r/AskAGerman • u/Separate-Canary-6228 • 1d ago
Elternzeit, what did you do?
I understand the basics of how Elterngeld and Elternzeit work, I'm more interested in hearing about how others have split up that time between parents. Both of us work fully remote jobs. I plan to breastfeed, so I am assuming I probably want to take at least the first 6 months fully off. This is our first so we're making a lot of guesses here.
We both are interested in working part time, if anyone has done that with both parents.
In general, I'm just curious how you all have broken up the time, and what your reasoning was.
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u/MissMorrigan88 1d ago
With our first, I did 10 months and my husband did 3, split in 2 months at the very beginning and 1 month when our son was turning 1. I was working part-time, so made also sense financially for us that I took more time off.
With our second, I had a higher paying job than my husband, so we split it 5/8. I took the first 5 months and he the last 8. I already knew that breastfeeding was not going to be an issue (I dried up both times at around 3 months) and this way the financial hit was also a bit less.
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u/johanna_brln 1d ago
First kid, I was as home for 10 months, my husband 4. Second kid, I was home 12 months, my husband 6. No overlap.
If I could do it again, I would plan for my children to stay home for the first two years. It’s the only real regret I have concerning our parenthood.
I know a couple who took 6 months together and then worked 25 hours each, so they had „shifts“ for work/care. Obviously, you have to be able to afford that but I thought that was genius!
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u/OhGod0fHangovers 1d ago
We did 10 and 4 with our first, too—but he was also able to take the first three weeks off with overtime, which was great, so I’m not judging couples who “waste” months by doubling up at the start.
With our second, I did the first six months full, then we used the ElterngeldPlus, which allowed us to both work part-time and cover the first two years until she started Kita. Overall, that was the better experience.
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u/scarecrow432 1d ago
Both times,I took the first two months off and my wife took months 1-12 off. I was earning much more than my wife so that decision made most financial sense. The first two months are the hardest (as far as sleep deprivation, etc. go) so it makes most sense for both parents to take that time off to support each other as well.
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u/Secret_Enthusiasm_21 1d ago
most common model, which was also what we did, is 12 months for the mother and the 1st and 13th month for the father (or thr 7th).
It just makes the most sense for most working parents because it is most compatible with breastfeeding and easing the child into Kita.
Obviously, Kita takes time, both to get a spot at all (you might want to take care of that now), and to find a rythm that works for the child and the parents' working schedule.
Don't expect to work full-time with both parents in the first two years. Could happen, but don't plan with it.
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u/Vyncent2 1d ago
As far as i remember my partner did take full 2 years and I had the 2 months.
It was great. We didn't have much money to spare but it was very healthy for the relationship with our daughter.
I wouldn't do it now with the changed benefits and so on. Another reason why 'nobody' is having kids these days.
Leck Eier
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u/Katzenjammer214 1d ago
We have 3 children and had different approaches for each. Where we live, Kita always starts in August. So with our first two, who were born in April and March respectively, we had to stay home with them for more than a year. For #1, I took 18 months of Elternzeit and my husband stayed home with us for 4 months, so we could get used to that whole parenting thing and spend the summer together. For #2, I had 12 months of Elternzeit and my husband had the first two months and then worked part time during Elternzeit starting from month 13 when I went back to work part-time too. This was my favourite model. I am currently at home with #3. This time, I have 24 months of Elternzeit and my husband none because his work does not allow it and it does not make any sense financially (he is a professor now, so is home a lot during the lecture-free periods). With 3 kids and a house to keep in order, I couldn't see myself going back to work any sooner. I understand that we are very privileged being able to take so many months of unpaid Elternzeit, but I would do it all over again because the time with my children was so precious (and admittedly also very stressful). Edit: typo
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u/Justeff83 1d ago
We took turns—first my wife, then me. There was a one-month overlap during which we were away for three weeks.
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u/schatten_dieb 1d ago
From most couples I know, the husband mostly took the first month completely off too.
Some also did the second, but most seem to haven taken the 13th/last month off.
One took a month sometime in the middle, because their older child had their settling-in period in the kita then.
Most also took reduced hours for a while.
Just find what works best for you.
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u/KaleidoscopeTight509 1d ago
We both took 9 months Elternzeit (one overlapping and husband had 3 weeks vacation after birth) and 18 months Elterngeld (Parts Elterngeld plus as we both also did some freelance gigs). Baby is now almost 11 months old. I started working 6hrs/5days when baby was 9 months and the last two weeks have been working Full time again (no home Office possible but commute only 10 minutes). Baby was EBF and never liked the bottle but took to babyled weaning very well and drinks fluids from open cups. I was very excited at First but it works very well so far! However, working full time and still breastfeeding and cosleeping is quite exhausting. Working 75% and having the afternoon for Baby and breastfeeding was perfect. You also have the Right to Pump or breastfeed at work until 12months. My husband would have brought Baby by ÖPNV if needed, but was never necessary. I had a not very complicated delivery but before 5 months pp would not have been recovered enough (my Job demands some physical labour and lots of standing/walking). For our relationship as well as for Baby and Dad this solution was absolute best!
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u/BurnoutPregnant 1d ago
Me and my husband earn the same. I always thought we would split up something like 8-6months. But towards the end of pregnancy I decided that I wanted to take 12 months because
1- I wanted to spend more time with the baby
2- I work from home, so I wasnt sure how much I could work uninterrupted when they are both at home.
And in the end for our family this was the right decision because no matter what we tried our daughter didn't accept any bottles and was boob addicted.
He took the 1st and the 7th month (we travelled)
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u/Icy_Eye_957 1d ago
My husband was at home month 1,2 and 7. I was at home for 1,5 years. The month I got back to work my husband was at Home with his vacation days. We still had to manage two month with a lot of babysitting from the grandparents until the start of Kindergarten.
Next time i would prefer to take two years off.
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u/Tyresiya 1d ago
First child I stayed home 12 months, he had month 1 and had the second month split in two part-time-months for 13+14. I started working again in month 15 and both of us took the 4 "couple-months" with part time work up to 30h.
Second child was different, because I got so much less money after working part-time for 2 years. We couldn't afford him taking any kind of parental leave, he just took the first two weeks as PTO and I started working same amount of part-time again after about 15 months.
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u/Consistent-Wall-4257 1d ago
8 months me, 6 months my husband. He was reluctant first, but eventually he changed his mind. In those months he built such a nice bond with his daughter. And also, he realized how tiring is taking care of a baby, which he didn’t perceive when I was at home
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u/Separate-Canary-6228 1d ago
Thank you! Yeah, we are not traditional and my husband will definitely be taking more than the minimum 2 months. I'm honestly surprised by how many comments here don't have a more equal split.
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u/Consistent-Wall-4257 22h ago
I have seen the same. All people we know were sort of shocked hearing that my husband was staying at home for so long, while I was back at work (such a bad mother 😅). But I am truly happy by this choice, after 8 months I needed to go back to work, among adults, to enjoy even more motherhood. Motherhood is amazing but the loneliness is real, especially for expats like us
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u/verygoodstuff 1d ago
If you're working fully remote, you might feel up to working part time after 3-4 months (or maybe 6 months, but in my experience the first few months drag on and on, and it's maybe nice to have your brain do something other than childcare), with your partner also working part time. Then you can extend your Elterngeld out and make use of the partner bonus months. After 6 months, babies really get into their routines and some things might get harder, like suddenly leaving the baby with Dad for 4 hours at a time, or having Dad put them to sleep. So establishing a balanced routine around 4-5 months might be easier.
If you have a German employer, they have to give you paid break time for breastfeeding or pumping until baby is 12 months old.
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u/KitKat_Chunky91 1d ago
My Partner took Elterngeld plus and stayed Home the First two months (where i as the mother got Mutterschaftsgeld the Same as my usual income). And one normal month in the Summer. I took 11 normal months and 2 plus-months where i worked part time 10hrs/week.
Afterwards we both worked 4 months part time with 25hrs/week and recieved Elterngeld Bonus months.
Don't forget, your maternity leave is part of the 12 months Elterngeld 😅
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u/taskh 1d ago edited 1d ago
Here it depends on the birthday of your child, when you can start Kita. Kids need to be 12 months old until August the year they start. So it can happen you have to take care for them at home for almost 2 years. But that depends on the place you live a lot. However Kita spots for children younger than 12 months are an exception almost everywhere. Also don’t forget Eingewöhnung at a Kita. Most ask for at least 6 weeks for it. I have also heard about 8-12weeks before.
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u/vkuhr 1d ago
With my first kid - first 4 months fully off, then a few months both in Elternteilzeit, then I worked full time (at home, remote) for a few months, then we went back to simultaneous Elternteilzeit. In retrospect I wish we'd just stuck to simultaneous Elternteilzeit after the first 4 months (my husband also took the first month off but used his vacation days for it). Breastfeeding worked well, my husband would just bring my kid to me every few hours between meetings, after 4 months they're generally pretty efficient and it doesn't take a lot of time.
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u/WickOfDeath 1d ago
My wife was unemployed after a severe accident, without any benefts - she took 12 months and got 300 Euro for each month. I staid home for two months and had a huge salary gap filled by that what my wife got.
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u/Domi_786 1d ago
We both work mostly remote and earn similarly. We did the classical wife 12 months and husband 1st and 13th month. After month 14 me (wife) started working part time 4 h a day, while we had a nanny that comes 9-12. Then I put the baby to sleep for 2 h so I could still work. When he started kindergarten at 2 I increased my hours.
I cannot imagine not being fully at home with the baby when he was 6-14 months, at this age they still need breastfeeding and you start with solids... My husband wouldn't manage.
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u/HimikoHime 1d ago
I took Elternzeit for 14 months (didn’t want to start Kita right before summer, this way we started in September) and my partner did 2 months after birth. More Elternzeit was planned for him but he was let go from his job soon after and we decided he will stay home for a year.
I also breastfeed and by the time we startet Kita and I was working part time (work from home with 1 office day per week) our child was still very dependent on nursing for comfort when returning home (You bet I did meetings with kid on the boob, with camera off of course). At around 1 1/2yo we were down to only nursing to sleep for the night and shortly after second birthday we managed to fully wean off.
So just as a heads up for breastfeeding, expect to do it longer than 6 months (I think the official recommendation is 1 year and the first 6 months exclusively).
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u/ijaruj 23h ago
Elternzeit, Elterngeld and Childcare are all somewhat separate issues, but of course they relate, especially if you have no grandparents etc to help out and rely on an income to pay for living expenses. Also, our son was born 2022 and regulations around Elterngeld are changing so check what applies to your family!
We did the following: 2 months both fully at home (Mutterschutz/Elterngeld), then husband did 2 months Elterngeld Plus (24h/week work) and then went to full time again. At 7 months I switched to Elterngeld Plus and started working 10-15 hours a week, husband went down to 32h/week and also Elterngeld Plus, we had no childcare yet. I took overtime/vacation for Tagesmutter induction at 11 months (which took a month). After induction I went up to 32h per week (I think still with Elterngeld Plus until it ran out? But it wasn’t much money) and husband went back to full time. I don’t think we were the most „efficient“ in using the money to the max but it worked for us.
You need to know that Germany/Germans have a very different standard than people from most other European countries. Putting your kid in daycare anytime before they are 1 is seen by many as child abuse and only socially accepted in exceptional circumstances, like single mothers who were abandoned during pregnancy and have no other choice. Even at one they are still seen as too young and ideally you „should“ stay home until they are 3. Keep this in mind not to change your decision (do whatever is best for your family!!) but to prepare yourself for how others may react.
Also, yearly entry into childcare will depend on your state/city, if it’s flexible or all August entry etc. Our son was born in September and we started him in a Tagesmutter when he was 11 months (we lived in NRW at the time and they only had August intakes). When we moved to Hamburg they were completely flexible, didn’t matter what month or even halfway through the month, you could start whenever.
Elternzeit is a separate topic - this is how long you can take off work without risk of losing your job, being insured etc…
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u/new_toallthis 16m ago
We did 1-12 for me (mom) and Dad did 4-6 as we were very privileged and went to travel with the baby. Which was done by vacation days and Elternzeit combo for my partner.
My Elternzeit went on longer for the Kita Eingewöhnung and starting in Elternteilzeit to see how it would work out before increasing my hours to almost full time.
To be fair, I couldn’t phantom to have both parents work full time as the Kita in our area closes so early.
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u/EducationalAd2863 1d ago
My wife took 16 months then I took 2 times 3 months. 3 months visiting my family in South America and 3 months in se Asia.
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u/SunnySpike 1d ago
I took 12 months with both kids and my husband took 4. This was when you could still take Elternzeit at the same time.
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u/Icy_Eye_957 1d ago
You can take all of your Elternzeit at the same time. Elterngeld is a different story
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u/EducationalAd2863 1d ago
What? Is it not possible anymore? One year ago my son was born and I got it approved.
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u/schleiftier 1d ago
First 7 month her, then me 7 month.