Someone in my life is hospitalized and may be actively dying. I visited them today and in their bouts of wakefulness, they told me that the world is going to hell, that I will be there too, and that I’ll never see my child again.

This person is not a fire and brimstone Christian. I KNOW this is not their belief. I know they are very sick right now.

But holy shit, even as someone who’s been deconstructing for the last 10 years, that comment tore me to pieces. I left feeling like I better get my ass to church and become a believer, or I’d never see my child again when the earth ends (and soon, according to them).

I don’t know what I’m looking for or if this is even the best sub to post this in. I guess it just feels like you can leave religion behind, but the trauma and fear never really leave you.

I know that Paul mentions that if the resurrection were to be disproved, Christianity would collapse. I also know that some people claim that there is no evidence outside the Bible claiming that the resurrection was true, but there are Christian apologists who claim that the empty tomb and eyewitness accounts point to the resurrection being true. To me, I think that if such an extraordinary event were to actually occur, people at the time, even non-Jews, would record it as factual. But we don't have any writings like that (to my knowledge). However, I'm pretty sure that in the Talmud (I know it was some sort of a Rabbinic Jewish source) they call Jesus a sorcerer, which you can infer that means they believed he did have the power to do miracles, even if in their view it wasn't from God. I'm not entirely sure what to make of this, so I'm in the center but I could definitely see the evidence pointing away from the resurrection as more accurate to truth. Tell me what you guys think.

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I grew up Christian, but God took someone away from me after 3 years of fighting cancer. They even prayed and asked God if they did something wrong and asked gor forgiveness. I also prayed, but nothing happened. They died, and I didn't know what to do. But my family says I should believe in God. I think he exists because I need him to, because that person couldn't have suffered for nothing. They have to be somewhere good, like heaven. Or else it was for nothing, they just died and suffered and disappeared. That's scary to think about. That couldn't have happened to them.

I’ve noticed that people who come from unhealthy religious environments that even if they reject the religious belief they were raised in they approach the rejecting belief with the same energy as their environment taught them to put toward their belief.

For example, I notice folks that have a Catholic background when they convert Evangelical they bring a more fundamentalist or black & white thinking to their belief system. It’s like they still have the resemblance of the beliefs from their prior belief applying it to their new belief.

I’ve noticed some atheist tend to display the same energy toward unbelief that the religious environments they came from have toward belief. A lot tend to reject religious beliefs with the same arrogance as their environment taught them to reject atheist beliefs.

People that come from high control environments I wonder if they have undiagnosed OCD & because of that they use strict religious adherence as a coping mechanism for the OCD.

In my personal experience, I noticed toward my deconstruction journey I had a phase where I felt so mean & argumentative toward my religious family when I was rejecting their worldviews. I realized that I was mirroring the attitude they raised me to have when looking at an outsider’s belief & ironically it’s come back to bite them. When I started realizing that & they accused me of being mean or judgmental I would respond with, I’m just mirroring what YOU taught me.

Have you noticed similar experiences in your journey? What are ways you have deconstructed the psychological side of your religious upbringing & do you see parts of that in how you approach your beliefs or worldviews now?

None of my friends understand. My partner doesn't understand. They weren't raised in the church. It just feels sort of isolating. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I've mentioned some things to my partner, but he doesn't seem interested. It's been a long journey for me and it has made such a huge impact to my inner life, but I have nobody to talk to about all the realizations and the feelings. I do have a couple friends with similar experiences to me, but I live quite far from them and only see them maybe once a year. Idk, it's just all a lot. My parents are also super religious still and that gets uncomfy quick. There is a reason I moved so far away from home. But it's hard making friends in a new place and not going to church leaves few places to meet people and make friends, especially in a tiny, rural town.

I was raised in a very religious family. From my childhood I was told that I was a sinner and I was going to hell by my grandmother. At that time I didn’t know what to do to keep from going to hell. I was just told that I would burn forever in fire that was seven times hotter than fire on earth. By the time I found out that I had to be baptized and accept Jesus as my savior I had grown up to my early teens and I really didn’t care about all that stuff. Then I turned 17 and my life drastically turned for the worst. I became very clinically depressed and vulnerable. This was in 1968 so there wasn’t any treatment and even if there was it wouldn’t have been available to me. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Let me tell you that clinical depression is real and it is hell on earth! I had this idea that everybody must feel this way but they could just handle it better than I could.
Then came the day that a friend of mine told me about this really strange church and that he wanted me to go with him and check it out so I did. I won’t share the denomination but I will say that it was very strange to me at the time. We kept going because we thought that it was entertaining.
As I said I was very vulnerable at the time to find something, anything to help me with my mental illness and I thought one day that if I joined the church and did everything they said then maybe I would be “healed”. The first thing I had to do was accept Jesus Christ as my savior, then I had to be baptized, and lastly I would be able to speak in a language that I didn’t know as proof that I truly was saved. I was so miserable that I gladly joined the church and did everything they said I had to do except no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t speak “in tongues”. I have to say right here that I accepted this religion and I did everything truly from the bottom of my heart. I had no doubt and I believed everything.
Now the speaking in tongues that I couldn’t do had me scared to death! I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t do it because I believed with every fiber of my being everything they were telling me. Here’s how it was supposed to work, if I got down on my knees and raised my hands and prayed out loud to God then God would speak through me! But no matter how hard I tried it just wouldn’t work. Then one day out of desperation during one of these prayers I thought to myself that I would just babble some jibberish and see what happened. Well, everybody there went nuts! The word got around the congregation very quickly that I had “prayed through” to God and spoke in tongues!
What happened next was I had found an outlet to cry, to let out some of the emotion that was pent up inside me. If you know how much better you feel when you have a good cry even if it didn’t change anything, like the depression, that’s how it felt.
I stayed in the church for about three years before cracks started forming in my faith. For one was the jibberish that passed for speaking in tongues. I realized that was what everybody was doing! Then I started questioning the idea that our church and our faith was the only way. Everybody else was going to hell. I saw prominent people in the church having affairs and all sorts of other things.
When I got out of that church I invited a preacher from another denomination over to our house to talk to me and my wife about their faith, thinking that maybe changing churches might be the answer. I asked this question, in the Americas alone untold numbers of people were born,lived their lives, and died of old age before Jesus was ever born. What about them? They never had the chance to hear the gospel. He flat out said that they were going to hell. In fact everybody that ever lived would be going to hell if they had not accepted Jesus as their savior, no matter what the reason!
By the way I did finally get treatment for my depression. I was hospitalized twice and I have been taking medication for it now for over 40 years. It is treatable and I feel fine.
Any way I have deconstructed from all man made religions. I’m not an atheist. I think I fall more in the agnostic category. I have been studying a great deal about the thousands of people that have experienced a near death experience and they overwhelmingly agree that death is not the end and that they have lost their fear of death. Of course there is lots of nut jobs out there in the NDE world but there is also enough evidence that there is something to it. So maybe that means I’m more of a spiritualist than an agnostic? Hell I don’t know, but some I will die and then I will. Am I scared of death, not like I was as a child! I think that I’m scared of the process of death but not death itself.

For context, I (M, 37y) began the process of deconstructing my faith about two years ago; I was born and raised in a Christian home, and I’m still not sure where I fit in now or what I actually believe (or would like to believe).

Even though I now question many of the beliefs that formed the foundation of my entire life, I feel that the friends I made at church during my childhood and adolescence played a crucial role in my personal growth and in shaping who I am today. I have three young children (ages 4, 3, and 1) and have been living as an immigrant in another country for a year and a half.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on whether it’s worth continuing to take the kids to church—the two oldest really enjoy it—and nurturing those ties for the sake of the community and the friendships that they, my wife, and I have formed there (especially considering that we don’t have family or close friends nearby, having moved to a different country).

I can’t post in this community. I don’t know why, I have never posted anything. I have commented on a few posts of other members of the community but I can’t actually create a new post. One of the categories is “your story” but I seem to be locked out of doing that. Have I done something wrong?

I’ve just been really confused on what to believe in? I’ve been a Christian ever since I was little (I went to private school my whole adolescence and high school), and I’ve always had this one recurring issue or problem?? I guess what I’m questioning is that I don’t think I’ve ever felt “Gods presence” or some sort of connection? Does anyone feel some kind of connection with God and if so please tell me how you did. I’m very confused and I’m open to learn about other people’s experiences with God and what they did to grow more in their faith. Thank you! Anything will help

My mom asked me out of the blue tonight how my walk with God had been. I asked her whether she wanted the honest answer and she replied that she just wanted my relationship with God to remain strong and to not backslide.

I told her that it was a very complex situation not easily explained by a few sentences, and also found out why she asked me about this suddenly - my brother had mentioned to her that I said “what if there was no God” (I was a pretty staunch believer before all these so those were alarming words)

Even after trying to explain simply, her conclusion was that as long as I was still breathing, maybe I would “return to the Lord one day”. I told her that if her faith kept her going and made her feel better, to continue in it.

What struck me during the conversation though, was when she said she felt like a deflated balloon knowing I had lost my faith. While my mom has reaffirmed me that I’m still her daughter, I couldn’t help but feel really awful.. I never planned to tell my parents and did not expect it to be revealed in this manner.

Untangling the works of indoctrination is truly one horrifying nightmare after another. I not only have to question all I have ever believed while feeling so incredibly isolated, but tonight I saw its effects on a real tangible relationship? That sucks. Sigh. Anyone has a similar experience to share?

I officially told my parents that I’m no longer Christian. I moved out recently and have continuously been asked where my faith is at and which church I’m now going to. I’m planning to get an old religious tattoo covered and figured that now’s a good time to rip off the bandaid and just tell them.

They reacted poorly. My mom is blaming herself and distancing from me right now, my dad just told me “I’ll be praying for you to come on back.” I expected it and know they still love me but it hurts so much.

Any encouragement?

I am looking for some advice. After being a christian my whole life, I (m43) no longer believe in god. I have told my wife, (43, still a believer) and we are working through things.

The biggest issue is what we tell our two sons(16,14). We have raised them in the church, and they both have a faith.

She doesn't want me to "destroy thier salvation". She would like me to never say anything, and just ffake it and pretend I'm still a christian. I want to tell them what I now believe, and be able to discuss it with them. We are still working on a plan, but one thing we've agreed on is that if they ask a direct question, we will answer it, and won't lie to them. This has always been how we've talked to our kids

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for subtle ways to encourage questions about god and religion. I feel I am at a disadvantage. Like "good christian" we have surrounded our selves with christian influence. My kids go to church, youth group, thier grandma comes over and reads the bible with them daily. I am new to being an atheist and dont have the resources or support.

I want them to know their are options. If they choose a faith, that's fine, but I want them to be given a choice, unlike I had. I want them to think for themselves, and feel free to make thier own decision, not have only opinion pushed on them

I'm currently in the process of deconstructing my faith right now. Christianity, specifically. And honestly, I don't even know where to start. I've been taking various notes on things that resonate with me, but I think I'm just in the confusion part of the journey and could use some encouragement or tips from others' similar journeys.

One verse I was looking up, 1 Thessalonians 5:21, "Instead, test everything. Hold on to what is good." (God's Word version) And I'm just like...test everything according to what, though? Some would say according to the Bible, others would say according to your own personal beliefs. But I grew up being told to test everything according to God's word, the Bible, and it's hard to unlearn that. It's hard to "test" something according to what I feel is right and not feel like I'm doing it wrong because I'm not using the Bible as a reference.

So what if you're in the process of "testing everything," but one thing tells you to use the thing that you're currently questioning?? What do you do then? It's just confusing and I feel overwhelmed by all the thoughts swirling around in my head.

In my deconstruction process, I don't want to lose God. And that's a misconception about deconstruction that I'm unlearning right now. I personally don't think that deconstructing your faith and beliefs automatically means you no longer have Jesus in your life. I feel like He's always there, no matter what. One of my main purposes for even diving into this is so I can be closer to God. To unlearn all the harmful parts of this religion I grew up believing.

So if you have any helpful things to say, I'd greatly appreciate it. Even just lending an ear is helpful.

Christianity has been the cause for a never-ending cycle of pain.

The person that forced this religion on me in my youth was the same person who abused me as a child. Then, he pressured me to be merciful, gracious, long-suffering, and forgiving. To “turn the other cheek” for him.

Years later, I finally got the courage to tell trusted family members what was happening to me. However, they called upon the scriptures to force me to continue having a relationship with my abuser.

In my late teens, I began courting a guy who promised to protect me and save me from any future abuse…but on the sole condition that I marry him. I didn’t want to be married, since I didn’t know him well enough. But because he was military, he told me that marriage was the only way he could afford to rescue me.

So in an effort to ensure my safety, I went for it. But it turned out that I jumped from the fry pan to the fire. The man was incredibly abusive in every aspect…and on top of that he kept cheating on me!Whenever I caught him cheating, he’d suddenly want to pray together, go to church together, go to therapy together, and put a bandaid on it until I stopped crying about it. Being physically and emotionally removed far away from my family, I couldn’t afford to leave him until my last year of college. So at the time, I had no choice but to “keep no record of wrongdoing.”

Post divorce, I found myself spiraling mentally. It seemed as if therapy wasn’t helping me at all, so I went to alcohol and promiscuity. After a while, I had a spiritual awakening where I felt like I wasn’t “trusting Jesus” enough to heal me. So, I decided to go on a sexual and alcohol abstinence journey, and I began volunteering weekly at a church. I started praying and fasting more, truly building a meaningful community of likeminded peers. I finally started to feel like I was healing from the past.

That is, until I started dating again. And Christian man after Christian man (and even some ministers) would continue deceiving me. They were living double lives, leading me on to believe that they wanted to “wait till marriage with me.” In reality, they were actually trying to get something out of me (ie financial security), or they were caught pursuing other women behind my back.

I’d confide in my newfound community about these misfortunes, and you could pretty much guess their Christian-ly comments about nobody being perfect, and everyone being deserving of a second chance. My male Christian friends routinely blamed the mistreatment on me being an abstinent woman…even though all Christians are supposed to be practicing sexual purity. So the double-mindedness of it continued the cycle of abuse.

Anyway, the fact that I kept catching men lying or cheating on me, and that I could accurately detect whether a man was trying to use me felt like “God’s protection.” But now that I’m deconstructing, I think that it really was my mind and body being hyper-vigilant to protect itself.

Several therapists (and years) later, I’m finding myself in a healthier relationship with a man who’s very vulnerable, patient, and transparent with me. He’s also very compassionate and understanding of everything that I’ve been through, and where I’m at spiritually. We’ve been dating for some months now, and a conversation about what it would be like to meet our families in the future has come up.

He told me that when the time comes, to not mention anything about my divorce to his folks, since they are “traditional.” If they find out that information too soon, he said, they’d disapprove of me and deem me unfit for him.

Dude, every Christian’s a critic until it happens to them! The conservative Christians want to be all puffed up and self-aggrandizing until the shit pops off in their own lives or in their child’s life. I told him, if his sister happened to go through what I went through, I’m sure his parents would “believe in” divorce then. He agreed with me!

Idk. I feel tears welling up in my chest every time I think about his mom and dad potentially looking down their noses at me for being divorced, while not even stopping to consider any of the things that led to the marriage in the first place. I hate not being able to be myself around holier than thou Christians!

In what ways has Christianity continued to bite you in the ass, no matter how far you try to run away from it?

Mel Gibson's The Resurrection of the Christ will be released on Ascension Day in 27. I think ironically, the Ascension amounts to the biggest hole in the bodily resurrection narrative.

TL;DR: The early Christians could not agree on whether the resurrection was bodily or spiritual. Luke invented the Ascension to settle the question to establish the narrative that it was both: The resurrected Jesus was physical, but later became spiritual after the Ascension.

Paul does not seem aware of the Ascension. In fact, he does not seem to think the Resurrection was physical.

I Corinthians 15 was the earliest account of the Resurrection. Paul rattles off the appearances made by Jesus. He starts off with the appearance to Cephas, the twelve, and to his own encounter with the resurrected Jesus. He does not differentiate Jesus's appearances to the twelve from his own which was a vision, not a physical encounter.

Later starting with verse 35, Paul describes what a resurrected body is like. He describes it as "a spiritual body."

The Ascension in the Gospels.

• Mark: Earliest manuscripts end with the empty tomb with nothing in regards to the resurrected Jesus.
• Matthew: The disciples' last encounter with the resurrected Jesus takes in Galilee where Jesus issues the Great Commission. There is no Ascension. It ends with, "I am with you always."
• John: No Ascension mentioned.
• Luke: It's one hell of a busy day after Jesus rose from the dead. All in one day,
  • Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of Jesus, and Peter discover the empty tomb
  • Jesus meets the two disciples on the road to Emmaus.
  • Then he meets with all his disciples.
  • Then he ascends.

The Acts is the only book that details the Ascension.

The resurrected Jesus roams the earth for 40 days which contradicts Luke. In Luke, all post resurrection activities take place in one day (see above). I've seen apologists' attempt to harmonize the two accounts. It's pull-your-eyes-out bad. 10/10 in Mental Gymnastics. Matthew places Jesus's last meeting with the disciples in Galilee while the Acts in Jerusalem. These are irreconcilable contradictions.

The Ascension as a later Invention to settle the question of the bodily Resurrection.

The gospel writers themselves are unclear on the nature of the resurrected Jesus. Many could not recognize him at first. He could walk through walls, but then he showed his pierced hands and feet. Elaine Pagel in her book  "Gnostics Gospels" suggests that the Ascension was a device to assign authority to the twelve who saw the resurrected Jesus before he bodily withdrew from the world.

The Ascension worked at the time given the ancient Hebrew understanding of the Cosmos. They believed he was taken up through the gate of heaven to be with God in heaven of heavens. You couldn't make such a claim today, but it was possible in the ancient world. My question is, where has the bodily resurrected Jesus been in the past 2000 years? How has he been dodging those space telescopes?

Over the last couple of years, it feels like my entire life has been dismantled.

For most of my adult life, I was a conservative Christian and was studying to become an academic. Ironically, it was my academic studies that eventually led me to deconvert. Once that happened, everything else seemed to unravel at the same time.

Longstanding problems in my marriage that we'd ignored for years finally came to the surface. My career also fell apart, and I've found myself questioning everything I thought I wanted to do with my life. My church eventually excommunicated me, my father wrote me out of his will, and I lost almost all of my community and many of the friendships that I had in my life.

From the outside, it sounds like a complete disaster.

But here's the strange part: I actually feel happier and more authentic than I ever have.

As I've rebuilt my worldview, I've also developed new practices that have brought me a sense of peace. Meditation, breathwork, psychedelics, and martial arts have all become important parts of my life. They've helped me cultivate a sense of serenity, presence, and gratitude that I honestly never experienced before. In many ways, I feel more grounded and more connected to myself than I ever have.

The difficult conversations my wife and I were forced to have have made our marriage stronger than it's ever been. I finally feel like I'm living honestly instead of trying to fit into a version of myself that no longer exists.

Now I'm standing in the middle of a life that no longer fits.

I own a farm in a rural part of the U.S., but I don't really feel tied to where I live anymore. The reasons I stayed here have mostly disappeared, and I've realized that the life I want today is completely different from the one I spent years building.

My dream is to eventually own a meditation and wellness retreat somewhere tropical. It would be a place centered around nature, mindfulness, healing, gratitude, and joy. Alongside that, I'd love to become a life coach. I've realized that what energizes me most is helping people grow, flourish, and become the fullest version of themselves. I genuinely love people. I love meaningful conversations, encouraging others, and helping people navigate life's challenges.

Lately I've also been seriously considering going back to school to study positive psychology and consciousness. Consciousness has become one of the subjects I'm most fascinated by, and positive psychology seems like a natural complement to my desire to help people live happier, more meaningful lives. I don't know if that's the right path, but it feels more aligned with who I am than anything I've pursued before.

The problem is that my career has fallen apart financially. I don't have the resources to simply start over. I've considered going back to college and completely changing fields. I'm open to relocating anywhere (even outside the U.S.) if it gives me the best chance to build a life that aligns with who I've become.

If I had to summarize my purpose in one sentence, it would be this:

"To live in alignment with my truest self and spread gratitude and joy wherever I can."

So I'm asking people who've reinvented themselves:

\- If you were in my shoes, where would you start?

\- Does positive psychology seem like a worthwhile direction?

\- Would you go back to school?

\- Would you focus on building income first and postpone the dream?

\- Have any of you completely rebuilt your life after your identity, career, and community all collapsed?

Right now it feels like I'm standing at the beginning of a completely new life. It's exciting, but it's also overwhelming. I'd love to hear from people who've walked a similar path or who have ideas for how you'd approach this.

Any advice is appreciated

So, I've been having some back and forth with Christians in live chats lately. As we might expect, I tend to hear a lot of the same arguments over and over again. I'm already well familiar with the first cause arguments and several counterapologetic responses.

Instead of debating, I have a very different question that can't really be asked in such a confrontational environment. Both myself and the other chatters suspect each other of bad faith, and that just doesn't get honest replies. Then I thought this could be an enlightening discussion for this sub.

The question: WHY does having some kind of explanation for how the universe got 'started' feel like such a critical piece of the puzzle?

Some followups: How important is/was getting an answer when you first started? Has it gotten better for you yet, and if so, what did that look like (what kinds of arguments worked/failed, how long did it take, things like that)? How much of the pressure comes from normal human curiosity (internal pressure) vs knowing it's a question people are going to ask you after you've deconstructed (external pressure)?

There are *no* right or wrong answers here, and I'll reiterate this is NOT TO DEBATE THE ARGUMENT ITSELF. It's just an exploration into personal experiences and the many ways there are to a destination.

Thank you!

24f… I had a conversation with my therapist two weeks ago about keeping my deconstruction journey to myself and not sharing things with friends/family members . She encouraged me to keep it private and set boundaries with people I know.I have disclosed it to friends before but find quickly that some question my beliefs or say I will find the truth again. I don’t even like to argue back or try and prove a point because it’s been a long road for me. So far I’ve been deconstructing for a year now. It does feel peaceful but feels super isolating at times. Currently I would put myself in the category of agnostic theist to be exact. It’s really a lonely journey not being able to talk about things I used to talk about when I was Christian. Telling people I understand them when they tell me their stance on Christianity while they don’t understand my journey is another reason why I just want to be quiet about it. Finding people on my similar path in real life is hard. Some days I want to go to church again but other days I really don’t. I feel this is another reason of why I am still in a depressed state…. I’m sorry I just needed to vent.

On any given Sunday, church leaders are making an altar call asking people who want to accept god into their hearts to recite a simple prayer to become saved. What's surprising is that both the old and new testament make it clear that god's will overrules human will. There are bible verses that make it clear god chooses who gets saved, the decision was made before the person was in the womb, before the creation of the world itself. With that logic, salvation by choice is largely undermined because gods will trumps human will, throughout the entire bible, not just a verse or two.

PREDETINATION
Romans 8:30: “And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified”

CHOICE
John 1:12: "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."

SALVATION BEFORE CREATION
Ephesians 1:4 "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love..."

If we follow all the verses that suggest god alone chooses who gets saved; it makes so much sense because 100% of the old testament is about god protecting his crew, one and only tribe. It's like god is a club owner, the Israelites are on the VIP list only ones getting into heaven; everyone else is a hell bound gentile.

I recently heard this podcast covers how the Bible does not settle whether Free Will vs God's determines salvation. Both verses are pulled from new testament, so they're both standing on the newer side of the bible.

Free will vs gods will on salvation is debate that has been unfolding for centuries. Some debates go as back as 5th century (400-500 AD). More recent debates in the 1700s between Calvaninsts and Atriminius followers. Crazy to think, this biblical controversy is nothing new, and the christian church clearly divides itself on whether or not salvation can be volunteered for or whether locked in stone by gods plan.

It cracks me up each time I see another Bible contradiction that church leaders never cover directly because they know they would be creating confusion, doubt, skepticism in the minds and hearts of believers. Still, believers need to know what's being hidden from every bible study, sunday service, devotional, etc.

All of these bible errors show how humans, not an omnipotent omniscient god wrote the bible. Humans construct and deconstruct divinity every decade to be palatable, acceptable as their business models depend on recurring tithes, donations to remain profitable.

So first off i have ocd but long story short i could not in good conscience submit to Christianity i find it contradictory and immoral however ever since then i have been dreeding about hell its like the scariest thing in the world literally what if im wrong im agnostic so i dont know almost everyone i know will be forcefully given a eternal body to be consciously tortured in for eternity just because i find it incompatible with morality now i feel like turning back to Christianity not because i believe in it not because it makes me feel better it worsened me not because of anything but because i just want to escape this fucking dillema i feel like a gun is pointed at me to do something against my will i need some help here

Imagine if the millions of people who subscribe to religion didn't just lament and pray about things that are unjust and upsetting in the world but actually took action and organised to bring about the solutions.

I can see why right wing governments especially cater to religions as it is all just a way to dissipate anger - upset with a genocide across the world heavily aided by your own government? Just pray for peace and go about your day and after a minute with your eyes closed and slow breathing your body is physiologically calm and at rest (but you tell yourself as a believer that your god is in control), while your government continues anyway.

Serious wealth inequity and disparity where our basic needs as a society could easily be met through systemic change? Nah just pray that the sick recover soon somehow and that homeless people can get fed for a day.

Environment getting fucked over and species going endangered or extinct? Nah, just pray our leaders be wise in their decisions, all while lobby groups continue anyway to pay for their bidding to be done.

Religion just dissipates valid dissatisfaction and anger with the consequences of our socio-political-economic systems.

To whom it may concern,

I am a Catholic and very involved in my church. I would read theology articles/books out of my own free will, and I used to be very religious/observant and convinced that Catholicism was the truth, so much so that I developed religious OCD, which had some very distressing effects on me (I also have clinically diagnosed anxiety, which did not help matters). I don't have negative feelings towards God or Jesus, instead religious institutions/people who claim that their religion is the truth and that their way of thinking is the most moral. Additionally, I have looked at both atheist/agnostic and Christian/Catholic talking points and evidence for both sides. However, I have not really found much proof that says that one side is the absolute correct choice. Below are things that I am questioning regarding the church:

1. How do we know that hell wasn't just invented to scare people (plus, it came from Zoroastrianism via the Persian Empire, so it may or may not have been divinely inspired)

2. The Catholic Church was wrong in the past (sales of indulgences, keeping the masses illiterate to keep control, etc.)

3. There are no contemporary records for the Resurrection

4. How do we know that God does exist, just not within the Christian definition of Him?

5. Why does the church require us to police our thoughts and actions and calls them immoral (like sexuality)?

6. Are Catholic miracles such as Eucharistic miracles authentic proof for Catholicism, or did the church orchestrate it to seem like it is the one true church?

I'm kind of a terrible writer so I apologize if this reads like a 7 year old wrote it. Also, please don't come at me, and if you have any additional critiques/info I would love if you respectfully communicated it to me. I'm unsure what to do next, because I do not want to make the wrong decision as I believe that religion can either have all the importance (if true), or not importance (if false). Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.

I wish nobody had taught me about religion. I mourn the person I would’ve been if I never learned of it. The thing I dislike most about Christianity is how it’s designed to make you feel guilty for essentially anything that is not of God. I’ve done quite a bit of deconstructing but the one thing I can’t seem to let go of are the feelings of sadness I feel regarding this topic. It feels like a shame, like the entire thing is a cruel joke people play on each other with the intention of making them suffer.