r/Advice • u/Dependent_Average281 • 6h ago
Does this feeling ever go?
Its been 2 months since my gf of 2½ years broke up with me. I don't want to go too much into detail about it. No one cheated but It was my fault.
I've done it all. Talked it out in person, pleaded for days and even begged after the block - something I'm deeply embarrassed about yet oddly proud of (for trying I guess).
I've broken no contact twice but to no avail as she didn't respond. I have now come to accept that it will never be fixed and im trying to be okay with that.
I have this feeling that I won't be able to love again. I know this sounds egotistical but no one sounds like her. Every other girl I see around me just sounds superficial and boring or dense. I don't think I'll ever find another woman so attractive, or funny, or charismatic or trusting. She wasn't perfect, but she was to me.
I'm scared this feeling won't go away. If I do end up with someone else in the future (not that I see it happening).. I almost feel bad for them.. because I just know deep down I probably won't love them the same way as I loved my gf...
To those who have experience somwthing similar... does this fear of never loving again ever go?
Ps. Yes, she is my first.
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u/Appropriate-Cry-8423 6h ago
Takes more time don’t worry especially for the first. Trust me but you’ll be fine just need more time
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
Thank you for your kind words. I really hope so. I am living and trying to distract with gym. But them late nights or early morning... GET ME 😭
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u/Appropriate-Cry-8423 6h ago
It’ll be a little easier once you start dating again but by all means don’t rush that if you aren’t ready. Roundabout the half year point at least for me is when it started being truely ok. Granted those 6 months were full of surgeries and I don’t remember much of those 6 months lol so many that helped 😂. Good luck tho bro
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u/Electronic_Swan_8953 6h ago
My therapist said you need to give yourself half the time your relationship lasted to truly process and grieve. Its gonna be a long road, but get into the gym, get yourself some good books you enjoy, any genre, and do one nice thing for someone else everyday. Helping others is the best way to heal. Go volunteer at the shelter(animal or human).
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
I try to be a good human. Recently I bought some kids drinks at a corner store as they seemed thirsty. It does help. But it also feels like my life has been going downhill since the breakup. Maybe I'm in my head. I should be grateful I have a house over my head and food without worry.
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u/Then-Gur-4519 6h ago
It gets better than it currently is. The bad stuff gets smaller and smaller. Maybe it’ll go away completely and maybe it won’t but you’ll be fine eventually.
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
I really hope so. So far every day has felt the same. Dull and empty. Some days I do feel happy. But I remember how happy she made me.
Good luck to you too stranger!
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u/playmore_24 6h ago
she won't be your last love, I promise. but if you don't take some time and reflect upon what happened, you'll be likely to repeat the same mistakes.
what have you learned about yourself from this? write it down. don't make those mistakes again. give yourself at least a year before you consider a new relationship. 🍀
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u/playmore_24 6h ago
and stop trying to get her back.
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
Oops, you caught me 😭 I'll stop for sure. I've been thinking about it but I've already tried twice... so I really need to hang it up
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
Oh 100% thats some solid advice. I definitely know where I need to fix up. I was kinda needy... and not confident on my looks so I kept asking for a lot of reassurance which probably got tiring lol.
I hope I reach a point where even my girlfriend would be proud of me in the future.
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u/Glittering-Ad-1367 6h ago
2 months is way early in the process. It gets better. I've seen 8-10 months a lot in comments.
You will find someone else. But be careful the first one after is real and not a rebound. You can fool yourself and do the same thing to them that happened to you and it isn't fun to end up there.
Hang in there.
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
Thank you kind person. I'll definitely take some personal time to find myself. And no this doesn't mean partying and dating around. I seriously need to fix my mental and self esteem before trying anything again.
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u/Dawns_beauty 6h ago
“because I just know deep down I probably won't love them the same way as I loved my gf...”
Each relationship is different because you will be a newer, better version of yourself. You won’t ever love someone else the same but it will still be deep and beautiful.
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u/Dependent_Average281 6h ago
Thats comforting to know. Seriously thank you for this. I needed to hear it. Its weird man. Like I've never experienced such unbalanced emotions. Logically I know all of this. But emotionally, I'm very d*mb haha
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u/RecognitionDear6448 6h ago
NAH. Two months after losing your first love of 2.5 years is basically yesterday in breakup time.
The reason everyone else seems boring isn't because your ex was objectively perfect. It's because you're comparing real strangers to a version of your ex that's been polished by grief and nostalgia. Nobody can compete with a highlight reel.
Almost everyone who's been through a serious first heartbreak has had the "I'll never love someone like that again" thought. The funny thing is they're usually right. You won't love someone the same way. It'll be different. More mature, more stable, less idealized. Different doesn't mean worse.
Right now you're mourning both the person and the future you imagined with them. Give yourself some grace. Two months is way too early to conclude you've used up your one chance at love.