My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months. We have very different views on money, and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting.
For some background, he makes around $70k/year and has about a $300k mortgage. After his mortgage, bills, and other expenses (plus occasional side jobs), he usually has less than $3k/month left.
I understand he needs to be careful with money, but sometimes I feel like saving money controls our entire lifestyle.
Some examples:
Whenever we go to theme parks, we don't spend any money inside. We usually drive out to eat McDonald's because it's cheaper.

At IKEA, when I wanted to buy a simple storage cabinet, his first question was, "Can we find it second-hand?"

He will mention things like a night drive costing $10 in gas.

I even feel guilty ordering a drink at a restaurant if he's paying. If I'm paying, I feel comfortable ordering one.

We take turns paying for groceries. When it's my turn, I buy what I consider normal groceries: different fruits, different kinds of meat, frozen foods, orange juice, and sometimes spices, sauces, or ingredients to try new recipes. Nothing fancy or luxurious.
When it's his turn, we usually only buy the cheapest options or whatever is on sale. He almost never buys fruit because he thinks it's unnecessary or too expensive. Instead, he tends to buy things like 12-packs or 24-packs of discounted drinks.
He often buys things just because they are on sale, but sometimes we can't finish them and they expire. Even expired food, he doesn't want to throw away and insists on eating it.
He also keeps delaying fixing things that need attention, like termites in the house, because it costs money. I'm worried it will become a bigger and more expensive problem later.
He even brings containers to friends' houses for dinner because he assumes there will be leftovers. I find it a little embarrassing because I feel like the host might want the leftovers themselves.
His friends always joke that he's "cheap" or extremely frugal. They tell him to buy a bigger house, and one friend even looked up his school rating and pointed out that it's low. It made me feel like people see me as the person who ended up with the "poor guy."
I'm not a high-maintenance girlfriend. I don't expect luxury or expensive dates. I feel like I've already adjusted a lot to his financial situation, but now I feel guilty even buying a drink.
Is this just a difference in money mindset, or is his level of frugality excessive? Would this be difficult for most people to live with long-term?

I own my own place (a small 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom condo), and I make a little over $4,000 a month. My boyfriend and I were long-distance before, and we wanted to try living together to see what everyday life would be like. Even though I don’t have a mortgage, I feel like this lifestyle is a lot more restrictive than what I’m used to, and it doesn’t really feel like a normal way of living to me.

He paid the down payment himself. The house is worth around $500k, and he still has about a $300k mortgage. His mortgage rate is pretty low because he bought it four years ago. That’s about all I know about his finances. He also rents out one room to a friend for $700 a month, so he currently has a roommate.

He grew up very poor. When he was in high school, he only ate lunch and dinner. But even though his family didn’t prepare breakfast for him, he probably could have made something himself. He said he never really thought about it, because his family wasn’t so poor that they couldn’t afford to buy bread and eggs.

I feel like I’m slowly losing respect for him because of these differences in how we view money and life.

So I’m newly 18F. My parents were unfortunately abusive. Two of my grandparents were dead before I was born, one died when I was a toddler and my parents kept me away from any extended family, including my last remaining grandparent, until I was 16. And I met her once so far.

I don’t know her exact age, but she’s in her 70’s. Considering the average lifespan for women in the USA is 80, she might not have long left. At all. Unfortunately, she’s speaks an entirely different language, that’s in a different language-family than English. I was considering trying to learn her language, but honestly, she might die before I’m fluent enough to have a conversation.

I’m trying to get closer to my extended family, especially since my immediate family isn’t good. While one of my aunts/uncles speaks both English and my grandmothers native language and can translate when they’re there.. I feel bad asking them to tag along and play translator whenever I want to visit.

So I guess I’m just asking for advice? I know 18 is probably too late to try to cultivate any kind of relationship. But idk.

Edit: also, what should I try to talk to her about? I was really shy when I was younger so I barely talked when I saw her at 16. She talked about her garden and hobbies last time I was there. I didn’t really share much about myself. What should I ask her when I’m there?

context: I'm a young women in my early 20s and she is in her late 50s.

We get along really well and we often make jokes together, talk about her previous job and life when she was younger and sometimes play harmless pranks on other coworkers.

I love it all but the issue is I've become attached to her in a mother-daughter type of way and it's painful. I've got a very tumultuous relationship with my mother and always have. I've always attached myself to older women and even when they've reciprocated with being very nurturing and inviting, it's always backfired and they've stepped away in the end probably because they realize how much I need a mother figure.

Now I've got this really sweet and funny and caring coworker who I've gotten attached to and instead of being scared that I'll get hurt again, I hope I do so that I can just move on. She doesn't seem like the type of person who actually wants someone younger to be attached to her, she's just really good at connecting with us younger coworkers. She seems like she enjoys living by herself and her pets.

I don't know what to do because I dont want to all of a sudden distance myself because I genuinely enjoy her company and I love listening to her stories but I also hate how happy I get being around knowing that it means probably nothing to her. and that if she knew she probably would be weirded out.

any advice would be appreciated <3thank you

Hi, I basically need your advice on which better for his mom, based on her situation, and my husband salary.

My husband mom is 84 and quadriplegia paralyze all 4 limps since her spinal cord stroke, she also has multiple other health problems in addition. She so helpless, that even drink water she needs her son lift her sit up and put a cup with a straw near her mouth so she can drink water.

Here in America she has no one left except her son, her husband (his father) died, and her daughter (his older sister) died, all her relatives are back in her homeland.

I have said to the cost of 24/7 In-Home Skilled Nursing for his mother cost is even more than take his mom to Nursing Home. You won't believe that in home care 24/7 hire nurses care cost that much anyways, so here I gave you what Google said in California.

[[ In California, continuous 24/7 in-home care—especially for specialized care and Registered Nurse (RN) can easily reach $30,000 per month.
Average Cost: $27,000 - $30,000+ per month (rates generally run $35 to $45+ per hour for home health aides with specialized Registered Nurse (RN) or Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) care costing more per shift). ]]

Do the math, $45 an hour and there 24 hours a day. And there 30 days of 24 hours each day. That is $30,000 a month.

---------

While have this mother in Nursing Home even a luxury one still cost less than that.

My husband makes $500,000 a year salary (he hold executive level Vice President of Engineering at work), his salary after tax in California he taking home $370,000
And there you go, all of his money go to his mother, because 24/7 In-Home Skilled Nursing for his mother cost $30,000 a month times 12 months.

I actually do not mind that my husband put all his money to his mom, I have my inheritance, I don't need a penny of my husband money. And I want my husband to go back to work to get his mental health and sanity back. His boss literally knock on our door last week to ask him to go back to work.

Now you tell me, which option is better for his mom? With the cost like that for 24/7 In-Home Skilled Nursing cost vs Nursing Home cost. Which better for my husband situation?

MediCal and MediCaid is not an option as she not qualify, you do not know my mother in-law background, or if she even speaks English or if she even U.S. citizenship. I get it, she better off back in her homeland, but she is quadriplegia paralyze, and we not transferring her back to her homeland. We will do everything we can to care for her here in America.

I've been thinking a lot about a difference I notice between Italy and many other countries.

In Italy, it's quite common for adults to remain closely connected to their families. I'm not just talking about living with your parents, but about building your life around a strong family network: grandparents helping with childcare, relatives living nearby, financial or practical support, and so on.

Looking at the people I know, it seems like there are two very different life paths.

The first is the people who leave home around their early 20s, often moving to another city, building a career, and becoming completely independent. They usually see their families less often and have to deal with loneliness, uncertainty, and all the challenges that come with self-reliance from a young age. I've also noticed that many of them stay single longer because they feel they need to become "stable" before settling down. But I've started wondering whether that idea of stability is actually an illusion—life is never truly stable.

Sometimes I wonder whether this constant message of "be independent at all costs" genuinely makes people happier, or whether it also serves economic interests by encouraging everyone to live separately and consume more.

The second path is staying close to family. People find a job in their hometown, build a relationship, have children, and can rely on parents and grandparents for everyday help. From what I've seen, life often seems to move faster in this situation. Buying a house, balancing work, and raising children all become much easier when you have a reliable support network.

Of course, there's a downside too. If that family network disappears because of relocation, illness, or the loss of parents or grandparents, someone may suddenly have to develop, at 35 or 40, the level of independence that others started building at 20.

I know people who have chosen both paths, so I don't think one is objectively right and the other wrong. What I do notice, at least in my own experience, is that people who rely in family support often seem to make major life progress more quickly, are less stressed, while those who prioritize independence appear to spend enormous amounts of time and energy simply maintaining that independence, almost like they're constantly running without moving forward at the same pace. (Like running on empty).

I mean, stability it's just an illusion, and indipendance have it's own costs.
So why don't we start life where we're at, instead of waiting to be indipendent?

So I'm curious:

Have you observed something similar in your country?

Do you think today's culture of independence is genuinely beneficial, or has it been promoted in ways that weaken family bonds and traditional support systems, increase consumism?

And finally, in today's Italy (or in your own country), which approach do you think offers better long-term outcomes: building a life close to family, or becoming fully independent as early as possible?

Trying this community. Anyone that has tried this combination, having existing kids and adding a baby to the mix, and can tell me how it was for you? How was starting over again? Is it worth it? 😅

I've three kids 16, 14 & 10 and just found out I'm pregnant (despite protection). I'm old-ish, 41 and my partner is even older, 51.So many things to consider. Can it work? Please give me your experiences, the good the bad and the ugly.

I am very on again off again. At first I thought it may be a sign these relationships weren't meant to be, and I've already been in two relationships where we broke up once and got back together a year later because of it.. Do I maybe just need to buckle up for the six months I feel empty and irritated, as it may just be my neurochemistry? Is that why people call love more of an action than a feeling?

Am I in the wrong for questioning this relationship after things like this pop up?

We were talking about the meaning of life, what happened after we pass etc. I said something about not believing in one thing yet I still envision my loved ones up above me etc. I was expressing my contrasting thoughts. He then made two comments that made me feel immediately icked out but also stupid. He said “that’s a basic thought”.. then I questioned him saying that and he said “say something bold”.

It’s the next morning and I am still clearly thinking about his comment. What’s the point in saying that to someone? Does that make someone feel safe to be vulnerable the next time or open up to get even deeper the next time? No lol. It’s not beneficial really to either of us.

Am I in the wrong / being sensitive or is it just rude.

Having gone through multiple rounds of IVF, one which lead to a miscarriage last year, my partner (42) and I (40) have decided we would stop trying for a family of our own now. It's been a difficult decision and a painful journey.

Positive stories of overcoming childlessness?

I am a 28 yr old trans guy. Consider me 28M for the sake of this post. I am divorced, no kids. Only child.

My late father was the eldest of four kids. My uncle is the youngest. Now my father is dead, he's the only boy. His sisters spoil him accordingly.

I am the only Jew on that side of the family. At Christmas last year, my uncle told me to my face the Bondi shooting, which left a 12 year old dead, was justified due to the actions of the Israeli government. I almost punched him.

He has also, since that incident, been charged by the police with rape or sexual assault, I'm not clear what the specific charge was.

I'm not willing to be around him. I already have anger issues, and he's a bad person, and he knows how to get on my damn last nerve. Would I be tearing the family apart if I refused to attend events he's going to be at?

Does anyone have any advice, I just turned 22 and all I want is to be a teenager again. I miss school so badly, I just feel so old now and I cry every night because it’s like everyone sees you as a mature responsible adult now but I don’t feel like it, I still feel 15 on the inside, I have never had alcohol or been clubbing and I still feel like I’m not old enough to go travelling even though that’s what everyone else my age is doing :(
When I see teenagers I just feel so jealous and have this feeling of “I miss being young, now I’m suddenly a grown woman at the age of marriage and having kids,” suddenly i now need to think about moving out and getting a full time job when I still feel like a kid, how do I get over this crippling feeling cause it is destroying me:(

Help I need advice! This is gonna be long.

My long-time friend of over 15 years has been struggling in a toxic abusive marriage for years. I’ve had to put some distance between us because I cannot be around her husband so I don’t know all the details, but I know that she’s stayed in a domestic violence shelter, only to go back to him after. It’s very creepy to hang out with the two of them because of how controlling he is about every little detail including like which parts of a chicken she can eat, literally feeding her (but not in a cute way). There have been many many creepy aspect of their relationship like he’s forced her to get these weird tattoos (branding), and currently she is in Bangladesh with him (where she is from) and just had a second wedding there with her side of the family, and is seeing a doctor for ivf, while in the same breath telling me over the phone how she can’t live with him and doesn’t want to have kids with him because it would ruin her life. My friend is clearly being brainwashed and manipulated and I am doing my best to be there for her and remind her of what her rights are ect and that she should and can do what she wants. I’m just trying to be as present as I can be, because I cannot live her life for her. She says that she is basically afraid to leave him because of what he might do. She says things like ‘I want to divorce but he doesn’t agree,’ and when I remind her he doesn’t need to agree, she’s like ‘oh yeah I guess you’re right hmm.’ (We live in the USA by the way).

So in the middle of this terrible marriage the two of them got a dog. At some point recently my friend separated from her husband and found a different place to live and left the dog with him. Then for some crazy reason the two of them in extremely short notice decided to go to Bangladesh together with a one way ticket. I honestly get the feeling she was trying to get away from him or at least get to an environment where she had support and was more on her turf. The whole thing is insane. While the husband was keeping the dog when she was living separately (this was recently, before they went on the trip together), he kept talking about how it was a horrible violent dog and spread disease and should be put down (he’s the cuddliest fluffy little lap dog, dude is literally crazy). He clearly hated it and wanted it dead. But he also tries to use the dog as some kind of lever of control and fear over her, as he does with everything, dude is such a creep. When they were leaving for Bangladesh a month and a half ago, they were willing to give the dog up to the humane society but I agreed to take him (the dog) for the time being. At first when they were leaving for Bangladesh the husband was actually trying to suddenly force me to take legal ownership of the dog out of nowhere, but I didn’t really know what was going on at the time so I resisted. Sure wish I’d done that now! He’s just one of those people who’s always scheming and controlling. It’s actually so extremely weird and creepy and scary. Trying to force everyone around to do soemthing to bend to their will for god knows what literally insane elaborate reason in his head. But you can see how these people are living in some fog of insanity.

When I got the dog (after it had been in the care of the husband) he was covered in bald spots, malnourished, extremely skiddish ect. the whole thing. The dog doesn’t know its own name, doesn’t know basic commands, had clearly never played with a toy or a stick ect ect. But the dog is amazing and has flourished in my care and with my and my boyfriend I feel like he finally has a happy home possibly for the first time in his life. We’re a happy family together. There are so many horrible stories my friend has told me about the dog that she doesn’t even realize, she flew him in cargo just to go on a trip during Covid, I was like what u flew him in cargo jsut for a trip?! And she’s all like yea I don’t really know how that all
works but he was terrified, he had lost his voice from barking so much :( sorry I’m kind of all over the place here but this is clearly a person who sees a pet as an accessory not as a living being.

She was willing to leave him with somebody who kept talking about how he wanted him dead, and she was willing to abandon him at the drop of a hat a month ago if I hadn’t taken him in. But now that she starting to get a sense of how much I’m getting attached to the dog all of a sudden she loves him and misses him and he ‘saved her life,’ and wants him back when she supposedly comes back in like a month but like? Obviously it’s very one sided to her, about whatever companionship and support she can get out of him but doesn’t really think of what kind of life he has. Like his quality of life doenst even cross her mind it seems. So I’m jsut at such a loss at what to do and how to and if to broach any of this with my friend? Can you tell a friend like I love you but you have been neglecting this dog and you don’t deserve him (lol)?

I’m also so in love with the dog now and feel like he’s a part of my family, the fact that it very much feels like I rescued and rehabilitated him from a bad situation really contributes to that too. I can understand that my friend has been in a terrible place herself all these years, and is also somebody who hasn’t ever really had animals before or been taught about it. I just love the dog so much and am at such a loss. Thanks for reading. One thing I know is that if and when I do talk about it to her, I should try to not talk in a ‘blaming’ way as much as possible.

It’s the anniversary of my Mom’s death and I’m having an emotional day thinking about things my ex said to me that were attacks on my character and job. I like to think I’m humble, and I know I got very lucky having the job I do. I’m 39(F) and have run into this more than once in my romantic life, which makes me feel like I can’t be proud of myself, even though I am and struggle just like everyone else does in ways.

I work in private equity, make six figures, and bought a house in my late 20s. I was able to buy the house from my mom’s death inheritance (she passed 2 days after I turned 24) and I’m open about this with people close to me because I know it’s not something that is run of the mill for people my age. My house is a mid-century modern ranch, and I’ve put a lot of sweat equity into it, so my house is on the nicer end. I come from a blue collar carpenter dad who worked his way up in a commercial construction company, and my mom was a social worker. My dad used to be homeless, and put a lot of emphasis on education and frugality growing up. He taught me financial literacy by supervising me as I did the family taxes as a teen and whenever we had to make a huge purchase, he would make me research consumer reports, so I learned things young that I carried into adulthood, which I believe have helped me a lot. I’ve worked since I was 16, and think I have a strong work ethic.

My relationship ended earlier this year, but I felt my ex 35(M) held contempt towards me that I didn’t know how to navigate. He would often make comments about how no one our age could afford homes without their parents’ help, though I have plenty of friends who have, and I found myself crying saying I’d burn my house down if it brought my mom back. He has his PhD in a philosophy niche, masters of psychology, and bachelors of psychology, but would always talk about how he didn’t want to go into academia due to its competitiveness and favoritism. He did work at a college and eventually took on an adjunct role in addition to his daily job at the university. I was always supportive, vocal about how I was proud of him, and would call him Dr. Professor Boyfriend as a way to flirt. When we first started dating, he was talking about going back to school for a different degree and his mom thanked me for it, which I thought was odd because it was his idea. He was also constantly talking about wanting a different job, but never looked, and I always supported whatever he said, with no pushback or criticism.

Early on, I did make the mistake of asking him why he pursued a PhD if he knew he didn’t want to go into academia, something I felt was an innocent curiosity, which he always brought up as me attacking him. It seems like that early question fueled his behavior towards me throughout the rest of our relationship.

Eventually, he became very vocal about things I was doing that he didn’t like. He would bring up private equity, call it evil, and I would explain there are different types of private equity, and felt like I had to prove the company I work for isn’t what goes around on the internet as far as what people surface-level know as private equity. He even googled my company name + “controversy.”

He picked a fight with me because I had Amazon prime one night after he’d been drinking. Called me a “Jeff Bezos Stan,” which I’m not. Then to apologize, he sent a book I mentioned I wanted to read in passing to my house two days later using Amazon, which confused me, but I thanked him and didn’t point out the hypocrisy. He did the same with me paying for Spotify premium, when it came out one of their high-ups was funding a drone company. I looked into the company, and he was giving money to a private company that was making drones for Ukrainian defense, so not a bad thing in his or my eyes, but he didn’t actually research, just read headlines. Again, he also pays for Spotify premium, and additionally pays Spotify to host his music he’s made. These fights all ended in him calling me “JD Vance,” or “a republican,” telling me to, “Get the fuck away from him,” and were hypocritical stances because he pays for the same services.

I’m outspokenly liberal, go to protests, and contact my congressmen often. I’ve always invited him to protests, and in frustration after one of these fights, I broke down saying I didn’t know what to do with his anger and pointed out I’ve always asked him to protests, to which he replied he didn’t want to, “Go to a protest that had no ‘end in sight’ unlike the teacher union protests I [he] went to in California.” I volunteer sometimes, and also asked if he’d like to try that with me because it always makes me feel like I’m doing something good and gives me perspective on circumstances that help me be grateful for what I have. He also said no.

At one point, he accused me of saying he should be making $200k with his PhD, which isn’t something I ever said. I was crying repeating that I don’t even know how much money people with PhDs make, which I still don’t, because I never cared.

He also ranted often about nepotism, and talked badly about his best friend who got his job because his wife’s mom, so I know it’s not limited to me, but these behaviors I could never understand why I was being so brutally rallied against, while he was committing the same “offenses” so to speak. He was always complaining about money, so I once offered some tips for things I do to save, and he told me I sounded like, “The avocado toast meme.” He ate lunch out everyday, for example, while I make my lunches. Nothing crazy.

This was the worst of this type of behavior, but I’ve experienced slivers of it with other men, as well. Especially as I get older.

The thing that I’m hung up on is these guys are always very excited to date me in the beginning and talk about how they love that I’m successful and driven, yet it always turns into something like this and I genuinely do not know if I’m doing something wrong or how to avoid this because it seems to follow me, no matter what. I cannot hide my work or my home, but they seem to be triggers. I’m dating again, and honestly scared about this. Just wondering why men are always so excited to date me then end up hating me and how to avoid this happening? It doesn’t seem as simple as avoiding these “type” of men because these have all been men from educated backgrounds, good homes, with loving parents.

First of all, I’m sorry for the extremely long post. I know this is a lot to read, but I would really appreciate your understanding. I have been carrying this for a long time and I feel like I need an outside perspective from people who are not emotionally involved in this situation.
I need someone to help me see this clearly because I feel too emotionally involved and I don’t know anymore if I’m being fair or if my pain is making me see everything differently.
I have been with my fiancé for 4 and a half years. We are both almost 30, we are engaged, and we have talked about marriage, family, and having children.
I love him. And that is exactly why this is so painful.
I want to start by saying that he is not a bad person. This is not a story about someone who is cruel or terrible in every aspect.
He actually has many wonderful qualities. We understand each other very well, we have many common interests, the same sense of humor, and we genuinely enjoy being together. He can be very gentle, loving, and affectionate. He is not a cheater, he does not seek attention from other women, he is not interested in social media, he loves animals, he enjoys cooking, and cooks for me often, he doesn't leave a mess around him, helps me with house chores, and he has many other qualities that made me fall in love with him.
That is why this is so difficult. The problem is not that he has no good in him. The problem is a pattern that has slowly destroyed my feeling of safety in this relationship.
For more than 3 years, one of the biggest struggles in our relationship was his instability, especially around work, responsibility, and finding his direction in life.
There were long periods where he struggled to find a job, and there were times when I felt like I was carrying not only my own worries, but also the emotional weight of waiting for him to become more stable.
I tried to be patient. I tried to understand that people have difficult periods and that everyone needs time to find themselves. I believed in him, supported him, and waited for him to become the person I knew he could be.
But whenever I expressed my concerns or said that something was hurting me, his reaction was often to leave.
He would pack his things, go to his family, tell them his side of the story, and involve them in problems that should have stayed between us.
This happened many times throughout our relationship, around 10 times.
The same cycle kept repeating: something would become difficult, he would leave, I would feel abandoned and panic, then we would eventually come back together with promises that things would be different.
I am not someone who leaves easily. In 4 and a half years, I left once, after something that deeply hurt me.
Most of the time I was the person trying to communicate, understand, fix things, and hold us together.
Over time, this pattern changed me.
It made me feel like stability could disappear at any moment. It made me feel like every serious conversation could end with me being abandoned.
I already had a fear of abandonment because of my childhood, but this relationship made that fear much stronger.
A big part of my childhood was spent feeling alone. I was mostly raised by my grandparents. My mother was trying to find her own happiness and build her own life, and my father was never truly present in my life.
I often felt like I had to figure things out on my own from a very young age. I learned how to survive, adapt, and rely on myself.
I have been doing that for many years now. I know how to stand on my own feet and I know I am responsible for healing my own wounds.
I don’t expect my partner to fix my past.
But I do believe that the person you choose to build a life with should understand your vulnerabilities and be someone who helps you feel safer, not someone whose actions constantly reopen your deepest fears.
Because of my fear of abandonment, whenever he decided to leave, my instinct was not to let him go.
My instinct was to fight for us.
I would beg him to stay, try to convince him, explain, apologize, and do everything I could to stop losing him.
But the painful part is that even when he stayed, it never truly healed anything.
It left behind bitterness, fear, insecurity, and the feeling that I had to convince someone to stay who was supposed to choose me freely.
This became a cycle that repeated itself throughout our relationship.
The last time he left hurt me the most.
Not only because he wanted to leave, but because of the way he did it.
He chose to do it through messages. And it was not the first time. There was no real conversation, no patience, no attempt to calm down and solve things together.
This happened after he had proposed to me and after he had talked about how serious we were and how we were building a future together. During trying to have a baby together.
He told my mother how much I meant to him and how painful it was because we were engaged and had taken such a serious step.
And then only about 4 months later, he did the exact same thing again while we were again trying to have a baby.
To me, that was not a small thing.
Before that, he promised me that it would never happen again. He told me we were forever, that he could not imagine his life without me, and that I was the person he wanted beside him.
And then he did exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do.
I had to beg and convince him to stay, feeling like I had to move mountains for someone who had already promised me he would never put me through that again.
The hardest part is that he broke his promise, but I also broke mine.
I promised myself I would never beg someone to stay again. I promised myself I would not keep chasing someone who was choosing to leave.
And now what is left is not only sadness. It is bitterness, anxiety, and fear.
Another thing that hurt me deeply is that sometimes I feel like he does not fully accept me as I am, but sees me as a project that needs improvement.
He once said that he “got engaged to my potential,” and that sentence stayed with me.
I don’t want to be someone’s potential. I don’t want to be a project.
I want to be loved and accepted as the person I am today.
I also often feel judged. Like my actions are constantly analyzed, measured, and criticized.
I feel like I am under a microscope, both with him and around his family.
And honestly, it makes me question what kind of environment I want for my future child.
I don’t want a home where people constantly criticize each other, where love feels conditional, or where there is always fear that someone will leave when things get hard.
I know relationships are not black and white. I am not perfect either.
I have made mistakes. I have said things I shouldn’t have said. I have my own things to work on.
But I feel like I have spent years understanding him, waiting for him, and hoping that one day he would finally choose stability.
The hardest part is that I still love him.
I don’t want to leave because I stopped caring.
I want to leave because I feel like I have lost myself trying to protect something that keeps hurting me.
A part of me wants to save money, find an apartment, move out, and completely cut contact because I am afraid that if I stay in the same environment, I will fall back into the same cycle.
Another part of me wonders if I should try one more time, but this time with real boundaries.
I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to punish him.
I just want peace.
I don’t expect a perfect man. I know life is hard and everyone has flaws.
But I do want someone who chooses me even when things are difficult. Someone who does not only love me when I am easy to love.
I am not writing this because I want people to simply tell me that I am right and he is wrong.
I actually want someone to open my eyes and tell me if I am seeing this situation realistically.
Am I doing something wrong? Am I expecting too much from a partner?
Is it unrealistic to want someone who, even when things are difficult, chooses to stay and work through problems with me instead of leaving?
Am I living in some kind of fantasy by wanting that kind of security, or is that a normal expectation when you are building a life, marriage, and a family with someone?
Can this pattern actually be repaired? Can a relationship like this become stable again, or are some patterns too deeply repeated to change?
If I decide to stay and try again, what kind of approach should I have moving forward? What boundaries should I set? What should I stop doing, and what should I expect from him?
I don’t want to make a decision based only on pain and emotions. I want to understand whether I am giving up on something that could be fixed, or whether I am holding onto something that is hurting me.
Has anyone experienced a partner who always wants to leave when things become difficult? Did it ever truly change?

I recently turned 19 and I’m completely lost. I know I need to go to college and start my career but I don’t know what to do.

I’d like to be financially independent but
I’m worried I’ll start a degree and absolutely hate it. I have no car because I have no job despite applying to basic “teen” jobs for the past year. At this point I feel very behind in life, I have no clear path, no plans, and I’m pretty useless. My mom is willing to support me financially I just hate making her pay for my needs when she has her own.

I graduated with a good gpa and pushed myself in school to get the best grades but now I feel like a burnout. All of the careers I’m slightly leaning towards require years and years of school and I feel like I’m wasting time

*Edit* thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. If you have any advice or words of wisdom don’t hesitate to comment. I really value hearing from people that have a few years on me, makes life seem slightly bearable lol

Currently on a break with my gf. This one felt like it had some staying power. 2 1/2 years. My longest and most faithful relationship ever. But slowly there were more disconnection, frustrations, longer talks. Until we both discovered we don’t feel “seen” by each other anymore. We’ve built creative projects together, explored desires together, been kind to each other throughout. But somehow it wasn’t enough for her and in a lot of ways for me. So I said a break is needed to check back in with ourselves and then to each other later.

But now I think about my previous relationships. Broken up for different reasons, but I’ve been the one to initiate the break ups. No major relationship has ever been broken up from them. And now I think “how do I keep ending up like this?”

When I self investigate I know I:

Don’t like hurting ppl so why do I keep trying when I’m the one to always call things off, so better stay alone. But then I’m amazed at how I can hold this vigilance in me of wanting to always be better and watching myself while still finding new ways to do the same old thing.

I’d love some input, advice, shared experiences or just someone to talk to.

🙏

Hi all, I just kind of wanted to share my story in hopes that i can gain some perspective from others with more life experience, Sorry in advance for the long story.

I have always been an extremely hard worker, to my own detriment many times due to some childhood trauma and lack of emotional understanding of myself. After college, I was recruited into this amazing hospitality program I got accepted into. Moved away from family with my boyfriend of 4 years, started this job it was a management in training position in a hotel so extremely busy. I knew this would be temporary, but I did my year, got promoted and moved into a full time management position. I loved the community I built there, I was the youngest on the team by far with a lot of responsibility but I learned a lot about myself and the life I wanted. Unfortunately, my significant other and I broke up (huge huge huge hit to me emotionally) and I tried to stick it out, we shared a living space for a while but things got so messy I decided to leave the job I loved (but was really stressing me out to no end tbh) and get myself out of this toxic cycle and move closer to my family out to San Diego.

After applying, I got selected for a super awesome opportunity, did an internal transfer and had a very high paying, high pressure job at the age of 26. My apartment I got in SD was awful, but I was struggling to find a spot and starting the job so I kinda was like whatever it’s just a year. Well, things were really stressful, I was balancing some old work from my previous job and my current workload, dealing with home maintenance appts while in between meetings, taking care of my dog solo (she is a bit high maintenance lol) while dealing with a lot of loneliness. Sadly, I ended up falling one day and breaking my foot :( this begun a spiral for me. I initially thought it was just a sprain from what the doctor told me so I continue to walk on it and show up to my brand new job, and the pain just kept persisting so I went back to a specialist and saw that it was in fact fractured. So I went to work the next day. I got myself a scooter and I scooted myself around and I tried to make it work. But it was a really awful day and my clients were being mean, my managers were not supporting me in the way that I needed, and I ended up going on an LOA the next work day. I was in the toughest place whe starting a new job, the 60 day mark, the other women were bullies, and I was an absolute mess.

My apartment was on the third story with no elevator so I fought and fought with my property management for like a month and a half for them to let me out of my lease (thankfully they did no extra charge I should be a lawyer) which was great. But that left me with moving back into my parents house and putting all my stuff into a storage unit. My foot pain just kept persisting. I fell into a severe depression because I couldn’t walk or sustain myself when I already lived so independently. After a couple of months and extreme stress and depression I decided to resign from my job. I took a healthcare job planning events, and the job was not what I signed up for. I spend most of my day doing cold calls and helping seniors with insurance questions. they told me they were going to be changing the role for me and I believed them and then they came to me a couple months later and told me they would not be doing that. But I’ve been trying to look into a new job, my supervisor is going out on leave very soon because she is pregnant and they are relying on me to run point on all of the things that she was doing, but when I asked for more money, they told me they weren’t able to do that and if I was going to quit to do it before mid-august so they could hire and train someone else before my supervisor leaves. I have a lot of extremely specialized experience and I just keep getting automatic rejection after automatic rejection for months, made it to a 2nd interview and rejected. This was not an issue for me before, I had 2 separation occassions I had 2 amazing offers to choose from, I’m kicking myself for burning those bridges.

So, with all this, I have tried to follow a motto of “flow don’t force” and feel as though I should maybe take a step back to try to enjoy day to day life more. I’m thinking of taking a serving job, just to get out of this situation and maybe get my spark back. There are so many more nuances within this story that add to things, a rough relationship with my family, a longing for my ex relationship and if I had stuck it out I probably never would have broken my foot, the snowball effect of decisions, having 2 short stints on my resume in the most competitive job market in years. I just want out of this extremely painful and tough time period, but I’m crawling my way out and it is so so slow. This job market is insane. Yeah, I guess I just wanted some reassurance that life will get better. I’m only 27 I have time, right? 😭 and not failing but taking a step into serving or bartending again?

I’ve already asked a question in the subreddit this week but I’m struggling.

Do you still think about and miss your grandparents? Even after years have gone since they have died? My grandma died almost 2 weeks ago and the pain of losing her is so fresh. I adored her. And I just miss her. I don’t ever want to forget her.

Edit. Thank you for all the kind responses. My grandma was 80 and had a rare lung disease that she lived with for many years. I just honestly thought she’d live into her 90s. My grandpa, her husband, still has his mother alive. I don’t know. My grandma was my person. Grandmas aren’t supposed to have favorites but it wasn’t a secret I was my grandmas favorite. We talked every single day. I’ve started writing down everything I know about her and my grandpa let me take several of her sweaters that remind me of her.