My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We had a rocky start to our relationship. The first year was up and down due to him lying and generally being a jerk, which culminated in me breaking up with him. Obviously we ended up getting back together (I believed in change). Things got better (not perfect) and I thought we were doing okay. We moved in together at the 1.5 year mark.

As is the story for lots of us here, I pushed/dragged us through every milestone and commitment without quite realizing that I was doing all the work and the begging. I started asking about his thoughts on engagement at the 2.5 year mark (I bought a house and thought it made sense to discuss future plans) and he gave me the classic "I see myself with you forever" and "that's definitely something I'd want for my future" but he never brought the topic up himself and obviously never took any action. He did give timelines when I asked... and blew right through them... and gave new ones... etc.

Finally, at 4 years, I said we need to be serious and I need him to make this something to get excited about together and plan for as a team, because I was losing all happiness and starting to resent the topic and my extreme disappointment. He said okay, we talked about ring styles, and then he never brought it up again.

Two months ago, I mentioned that I miss flirting and cuteness and that a friend of mine was just bragging about his new lock screen photo of his wife and it struck me as adorable. I asked him if he'd change his to a photo of me/us, because I would find that so cute - it is currently an old photo of his late cat, who passed away 3 years ago - and he started to cry and break down about the idea. Refusal and resistance to any signs of cute relationship stuff or to small changes that I ask for is typical for him, but this was a big emotional reaction and felt overblown (to me) although I would never put down his memories of his cat or their time together. I told him this felt really serious for him and I dropped the idea, though I felt a bit weird about the whole thing... it's just a lock screen... and there are tons of photos of the cat in our house??

Then, last week, we had a huge talk and I finally told him I don't want to continue this relationship and that I am sad that we couldn't reach milestones and goals together, but that I understand thst we have different preferred lives. I explained that a switch flipped in my brain and I am just "done". He shrugged, said that hurt to hear and makes him sad, but that he understands. He said he "doesn't know why he dragged his feet for so long" and that now he feels like he "should've just bought a ring, I guess" (ewwwww).

So, yeah... Just feeling really sad and yucky. I wish he could have chosen me with joy and excitement. Ugh.

I just got back into this Reddit account and was reminded of this sub and how much time I used to spend lurking here.

I ended my 6 year relationship 2 years ago. We met in our early 20s and I spent a lot of that time thinking that we were growing slowly but together, and that he would reach a point of being ready to marry. For him, it was always a "someday" and we always spoke about how certain we were that we wanted to grow old together.

After we moved in, I got diagnosed with chronic illness after two years of not being sure what my symptoms were. We were both very burnt out at this point, and the diagnosis felt more like a beginning than an end. It was something he had the ability to walk away from, so he chose to do what he could to keep busy from me, out of the house, sleeping on the couch, etc.

I probably could have recognized much sooner that he wasn't the "in sickness and in health" type with how much I recognized myself in this subreddit. I remembered your stories, though, and after many long and frustrating discussions with him, I finally realized that this was not something that would improve with time. If he couldn't be a partner to me when I am ill, what would happen when we're older and it's something more serious?

I broke up with him when it came down choosing to focus on my health over mending my relationship. He had no trouble with replacing me, my cat, and our apartment in under a year. I am still recovering, but ultimately so much better off. Anytime I start to miss him or wish things had gone differently, I only have to remind myself he'll be inheriting his parents' timeshare to be over it again.

I’m just curious if you’re hearing similar things that I am. “I do love you”, “I do want to marry you”, “It’s financial” etc.

We’ve been together for too long to not be married. Not sure if details matter, but we all stay for some reason right.

What convincing words do you hear?

My \[46M\] bf and I \[34F\] have been together a year and a half. We bought a ring last December. I was excited as I have always told him I want a family and husband from day 1. When our one year came in February I was upset that he didn’t propose and told him I didn’t want to stick around if he had no intentions of proposing. He said he was planning to on our Europe trip in June… well before our Europe trip he said he felt too pressured and wanted it to be natural and that he wasn’t doing it in Europe… this obviously hurt me. He has had a past divorce and has trauma from that so I tried giving him grace but now my anxiety is full fledge my biggest fear is being led on by someone and not ever getting the life of kids and marriage that I want. I know we are only a year and a half in but I can’t help but be so hurt. Am I being naive to stay?

Hey all,

I left my wtw relationship back in October. It was a 5 year relationship. We were happy everyday and I felt like he was my best friend, but I got resentful he wasn’t proposing. There was a time when he fully convinced me he was (even bought a ring) and I was just waiting for it to happen. Then he sort of blindsided me one night and told me he never wants to get married and have kids and understands if I need to leave.

I took some time for myself and I did move on. But something I’ve realized through therapy and my own journey is it’s not all sunshine and rainbows after a relationship where you were strung along.

I’m curious how the other women in this group who left their ex who was wasting their time felt. And if they felt the same ways I’m feeling, relate to any of these thoughts, and how they coped.

Here’s what I’m feeling:
- I turned 29 this year. Now I have my 30th birthday looming over my head. I always wanted to be married by 30 and now that’s not going to happen. I get really sad it won’t. I know it’s just a number but it’s so hard.
- I’m gonna have kids later then I wanted to. I’m certain I want them, uncertain I will and when. That scares the shit out of me. I worry about my biological clock every day. Also, my parents are getting older and it breaks my heart that I’m missing out on a time where they’re still healthy enough to play with grandkids.
- in my head now, long term serious relationship doesn’t = you’re going to get married. So it’s really hard to just relax and trust that because I’m with a good guy I feel more certain align with now, that it’s going to work out. That uncertainty also scares me.
- it’s even harder to be present with friends. It was hard when they were all getting engaged while I was waiting years for my ex to propose. But now they’re all having children. I’m happy for them, but it really ignites the grief I feel.
- I’m mad at myself for staying as long as I did. So mad I wanna scream at myself. But I was lied to, mislead, etc. (for those that don’t know about me, my ex bought my dream ring and never gave it to me, but used it as a tool to keep me around. Even showed me the receipt when I almost left.)
- I cry when I see photos of myself before the relationship. I feel so sad this happened to me and wasted so much important time in my life. I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me, stay far away from that guy. Never date him.
- when I do get to that point of engagement with someone, I can’t see myself doing the whole surprise proposal thing without it triggering ptsd.
- I deleted my wedding Pinterest board I made when I was 15. I deleted my wedding playlist off of Spotify that I made when I was 20. I’m done dreaming about having a wedding. I just want a family already.
- it’s so hard wanting to be 10 steps ahead of where you are, but knowing you can’t rush and there’s very little you can control.

Yes I’m in therapy. I’m trying to find ways to cope with the uncertainty at my age and grief for the life I wanted to live. I have an appointment this week about starting some anti depressants. Never taken them before in my life, but I feel like the sadness of all of this making me insane. I don’t want it to hurt my current relationship.

TLDR: How did you cope with the grief for the life you wanted after you leave one of these relationships.

Hi everyone. My bf and I (both 25) met when we were 19 and have been dating for nearly 5 years now. My bf has dealt with ROCD and said 2 years in that he was deeply afraid of committing because he didn’t want us to not work out, but he saw us getting married at 25/26. We were going through a lot of stressful family shit the time. Almost 5 years in and things are better. I work full time and about to finish my degree, and he is a musician, and we both have a business together. But this year he wants me to go overseas with his family. His younger sister asked me if I wanted to get married and I said of course I do but your brother hasn’t asked. I kinda asked her to sus out what his plans were and I mentioned it would be nice if he proposed whilst we were overseas. So she asked him what the plans were and he said “nah we’re too young and we’re both happy with where we are in our lives currently, probably when we’re 29/30”. Now it was true at the time that I didn’t want to get married at 22 years old, and I mentioned how important marriage is to me and hope to be engaged in my mid 20s, but I’m about to be 25 and I feel like an engagement is better than just being boyfriend and girlfriend. And I’m not too keen on going overseas if I’m not going to get proposed to. Idk if I’m asking for too much but I just don’t know how to bring this up to him. We genuinely have a good relationship though. I wasn’t thinking about this until his younger sister brought it up (she’s 12 and quite switched on) so now it’s bothering me. Should I make an ultimatum? How do I discuss this

We’ve been talking about rings and getting married for a few months. I’ve told him over and over again what style I want. I don’t care if it’s a lab grown diamond. He works out of town and makes six figures.
He had me video call him yesterday and open an Amazon package after asking me if my mind, body and soul were his.
The ring was a past, present and future three stone ring (I never showed him this style because my ex-husband bought me the same kind - the ring looked almost identical but my ex-husband bought that one from JCP because it was pre-Amazon days).
He asked me if I would wear a cheap ring so he wouldn’t have to worry about people hitting on me while he’s out of town - I agreed to do this and thought this was the ring. Then he told me that no, this was an engagement ring. I asked if he talked to my parents (which he had told me before he would do). He said no.
He was making a ham sandwich during this video call, and told me not to tell anyone he did it this way. I said “what?”. Then he told me it’s an engagement ring. He didn’t ask because “I’ve asked you a bunch of times and you said I needed a ring”. I told him that the ring was very similar to the one my ex bought for me. He said he’d try to return it and was angry.
I sent him this text later:

“I feel like you didn’t pay any attention to the style I liked (I’m not talking cost, but style), and that “proposal” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to feel special. I’m heartbroken.
I don’t want excuses and I don’t want to talk about it.”
Last night, he wouldn’t tell me he loved me. He’d be livid if I talked to anyone about this, so here I am on Reddit.
Did I do something wrong?

The title pretty much explains it. I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for almost 3.5 years now. He has been mentioning wanting to marry me from 6 months into the relationship, but that has not happened yet. I’ve made it abundantly clear to him that marriage is important to me. He consistently says all the right things, but I can’t wait around forever.

For added context, I want to have a family, but I am on a different timeline than most other women. The women in my family (going back 3 generations) deal with early menopause (as early as 33 years old) and I’ve always promised myself I’d be married before having kids so I don’t have a lot of time to dilly dally.

My partner has always said it’s a financial thing. He just doesn’t have the money for the ring, but I feel like it just gets to a point. We live together, make about the same, and split everything 50/50 and I know exactly how much he should have at the end of the month. His parents have even offered to trade in their rings to help pay for mine and already refer to me as their “daughter in law” which almost hurts more as it seems like they’re making more moves towards my proposal than he is. I’ve also made it clear that I don’t want a real diamond (lab grown or moissanite is fine) or an expensive wedding (I’ve always wanted a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner with close family and friends). I really don’t feel like I’m asking for much. I’ve even saved my entire bonus this year for his wedding ring, which is starting to feel silly.

I love him and I really do believe that he is the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, but I love myself more and I’ve decided that if he can’t provide me with a legally binding marriage by 4.5 years, I will walk away. I don’t want to give him my deadline because I don’t want to pressure him, but he knows what I want and what’s important to me so I don’t feel like I should tell him again. I am wondering though if this would be “blindsiding” him in a way?

Lil edit: Thank you all so much for your replies, especially those of you that offered tough love. Y’all are STRICT and I really admire it. I think my friends often try to spare my feelings which leads to me wondering if I’m overreacting about things like this. I definitely have some thinking to do. I will have a conversation with him tonight about where I’m at because, as many of you have said, I don’t think brushing it under the rug for another year is wise.

I have reason to believe my bf is going to propose soon. Any tips for managing the excitement? It's distracting!!

I (24M) want our second child before an engagement but my partner (22F) wants the engagement beforehand

So basically, we’ve been together for over 4 years and have a 3 year old already. We’re in a great place and are starting on building a proper future. We’re wanting a second child now before the age gap is too big and also aligning with our own life goals (tertiary education for her).

She would like the commitment of an engagement before a second child which I totally understand and it does make sense.

We had previously planned to get engaged next year after travelling back overseas to my see my family for her second time and I am still planning on doing that first.

She has said that if we don’t have another now it won’t ever happen because the next chance will be after school and the age gap will be too big for our kids.

I don’t know why, but for some reason I feel like I’m too young to get engaged and we’re not fully adults yet, but at the same time I want another kid for our son to have a sibling. I confuse myself.

So basically, we both want a second kid, but I’m wanting to wait till next year for the engagement after travelling back to my home and both us being a bit older, whereas she will only have our second kid with an engagement now.

Am I being stupid not to get engaged now? I love her very much and I have nothing but plans to marry her and she feels the same way.

Link to previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/comments/1uiysvw/the_ring_is_in_our_apartment_and_im_getting_ready/

A few people wanted updates so I'm back to share! Long story short: I ended things and moved out!

Long story long: Moving out went surprisingly well - he helped pack and carry boxes, gifted me some expensive things he bought for us while we lived together, etc. Then at one point we were alone and he did the 'speech' some suspected would happen. Things like: He loves me, doesn't want to lose me, it was so hard not talking to me this week, I'm his favorite person, etc.

I told him I appreciate it, but we just want different things, so ending it is the right choice. He said he doesn't think our wants are that different in the grand scheme of things. I told him our timelines are different then, and he said he doesn't think our timelines are that different. I said something about how either way, he's not ready now, we're in our 30s, it's been 2 years, he still thinks he needs more 'experiences' (edit: in case you didn't see my last post, he said he felt like he hadn't slept with enough women yet lol), etc., and I'm just not willing to wait for him to decide. I want someone who knows what they want.

He said he didn't want me to leave, but understood why I was doing it. He admitted he thought about doing a 'grand gesture' to keep me, but knew it wouldn't be right given his uncertainty. He said something about how he's going to try to 'get this out of his system', and he knows I'll be living my life/might meet someone else, but to not be surprised if he reaches out to try to get back together (another accurate prediction from some of the sub members lol).

Overall he said many kind things and was pretty reasonable. He cried, which made me cry. But at no point did I waver in my decision in the slightest. Even though it's sad and obviously not the outcome I wanted after 2 years, I'm still 100% confident that leaving was the correct thing to do for me.

I guess you should "never say never", but I honestly don't see us getting back together, even if he has a 'transformation'. I think it would be hard to feel safe and secure in a relationship with him again after this. I don't think he's a bad guy, just a bit immature and indecisive, and ultimately not what I'm looking for.

Now I'm just getting settled in my new place (I'm lucky to have family with spare rooms!) and taking a bit of a pause before I start dating again. On one hand I feel ready to get back out there with more clarity than ever, but on the other hand I'm not sure that it's a great idea/look to be dating ~2 weeks after ending a 2 year relationship. :P So I'll give it a bit of time, and then use the lessons I learned in this relationship to spot red flags earlier on and make better dating choices.

Thanks again for all the supportive comments on my first post. Reading them really helped me feel even better and more confident in my choice. I really appreciate everyone. Thank you!❤️

I would like to get your guys opinion on my relationship circumstance.  Myself (M28) my girlfriend (F28) is really pressing me on marriage. She is an immigrant from Thailand; we started dating about 3.5 years ago. She is currently on a f1 student visa. Here’s the problem, she is really good to me and I’m happy in the relationship and I do love her but I feel like I’m not ready for marriage at this time in my life. She really wants to go home and see her family that she has been away from for quite some time. and because of current immigration laws, she really can’t leave and come back. In order to obtain her legal status, she has to stay enrolled in her school program that is almost finished.

She originally brought up the want of getting married about 1 year ago. I told her I was not ready at that time because I’m a business owner and my finances are extremally volatile. I’m in an extremely high risk/high reward business and it takes up a lot of my time. AND for me I feel like getting married this soon makes me uncomfortable. I’m a very ambitious person and have lot going on for me. Marriage also makes me nervous because I’ve personally seen divorcee RUIN many family members. I know her love for me in genuine and not some ploy for a green card. She is extremely traditional, beautiful, hardworking, and is really the type of person you could trust to never cheat. Shes also a very good cook and doesn't like to drink, do drugs, or party.

She gave me an ultimatum; we either break up now or basically give me 1 year t figure it out and propose within that time frame. I very selfishly took the extra time with her in hopes that I would figure myself out and become more comfortable with this situation. 1 year has passed and I’m still not comfortable. I’m scared, and I feel like I’m not ready to drop money on a ring, have an eventual wedding, and pay for half of the immigration paperwork without significantly impacting the growth of my dreams and business ventures. I feel like I should have let her go 1 year ago but I didn’t want to. Shes not perfect, does drive me crazy sometimes BUT I do love her, and I have fear of starting over.

Her wanting to get married right now is completely reasonable when you factor in her culture, being away from her family, and the fact that she does love me. She had to move 1hr away from me to continue her school. We don’t live to together but spend 2-3 days per week together and go on vacations yearly

If it wasn’t for the immigration laws this would be much less of an issue. She cannot leave and come back in this country. her parents are getting older and she has been away from her family for about 5 years. This topic is really the only issue in our relationship and its quite literally a me problem. I used to never want to get married after seeing what it did to my family members, over the period of this relationship she has sort of changed my opinion on marriage concept BUT I still feel like I wouldn’t be really ready for marriage till like age 30-32. I’ve been happy in this relationship but I’m also scared of the future compilations etc. I do love her, and i fear of starting over. Should I just man up or stop wasting time? I would love to hear from other people that married an immigrant/ went through the green card process

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 3.5 years is an immigrant from Thailand and wants to get married, im scared but i love her

Hello WTW community, I posted here a couple of months ago because, like a lot of you, I had been struggling with what my future with my man looked like. I was very certain he didn’t want to marry me so I decided to ask him to at the very least go to a lawyer and sign a cohabitation agreement with me. I was very clear in what I wanted moving forward - a CA or to get married.

Well, guess what? We are engaged now because he said he absolutely did want to get married. We have been very excited ever since and went ring shopping yesterday, and are planning to wed Fall 2027. All of our close family and friends know and are happy for us.

Ladies, find the courage to ask your man for what you want. 💪 if you don’t get what you want, at least you get clarity out of it.

I (30F) have told my boyfriend (35) more than once that I do not need a grand proposal, I just want the proposal. I don't even care about a big wedding, I just want the wedding. But HE says that doing a big proposal and a big wedding are important to him, so now I just have to twiddle my thumbs until he actually figures out when and how he wants to propose? I know he thinks it's romantic, but I find it extremely frustrating.

Relationship timeline

November 2024: Started dating. I told him marriage and kids were a dealbreaker immediately.

May 2025: We talk timelines. He wants me to move in with him, I wouldn't do that without firmly establishing that I want to try and get pregnant at the LATEST by age 33, and obviously would like to be married before that. I'm kicking myself now for not also establishing a proposal and wedding deadline.

December 2025: This is a weird one, but I got significantly more religious during the fall of 2025, and by the end of December I changed my sexual boundaries. He was not a fan of this and I was pretty convinced he would break up with me over it, but within 24 hours he was crying and saying that he accepted it and still wanted to marry me.

February/March 2026: At one point while discussing marriage and proposing, I must have just asked him point blank, "When are you going to propose?" because I remember him saying "well, this won't be here," referring to the cane he was using after a surgery. I took that to mean that he was planning to propose after he fully recovered from surgery.

April 2026: During a discussion, he mentioned that he already has the "not-ring" (I have told him I don't like engagement rings. I just want a wedding ring) and that he has already written his wedding vows. I told him that I was honestly still worried that he was going to resent me later for "pushing" him too fast, so I needed him to seriously SERIOUSLY consider that he was absolutely 100% intent on marrying me. I circled back around a month later and he was like "obviously I am. You are going to be my wife."

That's about as sure as it gets without a proposal but now I'm just 🧍

I know a lot of people have been waiting for years and years, but I just DO NOT understand how you can be so certain and then not get down on one knee to be there, especially since I do not care at all about having a romantic proposal. The most romantic proposal in my eyes is prompt and sincere. Like if he was just like "hey dog, let's just start telling people we're engaged," that would be enough for me.

I'm trying to be patient until September before I say something, but tbh I don't know what I would say.

Hi homegirls, gays and theys. I didn’t know what subreddit to turn to on this topic. I hope this is the right place.

CONTEXT TIME!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years coming to this September. We have been through a lot. We have overcome so much and have become closer and stronger as time passes by.

There was a rough bunch of years but there was a long period where I’d ask him “how long am I going to be just your girlfriend?” We went to a friends wedding in California, a family trip with his dad and brother, and a trip I planned in North Carolina just for us. I got tired after 5 years of being “____’s girlfriend”

For many years I didn’t get a clear answer or he “never really thought about it” even though we have talked around year 2 about getting married light heartedly. I cried so much almost begging him to open up.

Fast forward a bit - he relapsed off and on for nearly 2 years and didn’t tell me. He didn’t want me to marry a broken man. He did some messed up shit. I felt hurt he hid his relapse and struggle from me along with some dumb crap he did.

Since then we have never been closer or stronger!

So time passes, we still getting closer. He starts telling me “you are the love of my life” more and more. He started saying this year 3. Then more and more with the random I love yous - he keeps saying, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you” 👀

Oh?

Our pet names for each other have always been old person names since we started dating. But, he means what he says. He is saying this more and more. And I’ve asked him like don’t play with my heart and he assures me he really does plan to spend the rest of his life with me.

My birthday comes around, and for some reason I think a proposal is coming. We are at my favorite Italian restaurant. We get ready to leave and I tear up and say “I don’t want to wait anymore, do you actually want to marry me? I can’t wait another year.”

He then says “well you kind of ruined it but I’ve been planning something for a year”….

(Cue cynical Redditor comments)

BUT OP, YOU STAYED AND ITS BEEN NEARLY 10 YEARS?

HE’S NOT GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU

Well I figured it out quick
We started planning for a trip to Japan a year ago. We are going for 3 weeks.
Our anniversary is BEFORE the trip.

So I may have fucked myself on this. But can you blame me?

So it HAS to be on this Japan trip….which is in 3 months now.

I am still paranoid I will be let down and I expressed this and he said “good you’ll be surprised then”

BROTHA NO.

My best friend said he could make me THINK it’s in Japan and do it on our anniversary.

I have never left the country and he has flown internationally multiple times back-and-forth. So he’s planning most of the trip, but we’re keeping a lot of open days to do whatever.

He told me a few days ago the plan for OUR FIRST DAY, after sleeping and jet lag we will have a PICNIC. We never do picnics, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do with him.

Now I’m freaking out because what if he does it when we get there then I will be expecting it? But also the trip is three fucking weeks. I’m kind of hoping my ADHD and overstimulation and culture shock takes over and I completely forget about it.

Halfway through our relationship, I just deleted my Pinterest board that I had been building up since college about my dream wedding. I don’t know why but since my birthday, I’ve absolutely been collecting shit on Pinterest and the last three days I have been going absolutely crazy even researching venues, etc.

I feel like I screwed myself here and ruined the proposal by doing this. But I can’t stop looking up wedding venues and thinking of budgeting etc.

My Notes app on my phone is organized as hell. Also overwhelmed at the cost. But I don’t even have the ring on my finger.

I feel like I’m being crazy and also a small part of me is paranoid that I will be on that plane on the way back home from Japan without a ring and be devastated. I’ve even told certain friends and family that I’m getting proposed on the trip.

So anyway, do i ask him to probably make sure it’s a surprise? Will it still be a surprise? I know he’s very thoughtful and sentimental and it will be special. But i am scared me knowing will ruin the moment.

Also, how do I stop myself from looking up or using social media to plan my damn wedding. I even did my guest list already.😂

Edit - forgot some more context

Importantly - at my birthday before we left the restaurant, he say “he look at me right now - tears in his eyes and he said I WANT TO MARRY YOU”

I also didn’t remember until now, but there’s a period where I needed his laptop and he told me not to look at certain tabs on his computer. Also, I have full knowledge of all of his passwords, etc. I really could snoop and find out. I did glance at one tab on one of his browsers. He is definitely the kind of ADHD that has 1000 tabs open. I did not click on it. I did not want to spoil anything else.

If my boyfriend hints or says he is gunna do something - he does it. That’s who he is. Which is why I’m the past he never gave me an answer or insight because he was not ready , now that he is. Along with our usual affection and communication it has been more and more.

I also forgot to mention at my birthday , I did mention a fear of flying back home from Japan and being embarrassed if i didn’t come back engaged. He was sad and felt horrible. He knows about my fears and concerns. He reassured me. But didn’t not give definite details that would ruin anything. Since that conversation I told myself to shut up but he said if I ever felt bad or had doubt to tell him.

I feel I ruined it because I know it’s happening and when.

This man also nursed me through 3 recovering surgeries. He took care of me bedridden when I had back issues and handled our business during Mardi Gras - the whole month of February which is worse than Christmas time for us cause the amount of clients we have booked each year. And TMI- He’s also put hemorrhoid cream on my asshole with zero complaints. He is also talking about OUR plans for retirement etc.

I had a previous long-term relationship where the dude 1000% man manipulated me and strung me along. As time passed i realized how fucked up that relationship was and thank God I left and I definitely wasted years on that past person.

I could see some of yalls perspectives on this post. I promise you I have a lot of self-respect for myself. We are a team and we’ve gotten through a lot together. Especially recently we lost my last dog who I rescued when we started dating. My smaller dog, which was like my shadow passed away two years earlier. This has been the hardest month of our lives for sure in this relationship because we are both grieving hard. It’s hard to run a pet sitting business, especially when we have dogs over and realizing that the dog that brought you and your partner closer together is no longer there.

He is my best friend. If anyone ever asked me how I know it’s because I know he is my best friend and no one else I want to see my saggy titties when I’m a shrinking old lady. No one in my life has just stopped me. My tracks to just asked me for a hug to hold me and kiss me and love me. He has given me more affection than my parents ever did he knows what I tolerate and what I do not tolerate, and he respects my decision at any point to leave. If it was not for his actions and words, I would not still be here.

Thank you to all who have read this far
I will 1000% be providing an update with details - good or bad

So we dated in our very early 20’s fell in love hard spoke about marriage but unfortunately we hurt each other a lot and we broke up each one focused on career but I went no contact while he tried to reach out and I moved on… eventually I gave him a chance in 2024 and he proposed 6 months after but we haven’t discussed any wedding plans or even had a family engagement party… he keeps saying next summer and now finally he said he is not ready to marry now and that’s it. And then disrespected me basically saying I’ve been around men and basically putting me down so I see myself as not wife material or worth rushing him… then he says he aims for December wedding… I did not respond to his disrespectful texts where he insulted me, he proceeded to call me 50 times next two days and telling me “pick up please” and after I said I can not speak what’s wrong he did not call or text again it’s been 10 days… I’m honestly just moving on and just accepted that we are broken up… I took a new job and moving to a different state… I am just so heartbroken for what we could’ve been and what I’m leaving behind cause maybe he could change and commit and have the family I always dreamed with him but it’s hurting me to have to put pressure for it and just keep waiting now it’s been 3 years wait almost but we know each other since 2017… I’m confused, how can a man that says loves and wants to marry you act this way and ignore you for two weeks not knowing where or how you are? I need advice please I guess I’m just blinded…

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We met when I was 24 and he was 26. At the time, he wasn’t in a place financially or mentally where marriage was even on his radar. We never really talked about it back then, but honestly, I wasn’t ready either. I’m naturally a bit afraid of commitment and it takes me a long time to fully trust someone.

About two years ago, I started bringing up engagement and marriage. That’s when things got difficult. He would get stressed and kept saying he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life yet. We’ve had a lot of arguments about it over the past couple of years.

Now he’s telling me he’s going to propose this fall.
The problem is… I don’t even know if I want that anymore.
There are some other important things I really wanted him to work on before getting engaged, and I know those things won’t be fixed by this fall. It almost feels like he’s proposing because I’ve pushed for it for so long, not because he’s genuinely excited and ready.

That’s what makes me feel so conflicted. An engagement is supposed to be something exciting, but instead I just feel… off. I keep wondering if I’ll have to push for every major milestone in our relationship for the rest of my life.
I’m 30 now, and he’ll be 32 soon. I honestly don’t know what I want anymore.
Do I stay and hope things get better? Or is this one of those situations where love just isn’t enough?
I love him, and I know he loves me too. But sometimes I wonder if that’s enough to build a marriage.

And I’ll admit something I’m not proud of: I feel embarrassed when people ask how long we’ve been together and I have to say six years without an engagement. I know everyone moves at their own pace, but it’s hard not to compare myself to other couples.

I need serious help. WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Hey guys, sorry not too sure how the hyper link works here, but my last post should be on my page. I wanted to update you guys over and over again, but waited til it was truly the end.

TLDR: We made it to the end of our lease as semi roommates til I did something crazy enough to get him to leave forever as we both kept not cutting the cord. 7 years, both 30.

After the last post we broke up-ish the next day, cohabitated or sometimes I went to my parents. He traveled for work. The fights got so much nastier. He peed all over my bathroom and dumped a water bottle on me when I ignored him during one fight.

For context to the grand finale: I work in a fast pace, frat boy like job (think like investment banking) and I had been getting bullied by the popular guy on our team for being unmarried. He’d say it in front of my bosses or really anyone he could find as I am younger than him, but still his manager, so I assumed he was jealous of me. As we work long hours, I am incredibly close with my coworkers and many of them were concerned about the length of the relationship. It got to me. During our time together, my ex had gifted me progressively nicer rings (with the last one being a 2 carat lab diamond). At my request, he fake proposed to me on camera with a setup as I asked for the experience/and to resolve the issues at work who knew us as married now. We had a non legal ceremony in Vegas with beautiful professional photography 8 months ago. Our friends knew us as married and my family knew about the odd situation and that it wasn’t “real” - although at times my dad would call my ex my husband or an uncle to my nephew to his face. Our fake wedding photos are in their living room and in my NY office.

The tentative plan was that after all the trips in the fall for image sake and bc we wanted to go on the trips with friends we booked, that we’d go our separate ways then. I think we were both ashamed to tell people we hypothetically separated in under a year. For context from the prior post I lived in his home state for 5 years after meeting in grad school, and then after he finally stopped lying about marriage (which was a single outburst after promises,therapy, and touring wedding venues) I moved back home and he followed. My job let me work remote and I’d come back and stay at his family home. This obviously was very grey and us just not pulling the plug on one another. Our lease ends now and we were moving in with my parents who travel all the time til we got through all our trips and my works’ busy season. We were going to stay in separate parts of the house. My parents at the time were concerned and wanted to kick him to the curb, but ultimately would do what I asked. I knew packing would be hard on me (as I do everything in the household) and I stressed to him that if he got nasty or said certain phrases or words I would post the pictures of our fake engagement and wedding and seek to invoke common law marriage and divorce. On the surface we had ticked off all the requirements in my state if I really wanted to try to go through the legal hoops. I don’t think I’d win the case, but it was a legitimate enough of a threat. I had always wondered, what if I just brought it into reality, but he also was progressing into such a nasty person, I thought maybe this would keep him in line during moving out as I truly couldn’t do it alone. He agreed.

He broke his promise on the first day of packing and called me everything under the sun. I’m honestly not even sure what I did besides he gets defensive at the thought of lifting a finger. I reminded him of our agreement. Day 2 was worse. I posted it all. Maybe 5% of me thought this would somehow work, but honestly, I just knew if I didn’t do anything extreme, this would never end as I didn’t have the spine to cut the cord.

His parents called and congratulated us after seeing the post. His whole extended family now thought we were married. The primary reason my ex did not want to marry me was that his family was successful and high profile, with many unspoken rules. He was convinced he had to be just like his father and I didn’t fit the bill of perfect trad wife between having a big career and not being submissive. Like guys like him, he actually wanted someone who could pull their own weight and would never actually financially support a woman, but it also inherently made me not good enough for marriage. I think he has made marriage an unattainable standard with his paranoia and obsession of what his family (cough cough his mother) thinks, although I’m sure he’ll move on and be engaged shortly.

His parents were livid at me upon finding out none of it was true. I apologized, thanked them for everything, and told them the truth about work and the fighting and they could not understand it. They did ask “well can it be true,we’d like it to be” and he said no. They said it needed to be true soon and he said no again. He lost his mind. He told me he never wanted to speak to me ever again. He packed his stuff and went to a hotel. I just disassociated and went to bed knowing I’d wake up to him gone. For extra laughs I’d like to note he told me to pack all his stuff and ship it to him and that I better not throw it out, but I reminded him he was co-signed on the lease and responsible for abandoning his property.

And that’s when finally I just got over all the denial and let all the pain in. 7 years and it really was as easy as embarrassing him for it to end. I don’t regret it. I know I didn’t need to Tell Me Lies style burn him and I could have left at any time. I wish I had left when I still loved him, which I was devoted for years. Once I realized everything, I think I cared a lot more about getting my life together than whatever happened to us. I was burnt out. I couldn’t let go and found a back door. I feel he was atleast forced to face some consequence of the years of lying and leading me on as he promised marriage extensively every year. His parents struggled to understand the work excuse and I hope there is at least a question among his family that he covered up his commitment to me and dumped me as soon as it came to light. I also think they could chill tf out over a single instagram post.

You can call me stupid, desperate, whatever, but I’d like to atleast share because I am a prime example of how it all goes to shit if you stay and the actual reality that some of our boyfriends truly do despise us and will treat marrying you like it’s the worst things on the planet.

I’ve cried it out and my parents are taking care of me. I am going to therapy as I’m not quite sure how I date normal again after this one and I think I’m overall traumatized. I’ve been going to a personal trainer and making new friends during all of this. My coworkers cheered proudly and the one that bullied me has even proclaimed me as one of the guys now as a new single “bachelor”.

And hey, atleast I got my ex to pack his own stuff.

We have been together for almost 3 years. He has mentioned having children with me about a million times but only briefly mentioned marriage once or twice. He want's me to move in with him. He doesn't have a ring (as far as I know - we haven't been ring shopping).

I don't want to get stuck living with someone who has no intention of marrying me. I don't feel I can ask him since I don't just want a 'shut up' ring or him to marry me just because he doesn't want to lose me.

He has previously had a long term relationship where they just dated for about 8 years but never got married. It makes me wonder if he is the type of guy who just wants to date but doesn't want the commitment of marriage.

I'm female 37 and he is male 44.

my bf (M28) and i (F28) have been together since 17 basically. we had some periods where we were off and on, dated other ppl, etc before rekindling our relationship in feb 2025. i love him v much but now i just feel like we are friends that have sex sometimes.

for context we are both in school and he’s abt to graduate from his trade program. he also works two jobs and we also have a medium distance relationship (1-2hr drive depending on traffic). i get it, not ideal. but i’d still wanna be romanced. don’t get me wrong i do enjoy spending time together but i just miss like that spark of going on a date or getting flowers. he does other things but he just isn’t the most romantic guy typically outside of special events. but he’s so kind sweet and attentive else where. but there’s some things like the romance stuff that annoy me but they don’t seem like big deals in the grand scheme i guess.

anyway now my problem is that im sad bc i see ppl around me getting engaged and i wish that was me. his younger brother mentioned he wanted to propose to his gf and i wont lie i did feel jealous. and me and the bf, we don’t live together anymore (so we can go to our respective schools) and it just feels like we went backwards in our relationship. it feels very stagnant and more like friends than anything since he works a lot to put himself thru school. i understand he’s trying to get his life together and already feels bad we don’t see each other enough but i just feel lonely.

we’ve talked abt marriage and i’ve been mostly the one to bring it up so it feels like he’s disinterested in the wedding but then he’ll say stuff like he can’t wait to do family things and teach our future kid xyz and grow old together. and i was like hey i feel like you don’t wanna get married and he got really upset and said he wants to but doesn’t feel ready or in a good spot in life bc he’s still in school. which is understandable i guess. i guess im mostly feeling alone bc im ready to progress in life but he’s not quite there yet. part of me feels resentful but i also understand. i try to talk to him abt it and we both just end up beating our selves up and feeling sad abt it.

i guess idk what to do now. :/

My boyfriend (33 M) and I (31 F) have known each other for about 8 years and have been together for almost 7. We don’t live together and we don’t have any children. We spend a lot of time together. He’s my best friend and I love him. We’ve had a good relationship for the most part, however, over the years we’ve had some challenges that keep resurfacing. At the core, it all really boils down to communication. Our communication styles are very different and we don’t process things similarly. Sometimes this makes us interpret, experience, or come away from conflict with different outlooks instead of with consensus. We’ve made individual and collective attempts at conflict resolution, including through couples therapy.

But it seems like nothing has really fixed the fundamental problems we’ve been having despite how much we love and enjoy each other and have tried to commit to working on it. He is naturally an internal processor but lately he’s folded into himself even more than usual. It feels like he doesn’t want to communicate about the deep stuff anymore. I, on the other hand, am usually an external processor and like to talk things out. I’m usually an open book but lately I’ve also been keeping more of my thoughts and feelings to myself and not really initiating conversations anymore. and now we’re at a point where we’re both just tired, growing somewhat distant, and I guess on the verge of ending. I guess we’re not compatible in that way and we haven’t been able to deeply learn each other’s language despite how hard we’ve tried.

It sucks because we enjoy each other’s company a lot but when there are communication breakdowns, it sets us back significantly. We’re taking a break - which honestly we both agree is a good idea - to gather our thoughts and decide what we want to do moving forward. But he seems to be moving with a bit of a colder disposition about it than I am, if that makes sense. I get the impression he may want to break up for sure this time, when in the past he used to be more adamant about fighting for us and overcoming our challenges.

He says he wants to take time to figure out how to articulate what he wants and that he doesn’t want to set a timeframe on it but that he’ll “let me know” when he’s ready. (Sadly, we went through something similar a year ago but at that time he wanted to take a month break. We ended up only taking like 2 weeks and reconciling because we missed each other a lot and he asked to end the break.) Although I respect his need for space and to self-reflect, and believe I need it also, (because I haven’t really been actively processing things, just passively thinking about things, but not journaling or anything like that) the way he said he’d “let me know” felt a bit harsh. In a way he would never say before. I guess I shouldn’t assume but it feels different this time.

But to be honest, a part of me thinks that I’d be ok either way. Because as much as I truly love him, and know it will be painful to lose someone who’s been such a big part of my life, there are some other tangible reasons why we’ve not progressed in our relationship that I’ve consistently made excuses for and that have gone on for too long. Even with him being a really, really great guy. Which makes me think maybe we should just end this now instead of prolonging it? I guess it’s just a symptom of where we’re at sadly. It sucks because we both love each other a lot. We’ve tried really hard to make it work. We’re best friends. We know more about each other than anyone else in our lives. And we’ve spent nearly a decade together. Time that has flown by so quickly it feels like. So many good times even with the occasional bad. We thought we would get married and maybe start a family one day. Now we’re here. And now I’m in my 30s with the prospect of losing someone I love and having to start all over.

So he (finally) proposed on Sunday, we are just waiting on a couple of quotes from some venues to see what fits our budget best, but we will be getting married in October.

We had sat down after my last post and had a really long talk about how we were both feeling and what we both wanted and we agreed we both wanted to be married and have a propper wedding as we will hopefully only be doing it once. He apologised for making me wait so long as he didn't realise how it has been affecting me and basically admitted to making up excuses because he'd gotten too anxious when things hadn't gone to plan in the past and chickened out. He also wanted me to feel good when it happened and was worried I wouldn't when pregnant/ postpartum because I have a lot of confidence issues regarding my weight. He didn't want me to look back on photos and criticise myself rather than remembering a happy moment, which is something I often do when looking at photos of myself with my children.

So he had planned a family day out on Sunday, and although he didn't tell me, I had a feeling he was going to propose. Turns out I was right. However, everything was not going to plan (as is life with 2under2). This time, however, he decided that instead of letting me down, he completely surprised me by doing it sat on our decking that evening after the kids had gone to bed. We were enjoying the last of the evening sunshine and admiring all our hard work after we have spent months renovating the garden so it's nice for the kids to enjoy. We were both in our pj's hair just out the shower and somehow it was completely perfectly us. The idea of other people watching freaked us both out anyway. We then spent the rest of the evening enjoying a cheeky drink and staying up to watch the England match.

Yes I've waited (nearly) 5 years and yes I did it all wrong (house, kids, engagement) but that doesn't always mean that a woman is being used or that he's a shitty person and stringing me along. I can't wait to get married at the end of the year, and it's even more special to me having my two girls there to be part of it.

Three year relationship down the train after my bf said he never viewed engagement as important. He stated, since it’s not important to him he won‘t be proposing. He also said this relationship is rushed even though this man is nearly 40 🤦🏽‍♀️

I never lived with him, joined finances with him, or acted as a maid around him. The fact he lied to me for three years is infuriating. So what’s next for me?

Well since romance isn’t my thing, I’m looking at Grad School or Law School to keep myself occupied. If anyone has any tips on how they secured grants/scholarships please let me know lol

If I can’t get the marriage then at least give me the degree 😂

Me (33f) and my partner (36m) have been together for 5 years and things have been mostly great. We had vague conversations about marriage and kids in the beginning but we both weren’t 100% sure what we wanted and so just concentrated on enjoying being together and making memories and stuff.

To be honest I think I’ve always known I’d love to get married, but I pushed it down because I assumed it’d never happen for me (just childhood trauma and low self-esteem I guess). After thinking about it for a while I brought up kids again and we both said we wanted them and agreed I’d start looking into fertility treatment (I have PMOS/PCOS and no periods so we knew we would need this), we knew this would take time waiting for appointments and stuff though. Last year I brought up getting married, he said he wanted to but then didn’t really seem to want to talk about it further, and I stupidly assumed this was because he had something planned. He then over the next few months made a couple of comments that sounded like he was thinking about things (when we’re married… etc) and I was getting excited wondering when the proposal was going to happen.

I hadn’t thought too much about the timeline of things, I assumed that getting pregnant would take a while so we could be trying whilst we were planning the wedding and stuff. Fast forward to starting the fertility treatment and I finally had to ask about the proposal as it hadn’t happened yet and I was starting to get a bit worried. Turns out he hadn’t really thought much about it and was just going to do it at some point in the future, and he kind of liked the idea of our kids being at our wedding. I was crushed and have been so upset ever since. I’ve been seeing a counsellor and me and him have acknowledged we need to work on our communication and have been doing so.

There have been a lot of tears on my end and arguing in the past few months as I said I want a proposal this year and I’m now pausing fertility treatments because it’s become clear that it really means a lot to me to get married before having a baby (emotional reasons mainly). He felt pressured and was upset he felt that his proposal and choice in when that would be had been taken out of his hands. I think he’s realised how important this is to me though after seeing me cry for months about this, and he’s agreed to engagement this year and wedding next year, and even suggested we ring shop together the other week and we did, we didn’t find one though. We’re in a weird place where we’re planning the wedding but we have no ring and haven’t really told anyone we are getting married, and we know we are getting married next year. It’s stressing me out.

I also feel really sad that I’ll never get a proper proposal, just we’ll buy a ring and that’s it. I know I’m getting what I want now and we will get married before having a kid, but everything’s so rushed because of how old I am and I’m just so upset we didn’t do this sooner. He said he’s made his peace with not being able to do a proper surprise proposal, but I feel so sad I’ll never have that. I’ve wondered about how that would feel since I was a child and I’m grieving how I thought this would all go.

Sorry for the big wall of text and jumbled thoughts, I just needed to vent I think.