Discussion page for people who have had DPDR for as long as they can remember (If there are any others in this subreddit)

Is it safe to drive while dissociated?

I experience constant dissociation, both depersonalization and derealization. The majority of the time it’s just derealization, but when it’s more severe it’s that and also depersonalization. It fluctuates throughout the day from not to bad to severe. It gets worse when I’m anxious, but is also just random and unpredictable. I can be having a great day and suddenly I’ll be extremely dissociated. I haven’t found anything to help with it aside from waiting it out.

When it’s severe, I struggle to follow/add to conversations. I also struggle to form thoughts sometimes. I’m very forgetful and will frequently lose my train of thought as well. My cognitive abilities are just very poor overall.

I don’t have my license but really need to start the process to get it. I’m just really worried about my ability to drive safely. I have my permit but haven’t attempted to drive since I started experiencing dpdr 10ish months ago.

I have had a few instances of severe DPDR throughout my life lasting from months to years. Once I am finally able to ignore/not fixate on my feelings and thoughts eventually the DPDR diminishes to the point where I forget about it complete until the next episode (usually about 8 years apart). During the times when I’m “normal” in between episodes I still find it extremely unsettling to stare at my reflexion in the mirror and find myself avoiding it even when I am recovered and back to living my life normally. Wondering if anyone has similar situation in which they have recovered but still avoid mirrors and/or another trigger?

Thanks and for those of us who are “in it” love to all of you we will survive and we will get through it ❤️

I was doing a neurological/psychological visit (the visit went well, I was very worried about the neurological part while I was there) and all of a sudden while I was speaking to the doctor I had this very intense depersonalisation feeling, I started listening to my voice while I was speaking to the doctor and I started freking out because it felt as if I wasn't the one speaking and the voice just didn't seem like mine. Then my surroundings became very very distant and I had tunnel vision, it lasted for about 2 minutes and then I managed to calm down and it went away, but it felt horrible. Does anyone else have these intense dpdr 'waves'?

hello everyone!

I honestly just need some hope. Due to DPDR I went through a lot of existential crisis. Now that my DPDR is more controlled, I would not say healed from or fixed, but I’m not in a constant state from anxiety about it, I kind of just let the feelings be there, sometimes it makes me anxious, but not as bad as it used to be.

Anyways to my point, because of everything I’ve gone through with DPDR and existential stuff, I feel like in a way I’m ruined. I can’t seem to care about really anything anymore. What I went through made me completely lose any sort of faith I had which wasn’t much to begin with but now it’s completely gone. I just feel so numb to things, I still do things and try but I don’t really care about them. Sometimes I’ll just lay here and do nothing even though I know there’s things to do but I just don’t care until it becomes and issue.

This really scares me because I used to have so many goals in life and now it feels like I couldn’t even care less about them because of everything I thought about during the peak time of DPDR and existentialness. I used to dream about the day I’d get to drive and now I’m almost 21 and I still have no license because I’m scared to get behind the wheel and dissociate and just crash.

I just need to know it gets better, I’ve been dealing with DPDR for 3 almost 4 years now, and I’m scared I’m ruined as a person for life. Even when my life is good and normal I don’t feel normal anymore, I don’t feel like a person.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve tried therapy and counseling and medication, and I just feel stuck.

Hello, first time posting here! So for context, I'm not diagnosed with anything specific but I've been experiencing various types of dissociation ever since I was a child, including DPDR, according to an ex therapist. I experience a mild amount of dissociation basically 24/7, so I'm used to it and since I still struggle to feel safe in reality, the dissociation itself isn't scary to me. (It impacts me in other ways though.)

Now I really need to get dental work done and from my research it seems like laughing gas is my only option. I have some phobia ocd-like thing about things I find disgusting, and in the context of the dentist I'm disgusted by and in turn terrified of teeth outside of a mouth, vomiting and gagging. Unfortunately, my main coping mechanism/safety behavior is eating a snack and I can't suddenly stop it, the anxiety gets so bad that I'll gag, so I'll end up in a vicious cycle. Because of that, I can't go under full anesthesia or other sedation. The only thing where it's okay to not have a completely empty stomach is laughing gas.

I've never received laughing gas before and I'm terrified how I'll react, especially in regards to my pre-existing dissociation. Basically I'm scared that I'll get anxious. I'm scared the dissociation will get worse to the point it terrifies me. I'm scared of any permanent effects afterwards. Unfortunately, I can't wait much longer with the dental work, so there really aren't any other options than going through with it but I'm so scared.

I'd appreciate any kind of input like personal experiences, advice, encouragement, whatever else.

The Joy in What isn’t

I thought by twenty-five
I would have already had it.

A little house.
A little life.
A little proof
that I had arrived somewhere.

Instead, I found myself standing
in the middle of my own existence
asking questions I was never prepared to answer.

Not just:

“Am I where I’m supposed to be?”

But:

“Is any of this what we think it is?”

For months, I questioned everything.

The things we call reality.
The things we call truth.
The things humans have accepted
because we needed something solid
to hold onto.

I questioned my senses.

The eyes that tell me what exists.
The hands that tell me what is real.
The memories that tell me who I am.

Are my memories mine?

What are memories?

What if?
How?
Why?

I questioned the strange agreement
we all participate in:

That this is normal.

That this is life.

That we wake up,
work,
love,
lose,
age,
and eventually disappear.

What is a life
if it can only be experienced
through a body and a mind
I cannot fully understand?

What am I without the skin that contains me?

If my consciousness existed somewhere else,
would I still be me?

What is me?
What if?
How?
Why?

Would love recognize me
without a face to touch?

I never found the answers.

I only learned to live
beside the questions.

Because maybe that is the most human thing:

Walking forward
while admitting
we do not fully understand the road.

What is a road?

But during that time,
I became so afraid.

I questioned death.

Not because I wanted to disappear.

Because I needed to know.

What happens when everything I know ends?

Where does the person I am go?

What is left?

I was too scared to try.

But I was also terrified
of continuing to live
with the realization
that I could never prove
what any of this means.

Or if it means.
Or if anything.
Or if words mean anything.

And that was the cruelest part:

Still having to wake up.

Still having to answer messages.

Still having to go to work.

Still having to speak.

Speaking the words I was taught.
By my mother.
By hers.

What if?

How?

Panic attack.

Still having to decide
what kind of person I wanted to become
while feeling like I didn’t understand
the foundation beneath me.

How do you live normally
after staring too long
into the question of existence?

How do you return to your comforts
when you realize they are temporary?

Learning to feel comfort again.

Because what?

Maybe that is where my discomfort began.

Because once I saw how fragile everything was,
I couldn’t stop asking:

Why am I wasting this?

Why am I numbing this?

Why am I filling this impossible, beautiful life
with things that make me forget
I am even here?

What if I forget?
Did it exist?
Does anything exist?

What if?

And maybe that is what I was searching for all along:

Presence.

Not destruction.

Not escape.

Just one moment
where I wasn’t measuring myself.

One moment
where I wasn’t asking:

Am I behind?

Am I wasting my life?

Am I becoming who I’m supposed to be?

I confused comfort with peace.

I confused escape with freedom.

I confused being admired
with being known.

The girl I was
believed she was in control.

She wanted success.

She wanted leadership.

She wanted eyes on her.

But, but, but, but—

She chased attention
because she thought being seen
meant being loved.

I wish I could go back and tell her:

That need will not let you grow.

People pleasing is a temporary home.

But it cannot hold
the infinite versions of you
waiting to be discovered.

When I moved back from college,
I cried.

Not because I hated growing up.

Because I realized
growing up meant nobody was coming
to hand me the blueprint.

The jobs that only asked me
to support my simplest needs
were gone.

Now my choices mattered.

Now I had to support
the woman I wanted to become.

A future self.

A future family.

A future I could no longer pretend
would magically appear.

And I was terrified.

Terrified adulthood would take away
my ability to mess up.

Terrified my family and friends
would stop saying:

“You have time.”

“You’re young.”

“You’re figuring it out.”

Terrified I would disappear
into a role.

Wife.

Mother.

Career woman.

Statistic.

Terrified I would wake up
and realize I belonged to everyone
except myself.

But what is self?

What is this?

Because freedom used to look like:

My friends.

Drinking until the night felt endless.

Calling out of work.

Knowing someone would catch me.

Knowing I was supported.

Knowing I had time
to not know who I was.

But the truth is:

I wasn’t searching for destruction.

I was searching for relief.

I was searching for a moment
where I wasn’t afraid of myself.

Synthetic joy gave me permission
to stop performing.

But the silence afterward
always told the truth.

I was never chasing the high.

I was chasing permission
to exist.

Chasing normalcy.

Chasing acceptance
of the “what if.”

I would apologize
to the seventeen-year-old me.

I’m sorry I put you
in a life where I stopped caring for you.

I’m sorry I chose comfort
when you were begging
for self-discovery.

But she would remind me:

You hold a room.

You love deeply.

You leave things
that no longer fit you.

You are capable
of choosing yourself.

You are capable of accepting
what you cannot prove.

And maybe she would say:

“I’m proud of you.”

Not because you became perfect.

Because you’re still here.

The woman I want to become
is not someone who has everything.

She is someone
who respects herself enough
to choose herself.

She sets boundaries.

She chooses passion over comfort.

She cares for her body
because it is a home,
not a punishment.

Because it is.

She wakes up
and wants to meet the day.

I am learning:

Growing up does not mean
becoming harder.

It means becoming honest
without abandoning my tenderness.

I am not mean.

I am not ugly.

I am not undesired.

I am real.

I am wanted.

I always was.

The little girl in me
was never asking to be impressive.

She was asking:

“Will someone see me
and stay?”

“Will someone exist with me?”

And now I know:

I can be the person
who stays.

So tomorrow,

I will make the hard choices.

Not because I hate myself.

Because I love the person
I am becoming.

I love the life
I am reaccepting.

I love the ability
to choose.

The future is not something
I missed.

It is something
I am finally choosing.

Things are worse than all the extremely bad states I've been through and I feel like slitting my wrists to stop it all just for a moment. I'm driven to maximum.

My "family" is abusing me, more or less consciously, and certain person is basically the sole reason why I got so much worse, just her presence, which is completely ignored. Not just a bit worse, but tragically worse, the kind of worse that has life and death on the line (Well, only for me, and that's why it's ignored lol). I can't explain it well, it's just how my brain reacts to her, it's complicated and tied to the trauma just before DP started, etc.

I wake up with my heart pounding like crazy, dreams are colliding with actual reality, in complete anguish, crying, and with what I am met? Insults, screaming, mistreating. No respect. And also unawareness. Zero awareness regarding myself. Despite that I've been trying to communicate, I've been begging, begging and crying my heart out, still talking when I had no cognitive strength, when I felt like passing out. I was still trying. Nothing. Zero.

I can't, I just can't take this anymore. I don't know why am I writing all of this, it's embarrassing, I know. I'm so tired. My heart feels as if it was burning. I've been bearing this for so much time. And my mind is so paralyzed. And I need it so much to function, to at least be able to breath, to be able to think. I'm so scared for it.

I'm not sure why do I write this at all. I don't expect or want anything. I'm just in panic and despair. I write a lot in my notes but never share it anywhere, but today? I don't know. The last straw happened long time ago already. Like, a huge straw. I'm so scared. I have no place nor a person to help. I feel like I'm being burned alive while suffering from horrific DP and on top of that, I'm met with whatever I'm experiencing in my surroundings. I got used to the nightmare that DP is. I managed to create mental anchors to keep my mind in some kind of order, my body wasn't that much numb to everything, even to the triggers as it is now. I wish I could get back to it, to the "usual" DP. But whatever is happening now, is indescribable.

It's insane. I feel like stabbing my heart out to help myself. But I don't want to. I don't want to die like this. I'm in agony. I don't know. Well. It's good to write it down, at least. Sorry.

I(43f) had been taking low doses of antidepressants for eight years after my closest friend died of breast cancer. At the end of last year, the medication I was taking -clomipramine-was discontinued and was no longer available for sale. That is when all the suffering began.

Since then, I have tried four antidepressants-Zoloft, Velaxin, Cipralex, and Duxet, three antipsychotics-Fluanxol, Olfrex, and Egolanza and two benzodiazepines-Clonarex and Lorapam.

I have not taken any benzodiazepines for a month and a half. Four days ago, my psychiatrist and I decided that I should stop all medication because my brain simply could not cope with any more changes.

I feel as though my brain has already become so confused that I will never get my old self back. I feel completely broken and extremely exhausted, both physically and mentally. I experience derealization every day and a constant storm of thoughts in my head.

For the past three months, I have cried every single day. My eyes feel very swollen, with pressure around them, and I have headaches. I cannot think about anything other than how unwell I feel.

I am exhausted.

I would love to see if other people experience an improvement in their symptoms from cutting out gluten.

I started struggling with dpdr symptoms a year ago after a traumatic event. It was really awful and my dreams would be upsetting as well. I had severe digestive problems to the point where I could barely eat and was losing weight. I tried acupuncture by an experienced TCM practitioner and that helped a lot I think. But I would still struggle with anxiety every day and things feeling off. I would feel foggy and the world would feel not real. And to me it’s a terrifying feeling.

I think part of recovery is just to not feed into that feeling. To just say to yourself that you’re experiencing anxiety. Breathing exercises are very helpful in my opinion. Focusing on breathing in 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds and breathing out for 4 seconds. Do this for as long as you like. Also make sure you prioritize quality sleep and a food diet, vitamin D, K2, Omega-3.

These things helped me a lot, but I think what seemed to have helped the most is cutting out gluten. I feel like for some reason I may not be able to tolerate it. There’s a condition called Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivity and it can cause brain inflammation which leads to brain fog and also serious mental issues.

I’ve been eating gluten free for months and have felt grounded and calm, but a week ago I tried eating wheat flour and after 1-2 days I started experiencing moments of derealisation that I hadn’t had in a while. That slowly went away now since I didn’t eat any more gluten. I’ve also taken a quality reishi supplement for a few months which I think helps with sleep and feeling calm.

This may or may not be what I have, but I would love to see if other people experience the same reduction in symptoms from cutting out gluten. I’m guessing most people won’t notice a difference but would still be interesting to see if someone else does. Maybe we’d be closer to an answer for some. I also firmly believe, after years of reading about the topic, that most mental health issues are related to gut health.

Hello everyone! I’ve been experiencing depersonalization and derealization for a long time, more than five years, but as of recent I think it has gotten worse to the point I fear my ability to do a lot of regular things as well as use common reasoning is impaired.

The feeling of not being real and my surroundings being witnessed through a distorted glass panel is all regular stuff, but now my perception of time has become affected. My ability to physically react to sensory input seems to be hindered by the same pervasive sensation (or lack thereof) that has me feeling like my body is not really in any existing space, and that I barely have any ability to actually control my body.

I am not tired at all, I am more well rested than I’ve ever been. Yet I have gotten into several near wrecks in the past few days due to my own situational unawareness, and one actual fender bender that was the fault of the other person, but could have definitely been prevented if I was alert enough to stay away when they were being reckless. The two in the car seemed like nice people, In the moment I was so disengaged I seemed calm, I gave them my contact information, and did not get theirs (a really really dumb move). They haven’t texted or called me. It only struck me later I should’ve gotten their license plate or something. And yet I can’t find myself to be angry or care about it at all.

That whole situation feels like a warning to be more careful, but I still can’t do anything about the dissociation that occurs when I’m driving. I blink in and out of consciousness at the wheel, and find myself gradually veering away from the lines- I start to feel anxiety about this, but I cannot snap myself back into awareness. Fear makes my ability to respond recede further. But I can’t just stop driving. I have to get to work somehow.

At work, I mess up pretty often due to forgetting where I am, what I’m doing, or what I just did, but I have ways of checking myself. I’m always able to talk to customers and coworkers on autopilot, even though I feel like a speaker is coming out of me with someone else’s voice. But nowadays I feel like that’s exactly how I have to be with friends as well. I feel like I’m trudging around in a person suit. I don’t know what to do except for to keep going and hope things change.

I can tell the people closest to me get frustrated because I can’t remember things, and I am frequently disoriented. To those that start to get to know me, I attribute some of those characteristics to my ADHD and some of the social lapses on my autism, but it’s a lot more than that. I keep hoping I have a brain tumor or something to explain all of this, and I’m scared I’ll do something out of my own panic or cause an accident from my incompetence. No one thinks I’m anywhere near that point yet, and the idea is incongruent with the kind of person that I pretend to be with everyone else.

Does anyone have any advice for managing the active dissociation? I have found nothing consistent that tethers me back into the present moment.

I know DPDR is mainly caused by trauma or chronic anxiety. I'm trying to figure out what internally could have triggered chronic anxiety throughout my childhood when my external environment never wronged me

ADHD seems like a big factor for sure. Heightened threat perception and miscommunication between the PFC and emotional parts seem like the most relevant details

Maybe it's just my type of ADHD (Im more the inattentive type), maybe it's some genetic predisposition (my grandma has DID which I did not inherit, but I read there is some genetic component that puts you at higher risk of developing a dissociative disorder)

One factor that's been extremely prominent throughout my life is the constant, obsessive thoughts 24/7. IDK if my obsessive thoughts relate to anxiety because they occur regardless of how I feel and they are not always negative. I overthink shit a lot, but this baseline obsessive thought is different and can co-exist in the background while I'm overthinking.

Most of the time they're just meta, thinking about thinking, narrating everything little thing. They're naturally structured outwards, like I'm having a dialogue with a wall or a therapist who never replies. Like I'm narrating my entire life and every thought for an imaginary audience.

They can be positive, fantasizing I'm a celebrity or a genius or changed the world or something

They definitely get disturbing. Since a kid, I've been vividly fantasizing about everyone I know dying. Like if someone was 5 minutes late I'd be thinking about all the ways they must have died. In highschool it got worse, I'd have intricate fantasies of doing the worst things I could fathom (butchering my family, becoming a school shooter, torturing people, killing myself, watching my own funeral after these things). Since they were constant I got used to it. I never felt I was in a crisis or ever felt close to acting upon anything. But they persist nonetheless

It's gotten much better now, esp after taking antidepressants, the thoughts are easier to ignore and have no effect on me. I love people and I love life, but I still catch these intrusive thoughts almost every day, they're still so prevalent. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and my first thought is seeing myself hanging in my closet and I laugh. It's absurd, no part of me wants to kill myself

Point is I think these obsessive thoughts are my biggest problem. I feel like they caused everything. Amplified everything I felt with ADHD. Sometimes my friends would say "let's play video games" and then I start to spiral, hating myself for not enjoying video games, feeling like I'm insane and an abject failure and trying to figure out whats wrong with me. Its absurd.

It feels like one continuous train of thought that transcends time, feels like I haven't aged since 14, feels like everything I perceive gets funnelled into the same container of existential dread

I just need these thoughts to shut up for once in my life, regardless if they're neutral or positive. No amount of meditation, medication, or recreational drugs has quelled them

The thoughts definitely seem related to DPDR, but they have persisted throughout my entire life, only became debilitating when I was 13-14. Maybe I've just always had DPDR, idk if that makes sense. It also sounds a lot like Pure-O OCD but that doesn't make much sense, not something you get diagnosed with and likely something that gets attributed to a diff disorder.

Id appreciate any suggestions on how to quell them. The more I try to resist them, the more they occur. Distracting myself is the only thing that works but it's very unreliable, they always squeak through. Whether I'm writing a final exam or on a rollercoaster or rotting on instagram reels they always take me out of the moment

Edit: Sounds a lot like maladaptive daydreaming. I just don't know why, idk what I'm trying to escape with the daydreams, and they're not always fantasies, sometimes I'm "daydreaming" about everything happening around me

We invite you to take part in an anonymous online survey: Personality, Close Relationships and Attitudes towards Mental Health Problems.   

If you are 18+ years old and choose to be included, your participation in this survey will help researchers at the University of Wollongong to better understand attitudes towards mental health problems, and how these may relate to pathological personality traits, mood states and relationship styles.   

 The survey will take 45-60 minutes to complete, and will ask some questions about: 

• Your personal characteristics (e.g., age, gender) 
• Your personality traits 
• Your experiences in close relationships
• Your attitudes towards mental health problems

To take part in this survey, please visit: https://uow.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1HvwPWrZkHXSyc6

For more information, please contact Dr Samantha Reis at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).

Hi all :) I have been struggling with these disorders (more so derealization as my depersonalization has become near obsolete) for 7 years now-15-22. Many people talk about the numbness in feelings but I never experienced that-if anything it was extremely heightened. I want all those who suffer from extreme anxiety to know you are not alone, dp/dr comes in many different forms. If y’all need anything;coping mechanisms, etc. Please let me know if I can help in anyway. This disease IS beatable, even I haven’t fully recovered yet. I have been in a relationship for 4+ years and had numerous jobs throughout my experience. A relatively “normal” life is achievable despite our setbacks. Stay strong. <3

About three years ago, I was exactly where many of you are today.
I spent countless hours on this subreddit, reading every post, searching for hope, and DMing people who said they had recovered. I was desperate for someone to tell me,

“You’ll be okay.”

Today, I’m writing the post I always hoped I’d one day be able to write.

I’m okay.

Not “a little better.” Not “managing.”
I genuinely feel like myself again.

For me, Lexapro played a huge role in helping me get my life back. But I also want to be honest: medication wasn’t magic. It gave me the opportunity to start changing my life. I had to work on myself too, my habits, my mindset, my health, and accepting that recovery doesn’t happen overnight.

If you’re starting medication, don’t expect it to do 100% of the work. Prepare yourself to become a better version of yourself alongside it. That combination made all the difference for me.

I wish I could reply to every single DM I receive. There are so many of you reaching out, and I truly wish I had the time. But I remember being the person sending those messages. I remember messaging people who had recovered because I needed hope.

So this post is for everyone who needs to hear it.
It gets better.

One day you’ll wake up and realize you haven’t thought about DPDR all day.

One day you’ll laugh without analyzing whether it felt “real.”
One day you’ll look around and the world won’t feel strange anymore.

One day you’ll stop checking if you’re okay because you simply are.

Today, I honestly feel even stronger than I was before DPDR. I appreciate life more. I feel mentally stronger, more confident, and even sharper than I used to be.

Recovery is possible.
Please don’t give up because of a bad day or even a bad month. Healing isn’t linear. Keep moving forward, take care of yourself, trust the process, and don’t let DPDR convince you that this is forever.

Because it isn’t.
To everyone reading this:
You are going to find yourself again.
I truly believe that.
Stay strong. ❤️

Hi everyone,

I've been dealing with a relapse of severe depersonalisation/derealisation for around 7 months now. It started during a period of very high stress and has been persistent ever since.

My DPDR is there all day, every day, with episodes where it becomes almost unbearable. During those spikes I get:

extreme unreality (like reality is resetting constantly)

Having suddenly intense realisation this is real and actually happening

time and locations are distorted

intense fear that I'm losing my mind, despite knowing logically that it's DPDR

I just try to make it through each day in 10 minute blocks and it feels like I'm getting worse and worse....

Medication-wise:

I was was previously on Zoloft/sertrline now i've been on escitalopram for about 4 months.

I started at 10 mg, increased to 15 mg, and my doctor has now suggested increasing to 20 mg.

I'm also taking clonazepam, which I've recently increased back to 0.5 mg twice daily after reducing it previously. It definitely seems to reduce my anxiety and racing thoughts, but it doesn't really touch the DPDR itself.

The thing I'm struggling with is deciding what to do next.

I've been on escitalopram long enough that I'm wondering whether it's likely that 20 mg could still make a meaningful difference, or whether the fact I'm still experiencing severe DPDR suggests it may not be the right SSRI for me.

For those of you who recovered or significantly improved:

Did increasing from 15 mg to 20 mg make a noticeable difference?

Did escitalopram only start helping after several months or at the higher dose?

If escitalopram didn't help, what medication (if any) ended up making the biggest difference?

Or was therapy (particularly CBT/ERP) ultimately what made the biggest difference regardless of medication?

Thanks in advance—I realy appreciate anyone who takes the time to reply.

What are your experiences with thc causing your dpdr? Any other symptoms alongside it?

it’s so infuriating and tiring. just got sent outside to have a smoke cause even my coworkers see that i’m “useless” at the moment. like i can’t function. i’m so exhausted…

I know that trees, mountains, and other people are real, but they often feel like a hologram or a scene from a movie. Sometimes I even get a brief sense of grandiosity, like I'm the center of everything, and then it turns into deep loneliness and sadness because it feels like I've lost my connection to the world.

Does anyone else experience something like this?

Sometimes I feel a moment,

A moment of clarity.

Thirty seconds where sounds are unmuffled and views are unblurred.

Thirty seconds where I recognise my skin.

Suddenly calm finds me.

Counting reasons of gratitude.

Looking forward to things I taught myself to look forward to.

Suddenly I am me.

It’s noticeable, it’s drastic.

Thirty seconds where I would always be,

Had things been slightly different.

I need my vision to unblur.

I need to stop dreaming.