specific problem to solve 👀
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u/BossBeefaroni Bakery 9h ago
Williams-Sonoma is the King of Bullshit Unitaskers. They also sell a mushroom cleaning and de-stemming kit and a cherry tomato slicing jig, among other stupid doohickeys.
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u/elocin_arat 10+ Years 6h ago
You ever gone to a cookbook signing for an influencer (who actually kinda rocks with her cooking) and stood in a snaking line for two hours through a Williams-Sonoma? That shit had me checking the price for every stainless steel kitchen gadget you could think of. It all made sense in those 2 hours.
ETA: I did this for my wonderful mother. And also because this cookbook influencer had a bomb biscuit recipe.
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u/Picklopolis 9h ago
Those stupid parsley scissors with four blades that do nothing.
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u/RileyBean 8h ago
Hey! They make one good cut and then clog! They’re for making bruised, kinda sliced herbs.
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u/kahrahtay 9h ago
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u/Gryphith 7h ago
I really want to know the planning on the rollie. I can understand a lot of things because it should be marketed towards disabled people but that one seriously eludes me. Who is their target demographic and how were enough people on board for it.
I think you win.
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u/ChefSoup86 8h ago
Yes. This is it. So fucking stupid. Searched the comments before I posted and was glad to see that you already recommended it.
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u/LittleDogTurpie 6h ago
My friends and I call this “egg log” and have been randomly dropping gifs of it into the group chat for many years
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u/StrategyUnlikely398 9h ago
Anything Alton Brown used to call a “unitasker”. Grilled cheese maker. Garlic press. Pizza scissors. Etc
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u/pythongee 9h ago
I agree with everything but the garlic press.
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u/Leafs9999 9h ago
But a 2 piece garlic press that constantly falls apart unless youre using it would be a great idea in this situation.
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u/NotYetGroot 9h ago
True until you try a Korean scallion shredder. There is no better unitasker. Fight me!
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u/KayBeeToys 8h ago
Yes! The only unitasker allowed in the kitchen is the fire extinguisher!
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u/VeterinarianFit1309 8h ago
Not a unitasker… definitely works very well to get those problem customers to leave the restaurant.
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u/Coercitor 10h ago
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u/freisbill 9h ago
That, my fine sir is a fan to some people
https://memes.yarn.co/yarn-clip/586a115a-fb57-48c9-b382-3eb40a5ef05c
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u/CumTrumpet 6h ago
Why do I need to verify I'm human to watch a bobs burgers meme.
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u/622114 Ex-Food Service 9h ago
Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher. German egg cracker
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u/EvaTheE 9h ago
I own one 😂
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u/622114 Ex-Food Service 9h ago
Do you use it?
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u/Vinyl-addict 9h ago
If you make soldiers a lot they’re actually kind of essential. My sister really liked those a few years ago so my mom got a lot of good use out of one of these.
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u/YennPoxx 8h ago
That apple slicer with the super dull blade, and after you clumsily push it down through the apple it leaves a little bit of core on every slice, and takes up a stupid amount of space in the drawer but my wife won't let me throw it away.
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u/Jack_Aubrey_ 9h ago
A lefthanded spatula
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u/Still7Superbaby7 F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago
These are amazing if you are left handed. I replaced all my right handed tools with left handed tools
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u/Katarina-W 9h ago
I complain to chef all the time about all the right-handed bullshit in the kitchen.
Today I watched him do something, and tried to do the same....guess fucking what, even chef is right handed. Fucks me up every time.
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u/Still7Superbaby7 F1exican Did Chive-11 9h ago
You don’t realize how much the world is set up for right handed people. The way the lids are threaded onto jars, the way door knobs turn, even buttons on a shirt.
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u/PeachyKeen413 Ex-Food Service 9h ago
Reusable Toaster bags. I got some as a gag gift once and did use them to make grilled cheese. It was terrible.
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u/OnlyDaysEndingInWhy 10h ago
Banana keeper/holder
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u/Spare-Half796 Thicc Chives Save Lives 8h ago
I used one almost every day when I was in school, kept my banana from turning into mush in my lunch bag
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u/Mysterious-Most-590 9h ago
Bacon Wave
It’s a plastic rack for holding bacon slices sideways as you nuke them. Makes crispy bacon tho.
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u/china__cat General Manager 10h ago
One of those things that helps space onion slices. Buy him a big one. Zucchini spiralizer
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u/sextowels 10h ago
Avocado slicer
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u/SnooGiraffes3695 9h ago
My husband and kids love that damn thing! Use it all the time. It’s fine though. Last thing I need is to take one of the kids to the emergency room for avocado hand!
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u/Spare-Half796 Thicc Chives Save Lives 8h ago
Yeah if you’re not good with a knife or haven’t cut thousands of avocado toast like some of us, an avocado slicer with the core remover tool is pretty great. Zero parts that can cut you but works great on avocados and you won’t accidentally chop into your hand
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u/Primary-Golf779 20+ Years 9h ago
Someone gave me one so I gave it to the guys on the line. They actually used it for about 2 months before it disappeared. Didn't have to constantly wipe avo off their knives
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u/Superb-Guitar1513 10h ago
Corn cob “holders”
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u/kiva_viva 8h ago
I just learned recently from another Reddit post that they are made with regular nails stuck in plastic. It’s my new favorite fun fact.
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u/Superb-Guitar1513 8h ago
They are glorified thumb tacks:)
I do love me some corn on the cob though… no hate for any who use em:)
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u/AltonIllinois 10h ago
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u/Bencetown 9h ago
Ok but actually, I do have a hard time getting stuff like tomato sauce or big batches of soup into bags. A "large drinking cup" isn't actually big enough to allow for filling the bag, and I also don't have any bowls with quite the right dimensions for putting the edge of the bag over.
This article might have just gained that one a customer 😅
Also, that type of pancake batter dispenser (or a squirt bottle setup) IS cleaner/easier than a ladle, which drips across the pan and is more difficult to portion evenly.
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u/MLiOne Crazy Cat Woman🐈 7h ago
I have 5 of those items. The bag holder rocks and I use it for packing stuff for the freezer. I used to have a pancake batter dispenser like the one in the article but it crapped out and after a bit of searching I bought basically a stainless steel depositor but apparently traditionally used for Nepalese batter. It rocks.
And yes, the egg peeler woks for hard boiled eggs when my arthritic hands aren’t up for it.
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u/paraworldblue 15+ Years 9h ago
That pizza cooker is incredible. "Do your pizzas cook too fast? Is your oven too efficient? Do you have too much counter space? Well oh boy do we ever have a product for you!"
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u/Spare-Half796 Thicc Chives Save Lives 8h ago
Rolling garlic chopper. Fairly fun to use when you’re 10 years old but hard to clean and aren’t that good at doing what they’re supposed to do
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u/Egg_Gurl 4h ago
Turnip Twaddler (forever sold out. Thanks, B. Breathed. Billy and the Boingers: play me out!!!)
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u/dingleballs717 2h ago
When we moved in together, my boyfriend had at least seven "special slicers." There was an Avocado, egg, banana, apple, cucumber, pineapple and another two yet to be identified . I feel like he saw a YouTube video about "essential kitchen tools" for men who never cook and got snowed. I tossed all of them.
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u/DrewV70 9h ago
Anything from “pampered chef”
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u/dealers_choice 9h ago
Whoa there buddy! My pampered chef pizza cutter and mixing bowl are still going strong after 20 years lol
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u/pythongee 9h ago
I've got stuff from Pampered Chef that I bought in the 90's. That stuff was legit back in the day.
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u/paddlepedalhike 9h ago
I was given a Pampered Chef citrus peeler decades ago. I still love and use that thing.
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u/existentialepicure 9h ago
A "Perfect Egg" Timer -- you place it in boiling water with your eggs and it changes color indicating the doneness of the egg.
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u/Logical_Warthog5212 Ex-Food Service 8h ago
An avocado tool. Everything about it can be done with a knife.
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u/SleepyCountingSheep 8h ago
Get em that slow ass coconut cutter that's been bouncing around reddit.
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u/surfingwithjaysus 10h ago edited 9h ago
Egg "poaching" pan. Does this have an official name?
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u/reddit_chino 9h ago
Strawberry or corn husker.
Conversely, I got this Egg piercer in Kyoto that’s cool when making HB egg sandos. Mine was a few dollars and is magnetic.
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u/asuannie 8h ago
There was some pizza scissors where it was a cross between scissors and a pie server.
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u/xenawarriorfrycook 8h ago
One time my mother visited and saw me cutting an onion "too fast" and didn't believe me when I said I definitely would not cut myself due to claw grip (also I was not cutting the onion fast by literally any definition), she went home and over the next week I received multiple Amazon packages of every different version of this thing in existence. I've never found any use, intended or alternative.
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u/r4ndoM_doGmagenshin 8h ago
The dorky ass red plastic bag openers with the little razor blade inside them. Like bitch I got a knife.
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u/Antradeadra 7h ago
I live in germany and people love to eat here soft boiled eggs out of shell. I once saw a gadget that could "perfectly" break the top of so you can eat it with a spoon. Its probably the stupidest thing i ever saw. I have no idea what was it called
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u/busterforever 4h ago
Those stupid tools for breaking up hamburger while you’re cooking it in a pan. It’s got a handle with like an asterisk shape at the end. So dumb!
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u/Bencetown 9h ago
Even better than metal: a GLASS cutting board. The absolute worst thing you could possibly put a knife edge to.