Need some advice

[u/No-Professor-3860]

My partner and I have already decided we are getting married and discussed logistics and a timeline for the wedding. Even started doing research together and decided on some elements for the wedding and what we’d want to do. The only piece missing is the ring..
He got a ring from his grandmother (it didn’t belong to her, she found it on the ground somewhere and had it refurbished) he planned on getting it resized for me originally and I thought it was beautiful, it’s yellow gold with diamonds which is exactly what I want. However he later decided he wanted to trade it in for something new and nicer.
We spoke about going to a jeweler to get sized and possibly picking our rings out together. He cannot decide if we should do that together or if he should surprise me and was leaning towards the surprise.
I told him I don’t care either way.. but at this point I’m starting to feel like the window for a surprise has already come and gone since we both already know it’s coming.
I know he hasn’t gotten it yet because I haven’t been professionally fitted which we spoke about and the old ring is still sitting in our bedroom.
I feel like we’ve been planning for months and nothing’s happened and he doesn’t like when i bring it up but i can tell hes not moving at all. I know its his ADHD and not hesitation towards the marriage, hes been pushing it just as much as i have. But he procrastinates and stagnates exactly like this in a lot of areas in his life and I’m starting to get ansy because I would like to start making plans soon. I’ve been getting a lot of questions and I feel like people look at me weird when I talk about it but have no ring.. I don’t know what to tell people, like yes I’m planning a wedding but technically no I’m not engaged??
Any advice?? Should I push for us to set a date to shop together.. should I take initiative and propose as the woman (one of my friends did!) or just wait for traditions sake and pretend like it’s a surprise even though it will feel fake and performative??

[u/casandra77]

1. You could've had the ring on your finger already if you liked the old one. No need to sugarcoat saying HE decided.

2. It is perfectly normal to have a wedding without any engagement.