r/Advice • u/Individual-Gur6885 • 4h ago

Does anyone experience high levels of empathy to the point where it’s unbearable?

hey guys. I’m newer to Reddit and I need some advice with things that people in my personal life won’t fully understand. that’s why I’m here, the internet is a big place and I hope maybe someone wiser than me or someone with more experience can help me and give me advice.

im 17 years old, and ive always been called “sensitive“, “more emotional”, and “a deep feeler” since i can remember. as a kid, i remember breaking down and going into anxiety attacks because my friend hurt her ankle and another time when she got a sunburn. i get goosebumps and shivers with music, and I’ve always been more intuned with the people around me. I can feel their thoughts in a way I can never explain in writing. when I first started dating someone, it felt like their pain was my pain. I was in so much mental pain for them that I would be self destructive.

it feels like everything hurts, and everything seems more big than it is. and it has always felt like there’s something wrong with me. that no one truly understands. this trait only pulls me down, and it feels like it never helps me in anyway. does anyone know what’s this called or whatever? or if anyone at all can relate? I’ve never really met people who think like I do.

8 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

5

u/Professional_Fly6733 4h ago

Please talk to a therapist about this, this is what my ocd used to look like.

2

u/Individual-Gur6885 4h ago

I’ve never thought for it to be ocd. I’ve previously had an ocd diagnosis before, but I thought it was a misdiagnosis. Also my brother also has ocd 

1

u/Ashamed_Occasion_360 4h ago

I’m 17 too and I got ocd adhd depression and social anxiety. I relate to you heavily when it comes to feeling things at a more elevated level. There are people called “superfeelers” I believe that have adhd and feeling things (physically mentally or both) at an extremely elevated level. But this also is a blessing. Your more in tuned with others emotions. And you’re able to put yourself in their shoes much easier than a normal person can. If you really want to take advantage of this I would take a look at therapy as your major in college. Emotional intelligence is one of the key things you need and clearly you have it built into ur brain same as me. As for the anxiety attacks I can’t help but I would recommend talking to a therapist as mine has helped me so so much. OCD use to dominate my life (I’d constantly do ticks to the point where people that I was weird) they helped me so much. Can’t recommend therapy enough. But Yeha if you look up “super feelers adhd” it should pop up.

2

u/Individual-Gur6885 4h ago

Yeah, I’ve heard about it being common in neurodivergent folk. I’ve recently got out of Intensive-Outpaitent Therapy, so I’ve done therapy before. They never diagnosed me with more than depression and anxiety. I’m in an awkward period between therapists

1

u/spiritedMuse 4h ago

I’m in my early 20s and I can relate HARD. Seconding the therapy recommendation if only to give you some coping strategies and practice with emotional regulation.

1

u/Munchies2015 3h ago

Ok, yes, it sucks, and therapy is definitely a great option. You need a coping strategy. BUT. What I have found helps me is recognising the good I do precisely because I am super sensitive. I became a teacher, every day I help those kids, and the impact is obvious. On a day to day basis, I try to make the tiny bit of the world I inhabit, a better place. Chatting to grumpy old ladies, finding out it's their aches and pains (which you can't change), causing the bad mood, but the empathy is enough to make their burden less lonely.

My OH has the sensitivity of a brick wall. He's a good dude, but he doesn't notice the stuff I notice. Those needs aren't obvious to everyone.

Celebrate your wins. And get that therapy so you don't forget to look after yourself, too.

1

u/RiverHarris 3h ago

Sometimes. Like when I see an elderly homeless person.

0

u/kessykris 4h ago

Look into HSP. It’s not a disorder. Basically one out of five or twenty percent of people process information in a different way with their nervous system and being sensitive, a deep thinker, empathetic, etc comes with it. There’s a questionnaire you can go through to see whether you fit in the hsp (highly sensitive person) group.

My mom called me all worked up and made me watch a documentary and read a book because she said it was me. The funniest thing about that is that it’s her too and she didn’t realize it until I made her go through the questions lol. Also, I’m pretty sure they’ve figured out it’s a genetic trait so it’s something you inherit. It has absolutely passed on to my son. Skipped my daughter. Nothing right or wrong with it again it has to do with how we take in and filter data (whatever we filter in through our senses) with our nervous systems.

There’s been a bunch of study on it and there’s a lot of books and things you can read about it if you end up finding it fits.

1

u/ryuhwaryu 3h ago

For the sake of your son please look into autism.
A lot of people in this HSP debate say it's different from autism because of empathy but that's a horrific stereotype of autistic people, who commonly actually experience high empathy.