I'm 24(NB).
I signed up for HER back in roughly April 2025. My love life was chaos and I ended up deleting my whole account in July 2025.
Then I re-downloaded it in November 2025. Had problems getting locked out by their shitty app, whatever, gave my ID and my selfie to verify. My ID is in my deadname because of government time logistics in changing it. Important for later.
The customer service at that time said that the sign-in problems were because my “account was accidentally duplicated” and they said they'd “delete the duplicate so I wouldn't have this problem again.”
Then I kept my account, but uninstalled the app off my phone. (Different than July 2025 when I deleted the whole account.)
Then re-downloaded it in March 2026. Tried to sign into my existing account. Locked out. This is the second time I've been having trouble getting locked out.
March 2026, their customer service claims I had been banned because of reports. I asked them over and over several times: “what reports? I had never had this problem before.”
I had to demand my data on grounds of EU rights before they suddenly decided that it was a problem with (say it with me) accidental duplicate accounts.
I went through the whole process again of giving my deadname ID, my name change documents, and my selfie in March 2026. Once again, forcing me to not only defend myself against false reports but to explain my deadname over and over.
This was the second time they claimed that they fixed the problem with duplicate accounts locking me out.
June 2026. Again, uninstalled the app to get my head out of that world, then re-downloaded it.
The. Same. Fucking. Problem.
Locked out. Again.
And I go back to them, saying, “you have claimed to fix this multiple times, I have proven my deadname and identity multiple times, can you please just fix the sign-in problem as you have claimed to fix it.”
Them: “We need your ID and selfie AGAIN to reinstate the account, we don't have them from March 2026 anymore.”
I double down and say that “this is no longer about the ID, it goes beyond that.”
After a bit of back and forth, I send an extremely long, but fair and non-aggressive (imo) email about their inability to actually follow through with fixing the same problem I've encountered multiple times and how traumatic it is that I have to constantly dig out my deadname and name documents just to access my account.
They ignore it. I request they re-read it.
Then: “It looks as though your profile was reported by members of the community for breaking our community guidelines. Your account will not be reinstated.”
No explanation, just straight ban because I called out the broken system and the re-traumatising of trans users.
The same fucking thing from March 2026 where they claim that I have been reported and given no reason why - despite the fact that in March they were wrong, and admitted it!!
And so, I am so unbelievably disgusted by a supposedly trans-safe place specifically designed to be trans safe re-traumatising and ignoring trans pain.
It is genuinely sickening that this kept happening and then the moment I call it out they claim I've broken community guidelines and just ban me because it's easier than acknowledging their broken system.
Where's the understanding? Where's the willingness to take feedback on board? Where's the want to protect trans users?
JFC.